I wish some trace of myself could linger on you
When I'm not around
The way lipstick lingers, pink and soft, on a soda can
Even after it is thrown into the trash

I wish I could leave some mark on you
Indelible but unpainful
Like grafitti on a wall
I was here

When I ran my hands across your skin
I wish it smudged and stained us both
Like ink
Or graphite

When I trace your shape with my eyes
I wish it left tracks
trailing gently over your skin
Like veins, soft and purple

I can feel your hand in mine
But I cannot see the gentle dents of your fingers
Pressing into my palms
Like the void left in your pillow when you rise each morning

I remember the feeling of laying beside you
But I cannot see the lines of your sheets
Pressed into my skin
Trailing like ribbons

I  can't sleep for dreaming
Keeps my heart awake
I can't stop my mind thinking
Or my heart longing
To have you in my arms
Holding you while crying
Being there in your darkerst
Waiting out the storm
Pushing back the pressure
On your lungs
Give you time and space
A moment of pure
Unpainful breath
Dance with the monsters
Under your bed
Crawl with the demons
Under your skin
Hold my burning heart high
Use its flames
So you can see that your
Heart
Lost in the dark
Flows with only the purest
Colors of love
Nothing else
As beautiful as you
Every tear
Every pain
Every good
Every bad
Every piece
Of you
Has me
Falling
Farther
Down
Crushing
Down
To my
Kness
I'll never find
A better place
To be
Than with your
Heart
In good storms
And bad weather
Hurt with you
Share your tears
Drown with you
Till it clears
Hold your hand
With my heart
It beats
To be
With you
All of you
They way
You are

So much has happened since
You left us in the wind
From a tragic ending
A whole new life was able
To begin

If you could see me now
The smile on my face..
I fear you'd fly off in a rage
Swallow the key to my cage
No, I suppose if you were here
I'd never experience life this way

Who would have thought
The world could be so lovely
Unpainful, unalarming
Hardly the awful things you'd swore me

I want to wish
That you were here
But it's impossible, that's clear
It was either you
Or it was me.
Somebody had to leave..

I'm just glad I got to see
The world you hid from me.
I'm better now
Than I would have ever been.
I just wish, If you could see,
You'd be happy for me.

Ps.
I loved you, mother.
I did.