Inside my brain
My lower skull
Base of blood barrier
There dwells black toxic putty
Nerves frazzled
Isolation with my bed buddy
I return to the revolving door
of western medicine
I believe a shaman,
A medicine man
Is the only way to **** out
the toxic putty

Into the chasm of my old dark friend
It comes again as I have been expecting
Hard to describe a deep depression in some sort of exact verbiage
So many times it has entered my realm without a knock at the door
Into the chasm of my old dark friend
My roller coaster thrills are vanished ,
As the bipolar swing ride has come to a screeching hault
I fall once again into the chasm of my old dark friend

Pitter Patter
and a thump in the night
Alone I crumble
Alone I fight with the mirror
Pitter Patter
I desire your silk
I desire your comfort
I pour your evil but charming ways
I am sick again

Feel me
Touch the paper
Swallow the sounds that ruminate
Positive thoughts
Untamed inertia
Listen and breathe for me this one moment in time
Thank you my friend
In my time of dying this moment is
TRULY LIFE

Eyes droopy
Can’t will them open
Sleep
Alone
Afraid
Lonely
Black oil
Sticky emotions
Upheaval of emotions
What works
Time
Black oil
Sticky residue
Pain on all fronts

Roof overhead, coffee brews.
Bed is comfy and
the yard is big
No job, a criminal record is a wall
No car , walking alone
Mind rumination
No contacts accept non palpable cyberspace
Mental illness a life long critter of mine.
In the midst of fear and anger

I feel alone and alone I have created

Moment accept,
Listen
Breathe
Mindful wonders
Cartwheels on the grass

Jumpin green
In between outta sight
Can’t see me but I see you
Perched on my Lilly, my voice distinct
Jumpin green
And not to far in between
My jump precise ,
My vision clear
I am jumpin green and not far between

I misplace myself from time to time
Looking inside through the windows
my shadow appears but I’m not present
As slowly as the door closes,
my shadow begins its own misguided journey again.
I become inside out
In a blink of my eye
I misplace myself as my shadow in my mind begins its familiar never ending spin once again
Inside and outside
I misplace myself from time to time

I miss life,
Beat myself down
into the ground
No shovel needed
No direct shock
Piercing my temple
Mental vs physical
It must be just a state of mind

Chronic Pain,
Listen to it,
What is it saying
As it burns and tingles
Emotions trapped
Deep, entrenched
Digging through layers
Pain,
Emotions trapped
Can’t see through my inflamed body,
My inflamed emotions
Spread throughout

I beat myself into the ground again today
I don’t know why
My mind tightens and the shovel flows quickly
My dirt turns to mud quickly.
I beat myself into the ground again today
and I do know why.
I’m me and have to accept the scratches in my mind
I wash the mud off and a new day begins.

A month ago
Fluid inspirational being,
Med switch mental darkness again clamps in
agitation, adrenaline pumps through veins
Med switch, soul switch
In the blink of an eye a plea for help
A switch in he alchemists bad
The almighty psychiatrist wrong
Yet again with the med dart board throwing
Foiled yet again as stability held me up strong
In one month
In one month
I seemed to have lost my soul
Yet again
The dull shovel
Of mine after many a deep dig out of this
Empty shell of acute depression
Begins its arduous work of bring me light
Manic depression as Jimi Hendrix  guitar strung it
Soulfully on the head
Is indeed a frustrating mess

Circus carnies
Real words
Focused mind
Remote camping
Soul friends
Love
Life
When possible

Spinning Gliding
Hair dancing
The wind glides her feet
She feels the music
Hears it to her very core
Freedom
At last
I dance by myself

Mind shattered,
Spirit crushed,
Body crawling
I have been cursed
The hole dug deep
Echoes I fear
Alone
Afraid
Cursed

Chronic pain
A trip to the clouds
Mind over matter
A brave journey
Hello pain
what are you really trying to tell me
Listen closely
A trip to the clouds

Who what why when where and how.
I find myself between them all
Shackled skies torment me
I lift the stacks of who what where why and how
I find in the end it pays no worthy chap to bother
For to lift the shackled skies bestowed upon you
A wise man in the seedy alley told me to step outside of the box
So be it, I finally found myself again

I love her so much
It came clear from the most scientific data
From the heart
Feelings deep seated
soul filled feelings are the strings of fate
I love her so much
I know,
I believe in the strings of fate

Peace,
Angered by the little things that spin about through my head
Peace
plump lips caress my skin
abrupt seduction flies in the moonlight
peace and anger live together
accept both

Sinking couch
Warm blanket
Still mind
Neck melting
Body healing
Chill

Worn around her neck
Jewelry
A novel prize
Women endorse
Wearing perfectly, a statement of perception
always feel the love underneath
Jewelry
Just worn
What does it mean?

Divorce,
Mommy gets it all,
Dads stuck.
Mommy gets it all,
Regardless of the new movement,
Women to be treated equal to men in the workforce
Dads stuck
Mommy gets it all
Court system skewed
Dads lose job
Dads wheels just spinning in the mud
Mommy gets it all
Women have the baby
Men watch the children the majority of time
Mommy gets it all
Women have the baby
Mommy gets it all

Pieces of the tiny puzzle
Written words, burning desire
Magnificent beauty, a shutter from the open door
How beautiful it must be
Flowing and free
Dancing by by the winds tickle
Pieces of the tiny little puzzle
Another piece is found
Another lost
Written words, burning desires
The Conundrums from the bigger puzzle

What happened
It did
Roll up
Chin up butter cup
That’s how the cookie crumbles
Are these words wise
What happened
It did
Roll up
Curl around the blue dog
Let him decide
Close your eyes
Listen mindfully
For my blue dog
Is my guide within
Blue dog
I thank you
I thougnt you ran away

Just sitting looking at a pine tree
no thoughts, judgements about it good or bad
Just mindfully looking at it all of it’s graceful beauty
No thoughts just impeccable focus.
We all judge, it is simply in our nature.
Guy in a black hoodie ,sweatpants are worn,
Business man in his fully equipped business attire
Thoughts , judgements,
STOP

I sit
Empty walls and the birds flap outside
I sit
And watch the rabbits mate
I sit
And I see the brick path leading outside
I sit
Living in the past

I go forward,
I sometimes choose backwards,
The flow of movement,
The decorated change of thought
Mixing colors with words,
I choose my own way
My own smile comes about

Where am I,
Where,did the food come,from
Why am I clean
Don't li,emthis place
Outside is my home

My only solace is cereal,
It’s crunchy goodness,
Makes me smile in my time of need
Comfort is comfort
Solace is solace

Black holes swell on logic,
but collect on fantasy.
Intercept the middle of the the fat lady,
the belt still squeezes.
Life still kicks,
Black holes squeeze on logic,
but always collect on fantasy.
Imagination wins evertime

I looked into the silver streak breath of life
stared into the mirror
I licked aromatic flesh
Pressed heads against the biggest of eyes
I sit upon Mother Earths own waterfall
And
I
C
R
Y

Paper made of jello,
Snowmen dancing in the wind
Free yourself,
As your imagination
Soars into a peaceful state.

A notch on the belt a stir of the
wicked soup
Trouble in paradise as the highs hit the lows and
The diagnosis is indeed correct
Doctor can you help now
For I truly know you are correct
There’s no keel of evenness
My wings have been melted by my own imbalance
And the hole is too deep for me to wiggle out of

Funky and free
You and I
Running through the night
Golden shadows
Finding each other
Beyond a simple kiss
Beyond it all
No words need to be spoken
We just know
Funky and free

Lips gleam
Buses scream through the dirt roads
Sirens
Long legs
Tight skirts
And all the glory in between
The clocked turned 6 and my night shift had ended
Lunch is for dinner
And the streets continue their roundabout rush
As survival is the same from the house or from the night protection of a solar eclipse

Up and down,
Bipolar popcorn
Salt and pepper,
With a lovely twist
of an unorthodoxed path
Bipolar
I diagnosed mysel
I am simply me

Snowing,
Crying ,
Freezing
Impeccable tears
Grassy wanderlust
A simple pin *****
A simple feeling
My record is stuck on a continuous groove
What
Happened

Aces
Mental speed, too quick for a blink
Up all night smiles
Intense let it ride
Light blue sand on the beach

Deuces,
Mental fog
Slow motion
Covers over my head
Let me disappear

What’s the game Billy
Aces high deuces low
Got it
My reality
Bipolar

Deep down when repressed tears come about
My life really has bee drizzled by
Mental illness and alcohol and chronic pain
Sometimes it’s jjst pure sadness
The song tears of a clown co es into my realm
I truly hope amd knkwmthst I cant go back in time
For my lost family by my own rope
Can’t but time
A simple pure smile will do
Or is it just all we need to just let it all go
Anxiety fear self doubt and just
Live the way we know what are own path should truly be
And just plain live and move
I have no answers
Just hope know that I type this
As I usually prefer pen to paper
But this will have to do
Free flowing thoughts of mine are just flooding out

Live let go amd smiles will come
It just occurred to me
as it shall be true for everyone

Time,
Circles of life
Swirling favors of conception
Drops of heavy tears for the end of lives
Time
Celebrate the circle of life
We are al intertwined
One mass organism
Birth and death
Circles of life
Smiles and frowns
Time

Who what where when and when
Corporate fog
Buzzing
Tingling
Body numb
Engine has seized
Computer overload
Sail away,
My ship has no destination
Only sunshine
Managers
None
Sally good riddance
Sealed mouth
Clear blue skies
Ship onward
Hungry but happy

Pedestrian sadness
Industrial revolution
Melancholy typewriters
Can’t get the rhythm out of my head
Pedestrian sadness
Once upon a time sheets of sadness
Oh how the virus has changed me
Pedestrian sadness
Melancholy typewriters
Can’t get the rhythm out of my head

Lost my memories
I am broken
Myself forgotten by me
No memories
No shadows chasing my light
Curled up shivering
I am broken
I can’t remeber who I am

I lost my wife in Vegas,
Pink dress with white shoes
My socks are *****
I’ve walked for miles
Gazing in window shops
I see my reflection in the window
I must return to Vegas
My wife in a pink dress
My gambling addiction

In the funk,
Melancholy drips its hollow shell
I dig deep inside my mattress
I stay fearful yet only comfortable within
My best friend the heavy blanket
Wet from my tears,
Hankering down been here gone through without a scratch
Just the continuing fear of the scratch in my mind

I like to unleash
a smile on occasion
Feels good
Sunrise, sweet nectar,
I like to unleash
a smile on occasion
Feels a good
I’m smiling at you
As I write
Hope it generates a smile
and as dominoes fall
The world can just for a short lived moment
Unleash its own smile

Satin
Smooth
Succulent
Wisdom beyond kisses
Lustful journey
Swayed by the silhouette
Rythmic
Palpable
Freshly covered fleece

Sparkling hot love,
Fresh water,
Warm bones,
Weary travels
Broken down
A hot bath,
My little rubber ducky
Floats,
My soul smiles