I always thought we were great for each other, even though I knew good things never last..

It's so sudden like, what?
You don't even get a chance to process the pain you're about to endure.

Just yesterday they were telling you how madly in love they are with you and how the fire will never burn out.
How you'll make it and it'll be better than anything you could ever imagine.

But as soon as the clock hit midnight all those words were lost.

How can they do that?
How can one day they wake up and decide they don't want you anymore?
Is it hard for them? Do they feel bad?
Are they just not feeling well? Are they confused?

All these questions are running through your mind..
The sad thing is if they are,
then you don't need to be with the person causing them.

Love doesn't hurt when it's true, love doesn't break you.


You need to be strong for yourself,
Time will help.

I'm not saying time heals all wounds but it lessons the pain.
No they won't be completely gone, completely out of your mind.
But there will be times when you don't feel it,
when you don't feel their toxic presence.

...Just like there will be times when it's excruciating.
When you can't help but sob you're heart out.
All you do is mope,
With seemingly no way to cope.

As you walk you can feel the shards of your heart dropping and being crushed by your own feet, breaking you all over.

It will not be easy.

But look how far you've come, all the battles you've fought,
no matter if you've won or not.
You're here today for a reason,
don't let them make you wave your white flag.
You're strong even if you don't see it.

After all of this, they might come and apologize.
I'll just let you know one thing; you don't need to accept it.
You don't need to feel like the least you can do is forgive them,
As if;
It was you who caused all these horrible things to happen.
It was you who purposely made you have sleepless nights,
And no will for anything.
It was you who gave yourself that blank look in your eyes.
It was you who killed you..

Insanely, they come expecting you're accepting of their apology.
As if it's the most normal thing to do.
As if it's okay to go about breaking plates, not even bothering to clean them up.

Just leaving them there to rust away on the floor..

I think the most appropriate way to respond is:

Sorry *doesn't fix a broken plate.

I was never taught how to love,
It was never shown to me.
What was taught was a false sense of love,
One that from such a young age, made me lose faith in humanity.

I was taught money bought forgiveness,
Blows symbolized your adoration for them.
I was taught such ugliness and bitterness,
Where there was once innocence, hatred stemmed.

I was taught all tears were true,
All apologies were honest.
I was taught to not forget was spiteful of you,
That forgiveness was a given and in your enemy you should seek solace.

I was taught pretending it never happened,
Covered up the millions of shouts.
I was taught to never dare let your soul blacken,
Even when the demons don't get out.

It's all I ever knew,
Don't accuse me of something I had no control of.
If you see and hear evil, you feel evil, do you question the sky being blue?
It isn't my fault I never witnessed love.

But

Most importantly I was taught,
Love isn't something you learn.
It's something you feel in your heart,
When it's rightfully **earned.

I am not feeling anything,
I am numb.
My heart is encased in something so impenetrable,
Not even I can set it free.
As I lay, I try to feel,
Even the tiniest bit of emotion,
Impossible.
I'm searching for something, anything.
A tear to roll down my face, some hair pulling...

I hear the faintest palpitation of a heart beat.

Get me a doctor, a cure-er,
A poet, a writer.
Someone who can either give me drugs to help cope or stitch me up with a pen.
I'll wait, I'll even count to ten...

...

Didn't think so,
What now?
Do I cut myself open,
Just to test if I bleed?
Or do I keep feigning cares?
Want me to repeatedly say I Love You,
With a blank stare?

Don't call me emotionless, heartless, etc.
I hate it when people point out the obvious.
Use new adjectives,
Like scarred, or a giver-upper, a try-hard,
You know, something that isn't easily seen on the surface.
Something you have to search deep to discover.

What if you dig deep enough and find a treasure?
Imagine finding gold and pearls.
You've set me free, I'm finally happy.
But I'd hate to imagine what comes after.
After you discover what I'm made of,
Will your motives change?
Before it was to help now it's to use me.
Now you want to lather yourself in my riches until I've run out straight to the core.
Might even nibble on what's left,
And then I am left.
As always.
Left for dead.

I heal bit by bit,
I don't remember anything.
I feel hollow but start filling up with nothingness.
I feel softness but only for a split second until that all too familiar hard shell forms.

I'm back.
I feel normal in this terrifying state.
I want to feel, I want to touch and taste and rejoice but-
there's nothing.
No matter how hard I try.

All too soon I hear some news,
Some poor soul hit rock bottom after being rotten rich.

Don't come seeking for comfort in me,
Don't try and use me for your selfish needs.
Just like you I am needy, a loner,
I am a sucker fish hoping to find and taste even the smallest amount of life,
A roamer, searching for *something, anything.