your existence is a celestial body of bursting colours that’s unable to be absorbed by simple mindsets
i remember the first time i caught a glimpse of you and how i felt your soul radiate in a way that no other soul ever has
i wasn’t able to sense anyone’s spirit but yours was yearning to be noticed by my dull eyes
your essence was begging to be admired by mine and i took it all in until the stars in my eyes matched the galaxies that are your thoughts
you are a heavenly body of perfect moments sewn together by gravity
you are otherworldly and unnaturally magnetising
i was captivated by the dazzling assemblage of your emotions that make you you and i can’t help but get ****** in by the aliveness of you
explaining how it felt to be painted and soaked in the colours that made you would take all the synonyms in the world
but if i could tell you one thing it would be that i have died as soon as i saw you
i lost my heart beat and my breath and everything i thought i knew about my life
i’ve lusted over death for so long and you’ve taught what it feels like not to be alive
my spirit left my body in yearning for a glimpse of the world you lived in
i got lost trying to grasp the idea of how you existed in the millions of constellations that make up my universe
i got lost in the constellations of you and now i know, i can never find my way back

she radiates of mystery but i have her figured out
her hands told me everything
they told me how she’s the way she is because the world wasn’t kind to her
her shoulders told me that they’re getting tired of carrying the weight of her past around
her lungs told me how they’re growing weaker and weaker every time she tries to exhale her stress out of her system
her bones told me they’ve become brittle from trying to hold her pieces together
her mind told me that it keeps getting darker in there, it’s begging me to save it
her eyes scold me for getting too close and trying to look into them, telling me to look away before i become another thing they have to watch her destroy
her legs are begging for forgiveness for all the times they made her walk away when all she wanted to do was stay
her heart doesn’t make sense anymore, i’ve been trying to understand it
her soul is the quietest of all, merely existing but not living, caring but not loving, just short of having the strength of taking her where she needs to be
i hear all of her speak to all of me in ways i’ve never imagined and every part of me is begging her to let me in to reassure hers
i’ll tell her hands that i’ll be kind to her from now on, i’ll give her all the love she deserved but didn’t get
i’ll tell her lungs to hang in there, i’ll take her stress from her and i’ll make it my own
i’ll tell her bones that i’ll hold her pieces together for her, they need a break anyway
i’ll tell her mind that i’ll be her light if she lets me, please let me
i’ll look into her eyes and tell them i’m not afraid of her destruction
i’ll tell her legs that i’ll forgive them for her, i’ll forgive her on behalf of everyone, i’ll have faith in her in behalf of everyone
i’ll tell her heart to take a break, it’s been through enough
and her soul, i’ll give it a reason to want to come alive again
to want to love again
i’ll be her strength when all she wants to do is be weak
i’ll hold her together when all she wants to do is fall apart
i’ll make the mess in her head clear up enough for her to feel the way she used to again
i’ll help her fall for every part of her, the exact same way i did

my blood rushes and my hands grow cold to the sound for your name
i adored you for so long my heart stopped working for anyone but you

you're everywhere
you're everything
you're in my mind in my heart in my eyes in the way i breathe
you're the first thought when i wake up in the morning
you're the breezy spring air and the way the sun bleeds colours into the world every time it leaves
you're the sad melodies that hit you in all right places
you're the darkness that grips me every time the lights are off
you're the aching in my bones when i'm too far away from home
you're the pieces of myself that i give away to other people
you're the melancholy in empty dark roads
you're the metaphor used to describe self destruction
you're in my veins
you're on my neck
you're in my eyes in my mind you're every single ******* breath i take
you're everywhere
you're everything in me
you've become a part of me i can't cut away
but i'll keep trying
I'll tear my skin apart if it means getting rid of every single thing you consist of
even if it means losing myself, i'll risk losing myself to lose you.

i’ve reached the drowning stage
it’s when i realise how deeply in love i am with your darkness
it’s when it completely takes me over and dims all of my lights
it’s that moment of complete suffocation when i think of how i can’t sit in a dark car alone anymore because the image of you using me to numb out your emotions keeps replaying in my head
it’s when i realise that your flaws are all i’m going to look for in everyone i ever care for
it’s when i think of how the stars sparkle and how they never matched your dead beat eyes
it’s when i can’t stand the brightness of anyone’s soul because your gloominess sneaked its way into me
its when i always think of you at dusk and crave your emptiness
it's you, it's always going to be you.

she’s the kind of girl you yearn to be
the one you meet once but becomes eternal in your thoughts
she’s more powerful than hope and more astonishing than the colors in the horizons when the world goes peaceful
she’s that stillness you feel in your bones when you’re staring at a star lit sky
she’s the way the clouds break after a long rainy day
she’s the feeling of reassurance in human form
she’s all that is good in the world and all that is true
her colors show in clear rays that bring warmth to your soul
she’s resplendent, with everything that makes her.

for R.

average is all i’ve ever known. i have average looks average grades average relationships with average people and it was all very black and white for me until you came around with all your ****** up colors and made me doubt everything i thought i knew because there was nothing average or expected about your bright eyes or the way you reach for my trembling hands when you think you can give me what i want

you thought that i was going to let you in regardless of everything that i’ve been through and i couldn’t blame you because i wanted more and i made it clear but when your fingertips brushed my skin for the first time and i felt that deep ache in my chest i swore to god i wouldn’t watch you breathe anymore because you were a mistake waiting to happen

but your darkness gripped me in every single ******* way possible and i can’t breathe unless i feel the warmth of your body beside me and i’m addicted to the pain you’re always trying to spread around

and now my loneliness should be a synonym for suffocation because being without you has blown all of the air out of my lungs but knowing you was like someone painting my irises in colors that nobody ever thought existed and i can’t see anything the way it was before