Here I stand in front this mirror that shows this piece of meat I call my body .as I run my hands along the creases and folds I learn to hate each part that creates this feeling of envy. it's such a ugly grip on my life I can't cast it aside. even though it wittle away at me sliver by sliver maybe if I let it run through its course it take enough chunks of this horrific abomination I am. I walk by that mirror and glare at it with the embers wrath that have sparked from inside me but wait was that. I saw something that didn't look like but could it really be no that pain is permanent?

Butterflies welling in heart I can feel each flutter and the words stumble across my tongue. I hold out my hand to see them shake and quiver their hasn't left to that frozen blue. as I can feel warmth begin to melt that frost I shed a tear to only have that icicle pierce my wrist I realize that it was the shadow of broken man. that couldn't be disappointed in the product it is supposed to mimic.knees weaken and the parts to begin lose sensation and feeling I see my shadow grow and as the last extremities lose everything that was there my eyes shut to see my shadow live even a fifth of the life that had been by this cold shattering feeling

Staring at the tops of these trees as the bellow in the wind I can see the animals doing as nature guides them too. I look to the people walking along the trail that this forest shows to the world. I trace my finger over my heart and as I feel it beat from beneath me I am realizing that it beats out of order.  I take my first steps in the forest that seems to be so normal for others but it terrifies me knowing that there only seems to be one path. I skittishly take my first step and I fall over and begin to bleed and lose my mind. Is this what life will become preordained by a force that I can't see if so it's a ******* for making not able to follow it's footsteps. I run off the path that is craved in front of me and as I cut my face and everything else on my body I covered in blood and mud but is this a oasis or a mirage. I see a grotto of crystalline water and I can hear voices that soothe the lost parts of me and as I close my eyes there is the mist that feels like it's trying clean off this corrupted soul.

Drag me unto the ground for I have sinned upon for that which I have loved I am brow beaten and cut bleeding and dying for the undying love that I have felt I am eternally in heaven and I feel none of the pain as it courses through my veins and as I become still I can pass on to the point of no return because of that of which I have felt and as I close my eyes to die I realize that I am waking to the new dawn and even in my dreams that happiness is a fleeting hope that runs at the speed of light and as I begin to stand at the attention of this new day all I want is that comfort and love but only sleep can bring me that pain but due to this nagging kink I am stuck here in this limbo that I call life

As the days of life flow together I can see the happiness flash in and out see the sadness interweaving it self throughout and as more years pass by I don't even realize that the sorrow is there because of how integral it is in my life and I as I get through the decades barely scrapping by I notice that the happiness that was so noticable at the point it came around I see a huge flash in my future it's a dream i thought would never happen coming to fruition and when that day rolls along I leave my sadness and worries behind and then I came crashing back into the sorrow and there it is that huge flash of happiness it was the glimmering of the sun off of your smile surrounding it is the frame you have of cascading beauty and soft and warming love how is this the happiest my life has ever been even though I it wasn't even a dream but now I go to sleep wanting to wake because every day feels like one

As the blood and water runs down my back  I am reminded of the past running through that film wheel of my life and all the sepia making it seem better than it was I see it projected onto the wall I can see the smiles but I can't see the happiness that my brain said was there and as I can finally notice the blood stopping I leave this night and as I step out this shower in which I could wash away the sins of my past I can feel the blood beginning to ooze out again and as I go the film wheel I begin to break and tear it apart once I am lying on this cold ground weeping tears which I thought were all gone I am greeted by the hand of my present and as it begins to patch the wound of my past I no longer feel that crimson warmth  I only feel that warmth I had so long seeked as it smiles towards me I can see it gleaming and blinding but why is this one not empty

As I stand here in this gorge looking at the river in which splits in half I can see that which I have left behind and as much it may be a side where the grass is truly green and I can see those little bugs that will eat away at them and sour it and turn it to acid and rot away the facade that keeps it green  and as I look to the other side I can see it may be barren but everything is there that I need to till it and turn it to into a field of flowers so I am never alone and never sad in there beauty and as I step over the river I can feel the burdens and troubles slowly sloughing off of me and this light feeling is is like flying it's ecstasy