Here I stand in front this mirror that shows this piece of meat I call my body .as I run my hands along the creases and folds I learn to hate each part that creates this feeling of envy. it's such a ugly grip on my life I can't cast it aside. even though it wittle away at me sliver by sliver maybe if I let it run through its course it take enough chunks of this horrific abomination I am. I walk by that mirror and glare at it with the embers wrath that have sparked from inside me but wait was that. I saw something that didn't look like but could it really be no that pain is permanent?

Butterflies welling in heart I can feel each flutter and the words stumble across my tongue. I hold out my hand to see them shake and quiver their hasn't left to that frozen blue. as I can feel warmth begin to melt that frost I shed a tear to only have that icicle pierce my wrist I realize that it was the shadow of broken man. that couldn't be disappointed in the product it is supposed to mimic.knees weaken and the parts to begin lose sensation and feeling I see my shadow grow and as the last extremities lose everything that was there my eyes shut to see my shadow live even a fifth of the life that had been by this cold shattering feeling

Staring at the tops of these trees as the bellow in the wind I can see the animals doing as nature guides them too. I look to the people walking along the trail that this forest shows to the world. I trace my finger over my heart and as I feel it beat from beneath me I am realizing that it beats out of order.  I take my first steps in the forest that seems to be so normal for others but it terrifies me knowing that there only seems to be one path. I skittishly take my first step and I fall over and begin to bleed and lose my mind. Is this what life will become preordained by a force that I can't see if so it's a ******* for making not able to follow it's footsteps. I run off the path that is craved in front of me and as I cut my face and everything else on my body I covered in blood and mud but is this a oasis or a mirage. I see a grotto of crystalline water and I can hear voices that soothe the lost parts of me and as I close my eyes there is the mist that feels like it's trying clean off this corrupted soul.

Drag me unto the ground for I have sinned upon for that which I have loved I am brow beaten and cut bleeding and dying for the undying love that I have felt I am eternally in heaven and I feel none of the pain as it courses through my veins and as I become still I can pass on to the point of no return because of that of which I have felt and as I close my eyes to die I realize that I am waking to the new dawn and even in my dreams that happiness is a fleeting hope that runs at the speed of light and as I begin to stand at the attention of this new day all I want is that comfort and love but only sleep can bring me that pain but due to this nagging kink I am stuck here in this limbo that I call life

As the days of life flow together I can see the happiness flash in and out see the sadness interweaving it self throughout and as more years pass by I don't even realize that the sorrow is there because of how integral it is in my life and I as I get through the decades barely scrapping by I notice that the happiness that was so noticable at the point it came around I see a huge flash in my future it's a dream i thought would never happen coming to fruition and when that day rolls along I leave my sadness and worries behind and then I came crashing back into the sorrow and there it is that huge flash of happiness it was the glimmering of the sun off of your smile surrounding it is the frame you have of cascading beauty and soft and warming love how is this the happiest my life has ever been even though I it wasn't even a dream but now I go to sleep wanting to wake because every day feels like one

As the blood and water runs down my back  I am reminded of the past running through that film wheel of my life and all the sepia making it seem better than it was I see it projected onto the wall I can see the smiles but I can't see the happiness that my brain said was there and as I can finally notice the blood stopping I leave this night and as I step out this shower in which I could wash away the sins of my past I can feel the blood beginning to ooze out again and as I go the film wheel I begin to break and tear it apart once I am lying on this cold ground weeping tears which I thought were all gone I am greeted by the hand of my present and as it begins to patch the wound of my past I no longer feel that crimson warmth  I only feel that warmth I had so long seeked as it smiles towards me I can see it gleaming and blinding but why is this one not empty

As I stand here in this gorge looking at the river in which splits in half I can see that which I have left behind and as much it may be a side where the grass is truly green and I can see those little bugs that will eat away at them and sour it and turn it to acid and rot away the facade that keeps it green  and as I look to the other side I can see it may be barren but everything is there that I need to till it and turn it to into a field of flowers so I am never alone and never sad in there beauty and as I step over the river I can feel the burdens and troubles slowly sloughing off of me and this light feeling is is like flying it's ecstasy

As they sparkle and glisten in the ebony sky I see those effervescent stars and as the darkness drapes along the sides of my vision and I am funnelled towards the glory the have and as I run my hands through the grass and feel the dew on the grass and it seems to make everything seem more translucent and as I am able to see a little more clearly the curtains of darkness are becoming more light and I see them wave among the breeze and it's that hair the hypnotized me and as the stars becoming more visible it's the stars of your eyes that are so resplendent and captivating I am in heaven if even for a moment I will capture it for the eternity of what it is

As the forest canopies echo with sounds of birds and nature all around me I look to the ground and see the broken sticks and the hallowed out trees that have allowed time to corrode away at what they once were and as I look deeper and deeper into this forest I can see a gentle brook that flows ever farther into the heart of these woods and the green is spreading from it and as I take a sip from the small body of water I notice it not slowed nor should it be by then why does the mind let me not continue am I not the nature that this was meant to serve or am I just destined to be the dam that has built up over the time  and sadly for me I can't break it and as I come to the open space that seems like something should be there I move forward and as I approach and encroach on this beauty every thing dies and becomes just as Hallow as my heart and this forest and as I leave this nightmare that lights shines back on that place I guess my heart is better without me

I walk among the streets covered in the colours of the autumn skyline looking towards the river where I once a stupid child catching frogs and being a kid and as I remember back to that time I hear 3 words echoing with each critter I caught **** YOURSELF ZACK  repeating to drive me mad  and as I run away from it to bring myself to the place I find to soothe my soul I hear another 3 words JOIN THEM ZACK  and as I am brought to tears and consider follow the instructions that my brain so eloquently told me the seasons pass and the years go by every year hearing those same 3 words **** YOURSELF ZACK and as everything comes to a head and I see my opportunity everywhere I walk as the easy way speeds by me so many times I look to hear a new voice LOOK SWEET DEATH  as the horn of the dead whizzes by me and as I am wallowing in the shadow of what life has become  I have no where to turn other than ever so life giving water that made me stupid all those years ago but I hear the 3 last words I ever thought to hear YOU ARE LOVED

Bring out the dead that lay across this barren wasteland and as I begin to pick up the bodies and put them to the fire where the smell of death permeates every oriface of my body I plant a seed for each body I drag away from this scene after the time seems to last forever I am left with nothing but ashes and a empty land and a empty heart and as I am done a wind carries the ashes of the dead along the land to rebirth it in beauty as I sit near the roaring fire realizing I can never leave I sit here and see the flowers beginning to bloom over time and as I come to the end of my life I will never be able to see the work I have cultivated but those flowers will see the beauty as they stare always forward looking to the sun

As I stand upon this cliff looking out into the endless ocean I can see the cascading waterfall that is below and I can hear it's thunderous roars drowning out my thoughts and drowning out my actions I am thinking that atleast there would be beauty in my death if I leapt from here and as I can feel the morning dew gliding underneath my feet  and as I move back a little bit I get to a point where I can take that running start and as I move as fast as I can I jump into the ocean below and I am flying and I finally feel free like the birds I wish I could be and as the wind rips away and the skin and peels away my sorrow and stings me with a feeling that is long lost I finally can see the bottom and as I crash into the depths of the water I can hear the people that are around me cheering and jeering and a ruckus happiness so why am I so dead that I don't know how to be with them

They say if you stare into the void the void stares back into you well what happens when people keep gazing into eyes and never seem to leave am I the broken one or are they I am labouring over this and I don't know how to bring it to light and as I realize that the next person looks at me I can finally feel a fire lighting up inside of me what is this feeling it is terrifying me to my very core and as they leave my sight I can't move is the empty feeling that I leave in people but why do I want to follow this person as I run to the firgure looming in the horizon I realize that this feeling is love and it is breaking me but in the best way

CRASH as my fist collides with the wall and the ripples of skin moves and break drawing the blood the resides in the crevices BANG as my other hand collides with my face and I soaked in my own self hatred and blood that is trying to cover up the wound as I cry at what I have done to myself I feel the sorrow welling up from those around me as I have turned my self into the spectacle of pity i turn around to see the family who loves and the friends who care all seem to become sullen as my anger wells again and I can that heat from it and become addicted to that warmth so as I go to smash that wall I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as I have taken it all out on them wait oh that's right them  here I sit in that warmth so why I am not sad

"Die you miserable ****** " they yell in my direction but as I look to the wind I see nothing on it " your existence is pointless" as they seem to become more personal as I look to the mouths of those around me I am greeted by deafening silence " no one will lament your death"  as they seem to be saying what I am thinking I try to ignore all outside influences and this noise seems to be the madness I know " NOT ONE TEAR WILL BE SHED YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT"  as they become me yelling into the world and those around me look at me like I am just mad and not heading there and as I collapse to my knees for I am hurting to much I shove my fingers in my ears and hear nothing but the warmth of that oh so beautiful crimson

Can you hear my soul cracking like the ice beneath your feet as it ripples out further down this ocean that has frozen over from the coldness of my heart and barren landscape of my mind I trudge on watching it crack all the more I am finally able to see the land that I have looked for beyond time and as the ice begins to break beneath me I move to a speed which I thought nought possible and as it comes ever closer to my grasp and sight I am dragged under this sapphire blue sea and I notice how beautiful it truly is under here with everything I could want to be here and as my eyes close to be happy within my self I see the white and feel the warmth of the hand and love that has saved me from falling to my self and finally here to the land I wanted to find out it was the only thing I needed to be once again staring at the ocean that seemed to last to the point of eternity

Glistening that light from the sun on the break of a new day I awake to see the new morning dew that lines the blades of grass i struggle to pull the sheets off and the nightmare begins I am unable to speak but I hear them all those accursed voices “ you are worthless “ bellowing inside my head as I try to shake my head to come back to the equilibrium where I am ambivalent towards the hatred in my heart and as I leave to see the world the light that had greeted me so kindly now makes me want to nothing but run “ NO ONE CARES “  why must I be unable to curb these demons that claw at my psyche I am falling apart and the tears and emotions are overwhelming as I retreat back to my bed and the safety of my room only to have these demons tug away at my Feet “ YOU CANT BE THERE FIRST LOOK AT YOU “ and as the hours go by and as the time becomes none I see the moon falling upon my window and the tears drying upon my cheeks so why do I feel so warm can I sleep for ever or is that not something that I deserve “ SLEEP IS GOOD I AGREE “ as the words take me away to the bliss I wish I had

Can you hear it those wails of pain trembling through the cracks in my heart can you feel it the blood dripping down my fingertips as I slide them down your cheek I can't hold on to this it slips through my fingers but comes out clean everytime I am seeking and searching but all I find is this false hope which paralyzed me still I can hear it cackling at me from a distance even when it isn't there I am doomed to live in the bask of its remnants or die in the shadow of its promise

Pitter patter the steps I hear behind me as my legs buckle from the running I trip and become one with the ground the sound of those footsteps becoming all the menacing I try to get back to my feet I stumble back running as fast they can take me  my fear is keeping me going I can't afford to stop now so why does it feel like I am getting nowhere oh as these hallways are the same I see why I am stuck I feel why I am so heavy I hear the thunderous noises of the approaching dread and see the shadow of my past and the avatar of my future so did I hear only the one which one am I regretting which one is trying to save me and I give in the firgures I can feel my the wind from throat begin to expel from me and I the last respite of air leaves me i am awoken the sight of black and the disgruntled yells of my future

Blood is dripping and flowing from these wounds that I can't remember where they came from as the drops of this crimson gold hit the floor  why isn't stained why can't it  feel like the dampness of a puddle of water soaking through my skin have I gone numb have I lost too much blood to know  I am falling why is there no stopping this I feel the crash of porcelain and the rushing of water as I take a breath to know I am there all I feel is despair and it's leaving through my wrists which lie on the pristine white tub

The rolling sky that cascades along the green grassy Knolls of the meadow where I first saw beauty and first saw happiness I go to the spot where I once professed the love I felt in my heart I come the this spot to honour you today and it's like the world knows your gone and becomes the sunset your smile showed to me each and every day  so why is it that you still are the only thing my eyes would see and as I finally put the flowers to the tomb I curl around you and weep the last tears you should have seen but never did and I as lay beside you wondering why it couldn't have been me I look up to see that you have granted my wish to reunite our hearts once more as the stars in the sky of ebony like the hair I so dearly miss I wipe the final tear off my cheek only to find that you have cried for me oh my sweet love the rain is you isn't it

I am in tears I am breaking so why is there no sadness have I become so numb to the pain or have I finally gone cold hope is in my life so why am I stricken with fear there is love in my world so why can't I smile I am confused upon this life but have never felt more aware of it I am truly alive am I right what is this you speak to me I'm not alive this ain't right I reach for your hand to guide me to the greener side and I can see the deception in your eyes as I run from it I keep my legs going to realize I am stuck in place and as I bat away your kindness and refuse the decitful eyes I am truly unmoving  you can take me away from my pain I give up oh there it is the skeleton of myself how warming the past is I need this thank you oh death for I am now happy in this life

I lay here beside the crackling fire hearing break on the silence of night and I look around I see the fireflies dancing around in way that remind of you oh so long ago as the fire crackles once more I look in panic toward the night sky seeing the stars that cascade against the ebony backdrop and no matter where I look I keep seeing back to the moments and times where I could light up by the smile or brightened by  sweet nothings again the fire crackles and I look back to the fire and I see the temptation dancing in the blaze more alluring than I could have thought and in that moment when I cry a tear for I thought was true the fire dies out but still leave the embers and the heat to keep me safe  so why did I leave why did carry on when that fire was the best thing I could have had in life

Elizabeth
Showing me my heart
Showing me my self
Breaking the glass I keep
Breaking the secrets I don't speak
Elizabeth
Allowing  the real me to come around
Allowing the rust from my spirit to fade
Fixing what I thought was broken
Fixing what I had given up on
Elizabeth
I am all over the place yet you still care
I am not what you deserve
I am what you can have
I am the one who helps show you love
Elizabeth
I am slowly breaking away the pieces
I am showing in the cracks
I am fixing what I hate
You are allowing the room  
I have obtain tools I need to put my mind
In the state I need
I have learned so much
From someone I wasn't sure I would need
And thank you for being a bright spot
In this void I can't leave

I raise my hand to sky  and see the clouds peeking through and I as try to see the images that are showing to the world so why can I only see the blue on which they preside I am trying so why won't it work am I blind as I bring my hand back down to the light gleams through shining like a ray is that what I need to start having sight and as I go to find that light which guide to what I seek why is that when I finally get there I am unable to obtain what I sought I crash to my knees and writhe in anger that I am trying to fight with sorrow and now that I am crying why must this curses light be so bright

As the grave winds are bellowing beneath my feet  can feel the sense of dread creeping out of the dirt  but if you listen close to those winds you can hear the cries of them ****** rolling amongst the that eerie tune I step to where I have come to see why do I keep hearing those voices and is this real they are happier than me I yell out to the nothingness around wishing the would stop the mockery I have enough from the depths from soul and as I wipe away the dirt from the stone sitting in front of me why is that tear I cried  gone from cheek  oh could this be it yes it is I knew you would save me from the pits I pull from I miss you dear friend let me join you and we shall be together again

Crashing waves break upon the jagged rocks and still manage to stay whole so why is my mind breaking from something that is so gentle and why does my heart shatter from the nothingness that remains I scream into the void and I hear nothing back why won't it yell back all I want is to hear  is that I am there I have gone to deaf to tears over the years

I am sorry so sorry for the way that i left your heart in the shambles that of my hands that gripped too tightly for so long as the pieces fall around me i try to piece them back together but what i have done cant be forgotten so why do i feel that i shouldn't be the one to beg on my knees and it should be you that looks into the soul  have longing for so long since my steps to you took me farther from myself can i give you this new heart if i can be the one who left the imprint of tears in the deep black void of what i destroyed that had been the beat of life

Do you break the silence can you hear the hope crack as my tears roll along the lines of my cheek you gave the words that my heart held on to for the entirety of my life I came to your life as the breath left your chest why have you left me I can no longer feel my heart it is dying as the days go on I have never felt the ducts of despair run dry you gave me the way of happiness so why can't I hold you to climb from these pits that I lie oh god the walls oh god the light both are closing in and away

I stare to the sky I see the smile of those I have loved as I try to cry for the thousandth time I close my eyes and want the tears to roll down my cheek pitter patter the rain drops falls upon my cheek I see now and I thank you for my tear you may have given me the endless sadness that I feel but even among the brightest of stars you are still able to be the only one who can point me the direction I need as I go move my feet and the rain begins to pour I feel the wind push me back why is this you wanting more

Crack the whip that bleeds me dry and look me dead in the eye can you see the sorrow can you see the anger I have gone numb to their grasp as they have washed me again and again so why do your eyes finally look like they care is the crimson river that steadily falls my skin or is that you can no longer find that which makes you the powered I know what I can now feel that smile on my face that goes from ear to ear

I look out on to the rolling plains that captivate me and I begin to stroll along the knolls and as I begin to the fire begins to spread out from my feet and within moments the entire field is a blaze and I see the distant images of the people burning and beginning to melt apart but there is silence and peace why is this so intoxicating of a feeling but as I begin to drink it in the screams break me back into the reality I stare at so even with all my tears for you why can't I put it out I can't save anyone am I truly what I believe

Through the wind that howls on the precipice  of my emotions I stand on the edge of this bluff feelings like I am standing tall but who do I fool for when this jester is riding high there is one person who can't see he is bluffing and that is the man who stares back at me as I fall from grace the wind begins dilute my screams faster and faster I come to reality and seeing that I stand looking to amibiton I concede to this cruelty that fantasy has wrought

I am looking to all these faces and I can pick you out every time with the smile that you once drew me in with and where the lies once erupted from your mouth hidden behind that voice which I cherished and now when I look to you I see the husk you left behind and as I hold on it I realize slowly that it is just a husk I am sorry that you are no longer who you were the thing my naivety fell for and as I see walking away from me I reach out to see if there is something left behind my hand goes through like the ghost you are I now Here on my knees trying to hold back wanting to tell you everything and as my last tear falls down my face I come to grips that my dreams of are nothing just like me

I look out on to the rolling plains that captivate me and I begin to stroll along the knolls and as I begin to the fire begins to spread out from my feet and within moments the entire field is a blaze and I see the distant images of the people burning and beginning to melt apart but there is silence and peace why is this so intoxicating of a feeling but as I begin to drink it in the screams break me back into the reality I stare at so even with all my tears for you why can't I put it out I can't save anyone am I truly what I believe

The feet drag along the grounds that sleep among the dead I have this weight that constantly snags along the roots and holes but now I feel the that body becoming once more as it no longer drags behind me but leaps upon my shoulder as I walk into this Moslem of things that I have already dumped in to these four walls and try to be rid of this accursed weight I have why have I found a new body that I can not bear to hold up it crushes me so deep when I try to escape I notice those people leaving their dead weight

Disgust vile feelings that bubble in the heat of my blood as they course the intracies of my veins they reach my and I collapse to my knees and weep tears they never seem to end as I start drowning in this closed room that I have created these feelings finally make their way into my brain and I begin to swim against what tears I have cried I do not wish to fall victim to my sorrow and I can create a new hope can't I  is that even possible what is this cold feeling I have icing the heat that travels through my blood it's your touch thank you from saving me from my self thank you now that I am frozen in the happiness I leave the rest to you

I stare to the sky I see the smile of those I have loved as I try to cry for the thousandth time I close my eyes and want the tears to roll down my cheek pitter patter the rain drops falls upon my cheek I see now and I thank you for my tear you may have given me the endless sadness that I feel but even among the brightest of stars you are still able to be the only one who can point me the direction I need as I go move my feet and the rain begins to pour I feel the wind push me back why is this you wanting more

Crack the whip that bleeds me dry and look me dead in the eye can you see the sorrow can you see the anger I have gone numb to their grasp as they have washed me again and again so why do your eyes finally look like they care is the crimson river that steadily falls my skin or is that you can no longer find that which makes you the powered I know what I can now feel that smile on my face that goes from ear to ear

I lie among the the dead with my eyes wide open can you find my hand I reach for the warmth of your eyes as you come upon my hand I struggle to be free I cry out to be saved but among these corpses are the remnants of muddied life and the past I have left so why do they bring me back why can't I leave oh that is why I have become to weak shoulder the weight too frail too continue so I need the shoulders you carried me with one last time are you OK with this

Do you break the silence can you hear the hope crack as my tears roll along the lines of my cheek you gave the words that my heart held on to for the entirety of my life I came to your life as the breath left your chest why have you left me I can no longer feel my heart it is dying as the days go on I have never felt the ducts of despair run dry you gave me the way of happiness so why can't I hold you to climb from these pits that I lie oh god the walls oh god the light both are closing in and away

Jade
Hope is not a lost art
Love didnt lose sight of what is
Tears are the bandage for the wounds
Jade
Please let a smile bring you back
I hope the words can latch on
I wish the sorrow to fade
I pull the sadness apart
Jade
I am sorry you feel this way
It isn't just you on this day
So let the weight come down
We will burden the pain
Jade
Love is for you and with you
Beauty and wonder stand guard
Fear and doubt shall be slain

The rooster crows as the sun rises on the horizon to glisten the orange light of day I look to the sky and see the clouds drifting a sway as I go into my day I look to the sun to see the glory of the people I have among the presence I display I go to the fields to see the flowers in full bloom to be among them I wish with great dedication I have become the I finally have managed to lie among them as I look to my life and finally have become that rose with no thorns that is center among field of your heart that I have so longed since the day has turned its beauty upon me

Just let me die oh please let me die for I have done upon you what I fear has made you into the monster that I wanted but never got and with this new side that he so luckily may have I am sorry for the fallices that I spoke around those naive and deceptive ears I feel the shame come across my face I feel the rush of sorrow overtake my body and as it at it tipping point of the battle that wages along ridges of my brain that sorrow wins and the monster I so dearly loved is finally by my side so why is my hand unable to hold you gripped to be mine

Briana
My muse the one who guides the pen
The one who turned my heart
From the ashes of nothing
To the coal that I was used to
Now among my broken pieces
I find the diamond you think of me
Briana
I see the beauty in your honey words
I see the fairy tales of my heart
When you embrace this side of mine
Can you see the changes
Can you hear the harmony the flows along
These dreams and sorrows
Briana
Why do I not let go
Why do I not see through
Why can't I hold on to
Why oh dear god why
I have lost so many of the parts
That made me sad
So why can't I celebrate
So why can't I stop these tears
Well looks like the blood has run dry

As my fist crashes along the wall and as I voice goes where it has never been the pulsing heat I feel is addicting like the words that slipped from your tounge and as I look to my hand to see the damage I have brought upon my hand I see the blood flow along the curves of arm like the tears that fell that day from your face as I saw it last when I saw the blackness that had enveloped you that day do I really need to watch you leave behind theblack veils that those discpible people had graced upon there sorrow stricken faces

Can you hear the silence can you see the void buried deep in my mind I never thought I would be able to have the person who could extract the things you can but I lessened my burdens gave them upon your shoulders and saw my smile become more and your become fake do I really hurt you that way do your screams fall on the deaf ears I couldn't reach before but now I hope that my mind and heart are both entwined in their clarity for now your eyes no longer see through mine

Kat
I am sorry that these demons
Fight better than I can
They tussle with mind
They pierce straight through my heart
Kat
I have failed to belong
Along the lines that I have drawn
And for all these times
You push me back to them
Kat
I have already become
Something that scares me true
For the tears that I have cried
Dried like the rose that I hold on to
Kat
I am glad to have a rock
I know you do care
And these demons know it too
And they keep pulling me back behind the curtain that I am all accustomed to
So dear kat I haven't given up hope I
Just gave up on trying to be the false happy that I gave to everyone including you

I am sorry so sorry for the way that i left your heart in the shambles that of my hands that gripped too tightly for so long as the pieces fall around me i try to piece them back together but what i have done cant be forgotten so why do i feel that i shouldn't be the one to beg on my knees and it should be you that looks into the soul  have longing for so long since my steps to you took me farther from myself can i give you this new heart if i can be the one who left the imprint of tears in the deep black void of what i destroyed that had been the beat of life

why am i sad when i hear you speak why do i cry when i feel the touch i long for i hope that i can go beyond these tears for they will last throughout my ages as i gaze upon your hand along my cheek i can see the soft of the words it speaks but as i feel their comfort the shiver and chills run along my spine and i bat away the hand for not to freeze but again these tears flows from which them came and as i realize the mistake that i have made i go to have your touch again i wish upon your comforting hands now that i have them along my body why dont i want to be with the rest of you