In fits of rage
And bouts of pain
I recall all you said to me
And I pound my fists
Against your memory
Till they bruise and bleed
And I concede
And you succeed
In breaking me finally
But in a twist of fate
That's what it took to be freed

©2024

I am afraid of my rage
It's hard to gage
Even at this age
What will unlock the cage
Bringing the worst of me to the main stage
I am afraid

I am afraid of my depression
I've failed to get a grip on
This destructive emotion
An unmovable mountain
And the worst possible thing to become canon
I am afraid

I am afraid of my anxiety
Me against me
Me hating me personally
Confidence will atrophy
All I can do is hope no one can see
I am afraid

I am afraid of myself
I am afraid for myself
I am afraid I'm not good for my own health
I am afraid of me more than maybe anything else

©2024

To pain I am no stranger
The first name basis is strange for sure
Caught up in an above the boards love affair
Like day to day warfare
It's fare if everyone fights fare
Otherwise it's life as a sucker in a bunker
Still not safe from the vulture culture
Fueling an anger that stirs the rage monster
Who then in turn wakes the violence that likes to linger
One v one they're barley a threat to boil over
The one benefit found for getting older
They can be handled in short order
But together they can alter a future
I acknowledge the fact it's part of my character
And work to recognize each trigger better
Enabling myself to be my own mediator
So I can step in-between me and myself quicker
It was all just, once again, too little too late,
I missed the transition from raging river
To city sewer
Instead of shooting a flare in the air I dropped anchor in danger
The last bridge I let smolder after traversing over
Was the only bridge out of my hell,
A sobering thing to remember only after realizing there was never going to be a true winner

©2024

Rivers of raging air and water
Coming together
To blaze their own trail almost without a care
Leaving the landscape in it's wake bare
Life's shatter
Right or fare, doesn't matter
The scare of it happening again is always right there
The horror of mother nature
Right around the corner
But truthfully,
I should finally be clear
It's the other type of mother,
And a lack of nurture,
That's the main factor
I've pretended,
Tried to blend in,
For many moons plus a year,
It's not a natural disaster
It's...
...it's tears
Ones that've carved ruts down my ****** veneer
As they veer through the unstable atmosphere
That I can't steer through,
Landing me here
On the shore
With only my pride and fear
And an SOS,
That I guess,
Doesn't come across as sincere

©2024

It's my mind isn't it?
It can't escape,
How can I lose it?
It's physically connected to me,
Why can I not control it?
I shouldn't have to fight it
But I do and it's constant
And there's not a moment of silence
No positive inner guidance
As it holds a constant stance of defiance
Enjoying it's facade of ignorance

©2024

An organic cell
An inescapable cage
A personal hell
A shell of rampant rage

Under a digital spell
Center stage
A deadly swell
Safety not easy to gauge

How quickly the bar fell
A sageless age
Shhhh, don't tell
It's the same on every page

©2024

Inside this inconspicuous figure
Is a heart and mind that conspire together
To trigger my rage heavy splendor
That works out for me never
Too clueless to share how but somehow aware
Somewhere in there is fear
Even if just a sliver
So buyer beware
Locate the snare,
It's always there
A danger that's present but not clear
I sense it when giving and losing control,
Compassion and anger
I'm uncomfortable but familiar
With those two in particular

©2024

A free captive
Informed I don't know how to love or live
Only examples have been showbiz
Emotions in cursive
Not easily or easy to forgive
No clear or ulterior motive

Rage and violence consume absolutely
They savagely rip apart and rearrange me but not outwardly
I've been known to be self destructively passive and cowardly
Maybe a lobotomy would stop the calamity

Never experienced supportive
The consequences massive
I've been rewritten as aggressive
Stabbed in the back, I supplied the shiv
Caustic and corrosive
This is no way to live

Good fortune such a rare commodity it falls apart too easily
Troubles squeeze so completely and never leave me
What I am and what I'm supposed to be create this rigid dichotomy
I hope the something that's gotta give doesn't end up being me

©2024