As long as it doesn't hurt,
I want you to imagine watching me being torn apart,
by powerful galloping stallions in a crowd full of naive people.
   As I'm torn,
my deepest darkest secrets that only you know,
come pouring out.
   You have become protective of these secrets because you have helped keep them for so long.
so you can feel my pain as the incidence unfolds before your eyes,
there is nothing you can do but watch and feel.
   This is why I burnout and freakout,
every time I hear the word councillor or support,
it's like someone taking your job and getting respect for not knowing it like you did.

Old like a pensioner,
I'm reminded,
every waking hour,
of how I'm being left behind.

I'm sat there,
staring into space,
waiting for the world to change,
and love to accelerate leaving me stuck.

Stuck in the past,
where people are how they are,
where they haven't changed into freaks,
intent on destroying what makes them beautiful.

They are just fresh and pure,
and wise enough,
enough to not take risks,
risks that aren't worth taking.

But SNAP,
an adrenaline rush,
back to reality,
what has happened?

They bitterly remind me,
that I'm to ill to be in control,
they have planned to move on,
without a second thought.

I am sat there,
a hopeless mess,
while they leave to get a job,
proving there ability in independents and change.

It doesn't take a genius,
to realise I'm ill,
the anxiety of loss and change,
leaves me edgy and so low.

I'm dying,
I hope someone,
can **** my troubles,
before they **** me.

Potassium is my name,
I'm dangerous in open air,
so they hide me away in shame,
I'm light,
you can cut me,
but I am toxic,
explosive,
and very reactive,
and that's what's brought me to fame,
so if you remember one thing,
just one thing,
remember I burn with a Lilac flame.

Sax,
   clarinet,
      grade 8,
scales,
   sight reading,
      frustrate.

Super rock,
   teaching,
      french cafe,
logic,
   preaching,
      don't go that way!

Camp,
   sociology,
      tech,
music,
   general,
       respect.

cleaning,
   brother,
      size,
love,
   loss,
      surprise.

feet,
   freedom,
      modelling,
workout,
   fear,
      not bothering.

Being away from her,
   is like taking medication.

      It's hard to swallow,
but it's good for you,
  and you know it can't get any worse.

      You know your capable of taking it,
and it's not worth the risk of not taking it.

I would rather be,
whipped, struck, or beaten,
punched, slapped or bitten.

Because I know it wouldn't hurt,
half as much as leaving you,
the pain of London can't be repeated.

That's right we do have them,
they don't hurt in the same way,
but they're a pain in the ***,
and they **** up my days!

Some of us get grumpy,
some of us get easily ******,
some of us get sulky,
and it normally equates to this!

I feel ****,
when my gorgeous girl is away,
call me ***** although I won't be labelled as a ******,
why can't my lovely just stay!

As the sun briskly rises on a chilly autumn morn,
   my Dormouse pokes her nose through the side of her nest,
her gorgeous loveable eyes are still half closed,
   but she still crawls out of her soft home to start the day.

   She has a long day ahead of her,
scurrying around finding blackberries to nibble,
   on the odd occasion she might stop for a nap,
but she wriggles on to look after her partner,

Me!

Mr. Wormy!

I have come to the conclusion,
I might be the only one who can help,
if the doctor found out about your head,
the pills would **** with your meds,
I don't think your strong enough,
to wean off the addiction,
so the pills would twist you till your dead.
   Council would help,
but you feel safe without the attention,
if people knew,
it could be fatal,
so I suppose I'm the only one,
who won't stop helping you,
so I'm your shot at redemption.
   So what can I give you?
   Vitamins and endorphins,
I won't stop trying,
even if I am good for nothing.

I once had a dream,
of perfection,
a world in which I wasn't belittled,
where I was the pinnacle of evolution,
I wanted to show people a world where anything is possible,
if you put the effort in you can get it back out,
I wanted people to remember my story,
how a nervous weedy boy,
became a monster,
But little did I know if you damage yourself to change,
It will bite you in the ***,
give me a C,
I'll give you an A,
give me a motive,
I'll find a way,
give me a wish to change,
I'll give you,
potential infertility,
other neglect,
and anguish.

As the sun set on the vast turf plains,
the last ride form the dense town came,
it was as if I could finally breath,
a precious place with no hurt,
the heaven of earth with no cares,
a breath of fresh air.

An Angel led me there,
So beautiful no normal man would dare,
to follow her from the hellish pits of the the town.
she took me by the hand,
and showed me the world through open eyes,
she gave me her gorgeous wings to fly.

We walked bare foot through the land of the dead where we did not disrespect,
as our toes touched the earth she taught me and the dead how to connect,
she showed me where life began,
where the creature crawled out of the sea,
the mud was a reminder,
of life's circles and the dead left behind me and her.

But this place was to sacred for me,
I knew I had to go back the the town where mortals should be,
the dark rider turned up early to take me away,
I longed to stay,
but I was dragged back to the pits,
just left with the haunting touch of our lips.

I want you forever,
you can't handle,
you can now cope with our love,
but long term puts you in shambles.

Have you got plans of moving on,
will you get board of living with my opinion,
can't you see us together,
your the one I adore and I am your minion.

Obsession,
ignoring you isn't easy,
I care so much,
that you are who you are,

   thinking of you changing,
hurt,
or fading,
makes me feel queasy,

      what secrets do you keep,
are you a sinner,
don't take the risk,
why turn to the dark,

what do you do,
how do you feel,
do I hold you back,
can you live like me,

  It's a question,

      I must ask.

My fear of hurt,
has been given to you.

My heart pounds,
when I see pictures of you.

I die,
when you're not here.

I hate to think,
of you any other way.

I'm cold,
when you're not holding me.

I'm throbbing,
when you gaze at me.

You stun me,
when you touch me.

And you **** me,
when you're in danger.

I said I'll love you always,
my opinion is gonna remain the same.
  
   So if I have to hide away,
Its not cos I don't love you,
It's because I'll die.
  
   If I'm helpless,
and I have to watch you,
obliviously stray.

Ooah, get your finger out, get your *** in gear, split skin, stinging flesh, unhealed for all to see, my

Grandad died of ******* cancer partly, tell me, what does she know, that do they know, grey world,

some more soon, no don't, I'm going, why didn't you say, will I be worth, am I needed anymore,

who are they, don't say there names Tigz what ever I ask, blood, fire, hold me, hair, warm, don't go,

shiver, visions, sequences, pantheism, hippie, music, teaching, busking, concerts, grade eight,

sociology, not in control, keep clean, happily ever after, I love you, lonely, scared, scarred,

traumatised, ill, why couldn't I help, holiday, gone, guilty, old, compasion fatigue, failing, tired,

delusional, Josh I won't see someone do it again, you're saying words I've heard before, neither's

good Callum, no I can't step back, what did I do, sin, past, present, future, what did you say, I don't

understand, is that all it took, setting sun, please please help me!!!!!

I am waiting,
a mountain of might,
A belly of molten rock,
roaring and burning.

I am working,
for the world's discerning,
of my heart's yearning,
am I not worthy?

I want her back,
I swear I am earning,
of my extinguishing darling,
who holds back the thunder and lightning.

I am about to erupt,
the testosterone is flowing,
the gates of hell are about to open,
You better be running!

Like a wolf,
I crave for my pray,
I see her in the pale moon light,
She rests on a great plain,
She is exhausted,
My thirst for her blood is so savage,
I have tracked her from my home territory,
Her galloping was not enough,
I'm lurking in long dark grass,
The suspense is unbearable,
I long to pin her begging to the floor,
And sink my jaws into her throat.

Sax
Clarinet,
piano,
Moot,
Wedding,
I want to know.
   Old stages,
super rock,
Is she alright?
double grade 8,
partys,
I hope she sticks to the light.
   Explores,
work,
does she look like the love I know?
money,
independence,
will I find something that she hasn't shown?
   Not enough time to exercise,
A diseased family,
I want endless time with her in my future,
GAD,
sequences,
do I sound like a preacher?
   spots,
maturity,
can I cope?
when will I next see her,
can I manage more motivation,
MAYBE I WON'T !

I didn't love you enough,

   you didn't want enough,

      your mother didn't do enough,

   your father didn't see enough,

your brother didn't care enough,

   and our friends and family didn't know enough,

      we all blame our selves,

   but how ever hard it is for me to understand,

nobody is to blame.

I have heard it so many times,
I hate myself,
what is the point in living?
what is the meaning of life?
no matter how many theories, religions or scientific discoveries,
this question without fail cuts like a knife!
   This one is for all you people out there,
so you understand,
this is what we live for,
Mother Nature's species,
the man or woman.
   The meaning of life is finding the meaning for life,
without this we wouldn't exist,
a motive to drive us,
so be content with this.
   Our mother has made us this unexplainable beautiful way,
so we have a chance to live life to the full every single day,
look to solve your problems,
save your sanity,
for this mind is what she has given to humanity.
   This mind is unique and lush in everybody,
each individual has an view and a suited direction to go,
not everybody shows this so don't be deceived,
our goal in life is to achieve the pinnacle of what we can achieve,
you would do well do remember this,
when you're low you might need it,
who knows?

I gave it all up for you,
without realising,
it was so easy,
to throw away a thing or two.

I'd do anything for you,
and that's what I thought it would take,
I just wanted to fill my life with you,
even if you didn't want me to.

I've been ill because I love you,
Medicalising my mind set,
has helped me understand,
why I've been fatigued too.

I'm actually even more protective of you,
even if they say the weight's off my shoulders,
I'm going to start fresh and get better,
but your coming with me where I'm going to!

A few days ago,
my heart was torn out,
and put on the other side of the map.

   I know that no amount of exercise to prove I still have strength,
and no amount of praying,
good deeds,
   or sulking,
      is going to bring it running back.

   Yet I spend my days doing these things,
and my nights hugging my pillow close to my chest,
where my heart would normally be,
so here I am slowly dying in my shack.

Until it is attached,
I have no heart to give,
so I hope I'm on a good track.

   For my heart to come running back.

I love you,
I know I'm starting off so very vague,
for this word is not explainable in any other way.

   I will caress you form the shadows,
I will keep you from harm's way,
I will hold you,
I think of you throughout all of my days,
I have set on you,
I don't think of them the same way any more,
I want you to know,
you've got me forever,
I won't go!

   Your laid back outlook is a breath of fresh air,
your smell is to die for,
those other males wouldn't dare,
because they would lose their lives if I saw.

   I promised I wouldn't lie to you so this is how it is,
It isn't unconditional,
For this I feel so selfish,
Love me,
Trust me,
don't leave me,
I'm so sorry it's a lot to ask this.

   I will give my life to you,
this will be the last thing I do,
I would rather my heart pounded for you,
than you cut my heart in two.

Now I've got a few more thoughts in tact,
I think it's only fair you know what happened that day,
the longest day and the shortest day,
by far the worst day of my life,
and thats a fact.

It was late morning after brass,
when the phone rang,
It can't have been a good thing,
right then in my head,
there was so many questions I asked.

I didn't think twice,
I just picked up the phone,
because the truth is nothing matters more than you,
I'm always waiting here,
your call is irisistible and I can't help but be enticed.

A sob and a sniff,
my heart thumpped,
harder and heavier,
you said they know,
I said oh ****!

Then you said,
I'll tell you about it after school,
you knew that was one of the worst things you could have done,
but I don't blame you,
it was such a huge sorrow to shed.

I'd never been so hard hit.
then the minutes started to run into seconds,
I found my self collapsed in a toilet cubicle after music,
I twitched and I shivered,
I quickly started to lose it.

So I rang this time,
I couldn't resist,
I had to know where you were,
and what was happening to you,
but when you said hospital I lost my mind.

I thought of your mother over reacting,
and all the things they could be doing to you,
I was helpless and hopeless,
so I went mad,
because there was no normal way to act.

I then found Tigz and Grace,
to find some sort of confront,
but I couldn't cling onto any,
there was nobody to keep me safe,
from my own consciousness.

In my sick shade of pale,
I went onto my study,
and thats when I got your text,
I was hoping that wasn't the case,
but it was and I failed.

My heart was really beating,
and I collapsed at the bottom of the stairs,
I couldn't stop breathing,
But I heard a voice while I was now laying on the piano,
he's hyperventilating.

Cameron (the voice) followed me,
followed me down to the toilet,
where I pearched against a cold damp wall,
Mr. Moran found me,
and said the toilet was no place to be.

Mrs. Phillips then found me and got me some water,
I tried to get rid of her,
so went out in the rain,
I couldn't feel the bitter cold or the wet,
but she was still there to help me and tell me my orders.

She said I've wrung Mrs. T,
go there now,
she's waiting for you,
and so I ventured out into the rain,
and lumbered through the spitting breaze.

I sat down in the office,
and she explained what she knew,
and that she only found out 20 minutes ago,
I spewed out ******* for the next hour,
I cried in front of miss.

She told me how I should use you as my motivation,
how I should keep eating and stay strong,
how I should stay healthy to help you get better,
it couldn't get much worse than this,
so I had to keep fighting despite this revelation.

So on I went and played my saxophone into the night,
it was all going to be easier from here,
I didn't realise what I was going through till now,
Miss told me compassion fatigue,
I had my answers so I went home to tell my family my fright.

Is it his origin?

His Physique?

  His mentality?

   His mannerisms?

    Or is it something deeper,
something harder to explain?

We all have a goal,
a mind as strong as the body,
or a body as strong as the mind,
few have both in this world.

You can't catch it,
is what I want to say to them,
it's to fast,
it hides and comes out when it wants to,
you only see it then.

I'm use to it,
I see it all the time,
I am the one who guards it,
like a savage beast,
when it comes I'm in my prime.

when it's out,
I'm with it till the end,
I will stand guard,
or change guard,
on my loyalty it's welfare depends!

I have wondered for so long,
What makes me feel this way,
So traumatised by everything,
And it's like this everyday.

I use to be afraid of my family and friends dieing,
I use to feel sick in the morning,
I use to cry when the sunset,
I thought my dieing day was dawning.

Now all the small things are so big,
I have spazums and muscle tension,
I worry about the one I love and if she stays the one,
I fear in my future life there will be no redemption.

The nausea and diarrhoea still cling on,
I sometimes lose sleep,
My heart pounds and my eyes widen,
I growl and sometime shiver and weep.

I think I found it after all these years,
The experts call it GAD,
Am I right?
Will I ever be free?

Thank you for everything,
Is what I should have said,
but I wasn't hard enough,
and now you are dead.

The last thing I said was,
look after your self won't you,
I gave you a hug,
but your strong clasp wouldn't do.

You said in return,
I'll hold on in here as long as I can,
I didn't know weather you were talking about,
your top floor flat or the withering man.

So I neglected you,
I wish you could see me now how I am,
my beautiful girl friend or my music,
or my good exams.

They said to me his body went before his mind,
he was wise on what was happening,
it wasn't a nice way to die,
they said they couldn't feed you with one of those baby bottle things.


You said he's got some strength,
that music I played at your funeral made it hard to stand,
it was my only way of proving it saying I'm sorry and thanks,
I wish you could see me now as a man.

Well you say you don't know,
how I can be this hot,
well I don't know,
how you know what you want.

But I get this weird feeling,
from what I heard and saw,
perhaps you're thinking the same way?

Have you been through this before?

A *** in one hand,
some ***** in the other,
a syringe in your top pocket,
and tablets you stole from your brother,
it wouldn't matter your gender or your race,
I would have respected you for your face,
if there wasn't metal hanging from it,
or your body lashed with ******* lace,
and hair dye misused and misplaced,
your stomach hangs out form your top,
your head is so big it's about to pop,
your skinny arms do nothing but stop,
tattoos that make your base drop,
you are the most unattractive of the lot,
yet you are my friend,
so why do I care?

Because I will protect you,
and you will stare,
at my sinless life,
beyond comparison,
with more limited despair.

So you do??
Do you???
Oh ye ??!

I didn't have the courage to see my grandfather on his death bed,
I was to scared to ask the person I love out without getting paid!
I was always the waist of space in the family,
I was beaten for being naive and weak,
I would just sit and cry as the sun set,
waiting for the end of my miserable,
sickly life!
I was a pathetic child,
and I'm an old sick man In a young man's body,
I'm nearly out of motivation,
and I'm failing my education,
I'm living off my old reputation.

I won't ask you to imagine what it's like,
if the person you love tried to **** them self,
because you can't,
yes that's right,
I wasn't worth living for it seems,
I don't believe you have given it all up for one person,
and realised,
only other people can help her and make her happy,
all they had to do was have a chat,
and then oh look,
she hasn't been this happy in a long time,
professionals are doing the job my love failed to do!
I won't ask you to imagine how that feels,
because you can't!!!

It seems I'm to blame for what happened,
It was me who helped keep the secrets locked away,
It was me who picked her apart,
It was me who brought her life down with my own stress and anxiety,
It was me who held her back in life,
she now gets better and I'm now the one struggling to do the same,
perhaps It's time for me to disappear,
perhaps it's the only act of kindness I can still perform,
If there is a God, he would blame hell for my creation,
you know nothing of guilt,
you know nothing of hatred,
so chin up and keep moving!

you...
overly Pierced,
  body stained,
cut and maimed,
      bleached or dyed,
brain fried,
   emotions drained,
drugged and smoked,
      waxed and shamed,
lying,
   arrogant,
unfaithful,
      vain...

for these,
   would I turn and run?
Or make you tame?

Well in socio,
I was asked what is my identity?
I thought,
sure I know plenty,
but actually,
what the hell do I know,
am I build up of what people think around me?

Well this is what I think,
you don't have to agree,
I don't really know who I am to you.

To me I'm a unique bloke,
physically short and strong due to painful labour and exercise,
mentally I'm ****** up due to obsessions,
visions and life experiances,
I don't hate much,
danger,
drugs,
wankers,
and body modifications,
so you're alright with me if you keep yourself clean.

I'm a contemporary saxophonist,
with a bit of old school classical,
my ****** dyslexia is my downfall.

I'm a moral monster,
just remember that,
I still have some faith,
so cut me some slack,
I just want you to be gorgeous and safe,
whoever you are,
I may have a large mouth,
but it's a wise one,
my real name is Jack.

after years of hurt,
and my attempt to help you,
could someone else come along and save you,
in just a couple of months.

I was scared,
that once you were made better,
you would perhaps want me,
but no longer need me.

I was just going to be,
an added bonus in life,
I wasn't going to be,
'worth living for.'

So here I am,
do you care for me,
as much as I care for you?
I'm confused.

Are you actually better?
how come you seem to have less issue,
with being away form me,
but I'm sick and tired without you?

I also wonder,
weather you'll come back to me,
having become,
A new animal of nightmare.

A foul creature,
of smoke,
metal,
and ink.

with a burning temper,
and a tail of sin,
is that what I would wait,
three years to see.

Is my future,
A holiday from me?
It seems you would willingly go,
without a thought.

However I would,
throw away useless goals,
just so I could spend time,
gazing at the wonder of you.

I know,
I'm not all that great,
I'm not that good looking,
not that open,
not that fun,
not that special,
but I'm still all yours to take.

But you're irresistible,
make no mistake,
I'd do anything to be close,
but I can't help but remember,
your hugs are posed for display at the moment,
and your frowns at me with rare eye contact,
turn into a smile that seams forced and fake.

I can't promise you I'm not ill,
I'm not extreme,
but some pain still kills,
all I wanted was to keep you safe,
I haven't got an issue with you going away to places,
but I'd love to be close to you,
when you're back just the same.

If you can't be close physically,
how emotionally can you see,
well just seeing you happy is a pleasure to me,
I suppose I'll have to disappear,
so you can feel again,
I'll be a ghost,
just a glimpse you'll see.

I'll be back if and when you want me close,
I still have my one wish,
I won't give up on you,
I won't forget like you said,
I won't make you regret,
but you have to remember,
that I love you the most.

I'll be honest,
I'm scaired of you,
Not of your perthetic **** of a body,
But you are mentally intimidating,
You have the ability to manipulate people against me,
You believe you are mentally superior,
More popular,
More mature,
And you know I rely on you.

Tell me,
When I no longer rely on you,
And you make me lose my rag,
How superior will you be?
When I tear you limb from limb,
And there is nothing you can do,
You are helpless and hopeless,
Only then will you relise,
that you have made my life hell.

I said I'll give you everything,
I will never expect you to do the same,
because that would be selfish,
and for anybody other than myself it would just be so strange.

But I kinda expected your gorgeous voice,
it's to beautiful for even me it seems,
but that is your choice,
it would be the greatest of gifts if you gave it to me.

I've probably thought like this before,
so many times,
perhaps for all the wrong reasons,
but this time I guess it really matters.
   So I start off thinking,
can she love me?
theres that part of me that says,
ye she's just confused because you've been ill,
maybe if I hadn't have been so wrong,
this distance wouldn't have happened,
who am I to know?
there is another part of me which says,
maybe not perhaps she's board of me,
and she just doesn't know how to say it,
   Which then leads me to think,
Does she think there's someone better out there for her,
someone who looks better maybe?
perhaps I'm not gonna be the best any more,
she said I'm still attractive but how much am I really?
someone who makes her feel better all round.
   Perhaps she thinks I love her but not enough?
so maybe there is someone out there,
who she wants to be closer to instead of me,
someone who she'd rather spend her life with.
   I wonder If she knows I believe there is no one,
who could love her more than me now,
I would do anything for her,
and appreciate her for who she really,
and be confronted by being privileged enough to know that,
   I wonder if she's thought what life would be like without me?
If she didn't have me yearning to be close,
would she care?
all those lovely times we had,
being silly,
or sneaky,
and laughing.
   I just want to make her happy!
we could have loads more wonderful times,
with me still close,
I wouldn't let her down later on,
we could both live more relaxed,
   I wonder if she can imagine,
all those good times but better an fresh,
without me having a bad head!
I can think more present now,
I can think more positive now,
how wonderful that would be with her!
   The map is now bright and full of opportunity,
it's full of wishes now,
not complete darkness,
I hope she doesn't think that I still will bog her down,
her high isn't my low.
   I'm still hers and she can trust me,
I hope she knows that she's gorgeous and lovely,
I can only hope I deserve more time with her,
and she'd be happier with me not without me,
   Hopefully we can push through this,
without a maximum of two kisses on a text,
and without a maximum in our lives,
we can go on and grow on,
I'm still me,
I won't give up.

I would get down on one knee for you,
but instead I get down on two,
I have a greater need for you,
like no other human could.

You can make me weep,
you hinder my sleep,
you have destroyed my appetite for human meat,
at night I clench my pillow and my sheets.

You have a power beyond compare,
it's in the auburn highlights of your hair,
under the surface I've found it there,
and it's disguised by your smooth tinted skin.

There is something there deep inside,
so beautiful i cant describe,
to most it's unreadable in your eyes,
but me I'll love you till I die.

One third brown of the the earth,
two thirds green of the trees,
an amber twist is what I've seen,
you are the lady of my dreams.

The wisest of men once said to me,
if you are lonely amongst people,
you are probably bad company,
he also talked about the disease of consciousness,
how humans have given up their senses,
for a supposed superior mind,
which is best?
This man will soon die,
his outlook on life comes from,
isolation,
diabetes,
and cystic fibrosis,
I hope I can help his dreams to fly.

The man said,
'the first hint of fear,
Was when our eyes met'.

When I looked into the lion's eyes,
I saw a reflection of my life.

A withering animal,
Not strong enough to protect it's scarred sacred pray,
From the flying tourmenting monsters,
To high to reach.

he takes the room by storm,
a set of golden keys jangling in both hands,
he stroles up to me and opens my cage,
he has a thin neck which opens out to a wide rumbling gut,
his voice cuts through the air with a scream,
and then roles down to a grumble,
his padded body sways as he preaches,
and his pitch black skin glints in the light of the door out of the cell.
"Remember this".
he says,
"I was your Key out of here!"

Well we've known each other for a long time now,
believe it or not,
so I though it was about time I told you why and how.

It's not easy being the second son,
I was considered worthless,
as you know I couldn't read or add up sums.

I didn't have a dolphins brain,
I had a lions heart,
they use to think it was such a shame.

But here I am stronger and better paid.
Mental issues not physical.
look at the monster I've made!

Well you got it alright,
and you've over taken me,
to the point where I look like I'm not moving,
I'm just something of the past now,
no authority,
not good enough,
out of work,
failing education,
can't look after you,
I just weigh you down,
and cling on for dear life,
hoping you won't change,
as rapidly as you're progressing,
don't know weather my once strong words,
mean anything any more,
I'm worried that I'll be left crawling behind,
I have a question to ask you in a few months time,
I don't think it's the obvious question,
but I don't think I can ask you now,
because I don't want to ruin your life,
I pray it's not to late by then,
I hope your not to independent for me by that point,
If you say yes I would be able to breath,
and if you say no,
I'm not sure I can.

All I know is this...

When what I hold closest to my heart,
Is in jeopardy,
he makes my organs fail to start,
my beast inside has many names,
but we like to call him Bertie.

In these times,
my body kills me before I **** my body,
the choice is no longer mine,
so i punish my body night after night,
for his torture I'll make him sorry.

So I know I have this choice,
to punish him **** my self or cut off what I care about most,
or there again I could respect his noises,
he is killing me,
to be protective of the love I hold closest.

I sink my snout deep into my firm bed,
   from within the quilt a divine scent is shed,

Wood smoke and vibrant gold with strawberry cream,
      reminds me of a festival goddess round a dancing fire who is a blessing to see,

I moved with her when she drifted into my room and caressed my skin,
   it was such an honour for a tempting sin.

So it's been a year,
And what can I say,
Pictures and words,
But I can't see you today.

If I could say something,
It would be like this,
This one is for you,
The beauty I miss.

When we first met,
We just saw the cover,
We didn't turn the pages,
But I knew you wearn't like any other.

Now we have finished the chapter,
I have found many things deep inside,
I'll keep you safe from the depths,
Far past my death if I die.

I want to say thank you,
For leading me to the light,
For always being there for me,
And makeing me your knight.

I love you,
   Yours,
      I'll always be. X

I find it amazing,
how the worst day,
and the best day,
of your life,
can be so close together.

how dusk turns to dawn,
and the sun starts to rise,
to a fresh day,
how you can get clear skies,
after the stormiest of weather.

So if the worst day has already dawned,
it's going to get better from here,
we'll build our selves up,
and our love,
will let us achieve our greatest endeavours.

Ok?
Is that how much I'm worth?
Did you doubt me?
Did I not love you enough?
Were the days with me before that bad?
Am I to terrible to live with?
Am I the person to blame?

Here's the deal,
I said I'd die for you,
I'm going to do even better than that now,
I'm going to live for you,
Because I love you and I believe you're worth living for,
I just wish you accepted how gorgeous you are,
And I was worth living for to.