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You say your original
No one like you
But then I see you with straightened hair and Uggs for shoes
You squeeze into a too small shirt
Your jeans are just as tight
You take off your glasses and get contacts
Does that seem right?
The next day I see you
Your look completely changed
Your hair is died black and your nails look the same
Since when did you wear nail polish?
This is not who you use to be
Now every time we talk
We talk about me
You say my hair would look good straightened
You tell me I should wear Uggs
You say my face would look better with make up
When I say no
You get an attitude
Because I am not a copy cat like you
I see your new friends the ones with the same shoes the same colored hair
They changed you do you care
And when did you start to swear
You are exactly like them now
Me I'm not
So I get pushed out of your best friends slot
You talk just like them
You all walk in a line
What did you think I wouldn't notice?
And act like its all fine
Snap out of it
You must be under a spell
I know you all to well
I'm not telling you to ditch them
You have new friends that fine
I’m just telling you to stop being a copycat
Its time
Not its past time but it's not expired
You need to get a grip because this is not right
This is not you
Its societies bite
It’s got a grip on you and it’s holding on tight
Stop being a copy cat be you
All you have to do is be yourself
I'm so tired of this
People dyeing
People crying all to get accepted being a copycat
Isn’t all that great
When you’re a copycat you don’t get everything as gold on a plat
To be a comply cat you cant be real
Because you feel like the it girl all the time
And its hard everyday when you have to act like you’re in a play but your not
This is real life stop living a lie
All you care about is shoes
Next it’s boos
Here comes the drugs and now you’re the person locked up
Then your rejected like a shoe that doesn’t fit
And the it girl doesn’t have it
She has no friends or so it seems
Because she can always come back to me
But you forgot that
Your forgot the lessons you learned from others
How your aunt had a kid at 14
How your sister just became mean
How your brother is hooked on drugs
And soon you will be too
It's like a loose tooth
You want it there and you don’t care if what’s next is better
Being a copycat is like a loose tooth
You need to let it fall out
Or that is what you will do
You will fall out of a great life planned for you
But I don't what you to fall I will hold on
But I’m not the strong
You need to snap out of it just like I said because
Now you wanna starve to death
Better yet you want me to too
That’s not how I roll
That’s not how I do
Because I am not a copy cat
Like you

to the hometown i hate,
i miss seeing the october sunrise while taking the train to school every morning
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to wear uggs, hats and scarves already at the end of september,
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to buy 90 cent face masks and my favorite protein bars at the drugstore 10 minutes away from me
to the hometown i hate,
i miss seeing the porsches and mercedes c-classes parked on the curbes of our sidewalks
to the hometown i hate,
i miss the quietness of my area
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to speak a language i know fluently, not worrying about the anxiety i get if i get into a complicated situation
to the hometown i hate,
i miss running in the quiet, clean, green forest next to us
to the hometown i hate,
i miss sleeping in my own bed, in the room i did not like
to the hometown i hate,
i miss being able to go to my fully-equipped kitchen and bake whenever i want to, which i complained was too small until i moved into my dorm
to the hometown i hate,
i miss you

"Oh, hey Emily, will you be on our team?"

It was the very bad ending to a very bad day.

Three tests, forgotten homework, stuttered lines,
And this is what got me in the end.

Those girls,
The ones with the
Perfect long blonde beautiful hair
And the pencil skirts
And uggs,
The girls who even manage to make gym clothes look good.

We had lined up for
Captain ball
Which is really just
A mix of
Soccer and basketball.

And we had to line up,
Every inch of back touching the wall,
And the first seven people from each side would play, and then the next seven.

But of course
Those girls
The ones who can't bear to be
Seperated
For two minutes and forty-seven seconds
Had to have the perfect team.

No.
Just no.

I won't "be on your team."

There are no teams.

I am a white, Jewish girl from Florida.
Hit me.
Hit me with your white girl jokes,
Your Jewish American Princess stereotypes.
I will giggle and squeal right along with you.
Because yeah,
I do order white chocolate mocha frappuchinos from Starbucks,
I Instagram pictures of my nails,
I take selfies, whiten my teeth, straighten my hair,
Shop at Forever21 and drink Naked Juice like it is my job.
Yeah, my daddy buys me things,
I don’t pay for my data plan,
There’s no way in hell I would drive a sedan,
I wear Nike shorts and avoid any nearby cameraman,
And let me tell you, I love jamming out to old school Britney Spears.
Hit me one more time, because none of that means I am any less intelligent,
Any less diligent,
Any less likely to face judgment
Than any other slice of diversity around me –
I am a white, Jewish girl
My nose is not its own cartoon,
I eat bagels (but I absolutely hate lox),
I’m not tan or even the least bit tinted,
And god knows I don’t wear Uggs.
Tell me I need to get married young,
Major in business,
Wear clothes that leave me airless,
Get some of that European gracefulness,
But don’t tell me I’m dumb.
Don’t tell me I’m not thoughtful.
I’m a white girl.
Take a glance at my resourcefulness,
Understand my goals of being ambitious,
Get rid of your own stereotype-inducing cockiness,
And notice me in all of my flawlessness.
Because I am a white girl,
And I am unique, strong, inventive,
Empowered, passionate, adventurous,
Indomitable, unbeatable.
I am an individual –
Not part of some whole that you put me in to stabilize your mold,
Not the example of a societally scatterbrained ***** meant to be your centerfold,  
Not a previously worn-out piece of clothing thrown to the gutter unsold,
Rather a human being of my own rules and my own morals
A human being with ideas and intelligence and power,
A white, Jewish girl,
A person.

Well I don't know if you saw me and passed on Coffee Meets Bagel a few days ago or not, but you look pretty adorable and sound interesting too, so I wanted to say hi either way! 4 weeks in Ireland sounds pretty great too - was that for work, or some other opportunity?

If you had to pick between only skiing or snowboarding for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

Hey! I do web work too...what do you do for the sports coverage website? No workaholism here haha, but I do work hard.

Where do you like to get ****** up on a Friday night?

Love the uggs on the one male stripper. Gotta get myself a pair.

Aww, you and your pup look like super good cuddle buddies. It's really hard to pick something to watch on Netflix...or Amazon Prime in my case. Watching anything good now?

What is there to get butthurt about on your profile really? Except for short guys, maybe. Oh, and gamers. I play games sometimes, but not excessively. What's the cooper tires thing you did?

6 pounds is tiny! What kind of dog is he, a yorkie or something?

Hey, hope you're having a good weekend. Kinda feels like a golf day today based on the way this last week has felt ha. Do you play a lot?

Hey, how are you liking the city and school so far? I went to an engineering school not too far away, you might have heard of it - ...

Sometimes it's hard to sum up our IT jobs in a few words, but nice job ha. A constant challenge and learning something new every day is what I like about mine!

Paralyxzations of the worn spandex, still early
Pizza and beer on a comfy couch
And the crunchy old leaves
That decorate the walls of my house
Glimpses of nature in an urban world.
I think a bit, I feel my quads
As they burn with lactic acid pain
That never leaves an athlete in season.
The greasy cheeseboard and brown dried leaves
Reflect the feelings of sweat and drained
Emotions and motivations, sleep is near.
The night is young, but sleep is near.
Parties call to me with voices loud
Over my tired and disabled carcass
The incessant fight between body and mind begins

Why should I venture out into the world?
What is fun if it can come
Only through grinding my *** in someone’s crotch?
Shall I not find the comfort in my bed,
The warmth of blankets that smell like me, or else
The shared cup of tea with roommates and friends
Not the bedroom tussle with muscled men
I am whole within myself.
Climbing trees or dreaming of oceans
Running up hills and conquering waters
All are my fun; my life is full remembering
The past adventures with inebriation and indiscretions  
It is now time for soul and body to heal.

Men in the bars had their inhuman strength
To down the pitchers and pints of beer
Loud mouth ******* who seem so compelling
Move as kings among the tittering ******
Magnificent in their swarthy confidence
Until their blood alcohol level reaches a new high
Creating a beast without inhibitions
Till no doesn’t mean no, but an invitation to come
Shall my voice fail? Or shall it come to be
The voice of a victim? And shall my quads
Have the strength to run, or the foresight to
Begin in a place much friendlier than now
A part of the brain and a part of the heart
And next is the knowledge of things to come
Not the dulled senses of an exhausted drunk.

I say, “But Saturday is my only night
When morning practice is not imminent”
Parties are the basis for college fun; hence my wish
Together with people and dancing and drink
Shall I finally reach the effervescent image.
Although sleep is upon my weary bones,
The path of fun is clearly wrought with dangers, and love.
The triumph of conquest blows the ringing horns
Until my sparkled dress comes down from the hanger
And uggs are rejected for heels of blue
I cause boys to pile orders for beer and ***** tonics
On their max-out cards. I taste the metallic twang
Of future mistakes and regrets.

Printer sits in space,
Someone hit print to much.
Copies of people spew out,
True people loose touch.

Put on your North Face,
Slip on your UGGs.
Flirt with every ******* person,
Make fun of what you call bugs.

Coolest kid right?
Makes fun of those he doesn't get.
Threatens with violent words,
He'll get his way I bet.

A copy of a copy,
Popular in a house of mirrors.
Showing feelings isn't cool,
Mock the pioneers.  

Hate those copies,
Want them erased.
I'll go and break the printer,
That produces them in space.

I am excited for your adventures,
But I fear I'm more excited
Than you are anymore.

We used to have fun,
Laughing and being silly,
Now it's hard to send a text
Without asking, "Really?!"

I want to knock some sense into your head,
I want you to know he isn't that great,
That you act differently now
And all because of some stupid date.

You may think I'm just jealous
But there is no reason to be,
I can be myself around my beau,
You won't and everyone else can see.

We played TMNT in college,
Our imaginations took control,
And now they can't because we're older.
Our lives now seem pretty dull.

I'll explain further,
If that's what you want.
Remember making ballon animals
instead of reading Kant?

Or maybe you'll remember
Our crazy delofting crew.
We tore down beds
For people we barely knew.

We used to do things on a whim,
But had responsibilities too,
You used to care abou your grades,
Now I question if you do.

We both survived college
And you had an awesome G.P.A.
Then he came along and well,
you ****** it all away.

Now it's all about drinking
And trying to be that girl.
We used to make fun of them,
The ones who had to wear pearls.

Now if you want to go this route,
Let me buy you some Uggs and a North Face.
Because no friend of mine would change
for a guy or to fit into a new place.

Don't get me wrong,
I want you to do well.
I just hope you don't settle for him
Because you aren't yourself.

He's a nice guy and I can tell he cares,
But until my friend's personality can return,
I won't like you two as a couple,
And I pray you'll eventually learn.

Like a sorority girls' Uggs,
Worn down and washed out.

There sat the pink vitamin water.
It stared right into my anxious mind.
Or rather I stared at it through my anxious mind.
If I drifted my gaze I saw
long blue coats, dreds, hippie outfits, beards galore and three garbage ladies wearing uggs.
Surrounded by strangers.
New faces, yet it doesn't seem shocking.
It was okay after a quick smile from a guy wearing sunglasses
And melting my worries away in the sauna.

Does anyone know that itch you get when you see someone else
Taking the one you thought was yours ?
That little green bug of jealousy
Crawling around deep down under your skin.
That's how I feel right now.
Seeing those girls sweet talk you
Flirt with you.
It sickens me.
I should be everyone one of those girls.
I should be the one you love.
It's tearing me apart inside to see this.
Forget them.
Remember me.
I was the one who really loved you from the start.

Those girls don't love you !
I love you.
Me, and me alone.
If those girls get any closer to you
I'll tear their pretty little heads off
And crack their precious perfect fingernails.
Burn their expensive clothes with a flamethrower.
Take a staple gun to their high heels and Uggs.
I'd do anything to see you smile
To hear you laugh
To taste your lips.

You don't seem to see me
When those girls are around.
They fill your vision
Leave no room for me.

Do you think that
Since the suspected suicide attempt
I am weird and not to be talked to ?
Well you don't know it but
I wasn't gonna harm myself !
It was just a way that I thought
I could get you to see me.
To understand I'm not one of those girls
With the all pink wardrobe
And no combat boots
And no black
Who can't fend for herself.

Well I guess that was a fail.
I should never have ever uttered the word
"Suicide"
Because it ****** up my whole **** life.
Nowadays you seem to be reserved around me
Always alert for anything wrong.
I appreciate that you care.
But it's not how I need it to be.
I need you to just be chill around me
Not be so cautious.
Please.
Let's fix this.

Now that you've read that
Are you creeped out ?
When I say
"I love you"
I mean that
You are just the one I want to hang out with
To be friends with
To call you mine.
Maybe without getting too serious.
I just want to be known as yours
And you to be known as mine.
You could say it's love
But it's not exactly love.
You get it ?

Gosh
I feel better now
But I need you to be there
For me to feel perfect.
Thank you.

I walk in tired from the night
You sit awake with sparkling eyes
I grab a beer and turn to my room
You follow me without knowing why
I close the door
But you beg for more
I just want to meet you, you say
But all I want to do is lay
Down in my bed.

You sit down and stare at me
I pop the tab on my beer
Why won't you just disappear
But there is something about you
I need to know more, so we sit
And you ask me questions, you smile
But I can tell behind those dark eyes
It's not a loving smile and
It's not me you are smiling for.

Four days later we go out
Uncomfortable to say the least
More questions, not really any answers
Just glances and smiles
Different people but maybe in a good way
And for some reason we can't get enough
So its dinner and ice cream,
A long walk with awkward moments
And a kiss to end the night.

Three more days and not sure why
The Pacifist enters the gates
Of West Point, cannons go off
We watch the parade, you in
Your uniform with your buttons
That I don't understand
Me in a black dress and Uggs
Different people and
Not in a good way.

But two more days I was in it for sure
Then just like it began, grabbing a beer
And going to my room, you following,
Please stop following with those questions
Of yours, and just stop asking and looking for
The answers that I don't have, I won't ever have
Just return to your Army, your secret paradise
And we can forget about each other
Different people in the worst way.

I have my drugs.
You have your Uggs.

So scurry away you pointless rat,
You ******* brat.

I have been doing really well,
Doing so well, that nobody knows about my episodes.
The stale paint scent of my depression
Haunts me like the ghost of my adolescence.
Its back, and it wasn’t welcome to come back
I did not give out an invitation to the party that I am not hosting
It creeped back, it wasn’t supposed to come back
But here it is.
Weighing on my shoulders,
With boulders of anxiety and the promise of a bleak and meek future
That I am trying so hard not to obtain.
Fighting, everyday to stay busy, to stay sane
But its back.
And I just wish it would go away.
Shopping only helps the pain
in the moment
standing in the check out line
These overpriced, on sale Uggs, only make it better in the store.
But when I get home,
The only thing that understands me
Is the needle with the record spinning

Take a deep breath
Don’t let life make you broken
In and out
Sometimes the words don’t need to be spoken
You gotta focus on you
Don’t let anyone bring you down
Grab a latte, buy some Uggs
Wear your own **** crown
Sometimes sadness will drag you under
But just keep walking, keep your head up
Lightning always comes with thunder
You’re the light, you have a spark
Don’t let them forget you
Whatever it takes, wherever you go
Don’t let yourself neglect you.

this year i don’t want any games,
or the off-brand Dyson,
or for him to text me back.
I don’t want my health either, or
the loud lobby music at work,
not the invite to the holiday party.
I don’t want the short ugly uggs,
the pastel candle stick holders,
or the designer knit fits.
I don’t want to feel normal,
like i’m eighteen and self-assured
when everything made sense
because i didn’t know anything anyways.
I don’t want the sweet nothings,
or coal in the place of consistencies -
I just want some chocolate,
and maybe my masters degree.

As I poured my second steamy, frothy coffee,
Pyjamas wrapped, Uggs tapped as I waddled back.
Bed called, not its usual mantra: hide, but confide,
Laid down respectfully, trusting, heeding not to thoughts of lack,
But dreamingly inventing new worlds, opening my heart beyond now, but being very much present.