Oh course, guess who is the scapegoat again,
when your perfect boy lies to you
you don't even want to see the holes.

Do you really not trust me that much?
What have I ever done to deserve this?
I try to be that perfect daughter you want me to be

at least in your presence

but I'm done.

There are way to many huge flaws in everything
so I'm done with it all.

We are all fake
passing in the halls with a smile

did you hear,
have you seen?


shh


But that's it.
No meaning,
maybe a sharing of insecurities
but these are never understood.

We just judge,
and watch,
talk about others,
and talk behind each others back.

Will we ever just


                                                              ­      STOP






...and see what is going on here?

                                                          ­                                    We don't belong together


but there is no one else

An arrow spinning through space,
twisting amongst the stars,
playing with the constellations
flying with the comets.

Never hitting a mark
as it never had one.
Just some notion
a spark of an idea.

This little arrow
spinning among the the stars
in it’s easy freedom
It will spark a revolution

I'm ready to be a new person
totally through to the core
but it's taking time,
and I want to be better now.

She's an angel with no God
He decided to take a vacation
before searching for his angel.

She's been out there every second of every day
trying to find her God.

Little angel, calm.
God will find you,
when it's time, when everything will be perfect.

I walked through your home-town today.
If you knew this, I don't know if you would be angry.

(I do know that you would be annoyed I still say harbour, and not harbor
you would say once again, "You aren't in England anymore")

Even though you aren't in my life anymore,
you left me with a dream

that's so small
but so powerful.

I walked through your home-town today
and it is everything you said it was.

Just by the sights, the small town feel
I could smell the ocean air,
feel the breeze rushing through my hair
as I rode my bike on the winding Main Street.

Even though you aren't in my life anymore,
you left me with a dream

that's so small
but so powerful.

It was the dream to move away from my normal
to a small harbour town, and love their peacefully,
maybe as the town doctor...
but it doesn't matter how I get there.

Just as long as I do

I've been staring at this same blank page for hours

and this is all I've come up with.

















Nothing

There is no calm after the storm.
Just silence on the outside

Anger, frustration, sadness inside.
And there ain't nothing you can say to fix it.

That's the "calm"

When a candle is extinguished
it can be by a gentle breath,
a soft shimmer of sound
tendrils of smoke drifting upwards
it's scent lingering before the memory is erased.

or

It can be extinguished by suffocation
all the oxygen burned out and the flame
gone
without a sign that it was ever lit.

I'll just let the webs

close my eyes again

as a slip into a deep sleep.

Being with you is a cloudless rain.
The refreshing downpour of spring water,
under a cloudless sky and the summer sun.

I need some type of drug
to wake me up.

Because I can hardly keep my eyes open
let alone figuring out the square root of x minus 78

Walking to and from classes seems like running a marathon
and even standing up is equivalent to lifting 1,000 pounds.

I need coffee
to get through the day

We never really need to know everything about a person
Their deepest worries, their darkest secrets, their most personal emotions.

And yet we spend so much of our time trying to find all his out
For what purpose?

Inadvertently, we are stealing a little piece of their life from them
It doesn't benefit us, we don't need to obsess, yet we do.

Maybe because we want to know that others feel the same way we do,
Maybe we just need to know that others have dark lasts as well


But don't we know this either way?

Why must you sadden us
with a death that's non-existent?

Heart break :

It requires a strength that cannot be found from hundreds of trips to the gym.

I don't even know why
I'm punishing myself

because I'm never going to be like the rest.
I'm never going to be who I want to be.

I don't know why I'm letting myself be left behind
wishing I let myself go but trying to convince myself

it was
the right thing to do
(I know it wasn't)

I can live in denial though
I have and I will.

He set down the forks, spoons, and knives.

he put out the plates

one, two, three, four, fiv-

"Hey, honey?"
yes mom?
"He's not coming back. Don't waste space on the table."
but if he comes home,
it would make him really mad if I didn't set a place for him
"You don't need to worry about him anymore. We are safe here."

He picked up one fork
one spoon
one knife
and one plate

and put them back in the cupboard.


At least that's one less cup to pour...

One can totally erase all the troubles,
the drama,
and stresses
with the simple action of putting in headphones.

The flames lick the wood, yet it does not catch fire
A drop of water occasionally falls from the leaves above, still wet from yesterday's rain.

Headphones cover the ears of a girl who is tired of listening

The hammock slowly rocks back and forth, it's motion so slight one hardly notices

The music blares on as her anger slowly diminishes while tears fall

Smoke floats by on a zephyr.

The embers gradually cool and the pulsing glow disappears into black ash

isolated among the immense and dreary gray....
the clouds in the sky are dimming the day

now is our time, our debt to pay
in the streets, many dead will lay

in this single night, its wings will tear,
no longer will it light the way...

the lost will wander endlessly
until with their lives they've payed

the "living" will stay tripping,
over the decayed

until dropping dead,
in a growing mountain they'll forever lay

My best friends aren't those that you would expect.
They aren't who i hang out with in school that much,
I don't have sleepovers with them or go shopping with them.

They are my guy friends that just want to climb trees, ride bikes, go crazy.
Our minds are alike, we have the same opinions about everyone.
If there is a problem we have with each other, we don't need to talk about it. We know it will pass.

No drama, just fun.
No arguments, just laughs.

Why can't my "best friends" be like this?
The people I hang out in school have to keep composed.
They won't let me be myself, my crazy and fun self.

I think they must be jealous,
'cause they won't let be hang out with my real friends
without a huge argument and making me feel like an outcast.

Boy, don't kid yourself.

Stop trying and getting in my way.
Even though it's annoying, it's worse then that
Now I'm being teased and sometimes getting in trouble
because of your little antics that my parents don't like.

Please, just get out of my way.

The night is at it's darkest
right at the point when it's not sure
if it's late night or early morning.

And I'm up and wanting to go somewhere
away from this boring place
where I am trapped at the night.

I never want to get up and do something during the "waking hours"
The sun is too hot, to forceful, I don't know...

The moon is cool, peaceful.
Inviting you to do something on your own.


But I'm stuck not just to a house, but to a single room.

I wish I could get out and do my own thing.



And I will......someday.....

So I thought of you for the first time in, like, all summer.
I just so totally amazes me that I used to not be able to pass a day without thinking about, not you, but us.

Now I hardly even think of you.
ha, I was so immature before.
Only, now you are the opposite.
You are now more immautre.

You lost, I won.

Loser

So I have anger issues,
at least I'm not punching through walls

(Although I'm training myself to do so, shhh, don't tell)
I don't want to tell any one that would actually do something of my problems.

They'll just start an interrogation
and that's the last thing I need
(I don't want to hurt them, they think they are helping)

So I guess I'll keep writing messed up poetry
that no one reads because it makes no sense.

And who wants to hear a demented person blab on?

As these muscles clench and unclench all day
trying so hard not to lash out at those I care about
(but why should I care? They don't care about me and they'll leave anyways)

A boxing class would be a great idea right now...
Rather hurt a huge bag of sand then destroy a school laptop.

I'm already so painfully aware of

every

single

mistake

I make.

I don't need you pointing them out as well.
Every moment my mind is telling me
I'll never be good enough for anything
let alone anyone.

I act like I don't mind
One would think I brush everything off
But every moment I'm going over the past
What I should have done, what I shouldn't have
How I'm just one big mistake
And I just make everything worse.

All you are doing right now is giving my mind more proof
against myself.

Stuck in another jail house.
At least they let us walk from cell to cell on our own
before we have to sit (not even stand to stretch) for an hour
in a small, cold, stone room.
As they talk in monotone,
punishing us if we dare think about sleeping.

Everyone has their own story to tell.
A reason they came, a reason they left.

We are all writing our stories.
Some people will pause to re-read previous chapters.

But where is the sense in that?
We all must keep writing to live the life we want to.

Yeah, I'm a loser, I know.

But I like it that way

cause that means I'm being me

Everything has died.

The want to save others,
the need to change myself.

I'll sit forever this way
reflecting on my mistakes
wishing i never made them
and knowing I'm deteriorating

not even caring.

Like a drug I tear me apart.
Myself isn't usually a problem,
but her two cents can cause great damage.

I loves to write about love to come,
wishing upon dying stars far away.

Myself lives on instinct,
always defensive from being hurt one to many times.

And Me lashes out to hurt,
wanting to cause pain and gain power.

They are all in a constant battle.
I, the true self.

But when the odds are two against one,
there is little hope good will prevail.

I really miss you.
Never meeting you,
never seeing you.
I have no idea who you are.

But you are supposed to fill this little empty spot.

Sister is wrong when she says it's just another little disagreement.
Driving two and a half hours away for two days of work isn't bad.

But you cannot leave an argument in the air when you leave.
Don't you see you just drained the whole house of any positive energy?

Just because something ended badly
doesn't mean that there wasn't any good
in the foreplay.

I drank
two cups
of mustard water
today

they say
that it will
make me
throw up.

It didn't work.

Fourteen blue eyes
Seven happy faces
Five futures
Two pasts
One marriage

An airforce officer,
doctor,
business man,
golf caddie
and an unknown.

One happy family