On the day you finally broke
you let every bit of the control you valued so much, slip
slip
away
And I loved it.

On the day you broke I pushed a button I knew I shouldnt have
pushed
and between your anger
I named your fear
"You're sccared." I said
Between your anger and your fear there was no more room left for
control
so you broke and broke down.
As broken down a control freak gets
Shaking, you spat out the saddest sentence I have ever heard
come out of your beautiful mouth
Hair crackled with the ferocity of your hatred you said
"IF. I could change everything about. MYSELF,  I would. My ****** zip code, my zodiac sign, every. *******. thing. The good, the bad, the ******* joyous and the ******* ugly."
You whispered the word "everything" as if I did not yet understand.

My father only taught me how to be a man but my mother taught me how to be a human being
And I too know how heavy armour wears on your skin
Even soldiers sleep
Even vikings take their armour off at some point
Even a captain removes his ******* hat
You
you sleep with clenched fists and gritted teeth
I havent heard you
yawn
burp
****
****
***
or snore
you are
the one eye open on the door and I'm
the kitchen floor cleaner going back for more
ill unload your baggage
just  tell me where you left the ******* keys to the trunk

you left.
and apparently that left me with more problems than I'd like to admit.
you left.
and my walls are so high that sometimes I don't even know what is happening in my own mind.
you left.
and now I'm terrified. I'm scared. but mostly, I'm sccared.
you left.
and I can't let anyone in. I can't believe anyone would even waste their time having a conversation with me.
you left.
and now everything anyone tells me is a lie.
you left.
and I don't think I will ever be able to fully trust another male again.
you left.
and I wish you didn't take my trust with you. because there are some people that deserve my trust so much more than you do.
you left.
and now I believe everyone else will, too.

Weakness posses you,
Overcomes the darkness within and all life is ****** out of you,
Joy can occur but still there is a force holding you down,
And you seem to be drowning,
Reaching for help where none can be given.
How sad can a happy life get?
Behind the curtain lies a sccared and traumatized person,
Her wounds will not heal for internal wounds have branded her,
Every breath she took reminded her of the past,
Of all the pain,
The let downs,
The wrong choices and the words unspoken.
To believe I am this girl,
I am you breaks me,
For what am I but a fool,
I can't see all the good because I'm blinded by the sorrow,
I am weak and there is no mercy for me,
I fall to pieces by the simplest of acts,
I am nothing in the world of somethings,
To be worthless in the whirlpool of worthy lives.
Can no one feel my pain?
Am I truly that alone?
Truly I am,I am.