Tollefson poems on Hello Poetry

Rayven Rae Sep 2018

i’ve been told
that time heals all wounds
i have found that little nugget of wisdom
to be complete
*******

time is cement
turning things you wish weren’t true
into concrete

time is scarring
wounds scabbed over
ready to be torn open repeatedly
at the slightest
remembering

time is an *******
20 years later
walking through hallways i had hoped never to see again
to look up and see a face
i had hoped never to see again
a face i still see in my nightmares
a face
his face
your face
i name you
nate tollefson

i had traveled 18 times
around the sun
when you shattered my night
the dark took on a new meaning
for me after you

locked door friends pounded on
yells ignored
the fact that i was unconscious
ignored
me ignored
you saw me as an easy target
what you did to me that night
fundamentally changed the way
i let my lovers touch me
to this day
i can’t sleep in clothes
fight or flight can’t be tangled up
when danger arises
i can still feel your weight on top of me
when i wake up screaming
soundlessly
nightmares you handed to me on a silver platter

i kept silent about you
rumors flew after the party
everyone wanted to know what had happened
had we hooked up?
i would just close my mouth and shake my head
afraid of the words that would tumble out
trying to name an act
i couldn’t have stopped
an act i didn’t want

i had been a ****** that night
i wasn’t after you left that room
i bled for 3 days after
torn and hurting
suffered in silence amid the swirling gossip
whispers behind hands into eager ears
until something more interesting
than you and me
a locked door at a party
bloodied calvin klein underwear
grabbed their attention away
they may had forgotten quickly
i still haven’t

after all, you were a star
football and wrestling built your pedestal
a warrior decorated in red and gold
walking like a god among men
why would you need to ****?
yet you did
**** me

i had to look at your face every day
for the next 2 1/2 months
only once after the fact
did you even acknowledge my presence
i was nothing but a number to you

i am now 39 years old
life has led me far from you
yet the stain of you has remained
you handed me a life sentence that night
one you will never know
yet you handed yourself one as well

no matter how successful you are
no matter how much money you make
no matter how beautiful your wife is
no matter how charming your children
no matter how perfect your white picket fence

you will always be
a destroyer of night
a stainer of souls
a robber of trust
a murderer of innocence
a ****** of bodies and hearts
a ******
you
nate tollefson

Eric Tollefson Mar 2018

BURNING

BURNING

My feelings are strange. Idk if it's love or anger. Either way I'm stuck like a baby in a manger. And like that baby i have a lot of growing to do and lot's to learn. But right now i feel a burn. A burn inside like I've never felt before. I want to know. Will it change into gold or will it change to ash? It's still burning. I'm still scared of what I'll become. Right now i trust you. But I'm afraid that I'll be hurt again like from the women before you. I see you with him. Yet you're with me. It's all happening like before. It's like deja vu. The burning. It's getting stronger now. I see her laugh with him. Now my hope is falling down. For once i wasn't alone. But now that it's all happening over again i could never feel more alone. My heart is a heart of stone. You throw it hard enough it'll break even the hardest of bone. It's how I'm feeling. I want the pain to end. I don't want to give up. I've never felt love like this before. But the pain is everlasting. Idk if it's worth it. But for now i push on. I push through the pain.

She's still by him. Now that it continues i feel so much shame. Now that it continues the burning is a searing flame. I feel myself burning away. I want to isolate myself every day. I want to sleep all the time. I wish it was eternal. It's the only time and place I truly feel inner peace. Please forgive me when I'm crabby and angry. I'm burning inside. Just know I'm still pushing forward. I'm still a nice guy. Don't let my kindness fool you. I'm in pain. So stay happy and lift eachother up. Because i want to be truly happy too. It's all i have left to gain from the stain of my burning pain.

She chose him. My insides are burning so much now they feel like ashes. Every moment of every day I want to give up and die away. People continue to ask me what's wrong. But they don't understand I've already told them everything. Now I don't know what to say. But just know I haven't given up. I've decided that I'm here to stay. I know sometimes I feel down and I find myself listening to the song “How to Save a Life by The Fray”. Still here I am today. I've decided to change. I got tired of trying to find the one. Instead I decided to try and be the one. So follow my lead. I’ve planted the seed for you to follow me on this path to succeed.

-ERIC TOLLEFSON

This was made because my ex-fiance cheated on me.

#heart #break

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