I didn't know it then, but
I fell in love with you from the moment
You spun me into that first dance.

'Me and Mrs. Jones' playing softly,
You appeared in the doorway singing along,
Grabbed my hand and pulled me up,
And your eyes sparkled with mischief
As we revolved in time to the music.

I barely knew you,
But my soul recognized its mate
In that single instant.

Fate can be cruel like that,
Bringing us together when it did
While that song was playing,
Like a warning.
Not a song meant to
Fall in love to.

Still, it's much to strong
To let it go, even now,
When I let you go three years ago.

But you're everywhere,
I hear you in songs,
Taste you in someone else's kiss,
Feel you in the shirt I stole,
Smell you in the haze of smokers,
See you on street corners.

I go awhile tuning you out,
Until suddenly you're so present
I go deaf from how loudly your soul calls mine.

Then all at once I am back,
Same place, same time,
Revolving slowly to
Me and Mrs. Jones,
Smelling Parliaments and Bubble Tape.

I always let Them do this to me.

I give Them so much power over me, though
I know They will only abuse it.

I freely sacrifice my happiness and well being,
I treat them as gods to be worshiped.

I only seem able to love Them when they are broken.

I allow myself to be "allowed" freedom,
I ask for permission and fear for forgiveness.

I willingly walk through the flames,
I reduce myself to ashes.

I do not deserve the same sacrifices.

I am just lucky to be in Their presence,
I am blessed that They have chosen Me.

I should show more gratitude,
I must continue to earn Their favor.

I am unworthy of better.

I say "I" to avoid Their anger,
I blame and humble myself.

I struggle to string precise words together,
I craft intentional apologies for alleged wrongs.

I internalize the guilt and the pain.

I lie and say I'm not a victim,
I smile and look at Them with love and adoration.

I hide from my reflection so that
I can pretend my soul isn't bleeding dry.

I can't stay but I don't know how to leave.

I feel isolation setting in,
I am losing the army I once had at my back.

I am losing more hope everyday,
I hear the lies in my thoughts threatening to unravel me.

I have to find a way to run.

I tried before, but turned back,
I am weak and believe the lies that make me turn around.

I have to let go of the excuses that are holding me,
I can't continue to hear the pleading, begging, the manipulation.

I never escape for long, They come back with a new mask.

I cannot fall for Them again.
I will not survive one more of Them.

I always let Them do this, but
I cannot let Them anymore.

I'm surrounded by ghosts.
I feel their presence like a cold, damp breeze;
It chills me to the bone,
Settles deep under my skin.

I'm surrounded by ghosts.
I hear their sighs like soft whispers;
It stirs old memories,
Thoughts I try to forget.

I'm surrounded by ghosts.
I taste their kisses like cigarettes, gum, and *****;
It makes my mouth water,
My lips tingle.

I'm surrounded by ghosts.
I smell them, like cologne and musk;
It smells like long sessions in bed,
Sweat dripping on me.

I'm surrounded by ghosts.
I see their faces like masks in the crowd;
It's impossible to run,
Haunted by the past.

He loved the way she burned;
Hot, bright, beautiful.
He was drawn like a moth to her brilliant flame.
She was heat and light,
Magnetic and enticing.
She burned away his fear and insecurity.
His love fueled her fire, fed her flame.
But playing with fire is a dangerous game;
You're bound to get burned when you taste the flame.
But he had to know the sweetness of her kerosene.
And she watched as he ignited,
Tears streaming down her cheeks,
Extinguishing her flame.
And she mourned the pile of ashes
He left behind.

I’ll steal one last kiss before I go,
When we’re apart, time moves so slow,
Yet together,  it races by
In just the blink of an eye.

I want to feel our racing hearts,
The rush of heat as it all starts,
I smell your skin, I taste your lips,
Your hands gently caress my hips,

Press me close and hold me near,
Speak the words I long to hear.
Before I go, we play this game,
Pretend you’re mine, I’ll sigh your name.

Then all at once, the story ends.
The moment fades, no more than friends.
But when I’m gone, I’ll remember this.
So let me have just one last kiss.

Be my something borrowed for tonight,
I’m already something blue.
When we kiss, it feels so right,
But I can’t be with you.
There’s something old that holds us back,
So nothing new can start.
We have to follow different tracks,
Must always be apart.
We both have other obligations,
This truth we have to face.
So make this a mini-vacation,
Let’s never leave this place.
May superstition hold its course,
A penny for your shoe,
May good luck be a strong force,
Enough for me and you.

I awake from dreams of you.
Dreams that felt more like memories replaying in my mind,
Dreams that could have been premonitions of memories to come.

I awake from dreams of you.
Dreams so real that I am not convinced I didn't live them.
Dreams that could have passed in waking in another lifetime.

And when I wake,
I can still feel your hands, your lips;
The warmth of your palms on mine,
Rough skin on soft.
The strength of your grip on the nape of my neck,
Gentle, yet firm.
Possessive, yet freeing.
The firm pressure of your lips on mine.
Conquering,
Claiming,
Demanding,
Owning me.

I awake from dreams of you.
Dreams that clash with the reality we live in.
Dreams that leave me bitter with longing and disappointment.
Dreams I cannot shake or forget as the day begins.

I awake from dreams of you.

Are you dreaming of me too?

Words across a page,
A turn of phrase,
Whisper in my ear.

A knowing glance,
Let's take a chance,
Tell me what I want to hear.

Smile, coy and slow,
Laughter, soft and low,
Has the game begun?

Embrace, strong and warm,
Emotions like a storm,
And Love is a loaded gun.

Wish upon a star,
Can I be where you are?
Can you feel it too?

Sun and moon combine,
Planets all aligned,
The moment I found you.

Broken wings, slow to heal,
Hide behind them as they mend.
Once graceful, now deformed,
How long til they touch the sky?
Beautiful soul, chained and shackled,
Slave to the desires of loved ones.
Free spirited, caged and barred,
Can you continue this suffering?
Healing light, take new form,
Find your flight once more.
Broken wings, feathered but battered,
Remember what the night felt like?

I always knew I'd go down in flames.
I lived too brightly.
I lived too fast.
If I had known that I'd take you with me,
I don't know,
I might have tried...
But now we're standing at a crossroads.
I have the matches,
I have the kerosene.
If you leave now, you'll make it.
There's still a chance,
Enough time.
I've given you so many last goodbyes.
I strike a match,
Ignite the flame.
I always knew I'd go down in flames.
Flame meets kerosene,
We melt away.