Im doing pretty good. Want to create more.

Also it ends up being positive feedback loop. The mental distress caused by creating too much creates more mental distress. Guess Ill just play videogames and relax and take a couple drugs.

Sometimes the drugs do make me constipated though which *****. Feel like I havent pooped in days.

I cant take care of anything
Not even myself

I ******* hate this all.
Im gonna grow fat and ugly and miserable and lonely. Im gonna die just like my fish, without anyone to help.

Feeling so numb
Isnide an empty skull
Thoughts drum
        Rat-at-tat-tat  
Body shucked and hulled
Just the inside, a soul
Remains to cull
Processing as a whole
The inner realm in full
Is not always so fun

Faint smell of waste. Rotting garbage, feces and human body order. The room reeked of an intolerable stench. Cracked eggshells, molding lettuce, slices of beefsteak tomatoes, month old used coffee grounds, and a pair of peed on gym socks among countless other smelly disgusting things like cat ****.
"Close the ******* garbage can"
' it stinks as much as your guilty conscious'
My hand flung forward with indecision, still closed into a fist. What was I striking? I couldn't see and didn't want hurt myself like so many times before. Schizophrenic, pleaded with with myself. Time slowed to make room to for chaotic thoughts. Slow motions, knuckles seeped into a black goo. Other hand flat, slapped at the abyss. The darkness grabbed me by both hands and dragged me into myself.
A full moon and a tender loving voice. Blackness.
A brewing fire floating above a swimming pool like the eye of a pyramid where deities danced. Everybody I saw under its light gazed towards the idealization of eternal salvation. I stared at the pool, fire, pyramid and its constituents. Blackness.
A maze of hallways. Red-brown brick, vinyl, some glass looking down at the pool where children baptized themselves while parents drank the poison of cultural self-identification.
'At least they know who and where they are'
I took a right, then a left then two more rights down a endless spiral. Blackness.
In angry reconstitution, my mind-state formed lists of things to be furious about. These lists of things were all in plain sight.
'An obvious case of nearsightedness'
The whole room had changed from how i once remembered. The bed was moved as well as the bed stand. Clothes scattered and materialistic shrine of self destroyed. The aura of the room had gone from blue to green. I pledged with violent resolution to solve my issues. Until I smelt the room poisoned with pheromones unlike mine. Until I dropped to my knees and felt somebody i loved and despised. Her smile greeted me while, simultaneously, my heart erupted like an early morning thunder shower. I always loved those type of showers.

dragging around a corpse
what's the purpose
to be like a porpoise
a blowhole to exhale
a mammal that failed to walk on land
a sponge to learn through osmosis
to be like coral
colorful and floral
with no morals but to be selfish and keep myself safe
to protect this landlocked corpse with no guidance, no purpose
but to use my blowhole orifice
cause im just a porpoise
MY MIND CANT SORT THIS

No sleep and im losing my mind
cause of this court case. Who let a dolphin in the courtroom
The Judge is a Lion Seal and he is jealous Im not endangered
the signatures are fudged and mister whale is angered
cause us mammals failed to walk on land
and the witnesses failed to take the stand
failed to say what was planned, bribed and now the orca is in the can.
Imprisioned by Seaworld for being a better porpoise with purpose
leaving us a trail of corpses floating along

If you come to this place you are welcome. Here you will find the freaks, the nuts, the outsiders - and they aren’t just kids. All ages of weirdos are here. All of these people engaged in what looks like meaningless chaos but in this chaos these people lose themselves...
All of these people are engaged through the bands, and the bands have a contract with the people. They all, all of them, in this night, in this moment, don’t have a care in the world. They aren’t concerned with doomsday, money, jobs, relationships, abuse, bullies, rapists, murders, whatever. They care about nothing. For now they are immortal. Behold the gods! And different from me,
t h e y a r e a l i v e.
The living gods.”