It has been a year since I last got to hold you in my arms. You still walk this earth, but the missing you feels as if you have left it.

I don’t want to feel anymore. This pain has wrapped itself around my heart. Its roots expanding through my whole body. Spreading up my spine and into my brain. Taking over my senses. Polluting my thoughts. My body aches, my heart breaks, and my mind thinks. Too much does my mind think. It thinks and thinks until all I can think to do is to rip myself apart. To expose my veins, the roots that lead to my pain. To my heart that still manages to beat. To my brain that is the cause of it all. For if I didn’t think, I wouldn’t feel at all.

I am trapped behind concrete walls and steel bars. The air burns my lungs with car exhaust and cement. Shades of gray cloud my vision and light dulls the dark. Where is the soft grass and the tall trees? The smooth earthy air that embraces my lungs with every deep breath? The blue's and green's and a night sky freckled with stars? For they were home, and this is not.