The canvas of my memories,
Destroyed by my tears,
Was the last remaining torture tool
Of my roughly ravaged years.

I've been given a second chance.
Another shot at remourse.
A chance to get my life
Set on a tolerable course.

With a new pure white canvas,
Unscathed by my past,
I can go on living without
Regrets that will last.

The memories of my pain are long
Since behind me.
I have a whole new world
I have the chance to see.

Seeing through these untainted eyes,
I can see through everyone's hateful lies.

Key and a Lock*

do you need me to go....?

well i never told you that i was going to leave
now you're stuck here face to face with me

tonight is the night that you suffer from all the
time it took me to recover. just a face i thought
i knew that became my new lover.

what have i been trying to accomplish?
things get blurry.

you told me you loved me
you told me you need me
you told me that you would never ever leave me

.. well what happened?

now you're stuck here to face the pain
that i kept locked deep inside my chest
in a box with a lock that only you held
the key to.

but where did it go? it was swallowed when
you took him to the room and you locked the door

now this box is here forever to stay
like you stuck deep in this game
i thought it was only you that could
save me from this pain.
but it was you
who enforced
the remourse
on this recourse
to shape a new key

..then maybe that box could be unlocked.



..well i was wrong.


you told me you loved me
you told me you need me
you told me that you would never ever leave me

now you can just sit back and watch
as i toss every photo that we ever took
into an ever lasting flame that will burn
each and every corner of those false
memories.

do you want me gone?

you're bound to this case
you wanted to fame
you came with a chain and wrapped it around my heart
the continuous tug that constricts my heart a little more
with each and every lie your lips told

well tonight is the night that this chain
breaks and i wont have to worry about unlocking the box
to release the pain that has been stored for decades

... was this not really happening?

or was this a way my mind was trying to help me cope
with the pain.

i still wont have to worry about finding a new key
because i already had it.

i look down only to find a few pills in my hand.

no one was here
no one to shape a new key
no one to even try and break the lock
but more importantly you weren't here.

there is only one way to break that lock
what have i left to hold.

i didnt't leave a note,
the door was unlocked.

At times I think: those whom overcome with sadness
Overbear'd by an unshakable heaviness
Haunted by one shadowing and relentless thought
To end their body, mind and existence here on earth,
Actually live on in spirit, drifting within the winds
Caressing those who mourned their untimely passing.

I wonder if after the deed was done and spirit left
Was the immense sorrow of loved ones lingering,
Resounding around their spirit like a ring around a planet.
Circularly rotating, the bitter taste of a mothers tears
Currents of mourning waves from the memorial,
Compelled by remourse to return and comfort those left behind.

A breeze to such a spirit; a haze of misty darkness
Drifting through doubts and what could have been
What was lost and never to be again,
To linger and flow until all have passed on.
I sense it sometimes in my internal quietness
A companion gone in teenage years whispering,
Through a hush; I miss you my friend.

I feel that someday the same fate awaits me
How close I have come to drifting in that windy haze
To again be near my lost friend, away from this pain
Yet I foresee the misery anguishing in the hearts;
Of those whom bonds I have forged
And I realize for now, the winds are free from me.