In the shadows of my mind
somewhere behind
useless facts and birth dates of
those no longer in my life
I hope to excavate
memories of childhood
distant comforts
like after-school walks 'round the block
cozy movie nights, three on the couch
follow-up recaps over lunch
whiffs of my mother's Indian cooking
met with scoffs
sounds of crickets at dusk
and more non-events that have led me
to these renewed moments of musing

I've never believed in meant to be
just happenstance
that swallows me whole
and sharpens each blow
each time I'm let down
Today I wipe away another tear
and think to myself
how sweet it would be
to share a bed
with destiny

I can't let go
of the day when everything was tinted gold
and the sun felt a little warmer
those 18 hours
when I felt so wanted
reacquainted with hope
formerly buried beneath
layers of disappointment
Now I find myself
chasing that high over and over
and catching whiffs of sweet cherries
that kissed your neck
that one night together we spent

With crisp mornings
come cooler evenings
and an unwelcome adieu
to the partner of my dreams
the only one who wraps me in warmth
an iridescent glow, a confidence
some only get after a few spirits

I'll miss her fondly
and the levity she brings
with each comforting breeze
gently brushing aside
yesterday's worries

In the rear view mirror
the Blue Ridge Mountains
blend in with the sky
sharp edges
hardly discernible
in the monochrome
along with a version of me
I unknowingly left behind

Pinch me
Fold me
Make me scream
Use me
Choose me
Let me dream
Bite me
Fight me
Let me bleed
Cloak me with your cool breath
Tell me you want me
Make me plead
Hurt me
Hold me
Whatever you need
As long as it reminds me
What it's like to feel

All stories
no substance
What were we
but in a trance
Was it even real
or were we Peter Panned?