The neighbors and family flow into our mediocre house and you greet them all smileing and joking. Voices saying congratulations fill the air with the intended target of me but before they even finish leaving the lips of gusts, you accept them and move on to the next group. Once everyone has settled down and is meandering to see people they "haven't seen in ages" you begin bragging about how proud you are of my accomplishments. Everybody awes as you take your time showing baby pictures and explaining how it is all your doing that I've made it this far and done so much. You begin pushing for everyone to leave the house, grab food from the porch area, and go outside into the hot sticky air to conversate. As soon as they are gone you close the door and I am snapped back into reality. You start gritting your teeth and yelling at me as quiet as possible so no one hears. First going off about how I was to quiet, so I was a stupid *****. Then what I said made me sound stupid, so I was dumb. And after a few other things came out you grabbed at my shirt and yanked down, finishing my yelling at with a comment of how im to fat and I need lose weight.
"But mommy, don't you love me?"
"Of course sweetheart. You'll always be my little baby girl."
As soon as the guests leave you have a hold of my arm, tight, white knuckles, instant bruising. You scream and spit into my face that I am worthless without you. I realize you're right. You control everything in my life.
"Mommy?
Mommy?
Where are you?
Mommy why won't you help me?
Mom?"
That was the night I realized that I didn't want to live anymore.
I walked up to you and asked you if you loved me yesturday. You turned to me without hesitation and said, "No, maybe if you acted right I would, but not today."
So mom, when you find this, if you ever do, please understand that I don't love you either, but I love myself just enoughenough to know that I can't keep fighting for your love.
Sincerely,
Your worthless, dumb, fat, stupid ***** daughter.
