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 Apr 2017 Zeeophile
Torin
I Lose
 Apr 2017 Zeeophile
Torin
The moon will be gone tomorrow
Will fold me over like the pleats on her dress
I could ask one million times to each star in her eyes
And never find an answer
The stars of the night lose their meaning

And the leaves in the forest know it too
Holding onto branches and changing color
They only rustle in the breeze of coldest night
But they don't feel
And the beams cannot help them see

Each ray of light
Is complete dissaray
I only know I felt you near me
In some distant song of memory
About how I lived my dream

And how nothing is as it seems
TWO loves had I. Now both are dead,
And both are marked by tombstones white.
The one stands in the churchyard near,
The other hid from mortal sight.

The name on one all men may read,        
And learn who lies beneath the stone;
The other name is written where
No eyes can read it but my own.

On one I plant a living flower,
And cherish it with loving hands;      
I shun the single withered leaf
That tells me where the other stands.

To that white tombstone on the hill
In summer days I often go;
From this white stone that nearer lies
I turn me with unuttered woe.

O God, I pray, if love must die,
And make no more of life a part,
Let witness be where all can see,
And not within a living heart.
 Dec 2013 Zeeophile
L Scott
By afternoon on the fifth day, the sun had already set.
Though it did not set on time, it had set on moments.
Vivid moments contained in smooth, red glass; the cup I drank from in days past.
When the seconds had already begun to crawl away,
Like rain off the edge of a roof, after the last thunderstorm of the summer,
Where I held my breath and mumbled, “this is it”.
Even then, the black river had pushed us along,
In between beats of the heart felt in silent moments and quivering hands.
Yet the river never flowed.
The water in the rain and quill dried up,
Like hands breathed on by the wind in winter,
In which the sun now sets on all that has been sealed away.

Let the sun set.
Moments are not to be kept in glass or in cupboards.
Still, I question whether they should be contained at all.
For the rain bites and the river gnaws,
As I again hold my breath and now assuredly say, “this is it”,
Yet never to be said with the same inflection.
For how long will I linger on a feeling?
How long will I hold onto a thought?
There is no place to store such things safely.
Perhaps that is the point.

By morning, the moments will appear dim in the red glass,
As they should and ought to be,
Though I know I’ll find myself dropping in on them now and again,
Stroking the glass, knocking the edge, hoping that I’ll awaken something that has only fallen asleep.
I laugh at my own folly.
 Dec 2013 Zeeophile
L Scott
We think on what we can’t have.
Our thoughts hold on so our arms don’t get upset.
Thoughts, arms, lips; they feed on cyclical envy.
Why are limbs such jealous things?

Staring at maps and pointing at places,
Hoping for the chance to say, “I’ve been there”,
But only heard after days spent blurring the lines between okay and better,
And not how we wanted to hear it.

I’d rather hear, then not at all, (I think?)
I sailed out on an ocean deep and sort of yellow.
Yellow because of the sun and summer,
Deep because my legs are short.

Now my legs are stuck in the rocket summer,
Under the dirt, beneath the snow vanished,
Which winter promised but misspoke.
Though He didn’t get it wrong.

So, hands will serve and learn to understand,
That affection gives and gives,
And that’s quite alright.
We’ll never be as empty as we think.
 Oct 2013 Zeeophile
Nemo
And when I'm filled with solitude, silence, and sin
and the warm smell of nothingness seeps its way in
I hear the bell tolling and your voice in my head
so I start to clean up all your words that I bled
When I reach out for you, feel the coldness of air
Miss the grace of your skin, and the smell of your hair
And the raindrops start falling, mist in my eyes
Find there's nothing as hard to swallow as that last goodbye
 Oct 2013 Zeeophile
The Whisper
"No, not again..." I cried to myself,
As I buried my face in the palms of my hands.
As I clenched onto a lock of my hair in each fist,
And slowly but surely loosened my grip.

So many nights in this dark room of mine,
Repeating this ritual from one night to the next.
Sometimes I pace, sometimes I drink,
But most of the time I just sit down and think.

I think to myself...
What is this, a curse?
My punishment for all my sins and misdeeds?
My refusal to believe in a man called, "God"?
For biting the hand from which I did feed?

No.
"It can't be..." I whisper in fear.
"If God does exist, he wouldn't do this to me."
"I wouldn't be cursed with such a terrible plague."

Then the demons awaken.
Just like every other night.
Forcing their way into my room every night.
Forcing their way into my head every night.
Haunting me until the sun shines on my window.

They hold my eyes open.
But I force them shut.
They whisper my thoughts,
And their voices keep me up.
Silent and still like a dark shallow pond,
But sleep refuses to rescue me.

And when that sun shines,
It's a sight I do dread.
A sight that reminds me of these mornings in bed,
When the battle is over and the demons retreat,
Into my head as I lay in defeat.

Now that it's over, I continue my day.
Keeping my curse and my demons at bay.
But even then, I dread every night,
When my demons return with a vengeance to fight.
Another poem about my sleeping disorder.
How can you admit to someone you love them
When you can barely admit it to you
This love you so adamantly condemn
That won't disappear no matter what you do
No matter what you say no matter what you think
This love stays solid and never grows weak
You tell yourself it's gone you tell yourself it's over
That the beauty has disappeared from the eye of the beholder
But this is not true and you know it quite well
That feeling like you are under a spell
The spell of their laugh, the spell of their smile
The spell of their personality that makes life worthwhile
You love them, you love them, stop denying this fact
Start living it and now start planning your attack:
I love you, I love you—these three simple words
Consume my thoughts; control my world
I wish I could be strong and that I could believe
That you would say yes, that you could love me
But I am not strong, not in that regard
So I shall keep these feelings, these thoughts locked inside my heart.
 Aug 2013 Zeeophile
Emma S
Maybe if I lose some weight
Maybe if I put on more make up
Maybe if I buy nicer clothes
Maybe if I get another hair color
Maybe if I do something about my face
Maybe if I just try a little bit harder

I wouldn't be so ugly
I wouldn't disgust you

And maybe just maybe I could be the girl someone
Would look at and think
I wish my girl looked like that

And maybe you would fall for me
Just as hard as I fell for you
Maybe just maybe
I would get my brown eyed Prince Charming

But to be honest
I don't think there is anything I could do
To make you want me the way I want you

I'm hopeless

— The End —