Your body positioned as far away as possible
Making me feel like a disease
Making me feel like a monster
Maybe it's better this way though
You hate me...
And I guess now I'm ok with that
I can't feel bad forever...
I'm just hurting myself that way

anger overcomes me
in the midst of being madly in love.
****, this really *****.
it eats away at me, and all of a sudden tears are about to spill over.
i want to feel you arms around me,
and your warm lips pressed against my forehead,
but at the same time,
you won't even say hello,
or acknowledge my existence.
love you too...

i unwillingly wash you away

wash the taste of your lips from mine

strip the clothing from my back, that smells of you

rid my body of your touch

and then i feel empty,
broken,
sad

until i see you again

then i can taste your lips
hug you so close and long that i smell of you
feel your touch like fire on my skin

and i am full,
happy,
complete

before i gave too much,
i let it pour out of me like a waterfall,
letting them soak it up.
only for them to set it back at my feet in a bucket,
full of my hopeful love.
now,
nervous and waiting,
a stream begins to flow from me,
but i'm having a hard time accepting your waterfall,
for mine is just a mere trickle.

We have endless wishes in life
Whether it's the genie in stories
Or lists and complaints

We have endless questions
Whether it's confusion
Or wonder

We have anger within all of us
Whether it's about life
Or the people around us

We have never ending problems
Whether it's about ourselves
Or others

We have so much
About each one of us
It can't all be summed up into
Just one poem
But these are things we
All have if we know it or not

it finally feels better
things smoothing over
distractions are useful
people helpful
colors bright
music soothing
as it all seems ok
it all comes back
the hate
so confused and forgotten,
i cry a little more
and then a lot
the one who should be close
strays further and further away
hurts me the most
but i cant let it bother me
hypocritical and sad
i wait for the beginning to end
so i can begin again

if love,
is waiting for you
when i know you'll never come

then i definitely loved you

if love,
is wishing for your touch
when i know you never would

then i definitely loved you

if love,
is pouring my heart out for you
when i know you'll never understand

then i definitely loved you

but i am pretty sure,
that is not what love is

i am also pretty sure
that maybe once,
i thought that i definitely loved you
and maybe,
i even did...

the flowers just die, so why plant them?
the children just forget, so why teach them?
the hearts will just break, so why love them?
but i guess we'll all just die, so why live?

You've always been so special
The sudden rush in my blood
The warmth to my cheeks
The beat of my heart
I never really knew
But ****, you really are
The mystery of your words
The silence from your lips
The look in your eye
It kills me
And I know you'll forever be special in my heart
No matter what
I've always loved you

how* is this even fair?
how is it my fault?
i didn't even know!
if you don't tell me, don't blame me.
go ahead and tell the rest of the world,
but don't even try to come back here blaming me for it!
you have full control of what happened
all those nights of "tears"
were really full of new beginnings
you weren't even sad,
and there is where my biggest mistake comes to haunt me
when did i ever think that would be good?
you'll never forgive
and you will never really forget
oh, how stupid i have become

somehow we manage to remain
day by day
week by week
month by month
this continues
breaking a little more as every door slams
and every true opinion is voiced
we break as a whole a little bit more
and fall closer to the edge.
i'm ready to fall though,
i have always seen it coming

When will they realize this is all for nothing?
When will they understand how ridiculous they sound?
When will they realize it doesn't matter?
When will they start to really care?
When will they stop feeling so bad for themselves?
When will they stop acting like they're the best?
The real question is will they ever realize, start, understand, and stop these things?

When you are not here
Things seem to go so wrong
My endless wishes of your presence
Make my poems grow very long

When you are not here
Things suddenly don't make sense
My movements that grow rapidly
Leave muscles feel so tense

When you are not here
Things fall apart and break
My unanswered calls and cries for you
Leave me wide awake

Why do we care about what we see in others,
when we can't even see ourselves?

Why do we put people in mental categories,
when we know that they'll never see themselves in our minds?

Why do we care so much about what others think,
when we're actually just too busy pleasing ourselves?

Why do we say we're afraid of the rain,
when we are just afraid of getting wet?

Why do we ask so many questions,
when we know they can't all be answered?

I can feel it like fire
The tension between us
Making me stay further and further away
Your eyes meet mine
Only for a second
But I see the hate

I used to look into these eyes
Everyday...
Study them
Learn their shape and color
But now all I see is hate
Rings of fire
Stabbing into my heart

I have to pretend I'm okay though,
I did this all to you
And myself

i get lost in your words
you cover me with blankets of hope
i start to cry, the tears that fall are ones of fright
what is this is just a game?
it won't even matter by the end
so why does it feel like everything now?
i know it's all wrong

I pretend for a moment it isn't me
These aren't my feelings or actions
These aren't my problems or worries
As I stare at the mess
I expect a tear to come
After all, I've done this all
But in the end, no tears come
And I am left angry

You hold my heart in your large hands
You hug it tight
And kiss it lightly
Your touch is so gentle
And I know for sure
It is finally safe with you

in the moment
i was almost embarrassed
to reach out to hold something
that doesn't want to be held
to speak to something,
that doesn't want to be spoken to
i try to push it away
and act like nothings wrong
but i can't get it out of my mind

I grasp onto the last bit of inspiration
Letting it cleanse my broken soul
I have let the cruel world swallow me
I have let myself become the regular, egotistical teenager the rest of the world is
I hold onto this last bit of sanity
And rid myself of all vanity
Pulling out all of my fine points
Trying to prove to myself this isn't what I have become
But as I stare into the mirror,
The glitter on my eyes, and mascara staining my cheeks
Tells me otherwise...

sitting here
in the dark
no words or inspirational thoughts come in to mind
as i sit frustrated and mad
the feelings bottle up
and start to rise in my brain
light blue fills the room and i cringe at all the words
flying through my head
i wish for the blue of conversations this morning
the bright beautiful blue as the words come off your lips
and nicknames given make my laughter a light sapphire
although i lay
tired and confused
the blue fills my mind

i wonder if he does it to get through it
or if he actually didn't care
is it a game?
or did i actually matter?
i guess its not an issue anymore
because as she says "i've got lots of choices"
i don't need big numbers
i just need to find myself
thanks for the great support....
makes me feel fantastic...

I'm angry so I write
I'm sad so I write
I'm happy so I write
I'm scared so I write
I'm confused so I write
Although nobody knows how I feel
I've let it all go
Through my fingertips

the light blue is overwhelming
as i hold my stomach
and rub my eyes
pushing away the urge to cry
he is silent
dark blue
but not the good stuff
not the brighter kind that makes me feel warm and happy
deep in the pit of my stomach
a weight of blue sits
just waiting for me to do something
i sigh and rub my temples
as it all comes to a close
i can see the yellow in the air
feel it in the music
taste in my drink
it all feels better

i knew they were all fake
and it's not that there was 3
it was that you lied
i would like to say i'm surprised
even this last piece of you
fake...

How can your lovely face
Seem to find it's way into my head
At every moment of the day
No matter what I'm supposed to be thinking about
It always just ends up with you
Not that that I'm complaining though...

if you were the only being i could speak to,
all days would be funny
all days would be interesting
all days would be full

if you were the only being i could be with,
all days would be exciting
all days would be perfect
all days would be mirthful

if you were the only being i could look upon,
all days would be beautiful
all days would be bright
all days would be happy

if you were the only other being in this world...
life would be simple
life would be fun
life would be full

Our final goodnights
In the shadows
Our bodies hidden
Behind things left by others
I pull you in close
Never wanting to let go
Our final touch sends warmth to my cheeks
Even though I don't want you to go
As we say goodbye
I smile
A large smile
One that shows the effect you have on me

clearly the "not thinking about you" wish
is highly ineffective
due to the fact that the number of poems about you is comparable to the human population on earth
kind of like carly simon
my words contradict themselves
making me sound utterly desperate for your attention and love
which may or may not be true