I have this exercise I do in secret ;
“Close your eyes, and imagine the life you wish you lived.”
and I do it, once in a while,
in the sanctity of my room when the night is asleep.

This is not the life I imagine.
She’s something else entirely.
I can’t reach it, because I am bound by
the rules of nature, the rules of social stigma,
the rules I have set for myself
so unconsciously rotten that it takes me years digging them out,
one by one.

I see those people I admire, insane enough
to just rush ahead for the stars.
What poison do they drink ?
Mine makes me feel so sluggish and afraid,
dizzied out by the vast amount of unknowns
rotting me more to my core.

I want to live in the mind of crazy people,
of people who throw it all away for one last chance
at Being.