The smell of putrefying flesh
cellulitis
Biting off my wedding string
Yes, string, yes, biting
Courage my dear
Courage for me
For us, for her
Why not, please
Lines like watercolor bloodlines
dripping in chalk
Dying would be better
then to surrender my soul
They told me I look like Che
I just look like me I think
Courage my dear
My will shall not be broken by
petty gestures
Courage my dear
Far or near we can
do this

I always thought one day I’d write something worth reading
So far, just lines and lines, used up catchphrases
I slumber in the pine needles and breathe in the scent of cut
Juniper
Bathe in the shadow of sundials as the day fades, turns smiles to
moonlit slumber
In the green grass among the dead leaves I lay my head and listen to
leaves changing color
On the cold sand I listen to high tide turn to low, the rolling of the rocks and the
breaking waves of foam
The birds in the trees sing of bamboo forests in her backyard, blue room where she
collected rocks and lucky charms
Books with pages torn out, arrowheads she found in the field, a feather in
her hair
Pale blue eyes which reflected my dullness, reading Camus by the door
She used to read to me, when the sun was sinking and my head was spinning from the
last cigarette
And hold me like a child, hold me with my eyes shut and my lungs screaming to speak one
simple phrase
To grab the pen, to open my eyes and speak symbols onto the page, make my ballpoint
sing
To read a word worth reading, to write a line worth writing, this is my desire

I am here and here I will stay
Find me and keep me if I chance to run astray
Tender hands, lead me to cool waters
Wash the sweat and dirt away
Sitting in tall grass, the wind stirs it rhythmically
Whispering her secrets to curling brown blades
Strong backs till the soil, lines in the field
Calloused hands, tossing stones aside, endlessly
Hands rubbed raw, spilling seed down rows
Old eyes watch clouds rush by, denying their heavy burden
Promising themselves it will be just another day
Where do we go from here, the question resonates
I've asked myself for many years, no answer yet
Another road to walk down, winding its way out of sight
Nothing to do but walk

Spitting lemon seeds on cold tile,
unwind slowly
Spitting into breeze blowing hot,
beams beseeching me
Blowing down my innocence,
what's left
Blue button good luck charm,
skinny nylon
Scraping by, learning to fly for the
first time
Water, add lime, concentrate, charge
a dime
Another way, another time,
sucker punch silence
Ice for lunch, leaves for dinner,
recenter self
Pouring from top shelf kills just as
quick as bottom
I sought them, out in the night,
light from green or thermal sight
High moon bright and screaming,
insects singing, sweetly
The constant wrongs we do, means nothing to who?
Disregard and destroy your dialect of self worth
What really hurts is not loving yourself first

Little black stars, pouring out a cup
Crystalline castles, mind blows up
crevices and cracks
ceviche and *****
Knife in hand
cutting lemon
bite wedge
spit
salt on rim
dim the lights
a perfect night
to watch owls

There's a spider with soft yellow foam in his web
bring me in from the cold
There's a spider crawling on it now, inspecting
wrap me in string woven blanket
An unsatable mouth in dark water, hunting
splinter me on smooth pebbles
Living to eat, predators with fins and unblinking eyes
stare into me
A fantastic feeling of lightness followed by inevitable heaviness
the rain hasn't stopped falling yet
  please let us in
   we will drown
Smoking a Port on the porch with the gutters vomiting
nothing but quiet places
  nothing but green herbs
    hot chilies on your tongue

In tired spirals we graph our days
In colored stains we speak our shaky hands
Rubbing white shirts on the chalk board to
make tie dye tees

Two sets of teeth licking molars
smelling their breath over
half smoked
cigarettes

The feeling of being caught in the rain
with nowhere
to go

I once saw a field so green it could be an aphid
I once saw a sky so blue it could be a puddle
ink stains sit and blur and muddle
together again

Words pressed out of a pomegranite
it could be any
but they turned out to be
yours

Collapsing by the blue wall where the flies come to die
Where the sun is just hot enough to give you a headache
Flicking embers off, reducing themselves to ashes
Half a cigarette and I’m off
Drag myself up with tired, cracking hands
Push myself on with a bad ankle, old eyes
So many footprints in this dirt, lost its identity
Just a placeholder for a thousand impressions
Grass pushes itself up between the door frame
Green threads in her little blue room
Listening for the wind chimes in their silence
Listening for your footsteps, barefoot in the
bamboo

Train screaming over the fences and cut glass grass
I beat you this time with my foot on the gas
Accelerate late into the night morning
Boring yourself so many different ways
Different stuff pays, we adapt
Take a second to take a look and years pass
Memories erased with sand blast, imploding

Naked paper sheets, taut and sterile, blinking into milk white
Light coming in right, dancing off all the printed fish
Swish of a brush and you wish you could stare forever
Pull that little lever once, gave me goosebumps
horrid and crippling,
blushing fear
Take a picture, clear, for reference

The sky rushes by in spilt milk splendor
A fading memory of August, listening to the rain
Thunder in the mountains, echoes in empty spaces
Rocky tree lines, kissed by melting snow
The flow of time undefined by thought
Only a concept, only an illusion
The deeper meaning of silent meditation
In solitary places among the pines

Burnt loves' small heart
Hands woven in knots around my throat
Floating in the deep, darkness receding to blackness
Primordial, the language of screaming and fear
Dragged down into the cold by the sins I've tied myself to
Starting to feel that artificial Divalproex deadening, taking all the sharp edges off
Come walk with me down the tracks, bandits move in darkness
Down by the river flowing east, up on the burning place
Loose lace shoe knot mind comes untied at every step
Waiting on the long dark to consume it all

My lover lives inside of long exposures
She breathes inside of my flashlight
The shutter gazes wide eyed into darkness
I write her notes with this wavering beam
Capture my fast fading dreams by sunrise

Knee deep in swaying green grass
Moving like salsa dancers, tempo, tempo
Walking along old paved roads
Fragments of tejano from speeding, *****, trucks
Rushing towards me, receding into the distance
Step, step, one after another, clear blue sky
Shadows of barbed wire criss-cross, rusty, hooked, threads
Moon lingering in the sky, waiting for its turn
A swig of warm water, to wash the dust away
Spat onto burning pavement, dreaming of shade

Lovestones, lovelocks, lodesoul
Do it right, numbskull
Pinky length pencil fingers
to write this with
Another rosy day
in the ward
Coo-koo coo-koo

Novels of Kipling on the floor
Between bottles of ***
A smile I could find
like pocket change
Familiar and bright
words on my hands
In ballpoint abstract
The script on your teeth
Bite skin deep
expose my veins
so I can bleed
a verse onto
your breast

Broken mood-rings on your bedside table
Cat tracks on your porcelain plates, black side up
Sunny eggs, eat 'em cold, fried green tomatoes
Sometimes waking up blows, hard, grass in the yard
Do the bugs feel it when you run the lawnmower?
Self conscious shell shock, trauma from swung padlocks
A cluster of lovelocks, held loosely
A bouquet of broke tooth smiles, grin back, be choosy
Holding each others lives loosely, why give a ****
Being picked up and slammed by the tides of tears, refugee fears
Just another proletariat in a shuffleboard life
Grief and strife, a taste of all these bitter things we seek
How much weight do you lose being a corpse for a week?
Silver, sleek, something turning in the hands of the meek
Like a knife or olive leaf, I'm not one to critique, just let me speak
Please, just for once

Things got a little better after you left
not right away of course
but scars heal
bones fuse stronger
etcetcetc

I'm happier alone I suppose
don't get me wrong
I love the feel of another body
sharing circulation momentarily
respiration exhaled like black moths

Dark side of people on display
cheap pieces of glass to
sell their soul too
the genie doesn't go back in that jar

Sourpatch sugar rush, coffee mainline
eyes like saucers
110 screaming in the rain
who cares anymore
really

**** your sensitivity
people eat eachother
literally *******
how much for one game
of Russian roulette
I already priced my life out
to the government
400,000 and a square of
dirt

Flick that zippo open
light up another camel filter 99
down that gas station coffee
same song over and over
and over and over and overoverover

๓໐໐ຖຟคtēr in your pores
l໐งēŞt໐ຖēŞ in your little garden
ѕραяяσωѕ fly with crows
šЋαđŏώš require sunlight

Lifeless Lilith, stream fed twirls, insomnia, freshwater pearls
Saucer eyed sun dancer with her hair in whirls
Kissing her favorite girl in a bathroom stall
Loves everybody, stands tall & strong, a virtual wall of virtue
It hurts too, yes it hurts you, brings out the worst you
We're all in this together you see, this wonderful life to be
A rocky trail to follow, living today, dreaming for tomorrow
She walked where we can't follow, doe eyed goddess of sorrow
Steals your heart, doesn't borrow, has them by the carload
She's no porcelain doll though, soul as strong as an ox pull
Broke her chains, it's all the same, life can be a wonderful game
Be mindful today, love & humility we gain, keeps us level & sane
A comb in her back pocket, wearing dull love lockets
If you ever come across this, it's a flight or fight concept
She's so open she can't stop it, hold my hand & just talk kid
Her type of love you can't top it, be careful, never drop it
Bones out of sockets, voice of birds flocking, she's just talking
I woke to her wet sweat lips, staring at me with sleepy hips
This road it winds & dips, let's do our best & follow it
Take your love in little sips, stronger than bourbon or cane sniffs
Take a moment & feel the difference, ambrosia of life in a single kiss
All I ever wanted was just this, just hold me lady, that's my bliss

Writing words in the low light, the night light
By gray illumination, pooling on my window sill
Casting a shadow on the carpet, though dimly
Faint traces of music, on the edge of hearing
Teasing my ears as they filter under the door
I'd like to hear it, to replay it once or twice
But I sit here writing in the low light, the night light
Outlining thoughts for no one to read
Wasting ink has become my night time obsession
Hoping for sleep, the insomniacs dream

First morning cigarette
Button on your wrist in navy blue
Finding ways to manage life
without you
We flew together a long way
Now I dont know what to say
where to land
Maybe kamikaze into the giving earth
Some things don't hurt the same anymore
Face down on the floor picked up more times than you can count
Real good at getting lucky

Picking flowers to pass the time
waiting on the sun
to call

Cut a hole in a mattress so they could still use her as a
******* even when she was pregnant
how do these things happen

Picking flowers to pass the time
waiting on the moon
to sleep

She woke up this morning wanting nothing more than coffee
how did she end up as a body on the side of the road
tell me that one God

Picking flowers to pass the time
waiting on the
grass growing

So many times I ask why but here I lie
waiting on the clock to strike
zero

Some days the sky hurts more than the rain that falls
from it
Broken pots on hand wheels, smoked cigarette butts in the
gutter
Half sipped bottles of Beam and Cognac on the
floor
I found a lovely ray of sunshine today
Smoking in the half-light of dead buildings
We used to drink here, remember?
On cold December nights when the lights were
waning moon, dim
I grab at mornings slept in
I grasp days unattended
Wasted days like empty bottles
Pour out the rainwater on dried up
plants
Nothing much left to do but
light another
For a while at least..

S E A R C H

a document to time, present, past, future

Twisted locks in dryer socks
Kiwi sprouting with the Tamarind....o
Gold on your wrist
like the **** they disassemble in India
Eating rice off of cut up plastic
coke bottles
Put the flame to them to sit flat


Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Drug : induced visions
time distortions
meet your ******* side
he's on your shoulder
whispering in ***
tattooing your soul onto
the back of a dollar bill

sanded flat
polished

inhale
exhale

it'll all be over soon

Counting up all your pennies for the next pack
Pounding in your own coffin nails, paying for them
Delaying the next step, the next desperation
The next stomach churning anxiety, waiting on a reply
Death threats over dominoes, **** on the floor of the psych ward
Lip split stalling, citrus bit, spit pulp, air gulp, under

Voices overlapping
Drinks spilling
Cigarettes smoked
Eyes cast down
Looking into nothing
Bottom of a glass speaking in tongues
Words cut rough on broken glass
Plastic cups melting on your lips
Pop the filter, **** the poison
Repeat
They're mixing up the bones
I hear them clacking between cracking old fingers
Sitting on the edge of joy
Trying to **** up some piece of it like a campfires warmth
Lost on the edges of this cold light,
spectating skotototrophically
Digesting this dark light into a cancerous liver
A dying heart
A screaming spleen
A voice alienated by foolish freewill
Selfish and final
Silent and screaming
Wind and ice breaking all the cedars, bowing their souls into the creek
Cracked limestone coffin, burning away our limbs and bodies
The bones keep spinning, the lies keep blending into begonias and bar tabs

Rough rusted railroad steel in my palm

Dogs are following me in the woods

It's a long way to the river yet

Running out of battery

Dark tracks rattling hard

Godzilla!
Ratrun bro
DG!!!
Cool spaceship
very alien
I like paprika on everything
Stop
this is a LOCKED unit
This exit door is for EMERGENCIES only
Alarm will sound
Unlock with NA-1 key
674 EE31640
Model S/N
Check
Fire Fire
Thanks Jordan
for the words of encouragement
and the St. Michael's card
it really
helped
Rapture dragons
AC/DC
<3 Love etc
FCV
NEW

Tumbling through days
Figuring out ways
Whys are harder

Found a stem
Growing from dry earth
Found a kiss
Among sand
And the promise
Of waiting lips
Could you define a broken soul
Pieced together with
super glue and
clear
tape
My love, my everything
I cried when
You smiled
I cried when
You chirped at me
With those eyelashes like
clearcut pine
Pine needles stick into
Our hand knitted blanket
While you kiss my ear
as we make love
I find you hairs in my clothing
And think about nothing but the scent
Of your sweat on my lip
And the feel of your tongue
On our teeth
Ours ours ours
Find me
Dreaming
The ones we shared
In a desert where you passed water to me
like a bird
Lips against mine
Not a word spoken
But the warmth of your breast
Against my heart
Made me believe in
life again

No memories, no plans, just empty days full of
headaches
Sour apples on the window sill, sour grapes with
no seeds
Bought in sterile supermarkets where everything is
half-price
Wilting in the halflight of ***** windows and
paintchips
Smile with me, Maria, the day is almost done,
We can dip our hands in the canal, wash it away
Carry me where you will, among the brambles and
reeds
Let me sleep in your arms, just hold me,
please

From the entanglement of odds we arise
From the bounds of possibility we define
A species aware of time, passing the story onward
What goes unheard, how many Einstein kids pick up AK47s daily
How can this be, in the age of air conditioning, throwing away food
No safety net too, just fall through, hitting every branch on the way down
A king with no crown, hurt all the queens who kept him around
Manic train track walk with dogs in the dark, dragging dull railroad steel shards
It comes out hard, like water from a stone
The reality is I can never atone for what I've done
When my brothers needed me I only cared about one
Myself
And I can't blame it on mental health, that's a lie I pull off the shelf often
If I asked him for help he would've helped me
Why couldn't I see
I'm so sorry

Spinning in sheets like seamstress ghosts, hands raised to holy host
Crooked hooks litter logs like lightning strikes
Insects moving in the moon lit night, watching, waiting, invading
Without pills all I hear is scathing, insect grooves shivering, shaking
Tree limbs breaking in the dark, rapid breath, raging heart
They're coming, fast as darts, through the shadows like liquid sparks
Fight, flight, whatever arc, pray you got a good head start

Measuring happiness in milligrams
Pharmacuetically ******, distorted
Thinking about those ones I snorted,
just to feel normal
I hate this feeling of wildness inside me
Peeling back the scab to let open air sting
The bell rings and you wake in confusion
Trying to find purpose in a life of disillusion
We're creeping, moving, low crawling intrusion
Charlie is in the wire
On our high spire of morality
While the third world bleeds
Children cry and plead
But were to ****
callous

Distracted by a wisp of clouds,
I find myself on this lonely shore,
In distant hawks I soar vicarious,
wheeling through white powder,
Showers of droplets mix with salted tears
Watching all the years run past like sprinting deer
How they flew, far and near, to here, in quiet repose

We will wear our burning plastic crown
Black melting tears, dripping and smoking
A court full of jesters covered in jet fuel
Sitting on the stool with feet swinging
Eyes bleeding oil
Corrupted salted soil
Hearts of men on rolling boil
Blindly hurling ourselves into the rift
Emotions clipped, surgically removed
A fire is burning under the lake
The waves are washing us to waste
Last breath before the undertow

Taco fit for the queen, on Memorial, empty Memorial
even the dogs bark quietly there
Somewhere and manic and thirsty
damning the sun
damning this latest *******
circumstance
White eyed and weary we find our
sand dollar souls
between cups of cold coffee
framed in the music you make as you
exhale
Wind and hail, quarter size,
children with wide eyes
sent off softly to war
to settle a score
there has to be more
we can do
What does peace mean
to you?

A shot of whiskey for the rain
A shot of whiskey for the pain
My efforts to stay insane
Let's take one for the rain

Burning down another menthol smoke
Pulled from packs like ***** jokes
Learning that it's all or broke
Flick away that **** and croak

All to be said was spoke
Between us in the end
But something brings back memories
Which I cannot defend, that send me

To places gone,
How does one
Swim back up
Stream?

The pen shakes in my hand; to write these words
Sleep all day, sleep all night, doesn't matter
Haven't missed much, an empty conversation
Exchanged under this leaking roof in whispers
Slumping on the porch, watching it all drip down
Pinging off of empty brown bottles in the grass
Keeping time by your breathing, the rain pours down
As I hold your hand in mine, side by side
Puddles overflow, spilling their cloudy contents
Only to fill another puddle

You went away on a gray rainy day,
Dr. Night cried under clouds
Forgive my selfish tears, from this pain you must be free
You are my brother, you'd do the same for me
I told you I'd see you on the other side, guess I'll wait and see
Until then know I carry you in my heart and memory

Out of jaded blackness you come,
My stomach dances, what are the chances
Full moon lances through twisted branches,
juniper limbs leaning, back lit silhouettes
Pools overflow to rivulets, streams, dreams,
bodies clean and washed for a funeral
When the sea gives up her dead, they will
walk amongst us in seaweed clothing
Loathing our fate, being born under this
evil star
Sew up the scar with dental floss, grit teeth,
repeat

Amani, Shalom, Salaam, peace
Humanities' goal is to release original sin
Meat grinder ball spins and we still fightin'
Warrin', not-rightin', iron sighting
birds in flight'n
Amani ani nawae 94b, for helping me
Made it clear with a shot glass of Halidol and pretty pills
It spills out this morning, doing laps to pass time
Apparently being Muslim is a crime
Do some **** and do a dime flat
Put you on your back with a gat goin' ack ack
Once again you got the short stack, short straw
Psych ward thaw, I want peace with them all
But they want to hurt me for praying to loud
Just another in the crowd, I need help too
I served this country just like you
Borders and flags are the symbols of fools
This species can come together given the right tools

The feeling of being caught sideways in a downpour
Heart soars, then falls short, cannot retort truth
Chewing a Baby Ruth with a sore tooth backwards ballcap
New straps, he's yelling again, but every day weaker
I think he's losing hope, who is he yelling to?
A shoe, full of concrete, flu, full of *****
Halley's comet, riding on it out in the dark empty
Simply living, dying to try, eyes on the finish line
Sit and dine on a meal made of your loved ones
Brothers, sons, Cain and Abel type ones, we're coming now
In the dark simple sparks ignite my oily eyelashes
Slashes, gashes, eviscerated ashes, potato mashes
The last shift, last drop of coffee spot page breaks
What makes the world go round, bad side o' town
Smile then frown, a king with no crown on his tooth
Let loose, unchain the caboose and tumble off track
React, that's how we survive
Motivation, purpose, drive
Today's a good day to be alive

Cedar bark smokes with a spark, rubbed tinder bundle, powder
The power of a flame in the dark, a distant spark, Prometheus liver sandwich
Dam it up, the whole **** cut, this little holler
Living in squalor in the back room of a double wide, theres only one road in and out
You're trapped now, the rat went to far in, got greedy
Like the monkey with rice in his paw, they're coming with hammers and bone saws
Watch your heart thaw, right in front of you, new shoes stained sanguine
Fine wine got your head spinning friend, gulp it down and experience a real end
Inebriation on a higher station, drunk off this relaxation I forgot how to do
Unwind and unspool, two men in a duel, who draws quicker?
Is speed swifter, or should you take your time?
Another place, nother' rhyme, I'm the reason my momma cries

I live in my red brick house on the sea
Forgetting my days as days run past
Forgetting the past like words on the wind
Forever floating away on the tides of though
My eyes have ceased seeing, my hands lack feeling
Everything is monotone darkness, nothing but absence
I grasp the sand blindly, crying out in frustration
Is this how you saw yourself so long ago?
Such ambitions you had, such dreams and aspirations
Hold back the tears, hold back the bitter thoughts,
Yesterday I could see, today my eyes betray me.

Tonight might be the night, higher than a kite
Taking flight, out of sight burning gas
Smoking stress waiting for panic passed
Dreams melting into dripping glass
Time worn into candle wax
Picking up the slack, pennies in a stack
Light a cigarette, blow it out your back
Things in the dark quietly click and clack
Pager chirping in the encompassing black
Excuses lined up on the rack, smashed into the cracks
Walking on pins and tacks, following well worn tracks
Weave your set of facts blindly, dare you to find me
Unwinding, double timing down rabbit holes, smoking bowls
Collection of spines and skulls, shining piles of trolls tolls
Man slaughters man by rows, right hand ruthlessly brutal
You're sweeter than the frosting on a toaster strudel
Wait around another minute you'll see, my plastic artillery
For whom does the bell toll my g? It tolls for thee, it tolls for thee

Headlamp illuminates glass, fear has passed like summer showers
Hours and hours of waiting for you, dandelions grew in pace
A face, name forgotten, incubating heartfelt goodbyes
Forever cries to the moment, forward movement, unconscious atonement
Blowing it, down and destroyed and dead, call it a solution
Solvents fluid, plastic, pollution, unscrewing the lid to the genie jar
Listed over to far, capsize a species,  man made atomic meteors
Empathy depleting like mana, ran out of blue potions
Just a ghost to a ghost most nights, smoking under bulb lights
Waiting for the moths to come by, fly in their drunkenness
What we miss is imagined bliss, dull dragging gravity
Tattooed skull on your soul, dagger piercing tragically
One day magically the lights come on, you hear the same song for the first time
And you slip into the sublime, now, now, now

You sip from a bitter cup
Pills crushed up into dreams
The winning team writes history
Genocide viewed indifferently
No sympathy for the weak
If the wind could speak,
it would be screaming

Sun rays roll down the green grass & ochre weeds
Yellow, bitter, flowers, litter the hillside
Long red rays turning pink as split figs
Orange as hot coals, blue as the ocean
Then the bustle of twilight, such noise
Streaking headlights fade into receding redness
Carrying their sound with them, down the road
Figures, sillouhetes, wander by me, quiet conversations
Wind stirs their outlines, rustles their clothing, their hair
Bringing me the scent of dust, of split juniper
Darkness descends, but it cannot ***** out street lights
Or the flourescent floodlights, glaring artifical brightness
Or the blinking red eyes of radio masts
I'll peddle back now, chased by headlights
Down black asphalt roads, black as the night
Radiated heat, gathered from this boiling day
Sweat pouring down my face, into my eyes
Breath tearing at my chest, blood racing through veins
I have to outrun the night, to make it on time
To that quiet destination, a little room on the second story
With a chair, a desk, a shelf full of unread books
A yellow notepad, a pen that doesn't work so well
Arrowheads and unshaped stones, a bullet on the dresser
My grandpas old knife, a symbol of the ****** Mary
Your charms that you carelessly left behind
A small tiled room with a shower to stand under
Watch it drain away, dirt & soap, all of it
A face stares back at me, changed, distorted
A reflection in the mirror, a reflection that was me

Eyes opening in the morning twilight
Nautical dispersion, sounds of high tide
Rough spun cotton cocooning naked bodies
The taste of ***** on your tongue
Eyes in the morning
like hammocks on Culebra, swaying in breeze
Eyes in the evening
Like ******* belts, simple & kind
The sand in our toes a microcosm within a macrocosm
The wind in your hair like notes of music to my ears
  Embrace me, my love
   my heart flys away
    like sparrows
     in the morning
Somehow found each other, our other half
Shells in the sand to a passerby
Patterns in a cloud like eyes staring towards blind stars
Feel of graphite disintegrating into words on paper
Backwash of proletariat diaspora, like my corazon
Emptiness suddenly filled with affection
Can a dead soul absorb such life?
Like the ocean you touch all my shores
Like waves, mingle my soil with your salt
Three words: I love you.