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Sep 2013 · 404
holes wouldn't be too bad
Red Sep 2013
i used to be afraid of drugs
health class would tell me it would put holes in my brain

i do drugs anyway
because maybe it wouldn't be so bad
i could be lucky enough
and maybe there's a chance

maybe the holes would go in places where it hurt
where memories torment me
and the holes would gouge them out forever

so i never have to see your face again

not even in my dreams
Red Sep 2013
i remember when i was in 8th grade i wrote a really sad poem
it talked about how the bullying brought me to a numb feeling
after i wrote that poem i realized that poetry made me feel things again
whether they were good or bad
poetry helped me

but now when i write poems
i still love them just as much
its just
i want to feel numb again
i wish i could feel numb again

because most of the time i pretend i'm alright
i'm 18
I DON'T GIVE A ****
right?

no
not right
i give way too many *****
i give the most *****
i feel judged everywhere i go
on everything i wear
and everything i do

so it kind of *****
when one of the things that i've learned to love to do
turns into something that makes me cope with my emotions
and my insecurities
like no
go away
can you not with the feelings

i just want to get drunk
smoke ****
and have fun

the real world can wait
and even if it decides to go anyway

there is no way i'm dealing with it
not right now

it's just too much
Sep 2013 · 706
new beginnings
Red Sep 2013
it is actually quite nice not having to see you
or worry about seeing you once a week

i never used to know when you would turn up at work
or maybe the supermarket
or even driving around in your Jeep

but now i'm three hours away
and i was completely 100% right when i said this would help

because yeah i think of you every day
if not twice a day

but i don't see you anymore
and now when i get a message
or a call

it's more like a friendly reminder
of the love that i used to feel
and how we would laugh
and you would grab my sides

instead of an ongoing steak
plunging itself into my heart
and putting pain in my stomach

i never see you anymore
so i don't have hurt anymore

but that scares me
because what happens when i come back
and i do see you
for the first time
in months

will it start over
or will my feelings be gone,
and will you be starting over?
Sep 2013 · 1.4k
white girl poem
Red Sep 2013
being in college is actually really fun
there are cute boys
actually hot boys
everywhere

so i don't mind walking to class everyday
seeing their sweaty abs in this heat

but at the same time i scold myself for even looking
because i feel unworthy

i hate to be the typical white girl who hates her body
but i do
i don't want to
but its almost like a disease that i can't stop

i'm addicted to putting myself down
and in my eyes that's almost worse than drugs

help me i'm insecure
Sep 2013 · 516
another poem
Red Sep 2013
i've been wanting to write a poem for some time
but i've been stopping myself

i don't know if i'm afraid of the rejection
or that my poem will actually be good
and someone i care about might see it

or you might see it

either way the idea of someone seeing another vulnerability terrifies me
but at the same time its exciting

i'm not sure
i don't really get myself either
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
Buying perfection
Red Jul 2013
If men were toys that you could buy at a store
And create like Legos or Bionicles or Lincoln Logs
Each time I would try to put together my perfect man

And each time I would build a less perfect you
Jul 2013 · 363
I'm confused
Red Jul 2013
I don't understand
how my heart has a feeling
it's just supposed to beat
and put liquid life through my veins.

but when I think of you
and know that I will never have you
and that it was indeed the last hug
the last kiss
the first time and last time I held your hand

it hurts so bad.

I want to tell it that it is confused
no heart
don't do that
stop.

there isn't a hole there
if there was I would be dead.

but why does it feel like that?
that my chest is continuously caving in
that all pressure is on one spot.

no heart
don't do that
stop.
Red Jul 2013
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I care about you so much and I want you to be happy. I'm sorry that every day I think about you and hope that you're having a good day even if I'm not. Even if its the worst day of my life I'm sorry I still hope your day is perfect. I'm sorry that I never want one tear to drop and I never want to see one frown. I'm sorry that I want your life to be perfect beyond measure. But I'm mostly sorry that you do not want me. I'm sorry that I'm not as artistic and I say stupid things and I'm not as pretty because I don't like to wear a lot of makeup. I'm sorry that I think of things that you would like to see me in and clothes that you would like to see me wear. I'm sorry that I want to lose weight so you may think that I have an attractive and fit body. I'm sorry that I imagine everything over and over again in my head. I'm sorry I'm crying while typing this. Most of all things over everything, I'm sorry that I complimented your eyes without your glasses. I'm sorry that when I had you I left you and broke you more than I ever can realize. I'm sorry you don't feel anything anymore, and I'm sorry that you're the only thing that is keeping me alive. I'm sorry I met you. You'll never see me again. I love you. I'm not sorry for that.
Jul 2013 · 598
thanks summer
Red Jul 2013
Winter tends to bring out the worst in people,
living in Wisconsin doesn't make it easier,
when 60%,
of one year,
of your life,
is cold and wet.

We all yearn for summer,
The word "summer" itself becomes a cliche,
we can't stop talking about it,
and us northerners think about it often.

then the days come when the leaves are on the trees,
and boats and docks sprawl on the thawed out lakes.

And we become happier.

Even those of us with hurt feel bads,
and broken hearts,
they can all forget the pain for a moment.

When they wake up on a summer day,
and hear birds chirping,
and hear the country music blaring,
and the days are longer,
and everything seems pure.

I even can forget about you for a moment,
when my beachy hair flies in my face,
and the lake water covers my skin.

Summer helps me to forget you,
Even though it is when we met.

I'm forgetting you.
Filling up the holes you left,
Finally.
Forgetting.
All of it.
Jun 2013 · 449
how i fall in love
Red Jun 2013
falling has never been a graceful act
it has always been a bit messy

over time we learn who to fall for
and we try not to get hurt

but over time I have not stopped
I still fall in love with the same men:

hey you look kind of broken
  well I'm broken too
we can work perfect together
learning about our scars
   and soft spots

but later:

actually don't worry about me
I love you too much
be as happy as possible
I will try to fix your broken parts
and try to fill your broken heart

just please never be sad again
I can't take it when such a soul
is poisoned
with the sadness we both have

I'll be okay
Don't worry about me
I can handle it
I've always handled it
I have to handle it
for you
every time
Jun 2013 · 432
silence
Red Jun 2013
I know you still feel it too
in the air
in between our bodies

But you're too afraid to love
I'm much too proud to wait
I'm leaving
you're staying

so we ignore our existences
both growing numb
so this pain will never be felt
again
May 2013 · 464
I apoligize.
Red May 2013
It makes me feel bad,
how I become so anxious,
to be sure that you love me.

I should just accept the fact,
that you keep me on your mind.
And be grateful,
that I'm the only one.

I should not let them,
  the traders
  manipulators
  and heart breakers,
Control my future with you.

I used to be the one who didn't worry.
"Go with the flow"
"Whatever happens, happens"

I found him under my skin.
I hated myself.
So. Many. New.
i n s e c u r i t i e s.

You taught me to love again,
  not only you,
Myself.

Thank you.

So,
as long as at the end of the day,
I'm the one you think of late at night.

everything else is alright with me.
Thank you Alex.
May 2013 · 538
details
Red May 2013
I try so hard to remember
every detail
the squinty eyes
with little eyelashes
but so much wonder.
the thick hair that falls so perfect,
that has the childish blonde peaking through.
a loud laugh that echoes,
but is so rare.
the teeth in a u,
and crooked on the bottom.
occasional glasses,
with a slightly bigger nose.

I try to remember everything about your face,
so one day when you decide to forget about me,
which may be soon,
I can still dream about you like it never happened at all.
May 2013 · 277
..
Red May 2013
..
I will wait for you.
As long as it takes.
No matter how many days,
or how many girls you will have to experience prior.
That is all okay with me.
As long as at the end of it all, you're with me.
May 2013 · 475
a battle
Red May 2013
it's bothersome,
how I let this thing well up in my throat,
time and time again.
   and pretend that it's okay,
   that you hurt me as much as you do,
   when in reality it is really not.
you are so beautiful,
everything you do,
and you will never believe it.
   so in return I get pushed away,
   and you see how far you can push me,
   until I stop coming back.
but we both know that will never happen,
you will never be "ready,"
and I will never stop trying.
   one of us will have to give in eventually,
   whether it is love,
   or if it is defeat.
and I reallly don't want to lose.
May 2013 · 360
imagining from nothing
Red May 2013
it's really sad how little of us has happened,
and yet how much I dream of.

sometimes I adjust pillows on the left side of my bed,
and pretend you're there,
although you have never been in my bed.

i imagine your arm caressing my back,
and i hum myself to sleep.

that way maybe i'll dream it,
because that happens sometimes.

i dream of you,
and you're holding me,
holding my hands.

we are so happy.
in reality?
i make sure you're so happy.

what do you do
while i wait for you
every day?

nothing
you forget about me
pleading innocence and nervousness

you're not genuine at all.
but i refuse to admit it,
because I am so Helplessly condemned to a life of loving you.
let me go
May 2013 · 342
sad truth
Red May 2013
the moment i realized that i would love you no matter who you loved and what you decided to do with your life whether it included me or not was the moment that i realized i was never going back and you would be pulsating through my veins forever.
May 2013 · 1.2k
morph me to *her*?
Red May 2013
"Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day."

I told you I would never give up
I never did give up.

I love you just as much as i did 727 days ago
but you gave up on me
on us

you shunned away your feelings
and now you don't feel it anymore
you don't feel anything anymore

I can't blame you

love is a beautiful cluster-**** of emotions
but at the end of the day
  when your insomnia begins
Darkness fills your somber heart
and you ask yourself why she doesn't love you

but I love you
but that doesn't matter
because my personality and clothing choice,
will never make up for hers.

I want to be what you want me to be,
but no matter how hard I try,
I Cannot be her.

There is no amount of pastel makeup,
and sparkly shirts,
that will make me her.

I could obtain her exact wardrobe,
and hair color,
and that dumb laugh she uses,
when she makes fun of the less fortunate.

but I could never be *her


because I would never hurt you,
I would Never want to see you cry,
or in pain.

I would never do what she did to you,
to this day I Cannot Believe that she would be able,
to hurt someone so perfect,
and so genuine,
and innocent.

I just want to show you that I will never hurt you like that.

But you want me to be her,
and I'm sorry but that is the one thing I Cannot do for You.
I wish I had gotten to you before she implanted the idea rotting to your core.
May 2013 · 528
confused with you
Red May 2013
PLEASE
help me to understand

I loved you so much
so much

and you left?
  me here?

my heart rotting to its core
and my brain feeling dysfunctional.

I loved you with everthing I have.
I love you with everything I have.

I would jump in front of every bullet,
run my nails on a chalkboard,
  lie to my mentor,
   and start chewing.

If it meant you would love me.

Every despicable thing in the world is a mere task,
if it means in the end I will be held in your arms,
with your musk surrounding me,
barely awake, and yet my heart soundly asleep.
For if that would be the case,
the morning I would wake,
happy,
for the first time,
since I first met you.
May 2013 · 2.7k
manipulation
Red May 2013
I just want to understand
how someone so beautiful
  so flawless
could cause so much hurt.

One would think the greater being
whoever controls my heart
and yours,
  would not allow.

The greater being should not allow
one person
  to be able to obtain everything from me.

It isn't fair
that  with  one  look
you own me in a greater sense of the word.

It wasn't a secret
  how I loved you so
  yearned for your touch
  screamed for you in my dreams

and yet you took it as a such an opportune
time
  to crush me
into d u s t.

I'm Gone Now
I Cannot Come Back From This
I just don't understand how someone could hurt another so bad knowing they're all they have.
May 2013 · 914
Untitled
Red May 2013
I wish I could understand
how one can change their personality
or at least manipulate it
to the various types of people
   judgemental people
that one shouldn't even care about

Stop changing yourself
anxieties like these
they don't go away
hiding them is a challenge in itself
but thinking you can lock them away
  away in your closet
well That is the most naïve thing of all.

Just let me help you
the infatuation will sooth your wounds
my oblong fingers will caress your scars   and issues

worries are non existent
Let Me take them from you

I have my own problems
  but I will gladly take yours too
Because I Would Rather Hurt
for another 10,000 days
   then to see another blank stare
form across your flawless character

please
i just want to save
You
May 2013 · 424
empty Meanings
Red May 2013
Nomatterhowharditryalloftheemotionsifeelforyou
cometogetherwithth­oughtsanddreams
circumstancesthatwonthappenimaginingevery
contour­ofyourbodyreplayingyourlaughinmyhead
andthen iseeyouatwork and everything becomes

c l e a r
May 2013 · 277
empty meanings
Red May 2013
Nomatterhowharditryalloftheemotionsifeelforyoucometogetherwiththo­ughtsanddreamscircumstancesthatwonthappenimaginingeverycontourofy­ourbodyreplayinyourlaughinmyhearandthen iseeyouatwork and everything becomes

c l e a r
May 2013 · 448
Imagine Poetry
Red May 2013
Thank you poetry
  my escape
My councious thoughts

I imagine you as a young man
with a meek smile
   but a Large heart
Filled with promise
of justification

I'm
Not surprised
describing my wants
Which contain you

Poetry helps me escape
the idea of you
  I write it on paper
   so the idea becomes real   Real to me

Thanks poetry.
One step closer
May 2013 · 875
shedding
Red May 2013
If I was given a day
  By god
  Or whatever force there may be
It would be with you
In an empty room
  and you would speak to me
I would ask no questions
Utter no words
Invisible buttons would be connecting my lips

You would speak of it all
What makes you laugh
Favorite memories
Why you're so shy
  your weak spots

If you're selfish
what side of the bed you like
hot or cold  
sweet or sour
Marvel or DC

I would watch
knuckles cracking
touseling of thick hair
squinty giggles

My heart would grow immensely
With every
   Secret.  Hobby.  Weakness.  Preference.

watching your lips move
and your face morph
With every emotion

my heart would reach to you in sorrows
and leap at triumphs

Butterflies would become a typical occurrence
a smile tattooed on my face

that's all I desire
You
  I
voluntarily trapped in a room
shedding our skin
specifically yours

in no way is that strange
In fact   it's beautiful
For you
Apr 2013 · 405
involuntary
Red Apr 2013
Remember when you kissed my mouth but you really had no idea what you were doing? You just looked at me and rocked me back and forth because you were so incredibly happy. I was just sitting there looking at you and I fell in love with you. Right there. No going back. Completely imprisoned by your dumbfounded laugh and lanky body shape. And I am still stuck here. I pretend I've escaped to a better place. In bigger arms and a warmer heart. But I'm still trapped in your judgmental mind. So in love. I wish I could just leave. Please. Let me go.
Apr 2013 · 342
hating love
Red Apr 2013
Last night I just sat there
For hours
Doing nothing

I didn't want food
Drugs
Sleep

I just lay there
Thinking about how sad I am

Then I thought of you

Your beauty
Everything I love about you

And my heart imploded
My eyes bled
My brain to mush

I hate that I'm so in love with you
Jan 2013 · 1.5k
Banter
Red Jan 2013
I'm not quite sure
As a matter of fact I'm not sure at all
Is this a test?
Am I passing?

Your attention span increased
Or maybe this is just that thing
What do they call it?
Friends?

Can't be.
Friends can't be in love with friends.
Jan 2013 · 481
Morgan
Red Jan 2013
Never in my entire life have I felt it
The hurt
The pain
I would rather throw up
I wish I could throw it up
This pit in my stomach
Is worse than any cut
Any bruise
Any burn
Any broken bone
It's in my heart

It feels empty
Like something was ripped out
An artery gone
It doesnt feel like it's pumping


And then I think of your heart
And laying on your chest
And appreciating an ***** more than anything in the entire world
Because it kept you running

And in the romantic sense
It wanted me
I remember feeling it against my back
When we would nap just because
And it was perfect

It couldn't have been more perfect

And now it's gone

Because I was scared

And I shut everything off

Because I didn't want to get hurt

And now I hurt more than i ever have

I'm sorry

I'm so so sorry
Dec 2012 · 758
You're still here.
Red Dec 2012
my favorite thing is sleep
no one can be the cute guy at my new job
no one can wear thick glasses and a bowtie
no one can be quiet and shy
no one can shock me with their squinty eyes
no one can tousle their hair
no one express their feelings to me
no one lets me break their heart
no one is on my mind
no one listens to my deep feelings
no one drunkenly kisses me
no one gives me hope
no one captures my mind
no one captures my heart
no one gets back with their first love
no one lets me touch their thick locks
no one smiles at me
no one controls me
no one makes me wish I was dead


but no one is still here
in my dreams
no one still isn't mine
and no one will not go away
Alex if you see this, I'm so sorry. Please come back to me. Please.
Dec 2012 · 394
Jumps
Red Dec 2012
the worst part is when im sitting there
in bed
barely awake, everything a daze

the dreams feel real then,
I can feel your hands,
your lips.

My heart is full and the gap is non existent
and then I **** awake

and I cry because it isn't real.
Nov 2012 · 486
Untitled
Red Nov 2012
I never knew that pain could develop like that
You're just a person
Made of flesh
Bones
Blood
Muscle

Like everyone else

But your arrangement is perfect
Your contours
Bumps
Bruises
Scars

Flow perfectly

So that why this hurt developed so quickly

Because love is a sinister, deceitful thing.
Nov 2012 · 455
Squinty
Red Nov 2012
I try so so hard
I sit there and think of you
I take it
This heart and hurt it
I throw it at you

It is yours!
You never need to ask
Nor plead
Just look at me

Gaze at me with those beautiful eyes
So dark yet so bright

I don't care about the image
Or the words

Just please let me be your everything

It hurts too much
Nov 2012 · 582
The feelings
Red Nov 2012
It's back.

For a second.
Minute.
Hour.
Day.

Who really ******* knows?

But there it is in my stomach
Knees
Heart
Eyes

Waiting again and again and again.

I don't want you to come back
It will restart.
Again
Again
Again

It hurts too much


Please


Please


Please


Stop.
Oct 2012 · 612
Schwelly
Red Oct 2012
I knew. I just knew.

I would be back into your arms
You've been in my mind since we kissed
Your everything engulfs my dreams
It wakes Me up with feeling

I'm so happy
I can't wait to be with you
Your tattoo will look fantastic
You're what I want

The tall gangly limbs are perfect
Your smile
Squinty eyes
It all warms my heart

Now my throat won't close when I see you
Everything is going to be okay
It's going to be okay
All okay
Okay
Oct 2012 · 527
Bolo
Red Oct 2012
You made it official.

Gave up.

I guess I don't blame you.

Because i know.
I'm right there with you.
Through the pain,
Agony,
Desire,
Hurt.

But I'm in Wisconsin.

Where we belong.
Oct 2012 · 6.6k
Vans
Red Oct 2012
These vans on my feet are *****.
Dripped on by the blood of a won basketball game.
Dirt covered from the many mosh pits.
Torn on from my longboard grip.
Rubber grey from long walks.
Bled through tie die from lots of running
Brown stains from standing in the woods
Broken eyelets from a forgotten drunk night.
Missing shoelace caught in a bicycle wheel.

Only to be replaced.
Just like my love.
Like my summer.
Oct 2012 · 554
Morgan
Red Oct 2012
Its happened.
Gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
Gone

Why.
I'm so lonely now,
Not even my figments to hold me.
They left when my heart did with him.
756 miles away.

And now I'm not even figuritively with you.
Goodbye I'm sorry.
Oct 2012 · 444
Pain
Red Oct 2012
Stopped.
Gone.
Disappeared.
Vanished.
Where art thou?

Because it just stopped.
And it won't restart i promise.

But at least it's stopped and numb,
Rather than beating furiously,
Life pouring out of it from the pain and desire.

My heart.
Sep 2012 · 548
Untitled
Red Sep 2012
It will always be there
it's almost like a pain in my chest
it never goes away
but I don't want it to leave.
Because there's nothing I can do
her body took you over
and now in my dreams
I hear your dumbfounded laugh.
And I am so happy.
You squeeze my hips
and we get high together
you jam out in your jeep
and all I can do is stare.
You are the most beautiful creature I've laid eyes on.
I've never wanted someone to be happy
without me.
But she's with you
and your smile makes me giggle while I sleep.
It will always be there
it's almost like a pain in my chest
it never goes away
but I don't want it to leave.
Aug 2012 · 1.2k
West Virginia
Red Aug 2012
Come back to me,
or answer your phone.
One of the two would make me happy.

Because you see,
my wrist is still broken,
and your hazel eyes are burned in my brain.

So just come back,
I can't withstand three more months,
your heart shaped smile is too pleasing.
for Morgan

— The End —