I don't want your words
Because words can lie
And I don't want your lies
No matter how accidental they are

And you shouldn't want my words either
I know I lie
I know I change my mind
And I want the words I give to you to last forever

But you do
I know what you want me to say
I know the unasked question

It's in your eyes
Your stance
Your voice

I can see it in everything you do
I hear it in everything you say
I can tell

Or I'm just imagining it

Either way

I don't know how else to tell you

What I can't say
Anything I don't say
All the things you want to hear
That I just don't

It has nothing to do with you
Or your failings or shortcomings

Which sounds like a bad breakup line
I know
But it's not
I don't want to leave you

But more than that
I want you to know
That everything I say to you
That all of it
Is absolutely true
In every possible way

I don't ever want to change that
I don't even want to risk it
You're too important

Maybe I'm just being crazy
It wouldn't be the first time
I've just always believed that words
They have power

Maybe not magical power
Or spiritual
Or physical

But whatever they have
It's enough
And I don't ever want to hurt you with them
Not even a little

So just know

When I say I miss you
I do

When I say that you are wonderful
Breathtaking
Irritating
Handsome
Intelligent
And beautiful both inside and out
You are

When I say I love you
I mean it

Every word
Every syllable
Every letter
Always and forever

And we'll figure out the rest

I feel not what others feel
I, in myself, am no longer real.

Die, I wish
..but won't.

So away I'll fly...
worry not mother and sister...
I shall return....
just not today.

I tried to drink deeply of the sky
the other day,
but lately I’ve been short of breath.
The air around me isn’t good enough.
The air between us isn’t good enough.
It’s too safe.
It isn’t pure.
It isn’t full of stars
and sunlight.
It doesn’t hold oceans
or forests
or peaking mountains.
It is air that is 2 weeks past its expiration date.
It won’t do.
I need more than the air between us,
I need the air inside your lungs.
So I will remove it with my own,
as you give me stitches made of honey
to sink into the cuts along my tongue.
I will carefully remove every last bit of it,
as it is the only thing that is keeping
me from drowning in the sea that
tosses within me.
It will keep me solid when my bones
start to evaporate.
It will fill each chamber of my heart,
pass through my lungs, and return again;
continuing to refill me.
I need more than the air between us,
I need the air inside your lungs.
No other air will do.

I once carried a corpse.
I caressed it over my shoulder,
and walked for hundreds of miles,
bearing its extra weight.
Dragging my feet beneath me,
I moved from town to town,
and in each cheap midnight motel,
someone asked me,
"why?"

But I never listened.

I trekked onward,
through snow, sleet, and rain.
Through blisters, blazing heat, and unbearable pain,
till I reached the gates of hell.

When I arrived there,
the gate keeper looked me in the eyes,
and smiled.
I handed him the corpse,
and turned to walk away.

Then he asked me,
"why?"

I stopped.

Silence.

Then he asked again, elaborating,
"why do you bring me your own corpse?"

I smiled,
and walked away.

I HATE:
How You left me open
How you don't say hello or hi anymore
How you act as if we were never together
How you don't think of me
How you said you won't forget about me
How you ignore me
How you try to erase me from your memories
How you don't speak much of me
I hate how I broke my heart by breaking your heart
I hate how you make me feel
I hate how I think about you
I hate how I want to forget about you so much but can't
I hate how you left me all alone
I hate how we aren't close anymore
I hate how you turned out to be
I hate how you walk past me as if you don't even know me
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
But deep down I'm crying and still I LOVE YOU.

Don't
fall in love with her.
For you will both crash
and I promise, you will burn, for

She is the girl with too many wounds
the ones even an ocean of your love can't heal.
She is the girl with scars on her knees
because she tried taking leaps of faith far too many times,
waiting for someone to catch her
but they never did.

She is the girl who will never be with you
even if she is holding your hand
and your fingers are wrapped around her shoulders
and her neck is resting on your chest for
she will always be atop an asteroid
trying to catch moon-tears
because she knows that the moon weeps for her.

She is the girl who won't tell you she loves you
even if you tell her a hundred times and look at her
with all the longing you can muster
because she knows how words can be.
Some words
are only said to fill in the empty silence.

She is the girl who is hard to dance with
because she refuses to be led across the dance floor
she's already been led,
many, many times
and she always ended up
with floor burns, scrapes and sprains.

She is the girl with pimples
not enough to cover her face
but enough to let you know how far into the night she stays awake
writing poetry about 'you'
she's written so many poems about 'you'
because her hands won't stop moving
her mind won't stop weaving and I promise,
you wouldn't want her to write about you.

She is the girl with broken, dead bones
the girl who's seen too many deserts
climbed too many mountains
but she never reached the top or
came to the end of the endless stretch of yellow, but
she can tell you a lot about oases.

So before you even think
of falling in love with her, I warn you,
don't.
Do whatever else you want just
don't
fall in love


with me.

lapping lips of waves kissing the
shore lavishly. heavy tide spirals pulling the
body magnetically

into subaquatic realms
into deep subconscious caverns.

the wrath of the ocean a siren's storm
and yet a gentle calming blanket.

the polarity we need for nourishment
the emotion we need for healing.

in an ancient temple
under a taurus moon
you showed me your feathers
with pride, as if my flaming hair
could not consume them.

today you brought no water but
flew from it, you betrayed the
constellation that ascended the
horizon at the moment of your birth.

and how did you convince
a priestess of fire to offer you saline
streams amidst your drought?
it must have been aphrodite crawling
in skorpios, it must have been ****
amphetamine mania, it must have been the milky
way my owl mother raised me.

and if by chance it was your fingers commanding
chords, if it was the scar upon your
chest, if it was your moth-lust, your
keen prose, your wolven lunar howl,
then i have been stung once more while playing
in the poison. it was likely just my
horns itching for your ex's over
powdered eyes. it was probably my god of war
demanding human sacrifice.

you ill-fated soul, how you must thirst now
in glucose starved darkness. don't you know i float
freely in deep lakes beneath the caves?

don't you know a python chokes a whooping crane with pleasure?

I must not gaze at them although
Your eyes are dawning day;
I must not watch you as you go
Your sun-illumined way;

I hear but I must never heed
The fascinating note,
Which, fluting like a river reed,
Comes from your trembing throat;

I must not see upon your face
Love's softly glowing spark;
For there's the barrier of race,
You're fair and I am dark.