Yearning to love
Not knowing the pain
Seeking to love
But cursed by pain
Wanting to love
But held back by pain
Needing to love
Getting hit by a train

I talk I try to be loud
I cant interrupt they will think I am rude

I try to speak to choke back the shyness
But I cant be anything but afraid

I close my lips and I shut my eyes
And I wish in my heart to not be scared

I walk close to the waves but am kept to the shore
I shut every open questioning door

I see the light but I don't reach for it
I flip the switch and ignore it

I know I can do it
But I choose not to try

I'd rather sit here and let the time pass bye
I'd rather live a lie than have the attention

I'd rather be afraid
Than have my name be mentioned

I want to talk I want to ask
But I sit in silence with my mind off track

They know my name
My shoe size and weight

They send me mail
Love and hate

They follow me
In life and on twitter

They call themselves my fans
But they are the ones that ******* away

They me to write my name over and over again
Using napkin, paper, pencil and pen

The cameras flash
And the people cheer

And I wonder how did I get here?
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?

I like the attention but I need time for me to
I don't like always pushing through

The crowds are always there
They keep me hemmed in
They stand behind the ropes
Hands reaching for my body

I stand and smile they cheer and wave
I feel like I'm drowning pulled under by a wave

They the future is bright
But all I see is blurry

I want to know what happens when the curtain lifts
I can stand the suspense so I make a wish

They say the past is behind us
But it seems so fresh to me

I don't understand how some forget so easily
I just want the chance to learn how to be me

I have many names
Some are real some are fake

Some made up and some hurtful
Some to tell me they think I'm beautiful

I hear them all the time
Each and every day

Who knows when another will pass my way

I don't always know what to think
And never what to say

But I think I want more nicknames anyway

I repeat them in the dark
And think I now them all

Until someone tells me I haven't learned them all

I know some are sweet
But some make me sad

But I know the bullies try to just make me made

My Mom calls me nice
My Dad says everyone comes with a price

My friends say I am crazy
And my parents call me lazy

I know I'm just scared
Even though I'm shielded in confidence

I just want to know
What would I call myself?

What is wasn't:
Wet
Sloppy
Childish
Silly
Ignorant
Cold
Short
Hard

What is was:
Soft
Sweet
Long
True
Heartfelt
Desirable
Romantic Maybe
Lovingness
Warm
Long over due
Firm
Worth waiting for...

You wrote me a letter it came in a box
A box with no key a box with no lock

The words on the outside were as formal as could be
But I was exited to have something just for me

I ripped up the paper and put it aside
To exited to see what was inside

You asked how I was and how I was doing
I told you of my latest plots I was brewing

The letter riddled with X's and O's
But nothing sappy enough to blow my nose

I wrote you a reply written on some paper
And put it in the mailbox the day later

I signed my name with hugs and kisses
And lots of pointless heartfelt wishes

I wait and wait and wait some more
Until the mailman knocked on my door

A patient emptied from my lungs
And as I read the words I sung

Kisses are dreams from your face
And nothing ever shall take your place

I thought I stole your heart
But you just tore me apart

I was left with bruises
But you just used your brain

I thought I leave a mark forever
But now I'm called insane

You only kissed me once
But I'm still a child

I cry tears in the dark
But they are all in vain

I thought I'd be happy
Not trapped in troubled pain

I spoke from my heart
But you didn't listen

I told you the truth
But you didn't hear

I thought I would hold you
But you were never there

I am still a child
But innocent no more

I am left standing behind
A heavily shut door

I need a reason to go on
Not a past to cry about

I am just a child
Hiding in the dark

Dipped in a cold icy bath
Made to hold, made to last
Strengthen by fire
And worn by tire
A knife so sharp to cut the skin
Bind the Blade

Forged in the mountains
Cooled by fountains
Hardened by wear
And worn by tear
A blade to ****
Bind the Blade

Brought forth in sunshine
And marked with lines
Pillaging places
Extinguishing faces
A sword to teach
Bind the Blade

A death bringer a hilt bearer
Bring eternal silence nearer and nearer
One last word and one last breath
And cold and silent bringer of death
A blade with stories and untold glories
But mostly painful untold gories
Bind the blade

A kiss on the forehead, a touch in the dark
A cold winters night, the heat of a spark

A freezing sensation, but warm and wet
A hope that Winter's not over yet

A season of ice, a season of cold
A time to tell stories new and old

Crouch by the fire, stand in the storm
Let the snow fall, and the snowflakes preform

Fireflies
Raging rapids
Crack of dawn
Blatant night
Frozen stories
Childish cries

Lists of nonsense, or puzzle to solve?
Secrets, lies and people to involve.

Reaching up to the sky
Long arms miles high
Up to fairytales and clouds
Out of distance of barking hounds

Stretching tendrils thin and long
Caring not for right, nor wrong
To the sun in the sky
Hot and cold, wet and dry

Leaves and flowers
Sun and shade
And a place and that they have made

Dirt and water
Sky and fire
Out of reach, climbing higher

Its welcome in the darkness
But scary in the light
It leaves me feeling empty, cold and tight
The contrast of the noise
The difference of confusion
A quiet I can understand
A battle I am loosing

A child afraid of noises and whispers
Not knowing the real fear hides inside
Mixed with the truth
Mixed with the lies
Hidden from protective eyes

The moment of peace
The weight of tears
Pain carried through the years