you live in the people i know
the books i read
the lips that touch mine
you live in my favorite songs
my poetry
between the words and lines
i close my eyes and you stare back at me
i open them and see you in the blue of the sky
no matter what i do you overpower any view,
song,
book,
person,
feeling,
memory -
each and every time

and so here we find ourselves surrounded by empty bottles
once filled with false cheer
and we use them to cap our sighs to prolong the inevitable
which is the only thing made clear
to us
we are open flames exposed to refrigerator frost
we are old wooden cabinets which become chow food for termites
we are laundry baskets beyond breaking because we are not satisfied with the clean of our clothes
we are empty love museums and countless bar fights
we were once everything and had everything in our hands
but we realized what we were missing was a smile that wasn't planned
a laugh that wasn't staged
a page of a long paragraph that wasn't written a day in advance
we had no surprise
yet we still thought we had it all, and it was tough
it was hard to admit that just us didn't make us happy
it was hard to admit that just us wasn't enough

i paint my toenails blue
so that when i look down
when i let my head fall
i can see
how sad the color is
and maybe, i will decide
that it doesn't look good on me
and i'll smile
so that my insides won't be
permanently dyed blue
because God forbid i be ugly
on the inside
especially since i am so see through
and every time
the paint wears
i find a darker shade
and everytime
i find a way not to care
i remove it
or let it fade
into a lighter blue
into a happier blue
something that will be pleasing
something that will please
you

how many times will it rain
how many clouds, full, will pass over my head
how many pillows will i cry into
until i finally leave my bed

how can i stay sane
when i can't even stand to open my eyes
the rain keeps it dark anyway
i can barely tell morning from night

how can i look into your eyes
when my eyelashes are weighed down with raindrops
i peel through clouds for the sun
but the rain is nonstop

how many times will it rain
how many times will i lay crying in my bed
how many times will i not hate you for these tears
how many times will i love you instead

-Y

it's this feeling of helplessness
like a thundering, stormy sky
changing from it's once calmness
to a heartbreaking, loud cry

it's dangling on a thin string
knowing there's nothing that could help pull you up
not knowing what death will bring
waiting for your life line to give up

this feeling of inevitable defeat
the feeling you engraved in my skin
it's the taste of our love, oh so bittersweet
it's knowing that your thunder will always win

-Y