yann - Hello Poetry

yann Nov 2022

everytime a new piece of me is found after much digging
i grieve for all the forms i simply cannot be.

for the almost boy who thought he could be anything,
the harsher truth is found in relinquishing infinites.

i am but a sum of pieces, moving around, evolving,
yet also the difference of all that doesnt make me.

my ***** hands which loathe doors that must stay locked,
they too shall never know peace, shall always hold grief.

06.11.22 clearer picture of my grieving

yann Nov 2022

if there is a god, why did he make me this way ?

every species has its weaklings,
every tree its cracked branches,
there is equity in loss and rotten eggs, i know.

but what does the sorrow in my heart
bring the world around me
but more little drops of despair in this giant sea ?

if i cannot bring myself to love
as it is wanted from me,
if loneliness is the price i pay for a breath,

i would hope somewhere in a desert
a most beautiful blossom
dare to wake.

06.11.22 self grieving

yann Nov 2022

movement

i don't want to be kissed, i don't wish to be held,
i need to sit on a bus and
go nowhere,
somewhere in this world.

these are my guts, laid on the table,
and they are hungry for more
than any pair of hands can feed them.
i don't want your prying eyes on me,
i'd rather go blind,
i'd rather go.

05.11.22

yann Nov 2022

self grief - part I.

through the cinematic glow of fishtanks,
i see this strange, drowning reflection
of a little portion of my self

in these ***** waters, rocks, pebbles,
feeling more human than any mirror has done me the honor,
a child. radiant. a child,
brilliant,
a child.

05.11.22

yann Nov 2022

my old house

purposeless missions,
child of wonders,
it must be remarked
that i will miss you.

05.11.22 at 2:55am

yann Nov 2022

I don’t believe in destiny but it feels like she’s the one pulling my trigger.

I have this exercise I do in secret ;
“Close your eyes, and imagine the life you wish you lived.”
and I do it, once in a while,
in the sanctity of my room when the night is asleep.

This is not the life I imagine.
She’s something else entirely.
I can’t reach it, because I am bound by
the rules of nature, the rules of social stigma,
the rules I have set for myself
so unconsciously rotten that it takes me years digging them out,
one by one.

I see those people I admire, insane enough
to just rush ahead for the stars.
What poison do they drink ?
Mine makes me feel so sluggish and afraid,
dizzied out by the vast amount of unknowns
rotting me more to my core.

I want to live in the mind of crazy people,
of people who throw it all away for one last chance
at Being.

30.09.22 - extract of my google doc file titled "One Less Walker", abt where I stand at 22yo

yann Nov 2022

a song

if you are a house,
then i am only a brick
use me to build you up, lover
i know all of your tricks

if i were a blouse, honey
you’d be the mannequin i’m laid unto
my buttons carefully caressing you
wrong fit, but i’m trying to

there is no gentle story in which both of us
can coexist lately, pretty

you are the feet and i am the shoe
you walk around with me,
but i’m just stuck with you
put me up on your dresser, so anybody can admire
the glow of my leather
if you loved me more, lover,
you’d untie me to you

25.09.22 i wanted to write a lovesong, was inspired by "Is This What You Wanted" by the Last Shadow Puppets, not particularly fond of the result