I have a question

Say I do I speak my mind in return for response
But what comes to term becomes firmly ensconced… as a given
A fact, though evermore absent
Since waxing such lyrics just never end rampant… with me
So now… where am I?

Say I do put in words that my heart is at race
That my self-worth’s belittled behind this straight face
That my dearth is that utter sensation of bliss
Numbness to sadness: that pleasant abyss
Is heaven where caring not how I might move
the cosmos of him that I so of approve?
******* hell, where am I?
Can you tell?

Will I lose what I have; what I had, for the bard
Because trailing it marks it as lost from the start
Will I miss what I lost, if I lose it, that is
And forget once it’s over, those dimples of his
Might I love being lost?
Lost in love:  where am I?

This infectious yammer that ***** with my mind
Turns out, often seldom to sounding…well, kind
But if kindness means not being true and intent
I’d rather be ruthless, uncouth, but unbent
**** it hurts, why is that?
Where am I?
And formerly:  why?

It is scary, but true…though snappishly shoved
To be trusted is grander than just being loved
To be missing in action as he turns away
Might be just what I sought… so I venture to say:
I am lost at no cost where I am… then I bow
It tastes like withdrawal…

But then, hey, that’s just now.

I grew up watching and listening to fairy tales ,
and movies of innocent love .
But things changed ,
when I entered my teenage .

I always learnt that real queens fix each other's crown ,
but today , when I look around ,
all I can see is ,
girls trying to put each other down .

I see boys having lust to cherish all the girl's body ,
rather than one's inner beauty .
Where are those caring prince charmings ,
who sticks to one girl ?

I see precocious children ,
the children whose mental attitude is developed beyond their ages .
The ones who treat the innocent ones acidly ,
all they fancy about is ,
how to ruin someone's life .
Where's kindness ? Where's humanity ?

Even home don't feel like sweet home .
And what all these kids feel is ,
loneliness and homelessness .
Why so ?
Where are those chuckles and laughter of family members in the home ?
Where's heartiness ?
Because all I get to see around is ,
parents behaving snappishly ,
and , ignoring their kids getting disconcerted by this .

I see brothers fighting like foes over the money of the people who whelped them .
Then , I see people censuring them ,
without having proper knowledge about the things going on .
I see people supporting tyranny with graces and glories .
They only do this for fun , right ?
But what about humbleness ?

This rage and brutish behavior will take this world nowhere .
So , I still sit under the sky of full of stars ,
and , glance furtively .
I try not to weep over trifles ,
I know this world is worn out ,
and thinking about all this ,
makes me feel woeful .

Sometimes , I groan ,
because I'm not valiant .
And my cowardice nature ,
don't let me blaze forth .
I think about making a change ,
I think about being a change .
But I don't know if I'm worth it ,
I don't know if it's necessary to have a poetic license for it .

I honestly don't know if I should adapt all this or ,
put on my gay dress to gallivant .
So , I walk , stumbling and timidly and with agitation , unwillingly , like an impassive child .
So , when someone will look around ,
and notice me ,
they'll just find me a crazy and daft child .

I really don't know what's going on right now !
Because I can't see anything beautiful happening ,
maybe this world is turning into something very different !