when i look in the mirror
i don’t like what i see
you can blame body dysmorphia
but i don’t want to be me
i see the handles you call love
resting above my hips
i see the stretch marks on my thighs
running across the dips

sometimes i walk across the bridge
watching the water flow
the ships sailing below
they wave to say hello
but little do they know

i wonder what it’s like
to jump and feel yourself fall
before it catches up to you
before you really end it all
i wonder what it’s like
for the pain to go away
i’ll be happy finally
i’ll see you again some day

i like to stand up on the roof
to look over and see
the life in front of me
the busy and busting streets
that again i will not meet

i wonder what it’s like
to jump and feel yourself fall
before it catches up to you
before you really end it all
i wonder what it’s like
for the pain to go away
i’ll be happy finally
i’ll see you again some day

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder what it’s like to not be here
i wonder
i wonder
i wonder what it’s like to not struggle
someone tell me what it’s like
this is a cry for
help

it’s harder than it seems
to hold in all your tears
the pain that’s added up
throughout all these years
i tried laying down
but i got in my head
the tears are rolling down
i just want to be dead
these thoughts keep popping up
that i’m not good enough
that i am all alone
i am not even known
i leave scratches on my arms
and imprints on my legs
with all these thoughts and actions
i’m bound to wind up dead
i imagine the fall
from a roof top way up high
before i hit the ground
it’s as if i can fly
i imagine active traffic
and wind up on the street
the breeze of passing cars
before i succumb to defeat
maybe dying hurts
or maybe it’s relief
its the high that happens right before
even though it must be brief
i want to feel that high
not knowing what will happen
it’s okay if i die
for i was only passing