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so..like what we discussed the other day
                                       'to feel so infect-able'
i mean, cool concept and all but                                            
               you said you get it   and-and that's how i feel
                                                          you know ; all of the time
... like my brain is open and unprotected                    
         floods of **** other guys say  or **** i read online
stuff doesn't even make sense
they're just chewing on a mouthful of teeth
                                                        and­ it imbeds
gets right in the jelly and sticks around  
and it has nothing to do with anything       
                 but  i'll spend the day with my mood crumpled                
about some nasty '*******' directors              
behaviour on a film set ... when ...you know
it's not even a film i'm interested in seeing
and-and there's so much **** right at our front door
     we could help with that                                         
 but.. it's this irrelevant stuff
                                                that's what i'm occupied with
am i just that vulnerable !   i'm an adult..                                  
           i should function without this damage
... get back to me as soon as you can ;   i'm freaking man !…..
you know what ?                                                                ­        
        this is what's important        and this is why we talk                
friends .. in the real world .. you know  such as it is
...left mucking stale turns before dawning a birth
pleasing   as drawing in a vital breath or something...
...i just.. i just want it back
re-slee­ve me
i miss the world
why did it leave me behind ? remind me
i looked in on it and there's no **** hotel in here
no airport lounge / midnite swimming pool /          
                                 abandoned zoo / empty theatre
no hollow feeds of subway tunnels                          
no void on anything
where's my basic program ?                          
       not even a grid of human planted fir trees
                               or a giants causeway
   or some cellular honeycomb
                      or some mad carpet design
i lost the pattern tap
           i'm off the leash man
           it's all a mess
             a disarray
              organic chaos
                a foreign something
      that doesn't want me to connect
i want to live like i’m part of the solution
but   each day in struggle                                          
           it seems i'm increasingly an aspect of the problem
i need be reigned in
        and reassigned a post   policed
police me        i croon for policing
                          i am untrustworthy
an emulsion of self deception          
            (what does that even mean ?)
         spinning turns in quick fix habits
i look at these hands
  and     if I could dream these hands
                 they’d be magicians of value
get back to me man ! i miss yupping with you
this is the important stuff
           
                                               ­             - message ends
Eyithen Apr 4
I have to throw up walls...
I have to refuse...
I wish I didn't have to,
But that's not possible;
At least not with you.

I love you and I've learned.
I can't give you everything.
Or you would just use me up.
The frustrating part?
You're unaware. Or your not listening.
It's the same either way.
It's for my own good
And yours too

Your reaction confirms I'm doing the right thing
Or you'd never respect my answer
(not that you really do now)
but I respect myself enough to say it.

I've been too lenient with you.
A realization that comes too late.
Like a mother and her child
Realizing her mistake during the tantrum.
The realization comes with the knowledge that you present understanding until met with opposition.
Contradictory texts and I now realize, painfully, you knew it was a big ask

....you just weren't expecting me to say no....

You don't respect my time. That much is clear. I just wish I realized it sooner.
Jeremy Betts Mar 18
I want too mean it when I say I'm working to improve
But I know I'm on borrowed time due too a marriot of conflicting issues
Turning greener pastures different shades of blues
Most of the root doesn't even originate from my property,
Still the hardest to remove
Doesn't help I'm held accountable for the damage my damage,
Caused by others mind you,
Always accrues
I think I've overpaid my dues

©2024
tainted black Feb 25
in his breath i heard trails of promise,
of comets and stars,
date nights with kisses,
of hurt and scars


in his breath i learned to draw,
a sword of defense,
arrows of offense,
and bled and gained flaw;


in his breath i had known,
the lies to be thrown,
the damage to be made.
and the swing of my blade.
he of all men.
that deadened fingernail
first damaged long ago
not quite a lifetime but
time enough
          to feel that way
is showing signs of regrowth
partially shrouded but visible
beneath the lingering ruin
the fingertip was caught
ensnared and pressed
more firmly than
          could be endured
though care was provided
the bruising ran deep
and undermined any chance
of this body's repair
unexpectedly
          and unimaginable
in spite of this layer
of lamented keratin
there stretched forth
a sudden burgeoning
a crescent of cuticle
          and lunula
telling of the strength
of the fingernail to come
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
I've only just begun to begin the beginnings of what's to come
They told me it couldn't be done and if it could it could never be undone
Reinforced the foregone conclusion that I sure wouldn't be the person to get it done
Maybe I'm a human counterfeit, a blasphemous false prophet, either way the unchosen one
A complete waste of profit, a wayward prodigal son on the run
With a set of wings designed for Icarus, the parable goes over my head as I race straight at the sun
Swung for the fence and got my bell rung, if there's no brain damage it's at least gonna swell some from the concussion
*******, would you look at that, they were right, it can't be undone
Realization hit as the last song was sung, forced through a cancerous lung
As the dung that fills me spills freely over my tongue on to everyone
A headache for some, fun for no one, ask anyone

©2023
Alex Sep 2023
Something has been eating me alive
and it's coming from within
when did it truly begin
when did it start eating away
what's the cause of this decay
my insides are in disarray
out of place
some things missing
slowly filling with the void
an empty replacement
fulling with darkness
it won't stop spreading
is it truly from within
or did you infect me
pierce me with your toxin
to slowly eat away
making me useless
so I can't fight your words
your toxic hate
breaking me down
piece by piece
destroying who I was
and what I could be
but your gone
I have begun to heal
but it's hard to replace what you've taken
what you destroyed
sometimes I can still taste your poison
I know ill never forget
what you did
the pain I felt
but I can be better
I WILL be better
I can make it out alive
I can heal
no matter how hard you tried
I'm still alive
frankie Jun 2023
the gift in a dilapidated
two-story country home
empty
for miles
through holes in the walls
on either side
blackened supports
and ramshackle comfort
tackled by fire
caressed by rain
you can see through to the second floor
if you tilt your head,
expose blood subways,
let your hair
grasp at spine
the fault of past residents
mirrored in big blue eyes
a world of green and brown
surrounding, no,
growing from
this pin-***** destination
left to the wind,
to the quiet
the underscored call
of persons,
stronger than I,
who knew they were finished
and walked away.
who saw the green and the brown,
and looked at the home,
once warm, I'm sure,
and thought,
"there's so little here,
compressed,
with an expanse beyond
so much friendlier than
brittle walls,
tender floors,
metal and wood."

so they left

and rightfully so.
one of my favorites
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