3 AM on a school night,
and I'm crying because,
I'm holding onto these emotions from too long !
I try to sleep,
But I'm failing from last 7 nights !
And now, I feel like,
I again failed today !

You get mad at me and say that,
I'm acting different from yesterday.
But why don't you understand that,
I'm not okay !
And I just don't have energy to pretend anything today !

My parents arguing over little things at home,
these bullies locking me in the washroom at school.
And that man,
following me and,
trying to attack me on my way back home.

That fear of losing everything,
but not even having a place to call my own.
I don't even know what I owe,
or who I'm anymore !

My heart aches while thinking about all this alone,
and you don't even know what can you do to help.
So, you just choose to ignore.

Hey best friend !
I love you !
So , keep smiling .
Oh ! I forgot to tell you ,
your smile is contagious ,
and it gives me felicity .
Yeah I know you expostulate with me when it comes to coffee .
But still , you're the best because ,
you're tolerating the loony and loquacious me .

Oh my best friend !
How are you so hot ?
How can I forget how you changed my life for better when ,
it was null and naught .
You saved me ,
when I jeopardized myself .
Thank you for all the suggestions and lessons .
You helped me a lot and ,
you were always there for me when I needed you the most .

I  text you even when ennui don't hit me ,
because I love talking to you .
Overall , you're my happy pill !
No matter how bad my mood is ,
you always fix me .
You taught me to smile again ,
and you enlivened  my life .
I found a piece of me ,
with you ,
I lost before some time .

Hopefully , we'll meet one day ,
and I'll hug you tight .
And , on that day ,
distance won't **** anymore .
I'm honestly so glad that I met you ,
you're all mine , okay ?
And I appreciate our friendship ,
thank you idiot !

This is to the boy I love ,
I know I **** and that's why , nothing ever works .
I don't have a ******* love life ,
but that doesn't mean , I don't wanna be loved .

You're someone special for me ,
but for you ,
do I even exist ?
Hell no ! Because I'm not attractive .

But I'm a fool for you ,
I come to school ,
just to see you .
I try to find reasons to be around you ,
I know you never notice me ,
but I notice every single thing about you .

Making an eye contact with you ,
is so dangerous !
But do I love it ?
Of course I do !
Because when it comes to you ,
I forget about everything else and ,
fall even more for you .

But you know what's stupid ? about all this ?
You're not here to catch me but I'm still falling a little more in love with you , every single second .
And maybe ,
I'll fall apart because of this , pretty soon .

I wish I could control my feelings or ,
just have the courage to tell you .
But just because I'm not good at expressing ,
all I'm gonna do is ,
sit here , thinking about you , and expect you to look at me ,
the way I do .

But deep down , I know that ,
it's not gonna happen .
So , I'm writing about you ,
because my love for you , is true !

Life may not be really good these days,
but this isn't the end of the world.
That means,
we've got time.
We can make things fine again.

Some of us are fighting with diseases,
some of us are mentally drained.
Someone is going through a heartbreak,
feeling like they're not enough.
And some are stuck in family affairs.

We all are fighting battles,
we don't talk about.
We all have faced situations,
no one knows about.
We all have stories,
we don't recite.

Let's find our mistakes,
and learn from it.
Let's face our fears,
and earn confidence from it.
Let's believe in ourselves,
and clear all the self doubts we've in our heads.

Things will be fine,
and we'll get our lives together someday.
We'll get through this and say,
"Yes ! It's my day ".

We all will smile,
which won't be fake.
We all will speak and pour our hearts out,
without feeling like it's embarrassing and inappropriate.
We all will be happy with our lives,
without complaining someday.

Maybe the time isn't perfect,
but we can make perfection happen.
By trying and giving our best in this life.
Because at some point of marvellous time,
we'll be fine,
we'll be utterly fine.

So, this year is ending,
and I've already dealt with a lot in a past two years.
No ! I'm absolutely fine,
because I'm just becoming stronger.
Let's talk about the last seven days of this decade.

25th December, 2019 :
Realizing that it's the last Wednesday of the year.
But oh ! It's Christmas today.
It don't feel like it though,
but it's okay !
I just feel dead inside everyday,
the only feeling that stayed with me haha,
and I still can't see it going away.

26th December, 2019 :
Just one day to the weekend and then, hurray !
I should plan something as it's the last weekend of the decade haha.

27th December, 2019 :
And yayy ! Today's Friday.
Little misconvenience happened this morning,
and I'm planning on getting a haircut done today.
Should I cut them like, really really short ?
Get bangs ?
Or just die them purple ?
Oh no ! Shut up ! Stupid head.

28th December, 2019 :
Waking up with a positive mind,
realizing that I feel absolutely fine.
That good feeling,
when you know that,
there are only positive thoughts around.
You feel pretty and glow different,
with new hair and soft shaved skin,
under the blanket.

29th December, 2019 :
So, my friends are asking me about my new year plans.
I don't know who to go with,
and how to celebrate.
It's been two years since I've not stepped out of my house, on new year's event.

30th December, 2019 :
Realizing that how amazing people I've met,
all the memories I've made,
it will stay with me forever.
But also, thinking of so many people I've lost,
because of my decisions and mistakes.

31st December, 2019 :
Finally this week, this month, this year, this decade, have come to an end.
Got any plans for new year ?
Nah ! Gonna sleep after watching a movie and wishing my parents.
I know that new year's not gonna change anything in my life,
till I do something to make things happen.
But still,
let's be positive and hope for the best,
may 2020 be nice to me and all of us.
Aah ! I honestly feel so blessed for everything that happened.
Bye 2019, now let's welcome this new decade.

I'm sad, I'm scared,
I'm broke, I'm hurt,
I'm an introvert.

If I'm so bad,
then why I'm not dead yet ?
I try my best,
but still I ruin the rest.

I'm a problem that can't be fixed,
it's difficult to heal,
when you don't know,
what's the deal.

I close my eyes,
but there's no sleep.
I open my eyes,
still there's no peace.

This is how it feels like,
the monsters in my head,
the darkness in my heart.

I feel empty,
I feel dumb.
Numb to emotions,
numb to love.

Life's a journey,
make or mar !
I'm proud of you that you came so far.
I understand that,
you can't sleep at home at nights,
with tears falling out of your eyes.
But you've to fight alone,,
no one's gonna stay in your life,
and yes ! You've to struggle with your demons on sleepless nights.
Chin up ! Because you're strong my love !
We all learn to get up,
when we fall at first.
It's okay to be sad sometimes,
it's just a phase of life.
Things will get better,
and you'll be fine.
Now, smile !