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JustChloe Jul 2015
I never realized you could fall out of love
i thought it was just an excuse
for divorced people
who never loved in the first place
did we love in the first place?
I didnt know you could stop caring about me
I didnt know I could stop caring about you
did i stop caring about you
Have i stopped caring
since when did i ever want to not talk to you
since when did we not want to be together
since when did your presence scare me
when did we scare eachother
when did us become a we
when did we seperate
I dont understand why we didnt stay with eachother
why we couldnt understnad eachother
why we couldnt be
BFF's
but even that was a lie
because Im not sure
you where ever really my friend
my friend
are you my friend?
are you still there for me?
maybe you wont be
maybe we arent
maybe
maybe you still love me
but only if i could believe in that lie
because you told me
you no longer care about my fragility
you no longer care if im broken
you no longer care im hurting
you no longer
want to be next to me
we no longer will be
I'm sorry
but why
I'm the only one crying
when you are smiling
because you told me
the truth set you free
but it captivated me
now im stuck in a rut
stuck in a cage'
when i cant escape
I cant stay
in this charade
you broke my happiness
I can no longer last in this
you kept me in the shade
only to bring me to light
at the worst time
tell me im not wanted
when you where the only person i thought wanted me
as soon as i accepted I wasnt alone
you left me
you see
you made me get better just to send me back where i came from
what type of love
and you have the audacity to act
as if this will hurt you
as if you didnt do anything wrong
as if im over exaggerating
as if your better than me
your not better than me
just because i learned how to take down my walls in front of you
does not make me weak
It makes me stronger
than you
just because you saw the sad side of me
thats not all there is
I showed you I was fragile
but thats it
you wont see past what you think I am
to see thats not me
you wont see
Nina see me
you keep yourself in the dark
pushed us apart
so you can be alone
its not me its you
its not you its me
its not us anymore
there is no longer us
bff?
*******
your just another person who took advantage
of my weakness
your just as bad as them
sorry nina lol I had to get upset and rant
erin baker Mar 2016
You say try harder and I do
You don't understnad that this is how I am.
I am so deeply sorry I can't do this,
maybe I can but I don't try.
Maybe I will start trying but it might seem like I wont.
Mostly I try to die, but maybe I should TRY.

Could've
Would've
Should've.
@mom sorry i **** at school.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2021
i'm putting in a shift at Oxford F.C. tomorrow, get to Romford centre at 9:45am... wake up at half to 8am, shower, have a coffee, two cigarettes, maybe eat something, get into the town centre, have a second coffee, another cigarette, then wait for Daniel and Melanie and head up to Oxford... give Daniel the 5 quid for the petrol, no problem... but now? i need to drink a little... i need to think about katakana and Hanguel... i'm nervously-excited... drink... think about language... do that ****-fest of a Covid test... blah blah... all good...

私: watashi...
alternatively, via the phonetic syllable encoding system
of the katakana...
ワタシ (wa-ta-****)
while in the west... "gender neutral" pronouns...
now, i can understand the metaphysics of the transgender
movement, sure... like Plato once wrote:
if you're a bad man...
you're going to be reincarnated as a woman...
dated... but...
what's happening now?
a backlog of reincarnations that didn't happen?!
you go after language... that's the end...
i'll eagerly stomach a Thai surprise...
how the **** did the Thai people invent:
"invent"(?) this transgender phenomenon...
sure... but at least their proponents
do the chop and get on with silicon implants
and all that's "supposedly" glorious about
buggery...
no one's complaining...
the usual tourists arrive... mostly middle-class
English men who feel disfranchised by
the concept of marriage... and... hey presto!
a Thai surprise banquet... lady boys on the menu...
well... at least the Thai have managed to
keep this taboo under wraps of: leaving it the ****
alone... the moment language is invoked...
someone like me is going to hear about it and...
erm... "rebel"?

- personally... i'm disgusted with modern
*******...
i always tend to do one sly
while on the throne of thrones
while also securing taking a **** & a ****...
then taking a shower...
hetero-"erotica" has gone downhill...
i should know... i started *******
when i was 8.... or 7...
i even managed to teach another boy
how to ******* when we were having
a bath together...
weird scenario... immigrant...
his parents were like a hiring agency...
we used to spend time watching power-rangers
while living under the same roof
as... oh... i'd say... 20 or so labourers...
Perth Road... Gants Hill...
that's when i first played my first Sonic
game on セガ (mega-drive)...
i guess i'm one of the few last ones...
who managed to either buy really cheap white lightning
cider (underage) with Peter & Kieran
while spending a weekend in a youth centre
playing pool... and a ***** mag...
**** **** **** & bushy groin regions...
fabulous looking women...
not as classy as Carrie-Anne Moss...
turns out all the pretty girls don't end up
trading in the world with their bodies...
some, become actresses... good for them...

n'ah... modern ******* ***** ***...
major ***...
but... recently i came across this little gem...
CAMERON CANADA mit MIA MALKOVA...
i'm generally into lesbian *******:
give me the classical Italian stuff...
that stuff in between authentic acting
and not this grey area of amateur cringe...

watching them... each and every time:
i want to **** a woman like a woman would want
to **** a woman...
i don't think i went much further beside them
kissing... oh, my, god... how they kissed...
i was seeing two women kiss...
but subconsciously...
i was watching a classic from ancient Rome...
of regurgitation, that sort of bulimia associated
with an **** of feasting upon too much...
come to think of it...
i was also watching a snail slobber itself all over
a wet leaf of cabbage...
i was watching an oyster attempt to eat a pear...

ugh... all this man on woman sort of crap...
i shy away from it...
i rather ******* to a classical painting...
my favourite being...
  Bronzino: allegory of Venus, Cupid, Folly & Time...
why? the tenderness of the tongues
coming into contact with the lips...
all children seem to be androgynous...
let's leave it at that...
people talk some much in this horrid take of
***... that's why i was so drawn into this lesbian
antic.. who were they?

Cameron Canada & Mia Malkova... right... them two...
they hardly spoke...
i think it's bad taste to speak any decipherable word
during *******... for me... it's... cringe...
i'll let it pass, but... talking during ***...
what are those favourites?
oh **** me,
**** me daddy...
you're so big...
yes yes yes...
no... when i **** and since i **** so rarely...
all of that **** is on mute...
onomatopoeias...
vowels, consonants, perhaps...
otherwise: no words, in, the, bedroom...
i don't want the Hebrew deity being inquisitive of
my antics...
it's already impossible living with a "predilection"
that... my thinking is "audible": it resonates...
i am, after all... a res cogitans as much as much as
a res extensa... while "his" omnipresence couples up
with my "paranoia" like:
peaches coupling with cream...
or cumin with coriander...

now i'm sitting down with a whiskey...
calming myself... listening to...
spectres in the fog... Hans Zimmer...
beside Latin - and the offshoots?
do i think ****** is superior to English?
why wouldn't i...
English seems to be more accessible to people
than my own language could ever be...
"mother"...
mind you... does English employ any
orthographic techniques?
last time i checked... no... no really...
Charles Dickens left a memorable mention...
falsely...
orthography... you can talk about it...
when and where... you, employ... diacritical
distinctions...

example?

sharp.... i started writing this yesterday,
i already wrote something about today,
the rejoice in exchanging handshakes....
with a fellow steward putting a hand on your shoulder...

i'm thinking: when does Japanese stop utilising
pseudo-emoji in their Chinese aspired
ideograms and returns to something
a(n) Europen might understnad,
like something from the handy-book
of Haguel...
it's almost funny that i can comprehend
being talked about: rather than to:
in third person,
i simply asked whether, Danny, the supervisor,
who was giving us a lift from Wembley
to... the outskirts of Greater London,
Essex... whether Romford or Newbury Park
required some petrol money...
i asked... two parties also involved...
didn't...
i stopped being the apparent ****...

i keep my mouth shut during the whole trip...
why bother talking when he's clearly having
problems listening to one song in total...
perhaps he's listening to the wrong sort of genre?
Prokofiev? no, that'll not pass on the sly...

i'm a man... women have started to acknowledge that...
they tell their children: obey this man,
listen to this man...
why am i oh why am i so *******, surprised?!
i end the day's shift with a doubled-up handshake...
some Francis, a Nigerian...
i'm not English: but i forgot to tell him that fact,
even though i could pass off as a native...

i can't replica writing these ideograms on this
website...
on some other... with some expansive Hangul...
sure... but not here...
heat of noon...
   netsu ノ hiru (ヒル)

it's so elaborate at first, at first... to thirst... then...
some... discrepancies...
two consonants twinned: within the confines
of TRY... or within the confines of GLOAT...
then, only then, does Japanese fall short on
what's to be expressed:
HATAI:  ハタイ

      almost like Morse Code:
coding with syllable break-ins / break-ups...
but hardly any GL-
to later eat OATS...

i will not enter the realm of Hangul...
as much as i want to...
lost the A... lost the Bot...
lost myself to drinking...
i will not even enter the realm of translation
the modern emoji / emoticon with...
the skeletal confines of the Asiatic ideogram...
so some elaborate to counter the Egyptian
hieroglyphs...

anyone bother to mind, orientate themselves...
around a newly arrived "enzyme" or
year zero?!
   just recent points to consider...
no, i don't think of it much...
"the boss" might be driving a Bentley...
got £1.5M from the Covid scheme of
not enough earning...
bought something else...
a proper "boss": i.e.: a proper ****...
arrogant alpha-lab *****...
post-military...
want me to play the beta-role...
sure... i'll play it...
  
   but... i don't want to earn the sort of money
that will make women wanting to be depended on me...
i don't want to earn the sort of women
that women will use in order to spend my earned dough...
i'd much prefer spending the money on art...
on gallery access...
i'm not going to spend my money on ******* handbags...
coat-hangers?! sure... i'll consider that one...
but... all that other crap?
i'll spend my money on prostitutes...
just enough to get by...
i'm not going to earn the sort of money
that leaves me... shackled, caged... subservient...
******* hopeless..

pretty limited... whast? katakana...
is begins with... consonants + vowel coupling...
it's not like you can reverse that:
vowel + consonant coupling... can you?

there's that tree...
there's that clot of thunderous cloud...
here's an umbrella...
and a... heterosexual predicament of...
can two straight guys...
pretend an umbrella is like a mushroom
they foraged for, found, "somehow"
simultaneously, or, something?!

alt. the meme:
would you rather date a woman that's an antithesis
of a mermaid...
or would you rather date, a mermaid?
****'s worth or... what's the alternatively avaible?
endless *******
in comparison to: an ****** that
reads a sort of Braille of: hello, my name if BOB
in blowing out bubbles...
a ******* no brainer if you ask me...
an anti-meme.

— The End —