Lost my mind
So many times
Found it writing
Down these lines
Found it driving
Between these lines
Down dark highways
Where your face
is burned in time
You are the air
You are the sea
You're my kind
Your who you wanna be
Your face is there
reflected in mine
My eyes can't stand
to see you cry
Not with tears
But with your soul
So get high with me
Up in heaven we can be
Out in the desert
Or out on the sea
Your my land
Your my mind
That I lost so many times
But I found writing
Down lines
About you and me

Soul like a Gunshot Wound
Take out the bullet soon
Or leave it hurting
Let it become part of you
A pain that's burning
Eating your soul for years
While you are learning
To deal with the pain that grew
To become all of your fears
It'll hurt so bad later
You will bust out in tears
To take out the bullet
That became your savior
As you worship the scars
On your skin that cater
To the pain that stayed here
With the bullet
In your Soul like a Gunshot Wound

Sparkling wastes
Supernovas trash
Donned with a baby's face
and Hearts to match
Run through the gates
Looking to catch
Glimpses of heavens race
Sewn in a patch
Drawn in lace
The winners are dispatched
to Eden without a trace
Of their shared pasts

Always finding another way
For a different day
Its in constant change
Another way to get paid
Another difficult thing to say

Help me have some numbness (Pain)
Gain ego, lessons (Experience)
Help others discomforts (Heal)
Gaining Transcendence (Overcome)

I got these scars on my psyche
Tryin to harm who I might be
Alarms sound, frightening
The child inside me trying to hide all his feelings
Whose still trying to find some healing
But the worst is what he's fearing
Find the middle ground between searing hate and unlikely hopes

My life is turning upside down
Spinning 1000mph around and around
Throwing up my guts and secrets
What's inside has come out
A 5 year old me screams and shouts
Trade one for another, teeth grit, I get lit
Abuse for abuse so I say **** ****
But when I'm all alone and sober
All I can do is pout nd cry
I can't get any of it out of my mind.
Keep up with me as my nose fills with lines.
I fill the the lines or this paper with the horror of my life time

Paradoxical Contradiction
Left-Handed Asphyxiation
Logical Degradation
Clerical Dehydration
Inundated with Unintended Information


Silently Yelling about naive importance

Incense burn to get high
Over bathroom tiles
We Cough n Sigh
Wheeze from the smoke
We Moan n Fight
What hung on the walls of mine
Turned into piles
But a tapestry hung there too
So burn an incense on this
It matches that truth
Of a beautiful sun and moon
That hung on a cloth in the old room

Maybe we grew up too quickly
Blinded youth to work adeptly
A great apathy harnessed aptly
And rapidly we said,
"*******"

Wanna travel with the flow but I'm a mountain getting blown in the wind
Sand eroding my stature
Destroying my posture
Psyche needs sutures..
I don't know my future

move past me
skip over me
where's your peace
where's your qi?

You're all over the place
in the other guys dorms
you're all in my face
angrier than a storm

I thought you moved in
I thought I liked you
but you moved on
to who knows who

There was one think I never told you about
the reason I loved you so much.
That one time we tripped, and I lied down to touch your hand
while listening to your favorite band, after your favorite night,
I imagined something I could never imagine before so vividly.
I saw us sitting on a white fenced, wrap around porch.
Only trees, fields and mason jars and grandkids around us.
We laughed about life and what a joy it was to be in love.
How amazing it was.
That is your lasting impression on me.
You finally made me believe in love,
which is why I loved you so much.

Im a sailor on a concrete path
and I miss the smell of the sea
        I miss the humidity
Im a sailor and I miss the crackling laugh of the shifty tide against me
Im a sailor on the corporate path
and I miss the simplicity of living a life carefree
        Out on the ocean, Out on the sea
        Our wherever I want to be

I miss the desert
I miss the sea
I miss your beauty
Oscillation of your body
I feel so high but I'm so low
Probably 8800 ft from sea level
Come down Come down

Wake up in the morning
Pancakes for breakfast
Your lips are the syrup
The rain is pouring
Not inside our homestead
We're in no hurry
    to rush to work
    turn in a timesheet
    for the coffee to perc
Çause we're drinking tea
and watching the sunrise

The water slowly crept in
Bleeding nose while
The low lept to a fin
Drowning lungs pile
The thoughts of sin
Have another drinking binge
As my mind tires
and your lungs singe
with the blitherd feeling
of drowning, sinking
in loose hinges of tongue, mouth
and coldly bluing water
What of you're father
will he stop you at the alter
drowning you in tethered ropes
beaten and battered hopes
hither-ed by the sinking
and slithering to Mariana trench
Hades is looking for you
someone to tie to his bench
with a wedding ring
someone who can sing
You ******* *****

I hate that you dont respond
so distant but you still ******
my emotions when youre out
and about, loving everyone

I wrote a poem about her,
but a story about you
and I know its wrong
so I feel so cruel, but if its true
and if its meant to be
it will happen when the sky shines blue
and the moon glows through the overcast
so I will never again cast my heart into a
blue moon until a fish is ready for food

I thought I had bigger plans than you
but if you're true
I wont hesitate to blush too
so keep me around boo
cuz you're so smooth
and that's true
:)

Everything keeps on piling up
I don't know how to stack it
I wish our bodies were filed up
Lying beneath a blanket
I miss you but,
Im finding myself in transit

I'm in love with feeling down
The feeling stays through towns
I pass along the way
Each more beautiful than the last
All of the emotional nights have found
To be just as therapeutic as the sounds
That abound in my thoughts
As they race towards the past
Back to the future where they all merge
A keyboard circuit surge
An electric strum
A soul being purged
With the words I'll hum, tell, yell
But first let me ask
Do you have a cig I can ***?

So if your reading this.. You can probably tell I'm drunk and lonely
I don't know if you know, but the reason I keep writing was because of you
The reason I kept breathing was because of the way you spoke

You're calming cadence in your voice spoke to my uneasy soul
That has always been shaken but never stirred
Yet you asked me if our kiss wouldn't mean a thing
and I thought that it would not
I was used to people caring
but when someone did not
I released all of my love
... and now I realize that it was my mistake
to live the way I have my entire life
now I'm not sure how to fix it

You're still drowning but now so am I
but perhaps their is a chance for us
to doggie-paddle our way to safety

Nothing will ever love me
The way that I do it
Except for ******(e)
She'll comfort me
with a disappointing face
She'll make me realize
so much but nothing
She'll make me dull
but feel completely alive
Oh how I wish I could find my ******(e)

We're a set of clothes with no bodies
Cause schools brainwashed
           loves trampled us
           six feet under with
           with our hearts and minds
           turned to dust
           parents lied and educators ****
           unable to teach us real-life skills
           like love is tough
           so we're still
Living for paychecks
            for those who feel like us,
A set of clothes with no bodies
Maybe we can remember we have souls  
            and not our remedial schools, undying loves, deceitful parents, and bi-weekly paychecks
Can take that away from us.

The rapid rapping outside
echoes for days on the inside
until it finally resides
and leaves me to lie, lie, lie LIE!

Ever since that ****** up night
Im not sure If I've gotten worse
Or If I've gotten better
But I know that It'll be alright
because i was sworn with a curse
If I will let her in between my sheets
she will stick around in my head
and be the ringing in my ears
that will stick around for years
So that's what I did cause
I needed her here
I guess you could say
She was the best drug
And I've ****** with yay
and I've ****** with H
and you can **** with me
but if you **** my friends
when they say no
I will **** up your nose
sternum, and existence in whole
So just get away and
move back to from where you came
I don't think I can stop shaking in anger
when you walk this way
So when this song will say
*******, **** your family
It speaks for me and you can tell
so keep your head down
and keep on frowning when I look at you
Cause ever since that ****** up night
Im not sure if Ive gotten worse
Or if Im getting better
but you can be ******* sure
if you ever do something like that again
Youll be in severed into peices
and my floor will be wetter with
your blood than it has been with
alcohol
She was the best drug ever
but defending her by killing you
might be the best high Ill never have.... unfortunately

I keep trying to write this letter
but it's too hard to reminisce
about the times we had
that were cloaked in sadness

I was to afraid of the girl
I used to love to tell her I
even liked her so when I moved and
another came around like her
I didnt hesitate to try and keep
her around but instead I pushed her away

Maybe I need to just let it all go?
Maybe this is the time I dont write it all down?
But maybe just leave you with the promise
of a great birthday present and a full heart
because you will get exactly what you wanted
while im downtown at a party
And I can finally leave from where I started when I
first saw her the first day of freshman year.

I cry myself to sleep every night
because I'm depressed
Will  my soul ever find sight?

Nobody ******* loves me
And I think its okay because
it would be terrible for them
to do such a thing.

A light pulsing memory
drenched in acid and alcohol
Each pulsing wave hits my heart
like the bass from October's start

The dim sounds of sadness
echoed inside
and my life was put aside
I realized there is more
to our lives

Creeping in my veins
Settled in my skull
I Hate Myself
Racing thoughts,
The dark takes a hold
I Hate Myself
Emptied out my organs of love,
An empty hull
I Hate Myself
Night swells up
The dark thoughts are culled
I Hate Myself
Pouring out my lymph nodes
Taking control, the only voices I hear
"I Hate Myself, You Have A Trigger to Pull"

The guitar strings think of you when they play this tune
The C chord is the curvature of your body when you lay gracefully
The G chord is the grandeur of your personality in public
The A chord is your accent when you say good morning
The D chord is your demeanor all the time
The F chord is how your hair falls on your shoulders
The E chord is how I will love you eternally

I open my eyes to watch yours close
I hold my breath to feel
Anything
A soft hand is retracted
A shudder silenced
Arms that hold me together are my own
Proximity offers no closure
Unseen verses of your mind
I curl up and unravel

-nKGB

Waves shake
A painters boat
Stumble and fall
in the lake
A painter's contacts
will sink
Humble and tall
A painter stands
without clarity
to his sight
Grumble and call
with his lisp
A painter pounds
fists with rage
Crumble and fall
A painter lives
without a clue
how to paint
Struggle till solved
A painter fights
to paint thy self

Happy home
Home sick
Sick of home
Don't go home and leave me
                                   regret me
                                   forget me
                                   replace me


-nKGB

Oh Aquarian
Have a gander
The moon's asleep
Her cloud blankets
Block out the light

Soft to the skin
Wet black air
Lessons, Questions,
Answers, Pensions
Rise and sink with
The puddles on the street

Reflections in the water
Are always shifting
Clarity equals deceit
A puddle cant be
Placid when it rains

A drop here or
There may be fate
Aquarian lets all in so
The puddle grows

Streetlights off, Sunlight on
Every drop is free
But the Aquarian weeps
He cannot see his puddle
Sun and evaporation
A puddle cease to be
Now, Aquarian's mind
Is not so soggy

Everything I wrote was about you
Left me looking like a fool
Because you used me like Im a tool
A tool of love which you exhausted
I cant work myself now
Give me a motor
So this tool can drive away from you
And forget all the good memories
like the way I always do

I was never wanted
I am everlasting
Whats past is passing
Savvy speech casting
Threw into action
Helped with latching
Onto problems patching
stitches that were catching
threads, exposing ashes

I fell for you once
Now again as such
Fools who cant make minds
Get strangled in binds but..
It meant a lot you said sorry
Not a step into this folly
Time will disassemble and love me

Masks hide true burns
With no futures
Take off your mask
Wounds need sutures
Try to stitch with drips
From a whiskey flask
Taste numbs cherry red lips
Whose all for another
If they pucker again
See me quiver and stutter

Glazed eyes
Tired sighs
Lost interest
Leave the room
Question that guy
smells like ****, you high?
No officer with a sigh
Detained and searched
Reasonably
Booked and Printed
All I was doing was
eating popcorn
and playing videogames

Slipping through the cracks
Melting into puddles
Drip drab dribbling down
Inbetween and runny sides
Egg yolk brains being fried
Long thoughts shorten
Shortening thrown in eyes
Swinging wildly and blind
Borrow some eyes
If you dont mind
Drib drap dribbly
Slippery in the cracks
Of these dusty sidewalks

Awoken from a 4 1/2 month dream
Find myself hanging by my feet
30,000 above and swinging wildly
Nose bleeding like waterfalls
Eyes suffering drought in Arizona
                           The dream was about you
                           Unsure if it was reality
                           It sure wasn't fake though
A "steal" heart shall sit in my chest
because you stole the one that beats
Swing, Bleed, Suffer some more
Fake airplane air makes me wonder
Where I am whenever I awoke
Captain, "To the right lies Kansas City"
I knew those lights in the distance
They twinkled like your ***** eyes.

Golden curly q's
Large christmas sweater
The boots for winter
Smile gives me goosebumps
You're cuter than ever

Your vibrant smile
laughing like child's
play heartfelt, mild
and something wild

It's not about the collective
or about you and I
None of this is subjective
Sorrow is like smoking
But at least it's protective
so I begin looking
for a place to protect me
I'm falling down.. tumbling again
tumbling all over you again...
Does my heartfelt silence
make you frustrated
in the same way your
indecisiveness makes me agitated?
I am blue
suffocating from
a lack of you.
So if anyone
makes me feel true
in my moments of gloom
I will cherish that fool.

I'm sorry If I annoyed you yesterday
With my incessant affection
I was all over you far too much
I know that you still have to make that decision
And all I could do was think of myself
So I will stand by your side
patiently while you decide
between him and I.

I keep having these emotional outbreaks
and when I feel like this, I need to tell you
But my words get jumbled up and I cant keep my emotions under control
Whenever I go to
I think it has to do with my worst fear
The thing that eats away at me everyday
Claws at my tendons causing my muscles to die
Stagnates my blood causing my arteries to clog and brittle my  bones
It's crimson needled fingers are powered by one hand underneath my gums and rips my teeth out one by one while the other hand slides my fingernails out of my skin
Stalking Seeking Slithering through my skin it crawls inside
and stalks my spinal cord all the way to my skull, plucking spinal cords along the way
Seeking for my brain and
Slithering into every neuron and cell
It rots every single one
And decays the rest of me
I am numb cause I'm afraid no one cares.
No-one has cared at all
I knew from the first christmas
that I was a mistake
In middle school
it was made clear again
when everyone bullied me
Then again in High School
where teenage apathy reigned
But now, I really don't know if anyone cares
and your answer means so much to me
"Do you care?"
Cause if I can't have you as a lover
I want to love you as a friend
Cause I can see you doing great in the end

Has your ice hardened or am I still breaking through
Warm the ice up, let in some truth
He will never be there for you like I
And you could move away for proof
I'll still be on you like hot on soup