Misty air,
Hushed laughter,
Adrenaline rushing.

That night,
I realized who I wanted to be;
What made me happy.

Silenced chime,
Creaky door handle,
His shadow.

I ran,
I ran as fast as my feet would allow on the mushy ground.
I ran from the haunting life.

She stayed close,
Ran with me.
She ran with me,
Away from my life.

Soon enough,
He caught up.
Our source of freedom,
He came from behind.

Wet feeting smacking the road,
We walked to his old red pick-up.
My first time seeing freedom.

My first time,
Doing what I wanted.

No one could control me,
Not even my parents.
No,
I didn't allow it.
I didn't allow their leash to hold me from what I wanted.

Starting engine,
I realized who I wanted to be.
I realized who I was.

I wasn't their innocent little girl.
I couldn't be what they wanted.
I couldn't do what they wanted.

I realized,
I was an adrenaline ******,
A free-spirited girl,
Reckless.

I couldn't be,
The quiet,
Self-less,
Innocent girl.

So that night,
I allowed him to take me away.
Take away my leash,
The invisible force holding me back.

That night,
I became who I wanted to be.

I tried,
I tried so hard.
Thumbs hovering over the unwritten words,
I tried so hard to resist texting you.
I tried so hard to not be the first one,
To not be the one giving all the effort.

Day One,
Friends don't have to text everyday.

Day Two,
Self esteem goes down,
You're let down.

Suddenly it's Day Four,
You keep on a painted smile.
You act like you're fine.
You actually think you may get through this.

Day Seven,
The day everything sets in.
You didn't pass the test,
You couldn't.
You broke down.
You relapsed.

It's when Day Seven comes around that you realize you weren't,
Happy enough,
Strong enough,
Funny enough,
Cute enough,

Good enough.

So you sit there,
Under running water,
You wish you could drown.
You silently cry,
Hoping no one will hear your escaping sobs.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
They're fine without you.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
You can't be fixed.

I should've* put on a fake smile.
I should've pushed through it all.
I should've acted happy.

Maybe then, I wouldn't have lost you.
Maybe then, I wouldn't have drowned myself in alcohol that night.
Maybe then, I wouldn't be dead inside.

I recall once upon a time, when you held me, you said you loved me.
I remember sharing laughs and smiles, making memories.
Now, you're making new memories, sharing love.
Not even eleven days later.

Maybe, you didn't love me.
And maybe, I was just an object that had no meaning, just a title.