Those dark brown eyes,
looking into mine.
Wearing the lehanga she always liked.
Walking down that aisle.
And stepping and destroying all the scenarios,
I always created in my mind.
She looks beautiful,
just like she did when she was 16 and left the city,
breaking my heart into pieces.
Life's crummy right now,
because I never confessed my feelings.
But who knew that the girl of my dreams will be marrying a firrangi.
And I'll be standing here regretting all of my actions,
at her wedding.

यह दूसरो की बेटी को छेड़ के खुदको स्टड समझते है,
और खुदके घर की लड़कियों को पर्दे में रखते है ।
अपनी बहन का मुंह बंद कर,
खुदको रक्षक बताते है ।
क्या उसूल है इनका ?
हर लड़की पे मरते है,
पर फिर भी खुदको शरीफ बता रहे ।
जुठ बोल के,
फ़ालतू रेप्यूटेशन का रोना गाए जा रहे ।

यह वोह ही है जो " show me your ***** " वाला मेसेज भेंज,
चौराहे पे चार लोगो के साथ, रिप्लाइ का वेट कर रहे ।
अभी भी तेरे थरक की बात नहीं है ?
यह लोग तो हमेशा सही है ।
एक्साइट हुए तो लड़की के तन की गलती है,
यह भूल रहे है कि वैसे ही एक तन से निकल,
अपने मा का दूध पिके,
इस धरती पर चल रहे है ।
इनका एगो ना हर्ट हो जाए बस,
क्यूंकि फिर यह एसिड फेक,
डर और जोश दिखा रहे ।
अभी भी हम शांत रहेंगे ?
भाई तुम गलतफहमी में जी रहे ।

"क्या माल लग रही है यार वोह " यह बोलने में तू नई कतराया,
पर तेरे बहन को बोला गया तब तेरी केसे गान्ड फट गई और तू सिर चड गया ? वोह तूने नहीं बताया ।
तेरी **** कितनी hard,
यह बताने में लाज़ याद नहीं आयी ?
अब periods पे बात आ रही है तो तेरेको घिन आ गई ?

इनकी नीयत हराम है ।
नज़रे नहीं संभालती,
ना शरम आ रही है ।
देश के केसे हाल है ?
जब ऐसे इंसान है ?

इनका दिल कठोर और,
दिमाग में गंध है ।
उसकी चीख में दर्द में,
क्या रेप के पीछे एक सच्चा मर्द है ?
उसके कपड़ों में तकलीफ नहीं,
पर इनके दिमाग में खोट है ।
क्या सच में इन लोगो की इतनी गिरी हुई सोच है ?

खुदको राजा समझते है,
पर इनमें कुछ दम नहीं है ।
नामर्द है और धरती पे इसी का काम काज नहीं है ।
जीने के भी हकदार नहीं यह, टांगो न सालो को,
किस बात का डर है ?
आज फिरसे एक नन्ही परी की जान पे बात आई है,
और तुम्हे बस इस बात का खेद है ?

कोई एक्शन नहीं लेगा,
आवाज़ नहीं उठाएगा तो,
रोज एक रेपिस्ट जन्म लेगा ।
एक कदम बढ़ेगा और रेप होगा,
फिर कोन ज़िमेदार होगा ?

How do I explain that healing can be beautiful too ?
When for me,
it was just pain and,
now,
my heart is so cold that,
it feels like I've ice in my veins.

I've been through so much,
and now,
I'm just numb.
I try to cry,
but I can't.

I think something is wrong with my mind and my body.
My heart ?
It's not there,
there's nothing like feelings in it,
but it's just a piece of flesh as a part of my body.

I don't even know how I'm surviving,
I've no plans and,
I'm just dying a little more everyday.
Did I ever heal or am I just stuck in that phase and,
now, I'm so comfortable with my pain that,
I can't even recognize my real self.

"Wearing a bralette ?
Too **** for your age "
"Over sized clothes ?
You look like a man "
"This makeup ? This look ?
What are you even trying to prove ?"
"I want a girl with a big *, thick thighs but skinny waist,
well ! nevermind !
But tell me n,
what's your bra size ?"
"Ethnic wear all the time ?
You're acting too old and your fashion sense is zero "
No matter what we wear,
or how we carry ourselves,
some people will always be bothered.

But it's shocking how you allow them to make you feel insecure and bad about yourself.
You don't like what you see in the mirror ?
Because you feel disgusted in your own skin,
and it hurts to see those picture perfect beauties.
But inner beauty do matter, right ?
I don't understand,
why do you starve yourself or just overeat,
just because you don't like what you see.
"I'm too skinny ",
"I'm too fat",
"I hate my body and I wish I looked like her ",
are the only thoughts in these girls head.

I know it's hard to believe that your body is just perfect and,
you don't need to change a thing.
Ii wish I could give you my pair of eyes so you can learn to appreciate,
the beauty that I see.
Don't let anyone effect your moods,
just wear whatever you want.
Because it's your body,
so you get to choose.
Th way you wanna carry yourself,
is all upto you.
Nothing looks inappropriate or ugly,
if you style in the way you like.
People will still comment against you,
but just say this to yourself at that moment,
"* this society because I'm more than what they get to see ",
and move forward because you're pretty.

Th dark night,
full of stars shining bright.
Maybe these stars wants to tell me a story,
and want me to connect all these stars and,
come up with something chaotic.
These crazy thoughts are wandering in my mind,
when all I'm doing is,
sitting under the sky.
This feels like the end of the world and I'm lost but in the next minute,
I realized,
a guy with these ocean blue eyes and a soft touch,
is holding my hand real tight.
I feel like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud,
with lilies all around.
His fingers feels like petals wrapping my hands and,
his touch is like a beautiful bracelet in my hand,
oh ! he's my ornament.
Then, I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
What a pleasure this is,
I can't stop smiling and he won't stop admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

The dark night, full of stars shining bright.
I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
I was lost,
and in the next minute,
I realized,
he's holding my hand real tight.
It's like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud.
With lilies all around.
What a pleasure this is,
I'm smiling and he's admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

Can't really write about anything these days.
I'm wondering what's messing with my head.
No thoughts,
no expressions,
just numb to every emotion.
Dressing good to feel good,
but I'm sick of being in my own body,
or maybe this is just another stupid thought,
which isn't planning to go away.
I hate feeling this way,
I wanna let it all out and,
writing is the only way.
But I can't find the proper words to define,
what do I even say ?
I'm just waking up with,
"it's just another day".
No excitement and no hope,
and nothing is fun.
Why do I even feel this way these days ?

Tired of this everyday *,
oh god ! Get me a life to live.
This feels like a rat race.
I don't even wanna fight to win.

Giving up but ugh I can't !
Jeopardizing my future,
just going away from my happiness,
where the * is this path going to take me ?

Not wanting to get out of my bed,
not on week days but also not on weekends.
But still doing what's destroying me,
because this is how life's supposed to be.

There's a reason behind all this,
not my real purpose,
not what I dreamed of,
but something really close to it.

Living with a hope that it's all worth it,
even tho it makes me feel like I'm dying.
I'm just ** it all up by taking bad decisions,
there's no going back.

Either live with what you've created,
or live with a regret that you didn't create what you thought you deserved.
Currently laughing at myself for being a fool,
what about you ?

Life's like a roller coaster ride.
Sp many ups and downs,
but we still choose to continue to enjoy.
And those who don't,
are cowards ? no !
They're tired and done with everything.
So, they choose to quit.
But this isn't how it is supposed to be.
We all have reasons to be here,
we just need to find them while we're riding.
Giving up is like end of the game,
it isn't the answer,
to all the questions, that we've been searching.
To pull out the sounds like demons from our heads.
Learn to fall and shine like a star,
no matter what happens,
don't let anyone dull your sparkle.

Life's like a roller coaster ride.
Sp many ups and downs,
but we still choose to continue to enjoy.
And those who don't,
are cowards ? no !
They're tired and done with everything.
So, they choose to quit.
But this isn't how it is supposed to be.
We all have reasons to be here,
we just need to find them while we're riding.
Giving up is like end of the game,
it isn't the answer,
to all the questions, that we've been searching.
To pull out the sounds like demons from our heads,
which are high pitched and negative,
effecting everything and making it all so hard,
that a body can't bear.
Asking to quit and one is falling apart but we need to,
learn to fall and shine like a star,
no matter what happens,
don't let anyone dull your spark.

Writing this in 2020,
when we're going through a global pandemic.
Everything's closed and,
we're staying at our homes.
I know I'll be fine if I take all the precautions,
but life takes turns and we don't know what's coming next.
And no one is immortal,
so, I don't know if I'll be here in upcoming years,
but I really want my words to stay alive.

So many deaths all around the world,
and we still don't have a vaccine to cure this disease.
We all are fighting against this together,
even though we all are struggling.
So many people don't have food to eat or places to stay in,
some of them lost their loved ones and some don't have access to medical facilities even when they're effected.
Social distancing is the only activity we can practice to save our lives,
and survive in this hard time.

W all are trying to stay safe but has anyone thought "why so many problems?"
We all hurt our mother nature everyday,
without even knowing it.
Have you not noticed the change in the environment these days ?
The sky is so clear and our surroundings are so clean,
just because people are staying in.
It's all our fault because we are needy and selfish.
If this isn't an apocalypse,
then, I hope this condition teaches everyone a lesson.

Protest **** ?
What's the first thing that comes to your mind after reading
these two phrases.
Candle march ?
Asking for protection ?
Crying and shouting in front of media to get attention ?
And then, get back to home,
and call girls "*" because of her clothes ?

So, this is a society that we live in ?
If yes,
then, sorry I can't stay.
But where do I even go if I run away ?
There are no safe places,
we've a monster in every corner,
with a desperate *,
dying for some satisfaction.
Why don't you try ******* ?
Because women aren't here to fulfill your dreams of ****** interaction.

Asking your sister to not go out because it's not safe,
while telling your girl about how will you've *** ?
Why are you sexually assaulting your daughter,
in the name of love ?
Don't you know that it's a crime, uncle ?
Stop * your wife every night,
if she's not fine with it.
Your marriage don't give you a right to go against her will.

Try shutting your ****** fantasies,
when you meet a girl.
It's her body,
not a **** movie for your entertainment,
you * !
Watch your eyes and your ***** mind, please.
It was never our fault,
we're not offering blow jobs to you all.
You can't control your ****** desires,
and that's not our responsibility.
You should know how to respect,
I wish you did.
Because this lack of education is leading to crimes and life-long trauma,
so many innocent girls have to suffer because of such mother**s.

Sitting in my home all the day,
and going on the terrace is the only fun thing to do.
Yes, I'm an introvert and I don't want this to be over.
I was tired of tired of "a new day with same activities" anyways.
All of the pain I felt ?
Where did it go ?
It just got vanished away ?
I'm beery but what if all of the ache comes back when this is over ?
What if everything gets back to normal ?
And I'll have no time for myself,
in my schedule.

I believe that every person is created by god and has inherent personal strength.
We all have the ability to impact the world in a unique way.
We all have so many opportunities to make choices that will positively affect others.
I've a desire to impact the world for good by reaching out to others in love and service.
Let's strive to instill right values,
to motivate someone's actions.
Let's seek genuine concern for others,
let's enter god's gates,
with joy and grace !
Let's thank him for everything we've today !
And with thanksgiving in our hearts,
let's enter his courts with praise.
Let us thank you dear god,
I feel so blessed for everything I've today,
thank you for giving me strength everyday.
I promise I won't complaint anymore,
thank you for everything you've gave.
Now, let blessings flow and find it's way !

बोहोत कुछ सीखा है मैने,
कुछ ज़िन्दगी है, मजबूरियां है ।
उसने गिराया, चलाया, भगाया, रुलाया,
और हम सीखते चले गए ।
ज़िंदगी के कई मोड़ पर,
खुद को अकेले भी पाया ।
भीड़ में भी अपनेपन का एहसास,
कोई ना करवा पाया ।
दर्द देखा, सेह लिया ।
बुरा लगा, संभाल लिया ।
को कितना साथ है, देख लिया ।
सच क्या है, मान लिया ।
मुश्किले है, सुलझाने का प्रण लिया ।
हार मानने से भी इंकार किया ।
बोहोत सिखाया मुझे ज़िन्दगी ने,
बोहोत गिराया है,
इसलिए बोहोत कुछ सीख लिया है मैने खुड्से ही ।
सीखना पड़ा ही, मजबूरियां थी ।
हार मानने का भी कभी इरादा नहीं,
क्यूंकि घर बैठी उस मां के इच्छाओं पर सवाल आया है ।
"कुछ कर दिखाना है सबको",
ऐसा नहीं सोचते अब ।
क्यूंकि काफी कुछ करते आए है,
आजतक किसने साथ निभाया है ?
दिखावे में अब हम मानते नहीं,
ना, वोह नहीं गवाया है ।
जो भी दिखाना है,
खुदको दिखाना है ।
जंग अब खुदसे है,
और आइने में खड़े उस इंसान को गर्व महसूस करवाना है ।

She've a heart of gold,
and her attitude is pretty bold.
She's not what she looks like,
she's a lot more than she shows.
She's more like stories written in a book or,
secrets wrapped in diaries.
Her smile have a charm,
and her eyes have a spark like stars.

She can be the kindest,
but also, cold-hearted sometimes.
She got no bad intentions towards anyone,
but she just have been hurt a lot of times.
She've been belittled,
but how can someone not listen to the melody when she talks,
and how she sprinkles love with every footstep when she walks.
It's sad how noone reads her eyes and,
notices the pain in her eyes.

She can be moody,
but also, carries a lot of dreams in her mind.
She've oddity when it comes to her beliefs.
But trust me,
she's more amazing than you get to see and it's hard to define her beauty.
She's better than all the lies and images she've created in people's mind.
I genuinely feel bad for the people,
who can't see the reality.

This is life,
you'll have nights,
when you won't let your body fight,
and you won't sleep tight.
You'll have days,
when you'll try to escape,
but just don't hate.
This isn't a bad life,
but just a bad day.
This is life,
and you'll be in pain,
just keep fighting with the monsters in your brain.
Things will get tough,
but so are you my darling.
You'll never ever give up, okay?
Just keep learning.
Now wake your soul up and listen,
You're here for a reason,
stop waiting for seasons.
This is your time,
get out of your comfort zone,
because you're strong,
stronger than you know.

Best friends ? No !
After what you did,
I'm sorry but our friendship isn't worth it.
I won't say that, I hate you,
because now, for me, you don't even exist.

You weren't hurt,
you were just jealous.
Your only intention for friendship with me was, getting people's attention.
I'm sorry to say this ex best friend,
but the truth is,
you always treated me like an option.

Now why are you acting like you can't live without me ?
Just because you realized that one cares about you like I did ?
I'm sorry ! But just don't come back to me,
because for me, you're already dead !

Why aren't you going to those people who were your happy place ?
And the ones who were your reason for smile ?
Where are your always changing boyfriends tonight ?
When tears don't stop coming out of your eyes.

Yes ! I was wrong !
Because I was just wasting my feelings, emotions, and time,
by thinking that you're always right.
I tried my best to make you feel good and happy by being the best friend of yours,
but maybe you were too busy with your stupid group of pretty girl.

I was always there for you in your hard times,
but you've no clue,
how many nights I spent crying in my bedroom.
I listened and also understood your moods,
when you didn't even speak !
But what happened to you that day ?
When I was screaming and explaining every little thing,
why didn't you understand me ?

It's okay if you miss me for a few days,
because you'll get new friends very soon.
But remember that, they'll never tell you what I told you.
You always try to be cool,
and end up being a fool.
Your friends, the cool ones.
they're your friends but only in front of you,
and they're your enemies at your back.
Don't forget that.

I was honest, I was loyal,
because you were my only friend.
And whenever Ii said that,
you're my best friend and my sister,
trust me, I meant that.

But now,
I'm honestly so done with your drama for attention.
This isn't what we call attitude,
but I've just raised my standards,
after I realized my true value.

Don't force me for doing anything or,
I'll **** your life up now.
Yes ! I'm moving on from a toxic friendship and,
leaving you like a choice.
I know you're gonna spread rumors,
and look all nice.

So, you better stay away from me,
because I don't see a point of giving any explanations or proofs.
Go find someone new !
But this time,
I'm not with you,
so no one is gonna save you from becoming a fool.

I sit in a really dark room,
With no sounds around.
I let my thoughts take over me,
And crush me down.
Because everytime I fall down while feeling weak,
I get up with a new energy.
I sit in this room's corner,
Crying and sobbing,
From nothing to everything.
I can hear myself breathing heavily,
And demons in my head, talking to me.
My head hurts a lot because there's a lot going on in it right now,
But I just feel numb in the other second.
What's happening to me ?
How do I escape from all this ?
The only thing that comes into my mind,
Is to pick my pen up and a piece of paper,
And write.
This blank paper looks more like,
Amazing opportunities to me.
My pen's ink is black and dark,
And so are my thoughts.
Let's see what can I write to feel a little relieved.
Do I really need to think about why I always end up writing about sad things ?

Sun ! It's beautiful, right ?!
Not because it looks good in pictures,
or,
because it feels like you're in magical genre's book.
No ! It's beautiful because,
it gives us the best lessons of our lives.
Only if you notice,
only if you're good at observing.
What I learnt from sunset is that,
no matter how many times you fall,
you're not a failure.
Where are rainbows without a little rain ?
Get up !
Try harder ! Because,
life isn't easy for anyone here.
Sun sets in the evening,
but still rises on the next day.
And from this,
I learnt that,
I should stop waiting for moments !
And start to make my present,
the moment I wanna live in,
the one I carve for.
No matter how many times you feel low,
you can still shine bright,
and, hurt people's eyes.
We can't escape from reality,
so, how can we forget about clouds ?
There will be days when the sun won't shine bright,
because of some dark clouds.
But the sun always try to come out of darkness and shine.
This is what exactly happens in real life, right ?
People will let you down, and,
throw you in dark days.
Don't let them affect you,
you can still shine bright like sunshine !
We all learn new lessons,
on a new day.
So, believe in yourself,
keep learning and,
don't give up because of some stupid dark clouds,
okay ?

I hold your hand to feel safe,
but you make me feel trapped.
I don't know why you stalk me all the time,
but act like a good guy.

It feels like you are just wrapping your over possessive behaviour,
by calling yourself protective.
I am sorry but I feel like you are acting totally fake,
because whatever you do,
makes you look like a detective.

You know what ?
because of you,
I started questioning my own existence.
"Why am I like this ?"
"Why am I a girl ?"

You can provide me everything,
but you can't buy love and affection,
from my heart for you.
Because you never set me free.
I wish you understood the fact that,
"A golden cage is still just a cage."

I think now this is my turn,
this is the time to turn the page.
Before you come at me,
look at yourself first.
I think you should just mind your own business and stop interferring in mine.

Why do you always get mad at me when I do things in my way ?
Why would I fit ?
If I was born to standout !
You're no one to decide for me,
that what is right and what is wrong.

This is my life,
and I am my own queen.
I have right on my life,
because you don't own me.
Yes I'm getting up to fight for my rights.
As a girl, I'll step up and take pride.
No ! I won't listen to you this time,
just do me a favour,
and leave me alone.
Go get a life you a

Life may not be really good these days,
but this isn't the end of the world.
That means,
we've got time.
We can make things fine again.

Some of us are fighting with diseases,
some of us are mentally drained.
Someone is going through a heartbreak,
feeling like they're not enough.
And some are stuck in family affairs.

We all are fighting battles,
we don't talk about.
We all have faced situations,
no one knows about.
We all have stories,
we don't recite.

Let's find our mistakes,
and learn from it.
Let's face our fears,
and earn confidence from it.
Let's believe in ourselves,
and clear all the self doubts we've in our heads.

Things will be fine,
and we'll get our lives together someday.
We'll get through this and say,
"Yes ! It's my day ".

We all will smile,
which won't be fake.
We all will speak and pour our hearts out,
without feeling like it's embarrassing and inappropriate.
We all will be happy with our lives,
without complaining someday.

Maybe the time isn't perfect,
but we can make perfection happen.
By trying and giving our best in this life.
Because at some point of marvellous time,
we'll be fine,
we'll be utterly fine.

Feminism : " the belief that women should have same rights and opportunities as men " and not, "demoralizing other men in the society".
Equality is "situation in which everyone has the same rights and advantages" and not "the situation in which you put men down, just to get what you want".
Are you wondering why am I explaining these meanings of the words, that you hear everyday ?
I'm doing so because a lot of people don't get the concept properly but have a habit of talking ** and choose to practice fake feminism.
Now, what feminism is ?
Basically, an act of teaching what you don't even preach.
You can identify the people who follow this,
By looking at the people around you and noticing how they act different at different places and still manage to handle situations with ease,
Because they're fake feminists.

Who are feminists ?
People who support the act of feminism.
Someone who supports everyone out there and think before they speak about anyone's gender or sexuality.
Someone who fights for the rights,
Regardless of all the struggle and what they'll get because they're doing so, for everyone.
Someone who don't want attention,
Or your sympathy.
Someone who stands for females,
Not just in front of camera or when someone's watching,
But also, when noone's around to see.
Someone who are educated enough to believe that there's nothing wrong with women getting equality in every field.

There are people in the society who think that a girl shouldn't speak loudly because it's not good,
But what about the men of the same house who keep shouting, even when they're just talking.
People who don't want a daughter in law who have had relationships with someone else before,
Well ! What about your son playing Bangkok games ?
People who **** a girl child before she starts dreaming or before she's even welcomed on this Earth,
So what are you doing now ? Family planning ? Okay now, I see why you've 7 kids in your house.
People who think that girls should cover their bodies, And "Free the ******" is a topic of shame,
But what about those men who shows off their penises even when someone's not interested ?
People who think that girls can't have dreams and can't work, because they're physically weak and wasting all their money on their son is worth it.
People who think that girls are just a curse and shouldn't be given equal rights because they can't handle it,
Okay so what about your mom ? You think she's a superhero, right? But at the same time, you're just disrespecting all the females, including your mom, by thinking like this

Do you know why women don't get equal opportunities ?
Because people think they're weak and dumb.
And some of the people who support this kinda thinking,
Aren't even aware of the reason why they believe in this, so, who's smarter ?
Go to any classroom and you'll find a girl in the topper's list,
But why do men still have more seats in the election ?
Why can't we just choose the one who deserves to performs the duty ?
People think that women belong in the kitchen, well ! Just give them the power and you'll get to see.

I don't get it, why do we've to fight for our rights ? Why can't we just be treated equally?just because of people's sick mentality ?
It's sad how people think that,
Giving a girl what she wants is inversely proportional to their reputation in the society.
If god has made these different genders, with its own significance,
There's a reason !
Respect each and every person you meet, without thinking if they've ****** or a ****.
This fight is for standing together and not against, forward or backward.
I guess you all just misunderstood this whole act of feminism.

Why is it so hard to accept that it's okay to appreciate every opinion ?
It's not that hard to grow and glow together instead of pushing each other down and ykw ? It's better because we'll have more power and more ideas to share.
Don't judge someone or tell them what they should be doing after stepping out of their houses in order to be masculine or feminine.
Can't we just be who we're, No matter what we're doing ?
Can't we all just live together and support each other and not care about our genders ?
Can't we all just get over this concept of feminism by enjoying equal advantages together ?

I've days when I hold back my tears,
because I've to.
I've to act like I'm fine,
even when I don't want to.
I wish I could live my life,
in the ways I've always wanted to.
But sadly,
life ***** and I still try to find reasons to feel okay.
But I don't even know if I'm in my body anymore.
I'm out of my mind.
This world is spinning,
and in simple words,
I'm dying.
I'm aware that I've lost myself again.
But it's hard to accept that how my first thought in morning is,
I wish I was dead.

I heard someone saying in a group,
" I'm going through so much,
and no one knows about it ! "
Well ! Now, everyone do !

Do you think the people you're stressing about or sharing your secrets with, really care about you ?
Because you never really know !
What if they make fun of you behind your back ?
Or make things up by using you ?
Just saying !

Be careful with who you call friends.
You think you're a priority ?
Do they really give a ** about you ?
You think your friends have got you back ?
Yeah maybe !
But what if they're fake ?
Ask yourself !
Are you ready to deal with this pain ?

It's okay if you're there for them,
in their bad days.
But do you think you'll have any of them in need ?

This may hurt you,
but this is the truth.
This one also may increase doubts,
but you just gotta be careful with who you choose /
Because not everyone have got a pure heart in this mean world !

It is what it is.
Just deal with it,
and go through it.
Maybe you need to,
to become a person you should be.
To survive and to live !

What if I'm drowning into my own tears ?
What if I'm just ignoring my feelings ?
I wish medicines could heal the damage you've gave.
Would you even care if I die today ?
I honestly feel like,
you never did,
so yeah ! It's okay.

I'm addicted to you and you're a drug to me,
I wish I could get over you,
but I don't see it happening.
You treated me like a cigarette,
and threw me away after making yourself feel good,
but what about me now ?
My love was true,
and I still have got feelings for you,
I don't regret falling for you,
because for a moment, everything felt perfect.
That touch of you,
the way you looked at me,
and those texts of you everyday.
All of it, I loved it.

I thought you'll be a definition of forever for me,
but guess who stated losing feelings,
in three months or just two ?
I don't understand why I couldn't see that it didn't even really mean a thing to you.
I was so in love with you,
and I hope you knew about this.
But if you did,
then why didn't you understand ?
Why did you leave me hanging like this ?

I gave a lot of me to you,
in the phase where,
I was in love with you.
I still am,
but it just don't matter anymore.
It would have been absolutely fine,
all of this,
if you told me that it's just not the same.
I would have just walked away,
rather than walking with you.
I would have just cried on my pillow,
rather than leaning on your shoulder.

When I was with you,
I never knew that all of this,
will vanish away from my life one day.
I didn't knew that my dream of being forever with you,
will be snatched away from my life that way.
I could have made it alone if you rejected me,
but how do I deal with all of this now ?
Because I've got memories with you,
I've lived the most special moments of my life, with you,
something that I can never forget.

Now, I'm stuck.
I don't know how to react to all of this.
So, I'll just write about all this,
all of my pain, in my poetry.
And try to let you go,
and keep you alive only in my words and not in my mind.

Don't cut yourself ,
don't hurt yourself ,
stay safe and love yourself .
Stop trying to **** the thing in the inside ,
by using a blade on yourself from the outside .
Put that blade down ,
and breathe in and out .
Nowadays , teens are just living in vain ,
struggling with this pain .
But trust me ,
this isn't the right way ,
this isn't how you make it .
Keep going and one day,
you'll say ,
"Yes ! I made it ".

Through the inky, black morning sky,
I hear the call of a love duck,
stationed on the waters of the pond.
It's here that I find my solace,
as I see no light in these dark days.
I wake up everyday with no hope,
and demons chattering in my head.
No purpose, no satisfaction,
seems like,
happiness is only an illusion.
And again,
another day will turn into a bad memory like yesterday.
What's the point of fighting anyways ?
So, I'll let those demons win,
and make myself feel empty as surrender is the only way left, to peace.

3 AM on a school night,
and I'm crying because,
I'm holding onto these emotions from too long !
I try to sleep,
But I'm failing from last 7 nights !
And now, I feel like,
I again failed today !

You get mad at me and say that,
I'm acting different from yesterday.
But why don't you understand that,
I'm not okay !
And I just don't have energy to pretend anything today !

My parents arguing over little things at home,
these bullies locking me in the washroom at school.
And that man,
following me and,
trying to attack me on my way back home.

That fear of losing everything,
but not even having a place to call my own.
I don't even know what I owe,
or who I'm anymore !

My heart aches while thinking about all this alone,
and you don't even know what can you do to help.
So, you just choose to ignore.

Self absorbed people annoys the * out of me,
just by being around.
I'm so tired of your *,
aah ! you're so toxic.
Don't you realize that I'm a person too,
and I feel different emotions ?
I'm hurt but I'm not dying for attention like you,
some feelings just don't feel so certain,
some thoughts runs in my mind with every breathe.
But it doesn't really matter I guess.
Because I'm supposed to pretend like everything's fine,
as you wanna make everything about yourself every time.

Just because I act fine,
doesn't mean I'm happy.
Stop fooling yourself my dear society !
I'm tired of pretending everything I'm not,
I've no shoulder to lean on.

Locking myself, trying to cry,
but today, the tears just don't come out of my eyes.
I don't know why ?
Maybe because I'm used to it ?

Staring at my room's wall blindly,
and I can feel my heart getting into pieces,
and no hope to pick and fix it.
I wish I could scream, but I'm helpless.
I'm not sad but,
angry on myself for feeling this way.

Hurting myself but,
hiding my scars by wearing long sleeves n hoodies and jackets.
It's not that no one asked me if I was okay,
but the truth is that,
no one really cared.
No one really wanted to know what's going on with me everyday.

And this situation forced me to pretend things in front of everyone.
Can anyone just teach me how to express these feelings into words ?
Because deep down,
this rough phase of life hurts !

Life's a journey,
make or mar !
I'm proud of you that you came so far.
I understand that,
you can't sleep at home at nights,
with tears falling out of your eyes.
But you've to fight alone,,
no one's gonna stay in your life,
and yes ! You've to struggle with your demons on sleepless nights.
Chin up ! Because you're strong my love !
We all learn to get up,
when we fall at first.
It's okay to be sad sometimes,
it's just a phase of life.
Things will get better,
and you'll be fine.
Now, smile !

I'm sad, I'm scared,
I'm broke, I'm hurt,
I'm an introvert.

If I'm so bad,
then why I'm not dead yet ?
I try my best,
but still I ruin the rest.

I'm a problem that can't be fixed,
it's difficult to heal,
when you don't know,
what's the deal.

I close my eyes,
but there's no sleep.
I open my eyes,
still there's no peace.

This is how it feels like,
the monsters in my head,
the darkness in my heart.

I feel empty,
I feel dumb.
Numb to emotions,
numb to love.

What's the point of healing ?
If I'm going to stay around toxic people and pretend like I'm doing fine ?
If I'm gonna stay at this place which breaks me ?

How am I gonna feel revealed with so much on my mind.
How do I feel like everything's going to be fine in my life ?
When all I do is cry at nights.

What's the point of all this ?
What's the meaning of living ?
Why am I even alive ?

They appreciate my smile but never see the pain in my eyes.
I just hate the fact that,
I'm just surrounded by the people with no hopes and dreams.
Just with the people, I don't even like.

Life, why have you been pretty harsh to me lately ?
O is it just me who have been harsh to myself ?
I don't know really.
I just have been ignoring my mental health totally.

But today, just for once,
I wanna be happy.
I wanna get the taste of happiness,
just a small brake from memories maybe ?

I've been through a lot of **,
but now, just for once,
I wanna feel free.
Am I escaping here ?
Yeah, maybe.

Well ! Let's try a face mask today,
or listen to something new.
Let's just forget there are problems in my life,
and dance under the moon.

I'll just count my blessings,
rather than trying to solve solutions to my mistakes.
Just for a day,
I should just let me become a child again.

Free from responsibilities to sleeping peacefully,
not caring about the way you look to not caring about anything around me.
Singing and dancing like no one's watching to being someone, I really am.

Just tell yourself everyday that,
it's okay to take rest days,
you're trying your best and that's great.
Stop stressing over small things becasue it's all gonna be okay !

Burying it all inside everyday,
is killing me, more and more.
I don't know how to express,
who to talk to,
and how to deal with all of this anymore ?

Whenever I realize that,
I'm alone in all of this,
memories hit me hard.
Realizing that you've no one to talk to,
no shoulders to lean on.
And all you're supposed to do is,
pretend, lie about the way you feel and fake a smile.

" Is this what I deserve ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why do I feel this way ? "
are the only thoughts I could think about.

Do I need help with all of this ?
" You're just overreacting ",
"Maybe it's just a phase ",
"Are you sure this isn't because of your periods ? "
"It's just sadness ",
that's what you're gonna say ?
But what if this feeling never goes away ?

Lying on the floor,
wondering why I've got this life.
My heart has been broken my so many,
but healed my none.
I've tried my best every time.
I've tried picking those pieces and handling them over to someone,
and that's where I always go wrong.
And I don't know if all of this is making me more strong or,
just makes me numb everyday.

To the girl from my maths class,
I sat on third seat and you were beside.
We never really talked,
but I wish I did.
Your eyes spoke a lot,
and I fell for that.
Oh yes, I did.
But after you left,
life changed.
I didn't feel like going to the class anymore.
I missed all that happiness I felt,
all of those scenarios in my head,
and all those moments I spent in your presence came,
to an end.
You were magical, I always tried making an eye contact,
but I couldn't afford it,
and I always failed miserably.
And now, I regret it.
It's been years but I still feel it.
No, I wasn't good enough for you but this conscious feeling,
in this undesirable situation,
leaves me with no hope.
But where did you even go ?
I don't know.
I want to feel every bit of me bouncing,
like it did,
when I saw you.
I wish I told you how I felt,
or maybe just a goodbye.
I'm writing this with aspirations,
I wanna make those scenarios come true.
If not true,
If not now,
then in eternity.
I'll meet you and let you know all about me.

So, I've been wondering from a long time,
why do I always end up writing about sad things ?
I still wonder what makes it so enjoyable ?
It's not that I'm mentally ill or emotionally unstable.
No ! I'm absolutely fine !

I don't know what brings out my creative side.
I write because,
I like being lost so I can let my thoughts wander and set my mind free.
I like imagining myself in situations,
I just make things up in my head,
and pen it on a paper.
I like feeling others pain,
and I want readers to feel the same,
to make them realize what it's really like.

It's like I'm trying to be a sunflower but without sunlight.
A tree from spring surviving in the autumn season.
An infant with an adult's mind but with no use of it.
Maybe one day, I'll know the reason behind,
I'll know why I write.

Actually I do but one day,
my words will be capable enough to make you all understand,
what I've always had in my mind.
And this is why I write everyday.
To improve, to grow, to feel good about being alive.

This is from that silent girl from your maths class,
you never really knew existed.
But today,
I'm writing this,
to appreciate all those sweet memories,
to let you know about my story,
where the main role was played by you.
As you were the king in my dreams.
Yes, we'd classes together and I sat beside you,
did you even knew this before ?
I always tried to catch your brown eyes,
But I always failed.
I always turned my head back,
after staring at you for straight fifteen seconds,
because you never even looked at me.
That feeling is hard to explain,
but what if I still feel the same ?
What if your name still makes my heart beat faster,
but I just ignore because there's no point,
you consumed me and left a hole.
But I must admit that,
everything changed when I saw you,
when I realized that there's magic in your presence.
Something that made me attend the classes,
I hated the most.
Your rainbow coloured clothes,
made my body in black leather, jump,
as those love songs started making more sense,
and those flowers in the garden seemed more pretty.
You were like a blooming daisy,
in my life which felt more like a desert.
But unfortunately,
I'd to leave.
With all these feelings and words, unspoken, with me,
maybe we'll meet in after like and complete this story

Someone said this,
"Don't be sad because nobody cares ".
"It's okay ti be sad,
just don't become more sad by expecting people to care about you.
It's your life.
It's your feelings.
People don't get to decide what you should be feeling ",
I corrected.

Friendships aren't meant to fade away,
but it just goes away someday.
And in between this gradual process,
you'll know,
who's real and who's fake ?
They'll be there at 2 am for you,
losing their sleep,
just to make you feel free,
when you feel miserable about everything.
Just because they've a lot of work to do in the afternoon,
they'll manage their time.
But life **s us up every time,
and maybe they won't be able to catch up or meet you for months.
But their hugs will always feel like home,
when you meet them,
and that's on being best of friends.
They'll be a symbol of trust, love and loyalty in your life.
Someone who will always be around,
not physically,
but their presence in your life will make you feel fine in your bad times.

Don't make me feel loved,
I'm not used to it.
I'm scared of getting all my broken pieces together,
just to get them broken again.
Aren't you scared of commitment ?
Are you sure you want to make promises ?
I'm still terrified.
So frightened that I can't even breathe in my own body.
I'm suffocating all the time.
I feel like, I''ll destroy you as my life already feels like void.

Don't cut yourself ,
don't hurt yourself ,
stay safe and love yourself .
Stop trying to **** the thing in the inside ,
by using a blade on yourself from the outside .
Put that blade down ,
and breathe in and out .
Nowadays , teens are just living in vain ,
struggling with this pain .
But trust me ,
this isn't the right way ,
this isn't how you make it .
Keep going and one day,
you'll say ,
"Yes ! I made it ".

This is to the boy I love ,
I know I **** and that's why , nothing ever works .
I don't have a ******* love life ,
but that doesn't mean , I don't wanna be loved .

You're someone special for me ,
but for you ,
do I even exist ?
Hell no ! Because I'm not attractive .

But I'm a fool for you ,
I come to school ,
just to see you .
I try to find reasons to be around you ,
I know you never notice me ,
but I notice every single thing about you .

Making an eye contact with you ,
is so dangerous !
But do I love it ?
Of course I do !
Because when it comes to you ,
I forget about everything else and ,
fall even more for you .

But you know what's stupid ? about all this ?
You're not here to catch me but I'm still falling a little more in love with you , every single second .
And maybe ,
I'll fall apart because of this , pretty soon .

I wish I could control my feelings or ,
just have the courage to tell you .
But just because I'm not good at expressing ,
all I'm gonna do is ,
sit here , thinking about you , and expect you to look at me ,
the way I do .

But deep down , I know that ,
it's not gonna happen .
So , I'm writing about you ,
because my love for you , is true !