I always let Them do this to me.

I give Them so much power over me, though
I know They will only abuse it.

I freely sacrifice my happiness and well being,
I treat them as gods to be worshiped.

I only seem able to love Them when they are broken.

I allow myself to be "allowed" freedom,
I ask for permission and fear for forgiveness.

I willingly walk through the flames,
I reduce myself to ashes.

I do not deserve the same sacrifices.

I am just lucky to be in Their presence,
I am blessed that They have chosen Me.

I should show more gratitude,
I must continue to earn Their favor.

I am unworthy of better.

I say "I" to avoid Their anger,
I blame and humble myself.

I struggle to string precise words together,
I craft intentional apologies for alleged wrongs.

I internalize the guilt and the pain.

I lie and say I'm not a victim,
I smile and look at Them with love and adoration.

I hide from my reflection so that
I can pretend my soul isn't bleeding dry.

I can't stay but I don't know how to leave.

I feel isolation setting in,
I am losing the army I once had at my back.

I am losing more hope everyday,
I hear the lies in my thoughts threatening to unravel me.

I have to find a way to run.

I tried before, but turned back,
I am weak and believe the lies that make me turn around.

I have to let go of the excuses that are holding me,
I can't continue to hear the pleading, begging, the manipulation.

I never escape for long, They come back with a new mask.

I cannot fall for Them again.
I will not survive one more of Them.

I always let Them do this, but
I cannot let Them anymore.