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Nigel Morgan Dec 2013
A Tale for the Mid-Winter Season after the Mural by Carl Larrson

On the shortest day I wake before our maids from the surrounding farms have converged on Sundborn. Greta lives with us so she will be asleep in that deep slumber only girls of her age seem to own. Her tiny room has barely more than a bed and a chest for her clothes. There is my first painting of her on the wall, little more a sketch, but she was entranced, at seeing herself so. To the household she is a maid who looks after me and my studio,  though she is a literate, intelligent girl, city-bred from Gamla Stan but from a poor home, a widowed mother, her late father a drunkard.  These were my roots, my beginning, exactly. But her eyes already see a world beyond Sundborn. She covets postcards from my distant friends: in Paris, London, Jean in South America, and will arrange them on my writing desk, sometimes take them to her room at night to dream in the candlelight. I think this summer I shall paint her, at my desk, reading my cards, or perhaps writing her own. The window will be open and a morning breeze will make the flowers on the desk tremble.

Karin sleeps too, a desperate sleep born of too much work and thought and interruption. These days before Christmas put a strain on her usually calm disposition. The responsibilities of our home, our life, the constant visitors, they weigh upon her, and dispel her private time. Time in her studio seems impossible. I often catch her poised to disappear from a family coming-together. She is here, and then gone, as if by magic. With the older children home from their distant schools, and Suzanne arrived from England just yesterday morning, they all cannot do without lengthy conferences. They know better than disturb me. Why do you think there is a window set into my studio door? So, if I am at my easel there should be no knock to disturb. There is another reason, but that is between Karin and I.

This was once a summer-only house, but over the years we have made it our whole-year home. There was much attention given to making it snug and warm. My architect replaced all the windows and all the doors and there is this straw insulation between the walls. Now, as I open the curtains around my bed, I can see my breath float out into the cool air. When, later, I descend to my studio, the stove, damped down against the night, when opened and raddled will soon warm the space. I shall draw back the heavy drapes and open the wooden shutters onto the dark land outside. Only then I will stand before my current painting: *Brita and the Sleigh
.

Current!? I have been working on this painting intermittently for five years, and Brita is no longer the Brita of this picture, though I remember her then as yesterday. It is a picture of a winter journey for a six-year-old, only that journey is just across the yard to the washhouse. Snow, frost, birds gathered in the leafless trees, a sun dog in the sky, Brita pushing her empty sledge, wearing fur boots, Lisbeth’s old coat, and that black knitted hat made by old Anna. It is the nearest I have come to suggesting the outer landscape of this place. I bring it out every year at this time so I can check the light and the shadows against what I see now, not what I remember seeing then. But there will be a more pressing concern for me today, this shortest day.

Since my first thoughts for the final mural in my cycle for the Nationalmuseum I have always put this day aside, whatever I might be doing, wherever I may be. I pull out my first sketches, that book of imaginary tableaux filled in a day and a night in my tiny garden studio in Grez, thinking of home, of snow, the mid-winter, feeling the extraordinary power and shake of Adam of Bremen’s description of 10th C pre-Christian Uppsala, written to describe how barbaric and immoral were the practices and religion of the pagans, to defend the fragile position of the Christian church in Sweden at the time. But as I gaze at these rough beginnings made during those strange winter days in my rooms at the Hotel Chevilon, I feel myself that twenty-five year old discovering my artistic vision, abandoning oils for the flow and smudge of watercolour, and then, of course, Karin. We were part of the Swedish colony at Grez-sur-Loing. Karin lived with the ladies in Pension Laurent, but was every minute beside me until we found our own place, to be alone and be together, in a cupboard of a house by the river, in Marlotte.

Everyone who painted en-plein-air, writers, composers, they all flocked to Grez just south of Fontainebleau, to visit, sometimes to stay. I recall Strindberg writing to Karin after his first visit: It was as if there were no pronounced shadows, no hard lines, the air with its violet complexion is almost always misty; and I painting constantly, and against the style and medium of the time. How the French scoffed at my watercolours, but my work sold immediately in Stockholm. . . and Karin, tall, slim, Karin, my muse, my lover, my model, her boy-like figure lying naked (but for a hat) in the long grass outside my studio. We learned each other there, the technique of bodies in intimate closeness, the way of no words, the sharing of silent thoughts, together on those soft, damp winter days when our thoughts were of home, of Karin’s childhood home at Sundborn. I had no childhood thoughts I wanted to return to, but Karin, yes. That is why we are here now.

In Grez-sur-Loing, on a sullen December day, mist lying on the river, our garden dead to winter, we received a visitor, a Swedish writer and journalist travelling with a very young Italian, Mariano Fortuny, a painter living in Paris, and his mentor the Spaniard Egusquiza. There was a woman too who Karin took away, a Parisienne seamstress I think, Fortuny’s lover. Bayreuth and Wagner, Wagner, Wagner was all they could talk about. Of course Sweden has its own Nordic Mythology I ventured. But where is it? What is it? they cried, and there was laughter and more mulled wine, and then talk again of Wagner.

When the party left I realized there was something deep in my soul that had been woken by talk of the grandeur and scale of Wagner’s cocktail of German and Scandinavian myths and folk tales. For a day and night I sketched relentlessly, ransacking my memory for those old tales, drawing strong men and stalwart, flaxen-haired women in Nordic dress and ornament. But as a new day presented itself I closed my sketch book and let the matter drop until, years later, in a Stockholm bookshop I chanced upon a volume in Latin by Adam of Bremen, his Gesta Hammaburgensis Ecclesiae Pontificum, the most famous source to pagan ritual practice in Sweden. That cold winter afternoon in Grez returned to me and I felt, as I had then, something stir within me, something missing from my comfortable world of images of home and farm, family and the country life.

Back in Sundborn this little volume printed in the 18th C lay on my desk like a question mark without a sentence. My Latin was only sufficient to get a gist, but the gist was enough. Here was the story of the palace of Uppsala, the great centre of the pre-Christian pagan cults that brought us Odin and Freyr. I sought out our village priest Dag Sandahl, a good Lutheran but who regularly tagged Latin in his sermons. Yes, he knew the book, and from his study bookshelf brought down an even earlier copy than my own. And there and then we sat down together and read. After an hour I was impatient to be back in my studio and draw, draw these extraordinary images this text brought to life unbidden in my imagination. But I did not leave until I had persuaded Pastor Sandahl to agree to translate the Uppsala section of the Adam of Bremen’s book, and just before Christmas that year, on the day before the Shortest Day, he delivered his translation to my studio. He would not stay, but said I should read the passages about King Domalde and his sacrifice at the Winter Solstice. And so, on the day of the Winter Solstice, I did.

This people have a widely renowned sanctuary called Uppsala.

By this temple is a very large tree with extending branches. It is always green, both in winter and in summer. No one knows what kind of tree this is. There is also a spring there, where the heathens usually perform their sacrificial rites. They throw a live human being into the spring. If he does not resurface, the wishes of the people will come true.

The Temple is girdled by a chain of gold that hangs above the roof of the building and shines from afar, so that people may see it from a distance when they approach there. The sanctuary itself is situated on a plain, surrounded by mountains, so that the form a theatre.

It is not far from the town of Sigtuna. This sanctuary is completely covered with golden ornaments. There, people worship the carved idols of three gods: Thor, the most powerful of them, has his throne in the middle of the hall, on either side of him, Odin and Freyr have their seats. They have these functions: “Thor,” they say, “rules the air, he rules thunder and lightning, wind and rain, good weather and harvests. The other, Odin, he who rages, he rules the war and give courage to people in their battle against enemies. The third is Freyr, he offers to mortals lust and peace and happiness.” And his image they make with a very large phallus. Odin they present armed, the way we usually present Mars, while Thor with the scepter seems to resemble Jupiter. As gods they also worship some that have earlier been human. They give them immortality for the sake of their great deeds, as we may read in Vita sancti Ansgarii that they did with King Eirik.

For all these gods have particular persons who are to bring forward the sacrificial gifts of the people. If plague and famine threatens, they offer to the image of Thor, if the matter is about war, they offer to Odin, but if a wedding is to be celebrated, they offer to Freyr. And every ninth year in Uppsala a great religious ceremony is held that is common to people from all parts of Sweden.”
Snorri also relates how human sacrifice began in Uppsala, with the sacrifice of a king.

Domalde took the heritage after his father Visbur, and ruled over the land. As in his time there was great famine and distress, the Swedes made great offerings of sacrifice at Upsal. The first autumn they sacrificed oxen, but the succeeding season was not improved thereby. The following autumn they sacrificed men, but the succeeding year was rather worse. The third autumn, when the offer of sacrifices should begin, a great multitude of Swedes came to Upsal; and now the chiefs held consultations with each other, and all agreed that the times of scarcity were on account of their king Domalde, and they resolved to offer him for good seasons, and to assault and **** him, and sprinkle the stall of the gods with his blood. And they did so.


There it was, at the end of Adam of Bremen’s description of Uppsala, this description of King Domalde upon which my mural would be based. It is not difficult to imagine, or rather the event itself can be richly embroidered, as I have over the years made my painting so. Karin and I have the books of William Morris on our shelves and I see little difference between his fixation on the legends of the Arthur and the Grail. We are on the cusp here between the pagan and the Christian.  What was Christ’s Crucifixion but a self sacrifice: as God in man he could have saved himself but chose to die for Redemption’s sake. His blood was not scattered to the fields as was Domalde’s, but his body and blood remains a continuing symbol in our right of Communion.

I unroll the latest watercolour cartoon of my mural. It is almost the length of this studio. Later I will ask Greta to collect the other easels we have in the house and barn and then I shall view it properly. But for now, as it unrolls, my drama of the Winter Solstice comes alive. It begins on from the right with body of warriors, bronze shields and helmets, long shafted spears, all set against the side of Uppsala Temple and more distant frost-hoared trees. Then we see the King himself, standing on a sled hauled by temple slaves. He is naked as he removes the furs in which he has travelled, a circuit of the temple to display himself to his starving people. In the centre, back to the viewer, a priest-like figure in a red cloak, a dagger held for us to see behind his back. Facing him, in druidic white, a high priest holds above his head a gold pagan monstrance. To his left there are white cloaked players of long, straight horns, blue cloaked players of the curled horns, and guiding the shaft of the sled a grizzled shaman dressed in the skins and furs of animals. The final quarter of my one- day-to-be-a-mural unfolds to show the women of temple and palace writhing in gestures of grief and hysteria whilst their queen kneels prostate on the ground, her head to the earth, her ladies ***** behind her. Above them all stands the forever-green tree whose origin no one knows.

Greta has entered the studio in her practiced, silent way carrying coffee and rolls from the kitchen. She has seen Midvinterblot many times, but I sense her gaze of fascination, yet again, at the figure of the naked king. She remembers the model, the sailor who came to stay at Kartbacken three summers ago. He was like the harpooner Queequeg in Moby ****. A tattooed man who was to be seen swimming in Toftan Lake and walking bare-chested in our woods. A tall, well-muscled, almost silent man, whom I patiently courted to be my model for King Dolmade. I have a book of sketches of him striding purposefully through the trees, the tattooed lines on his shoulders and chest like deep cuts into his body. This striding figure I hid from the children for some time, but from Greta that was impossible. She whispered to me once that when she could not have my substantial chest against her she would imagine the sailor’s, imagine touching and following his tattooed lines. This way, she said, helped her have respite from those stirrings she would so often feel for me. My painting, she knew, had stirred her fellow maids Clara and Solveig. Surely you know this, she had said, in her resolute and direct city manner. I have to remember she is the age of my eldest, who too must hold such thoughts and feelings. Karin dislikes my sailor king and wishes I would not hide the face of his distraught queen.

Today the sunrise is at 9.0, just a half hour away, and it will set before 3.0pm. So, after this coffee I will put on my boots and fur coat, be well scarfed and hatted (as my son Pontus would say) and walk out onto my estate. I will walk east across the fields towards Spardasvvägen. The sky is already waiting for the sun, but waits without colour, hardly even a tinge of red one might expect.

I have given Greta her orders to collect every easel she can find so we can take Midvinterblot off the floor and see it in all its vivid colour and form. In February I shall begin again to persuade the Nationalmuseum to accept this work. We have a moratorium just now. I will not accept their reasoning that there is no historical premise for such a subject, that such a scene has no place in a public gallery. A suggestion has been made that the Historiska museet might house it. But I shall not think of this today.

Karin is here, her face at the studio window beckons entry. My Darling, yes, it is midwinter’s day and I am dressing to greet the solstice. I will dress, she says, to see Edgar who will be here in half an hour to discuss my designs for this new furniture. We will be lunching at noon. Know you are welcome. Suzanne is talking constantly of England, England, and of course Oxford, this place of dreaming spires and good looking boys. We touch hands and kiss. I sense the perfume of sleep, of her bed.

Outside I must walk quickly to be quite alone, quite apart from the house, in the fields, alone. It is on its way: this light that will bathe the snowed-over land and will be my promise of the year’s turn towards new life.

As I walk the drama of Midvinterblot unfolds in a confusion of noise, the weeping of women, the physical exertions of the temple slaves, the priests’ incantations, the riot of horns, and then suddenly, as I stand in this frozen field, there is silence. The sun rises. It stagge
To see images of the world of Sundborn and Carl Larrson (including Mitvinterblot) see http://www.clg.se/encarl.aspx
Thomas Thurman Dec 2010
St Henry was for Finland, and before he took the land
He wandered through Uppsala with a beer-mug in his hand.
For through his understanding of the Finns and what they are
If you should serve him sahti, it must be in a jar.

St Patrick was for Ireland, and before the snakes were out
He ate a steak, and washed it down with pints of Guinness stout.
For since he was from Ireland, people shouldn't make mistakes:
Unless you give him Guinness, then you mustn't give him steaks.

St Louis was from France, and before he was the king,
He bought champagne and cheeses and he ate like anything.
For since he was from France, I must say it once again:
Unless you give him cheeses, then there must be no champagne.
This is all extemporisation on Chesterton's poem "The Englishman", about St George, which you can find online.

p.s. I know St Patrick was not from Ireland, so don't worry about telling me.
juno Jul 2019
Good morning!
I didn't sleep at all last night,
it was hard to sleep.
I just lay there sleeplessly 'til the sun rose.

I took a walk this morning,
It's always good to exercise in the morning,
It helps me wake up.

I had fruit for breakfast.
Why?
I dunno,
Why not?
juno Jul 2019
I'm now boarding the flight to Moscow, Russia.

See you in 2hours and 10 minutes.
juno Jul 2019
Good morning.

I don't know what to write about this morning.

I went and bought some more cake and coffee.

That's it.


That's all.

Have a nice day.
juno Jul 2019
Crying.
Crying my eyes out.

A depression has somehow hit,

I took my medicine today,
I should be fine!
Right?

I was supposed to be as happy as ever-

And I broke down.

I don't wanna wake Liz or Tio.

So. I ran outside,
Sweatshirt and shorts on.

It's raining.

It's cold.

I just-

Stood there.

Crying.

Crying my eyes out.

I should see if I have any makeup in my bag.

I don't need eye bags today.

I was gonna go out today,

With Lizzie.

I'm still in the rain.
The rain is pouring ******* me.

The wind,

Pushing me to the side.


I'm wondering,
if I should go back to Australia.
To visit my-
p a r e n t s .

I should go back.

I should go back soon.

Oh, right.

I'm still outside in the rain.

I forgot.

-

I walked back in,
pulling down my sleeves as I remembered something

Nothing Important.

Just-

A few ups and downs.

I have to change my clothes.

Again.

-Good night-
juno Jul 2019
"Relapse"

I don't know how I got here.

I found a razor.

My arm is bleeding.


The end.
juno Jul 2019
"Sick"

I feel a bit sick after packing my bags.

Hopefully, I'll feel better by the time I get to Moscow..
Qualyxian Quest Jun 2019
Swedenborgian vastation
       devastation within the nation
                resist with respiration ...

                           mystic madness!
juno Jul 2019
I couldn’t sleep today, unfortunately,
I was eating ice cream a few hours ago with Lizzie but she fell asleep.

It might be the insomnia again,
I don’t know.

We had some chocolate ice cream.
It was really good.

Maybe I’ll try to go to bed soon.

Night
Qualyxian Quest Mar 2020
Silicon Valley
Curious strange

California
Rearrange

Remote viewing?
Could it be?

Like Swedenborg
From history

Some say madness
Some mystery

Emmanuel
whose tomb I did see

Long live Uppsala!
And ordinary Mary
Qualyxian Quest May 2020
Sweet Swedish Springtime
Cathedral. Garden. University.
           Utterly Uppsala!
Qualyxian Quest Feb 2021
Cathedral. Garden. University.
         Students cycling.
            Swedenborg.
Qualyxian Quest Jul 2023
Swedenborg's tomb
        bicycles
            tak
Qualyxian Quest Sep 2022
My job was words
I was a teacher
Read those paperback books

Babette comes from Paris
Uppsala
She stirs and cooks

I too in Uppsala
Charming
Swedenborg's tomb

Election 2024
Trumpfucks and Trumpwhores
American Doom?
Qualyxian Quest May 2019
May is Mary’s month
Carolina sky of blue

A teenage Jewish mother
gentle, caring, true

I’ve prayed to her quite often
Sung those soulful Springsteen songs too

The lifelike statue in Uppsala
The Florence Duomo beauty view

Ave Maria! Merciful Mother
Dave Matthews plays for you.
Qualyxian Quest Sep 2022
Not good vs. evil
Boring dailiness
Thai summer rolls
Krop kun kop

My sons play video games
I drive North
Time drives too
does not stop

Exomoons beyond
Extrasolar water
In my solitude
Darry and Soda Pop

Uppsala in spring
Vienna in winter
Edgar Allen Poe
My brother in law Lap

           Shakyamuni!
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2021
Rick Steves in Uppsala
Ordinary Mary
I eat Chana Masala
I read Irish fairies


Arthur Edens reversaleth
Michael Clayton sees
I walk alone in winter woods
I pray upon my knees

               For Scott. Please.
Qualyxian Quest Jul 2023
Little pieces of hope
In a world of vast despair
Small steps only
Highwater Everywhere

She's gentle, kind, caring
A diamond in the rough
Jesus wasn't humble
No, no. He was tough.

America is Ignorance
But I like Johnny Cash
Bodies in the furnace
Humans turned to ash

Stockholm was so pretty
Scifi Gamla Stan
Charming Uppsala Cathedral
A little garlic naan

                         Tak
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2021
Workin' through my issues
Time tick tocks on
Me in Uppsala Cathedral
We in Gamla Stan

Modernity means meaningless
But lots of food and drink
Lots of chaotic wars
Makes me kinda think

2 weeks in Japan
Bus rides in Dublin
3 days in Vienna
Psych wards a-troublin'

Wedding in Tel Aviv
Roommate in Hong Kong
Teaching school in Reno
America long gone wrong

                Dylan songs!
Qualyxian Quest Aug 2021
Aging means isolation
My beloved dead are gone
Still I watch the moon
The world just journeys on

My oldest now in high school
My youngest reading sweet
My middle son a joker
I do not twitter. Do not tweet.

Uppsala is so charming
So is Malahide
Romeo and Juliet
Could not be denied

Dragons fly at twilight
So do Ravens. So do owls.
I play basketball
Shoot the shots. No blood, no foul.

                     The moon.

                           Howl!
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2022
I like universities
But just to walk around
Everybody knows
I am the newsboy of this town

Basketball at UNC
Library Seattle U.
Mary Baldwin solo
UC Davis lunch for 2

Uppsala was quite charming
Oxford twight blue
Trinity College, Dublin
Tokyo Sophia flew

Would like to go to Heidelberg
Toronto gone medieval
The House of Wisdom in Baghdad
Deliver us from evil

                   Ameen.
Qualyxian Quest Jul 2019
all alone in Uppsala Cathedral
  almost excuse ma’am, I beg your pardon
                            mystic garden?
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2022
All I hear is silence
All I feel is sad
To escape America
The Land of Violent fads

I liked Copenhagen
Hotel room was small
Lunch in Malahide
River Eden, Wetheral

Lovely Uppsala Cathedral
Cycling Gamla Stan
3 days in Vienna
3 days linger on

Not much money now
Not much happiness
2 green lights
1 black dress

                No Yes?
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2022
Mark told me I left my soul in Chicago
Maybe right
Wilderness of skyscrapers
One Dark Knight

Not really American
But where else to go?
Gotham
Tokyo

Dublin
Uppsala
Vienna
Taipei

Istanbul
Heidelbe­rg
Chungnan Mountains
Xie Xie

      No nay never nay
Qualyxian Quest Dec 2022
I do wanna die grateful
I really really do
Gratitude for 3
Gratitude for 2

Movies my whole life
Star Wars when I was 8
White Nights at 16
The Batman of late

In but not only America
Uppsala, Kaoshiung, Rome
Oxford. Ancient Things.
Wander far from home

She calls to me in Silence
She I cannot see
The snow in Kamakura
The rain in Italy

        Morrocan Mint Tea
The little way of poetry
Emotion. Memory.
One for the professors
Just you wait and see

Chicago in the winter
Uppsala in the spring
Chaos in the politics
Lost my wedding ring

                 rest ...
Qualyxian Quest Nov 2021
To remember dailiness
And walk the little way
Phone calls to my sons
Gratefully xie xie

In my solitude
Feeling for my friends
The wheel is still in spin
Uppsala then upends

        Postcards. Pretends.
Qualyxian Quest Sep 2019
Dublin and London
Stranger Things

Taipei, xie xie
Asia brings

Unique Uppsala
Cathedral bell rings

St. Augustine again
Dylan sings!
Qualyxian Quest Jan 2023
The Spanish is kinda fun
And me gusta bean burritos
Mi Madre in Ohio
The University of Toledo

Life is isolation
Death is forever
Father Greeley so unique!
Sacramento Heather

Uppsala was quite charming
Tokyo was trains
Florida is Ignorance
Gotham is Bruce Wayne

         The Whale is Spain!
Qualyxian Quest May 2023
The ****** are actually
More perfect than we are
Said Heath Ledger
Because they are actually *******

One Dark Knight in Chicago
Two Face
Harvey Two Face
Batcycle. Trucking.

Father Greeley loved Chicago
And Tucson
But difficult
Difficult for me

Stockholm
Linkoping
Uppsala
South China Sea

            Silent Plea
Qualyxian Quest Jan 2023
Yo soy un isolato
But I try to share some words
You shoulda seen the sky tonight
I don't think she heard

Just one week
In desert Santa Fe
Won't go back
Will go all the Way

Watched Midnight Special twice
On and on like Texas
Dublin y Dublin
Donde my uno ex is

Cold out there tonight
University police
Pythagoras of Samos
Not the Bible, Ancient Greece

Nat Turner's Rebellion
John Brown's Body
English breakfast tea
One hot toddy

Stockholm is quite pretty
Uppsala has the charm
Might fly to growing Charlotte
Ain't gonna work on Maggie's Farm

                       No More!
Qualyxian Quest Aug 2021
All the religious obsessions
My boring daily living
U.F.O.s again
J.J. Abrams too

I miss Stockholm, Sweden
Uppsala was so quaint
Paris rendezvous
What would aliens do?
Qualyxian Quest Mar 2019
cycling students, wandering walkers
    university, cathedral, garden
            softly spring sunlight
                Utterly Uppsala!
Qualyxian Quest Aug 2021
Not much beauty in America
Hence the resort to ****

Charming Uppsala, Sweden
A good place to be born

All my life, I fight the fear
Seeker in the storm

Loved ones far, my children dear
Quilt to keep them warm

                 slowly
Qualyxian Quest Jun 2021
It's good that i don't matter
Takes the pressure off

Twighlight comes again
At Washington I scoff

I like Malahide
Uppsala in the spring

Tomorrow when he wakes
My cell phone too will ring

               Let him sing!

— The End —