I feel unloved,
I know you don't care.
If I get admitted
You won't be there

I'll sit wait and wish
For you

Your touch
Your smile
Your voice

You

But you won't know
I won't tell you

Because you won't come

You never did

I know I messed up
I know I do that a lot
But it usually doesn't matter.

With you it does
Because you matter.
I can't sleep at night
Knowing you'll still
Hate me the next morning.

Knowing that
Your only thoughts of me
Are horrifying.

Knowing that my thoughts of me
Are also horrifying

But my thoughts of you
Are golden

I can't do this
The looks

They look at me and taunt in my mind
They really aren't
But my mind tells me they are

And that scares me

What else isn't real?

If that is an illusion,
Hallucination,
What else is?

Was you caring and loving me
Only a hallucination?

{z.n.}