The pain the sincerity the utmost devotion.
The times I tried that were left with no conclusions.
My questions unanswered yet my faith's unbroken.
My trust lost in you my heart forever burdened.

The lies the suspicions the cynical fabrications.
The secrets kept and spilled with no considerations.
Your eyes filled with disgust distrust and impatience.
Your impressions of me marred by your judgements.

Our minds our memories our hidden notions.
Our times together the sugary temptations.
Your doubt in me responsible for the tension.
My fear in you leaving my trust stolen.

Blasting away heavy metal music ,
The angry lyrics and angst screams .

I picture myself ,
Punching the car's windshield .

Watching the barrier crack ,
From the impact of my fist ;
Like a cement sidewalk giving way
To the wild desperation of dandelions .

I want to see my anger ;
As poetry of a flower ,
Etched in glass .

I want the delusion of falling apart ;
That is like a dying swan ,
A swirl of yellow leaves in the fall .

Yet it would be more accurate to admit ;
Anger is a stone ,
Thrown through antique church glass windows.

The anger is a drunkard ,
Singing lewd songs at a funeral .
An addict ,
Putting a knife through your liver ,
Before grabbing ten bucks for a fix .

The anger is bold ,
Destructive and frightening ,
Not at all beautiful .

Visions of entrails ,
blood splatter patterns .
The anger , I ,
Am beginning to scare myself .

What meets the human eye is something that we shouldnt even bother to see,
its not about whats on the skin its about whats underneath,
not the clothes or the hair,
its not fair,
to just judge someone on how they look,
it like judging a book by its cover,
but society has caused people to change,
shes too skinny or too thin is always being said,
or her smile is crooked or her hair is thin,
does it even matter at the end of the day,
eventually those pretty looks will fade away,
i think its safe to say that a good heart will always stay,
so why torture a good person for how they look, eh?
dont judge someone unless you've walked a mile in there shoes,
because maybe the prettiest girl at school goes through a lot too,
but you just go by what you see,
dont take there effort to actually read,
because your still to busy looking at the cover,
the world would be so much easier if we didnt judge eachother,
were all beautiful in our own way,
just remember to think before you say.

Food* my enemy,
Eating my weak point.

Children they crave,
fast food, snacks, sweets;
Sometimes...
So do I.

But I am no longer a child,
though no sooner a woman;
I don't like the term,
neither it's expectations.

Only the child possesses
Beauty in being chubby.
They call you charmant then;
But now they'd say you're lazy.

A woman has to be curvaceous;
But if you don't have the curves,
It's compulsory to be thinner.
Skinny** is your best friend.

Look in the mirror,
I hate the layers of I fat see;
the morbidly obese
not much of girl than Ogre.

No one seems to know it,
yet I always see in myself;
Like a guilt filled secret,
So heavy it weighs me down.

I can only ask myself,
Cause they always say no.
But the mistrust and insecurity,
They force me towards my Goal.

I miss those days
Eating;
without a Battle.

Without a Battle my parents.
Without a Number in mind.
Without a Battle with my body.
Without one with Myself.

It was fun,
and even easy,
maybe too easy.
I guess that's where it went wrong...

Firstly,
This is not a Letter.

But
Unspoken words from my silence,
Today,
My sudden coldness,
Mixed in forced conversations.

Hope it hasn't been awkward for you,
or if it was,
I'm really sorry...
Because i can't change anything.
Speech is not a general gift.

I for one,
am a Lier.
A cell holding thousands of secrets,
One blurring the line between:
Truth and Pretense.

I'm sorry i cannot speak to you,
not you.
not truthfully.