The Challenge
(Day 8)
Family
To me is everything, bloodline, friends who stick closer than brothers, my nieces and nephews I cant help myself but gush about particularly Gracie, Maran Khimwa.
Gracie came to us not only as a blessing but also an answered prayer to her eldest brothers only birthday wish/prayer request the year before.
She arrived the year after exactly two months after his birthday, I guess even “I AM” gives belated birthday gifts.
She came and changed our perception about a lot of things, she strengthen our faith and taught us deep gratitude and love that transcended all the levels we had reached before  her arrival.
Born with some congenital disorders, some of which included;
Holes in her heart, upturned feet, a cleft palate and a tongue tie, still we had no reason to complain and refused to despair because we knew THE ONE whose blessings were incapable of causing pain  how much more adding sorrow.
Through it all, you’d never miss a smile across Gracie’s face, the almost constant ins and out of hospitals for surgeries and treatments resulting from complications and developments arising as she grew, though I write this from her hospital bed, she still smiles through the pain and happily says cheese when she sees me trying to take a selfie with her.

This post isn’t seeking for sympathy but to encourage someone out there who might be broken, struggling with a burden he/she thinks is too heavy to bear or has been overcome by fear of the cares he/she can’t seem to cast.

Please know that hard as it seems, “THE ONE” who has brought you thus far will see you through it all to a beautiful finish if only you’d let Go and let Him for He is God over everything.

With Gracie we had our fears and doubts,
Will she be ever walk?
Will the holes ever close?
Will she ever speak?
These were some of our fears amongst others and we feared to even share them but we never were afraid to tell The greatest Physician.
Now Gracie not walks but runs as her legs keep getting stronger and her gait better with each stride she takes
The holes in her heart? Miraculously closed just before she was getting ready to go for surgery.
Because of the cleft palate she couldn’t be breastfed and anytime she had to be spoon-fed it had to be done with great care so she doesn’t choke or suffocate but now she can not only eat but by herself.
Her speech keeps improving with each passing day and she’s even started school!

Gracie isn’t only an epitome of God’s unending grace but a daily reminder of His unfailing and unending love for us and towards us.
She reminds me to be thankful with that smile she wears like her skin in-spite of all the pain she’s gone through and at the moment is still experiencing.

Every November reminds me of how the Heaven’s deemed it fit to bless us unfit as we are with the unfathomed miracle called “Gracie” & I with another Miracle in my life (I’d save this story for the appointed time).
How our faith was tested, our love strengthened and our bond as a family has fortified.
We learned to join our faith with my sister’s and that’s how we defied gravity as we pulled heaven to earth.
I hope someone has been encouraged & has her/his faith renewed.
If you wanna give up, please know that God will never give up on you.
I hope this story will remind someone that
“GOD IS NOT DEAD”
Salaam!
r3d
11117
13:45

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipreten­dtobe
#realrawandaimple
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr­3d

THE CHALLENGE
(Day 3)
For many years I've fought to numb this pain
Each time I see you I break down again
Since that day you vowed you must know me, nothing has been the same...

Today I ran into you again
It's glaring nothing has changed

You are yet to be cured of the selective amnesia you only have when it comes to the sordid story of You & I
Still you can't look me for a micro second in the eye

You still tell that story so well, you must have found a pearl of your version of truth in your haystack of a lie,

Now you even got a daughter and a wife?
Have you really turned a new leaf, started a good life?
Or maybe you're just as good at this as your truthful lies.
I hate myself for letting you leave alive
How I turned a coward at the dying minute
Why I dropped that knife. I should have dropped it in you just above your last rib.

Could it have ended this rife?

Today when I was greeted by your wife
With a cheerful smile and a warm embrace
I wanted to tell her you are a disgrace
Tell her all you'd done but I couldn't, who was I to touch His anointed, a child of grace
I was the unsaved and angry, always allowing the devil to use me as a source of strife.

No one would believe me anyway
Every one I tried to tell in the past shut me up with a stern look as they wished me away.

Why didn't I turn on the light when you said I shouldn't
Maybe the size of that humongous sin that tore and filled me within would have scared me screaming into the night until someone came and told me it was alright but I was tonguetied all through the night

You said it was cause you loved me and I knew love was right
This one time love felt wrong worse than these words I'm fighting hard to write

You robbed me at six,
Of a cradle I was only familiar with yet so much I miss

I still cringe when they talk about ***
Remember, the last time you visited and took my number saying you'd call?
Never again did I imagine for your wiles I'd fall
But I fell for your lies again in desperate hope praying you'd call or text
Saying you're sorry cause you were a mess
But you really are a mess and lies are your emblem, deceit your crest
Do you really have peace? Do you ever find rest?

Look how you walked in today!
Your aunt's favorite nephew whom she had called to pray, unknown to her on her daughter you'd preyed.

Tirelessly for this one she'd waited upon and toiled
And that's the one you chose to soil?
Her essence, your spoil?

Oh Saul! How do you pretend to be a saint like Paul
All you've done is taint that pulpit you climb when you ought to be sent back to the pit from whence you came so maybe your cold heart might get warm from it's heat

I see how protective you are of that daughter you dote
How much this I loathe
The raging anger bloats

And some days I pray that like me someone right before your eyes will rob you and tear her up like you did me
The thought of it fills me with glee

Other days I wanna be there while I wish this dread upon you and watch you plea like I did for him to set her free...

Others days I pray for you
I pray when I say I forgive you it really will be true

But right now
I wanna be your guillotine
I wanna slice you thin
Watch you bleed
Bleed to death as to the vultures your carcass I leave to feed.

For your remains the earth will reject
And maybe even maybe your carcass the vultures and crow might neglect

r3d
17:27
27/10/17

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realrawandaimple
#we­learnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

THE FOIL

He hurt me

The pain was bad

So bad it was excruciating and left me wanting  to return him the favor

Even if it was at least a figment of all the pain he had caused this frail heart

So I started to scheme

I began to plot and I gave it a theme

A theme of revenge

I would reverse time, I planned

I would take him back to 1983

Where I happened at the Russian Vostok Station

I called subterfuge

Asking her to be my refuge

On this chivalry quest

I welcomed him back into my home

And did all that I had done when I had loved him

Only this time I did even more

With a burning desire his heart to freeze

This surely my pain would ease

I thought to myself

After all, that’s what he had done to mine

So I acted like all was fine

Better than it had ever been

I cooked him dinner

A three course every time

I never asked him for flowers or for a dime

I wasn't fazed when he stayed out too late

I just went about pretending to love him

And with such pretense came my fate

A fate once I came to understand I would love to hate

Days turned into weeks

And the weeks became months

It was just a game of revenge

Nothing was going to change my mind

I was a vulture, out to scavenge

Or so I presumed.

As time passed,

I didn’t have to make a conscious effort to pretend

I was slowly becoming all I was pretending to be

I gasped and fear gripped me at the realization

I was a creature of habit

Usain Bolt when it came to running in circles

Here I was back to where it all began

Back to doing that which had gotten this senseless heart broken

With every intent to please

The person whose carcass I had hoped on to feed

I was “She-lock”

I yearned for a pound of his flesh or maybe just a little more

But I had failed like I did the time before

I had become everything I was pretending to be

I had repeatedly caught myself sabotaging this mission

I waltz gleefully as I make his dinner

I find myself deserted by sleep on those nights he came home late from work

I had butterflies whenever I heard him call my name

I had lost once again

I, in desperate hope had fought another losing game

I had fallen, fallen not just so hard but this time I had fallen in too deep

How could I betray myself?

How could I let him defeat me once again?

I had fallen in love with him again

And sadly this time around, he was also stupidly in love with me.

All my plans have been trounced

I never planned to surrender but I have been shackled by the chains of love,

The only soft spot my heart has for his…




#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realrawandaimpl­e
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

It was the morning joy never came, shame’s flame burned bright like the sun on a Sunday at noon.
Nothing from this day on will ever be the same, nothing will numb this pain.
It was her birthday party, hosted by a group of well meaning friends who wanted to honour her and share such a beautiful time with her and though her birthday was on a Monday, the party held on a Friday night. It was barbecue and drinks then off to dance it off at one of the most popular and populous night club in that city.
She started early before the events scheduled for the day. The time came to boogie down and she was so excited that she mixed all kinds of drinks without thinking of the repercussions. Not for once how much more twice, after all she was a heavy weight with a high threshold.
So, a shot of bourbon, a swig of beer, a shot of tequila salt and lime all taken with hearty cheers.
She flirted with the *****, and when she returned and the bottle was gone she’d *** with tonic, a slice of lemon on the rocks.

She had started indulging long after her peers. I guess the pressure from peers caught up with her just when they were about to give up on her ever joining them on this vice.
When she decided to join the team, she still had control. She always was the one they’d depend on to take them back home safe and ensure no one tries any BS with her clique. This was when she started battling with insomnia and some crazy arthritic pain. So when the meds’ won’t work, she’d chug the bottle of *** or whiskey as if it were water and as if it could quench her thirst once and for all.
For every time she increased her level of consumption the more she wanted to transcend that level with an excuse as a justification for such an unruly behaviour.
“What created such an urge some days”? She’d wondered.  She tried to practice the pause before she drank up all the liquor that helped her drown her cares and fears because she was afraid she might drown in them if she didn't.

She was worse off when she started to work with a company that brews and sells all kinds of alcohol with access to a bar in the office.
You can only imagine what that made of her. I am certain if a light weight drew out some of her blood and sniffed, it would knock such a person out.
Things got worse and each time things  seemed to be getting better. She’d find herself swimming against the tidal waves of sobriety, seeking to safely carry her to the shores, far into an ocean of bottles and a sea of hangover whose storms are best cured by sailing back into the ocean.
After barbecue came the time to go dancing and while at the club, of course more drinks were ordered!
How would they know it was her party if there wasn’t champagne and other bottles on the table? How would they know her boyfriend and his friends were loaded and had the place on a lock down?
Tipsy and happy, she noticed a guy had been looking at her and asking her to come. She totally ignored him.
Later, he came and whispered some obscenities into her ears. She was so mad that she told him off and her friends who saw this happen asked him to go away.
At this point she needed some air, her head was spinning and she felt like the walls of the club were closing in on her. Being badly claustrophobic, she ran out, almost stumbling on herself and found a quiet place to sit.
This was a late bloomer who had always caught up on things late and so she was with the effect of alcohol whenever she indulged, she almost always took more than she could handle at the time, sometimes she felt the effect only but the day after.
She was trying to find her way back inside when she realised her legs suddenly couldn’t carry her weight,
Out of nowhere came the stalker, he held her arm assuring her he was going to help her back in.
That was the last thing she could remember before she felt a weight on her, a sharp pain in her back that woke her up from a stone poking her back and a *******.
Flail and helpless she begged as her speech slurred and realised this person wasn’t going to stop anyway so there was no point pleading.
She gave up trying as she laid there like one paralysed, whose condition had slurred her speech when she heard her name, she mustered her last strength to shout a reply before she saw her friend scream and ask “are you okay? What did he do to you?” He was trying to sneak and run when she caught him and called her boyfriend and a few close ones and they started to beat him without even asking what happened. Her boyfriend held her crying.
She begged him to please let him go, embarrassed, feeling useless and afraid that if more people gathered she’d be stigmatised.
She broke it off with her boyfriend because even when they had normal lovers’ tiff, she’d attribute it to events from the past and he was drained trying to convince her that it had nothing to do with it.
She lost her voice, her pride and her confidence.
She had beaten herself too hard and was still on it.
She blamed herself for how much she had had and all the events that followed and sank into a depression that seemed to spur her to drink more and not mind what might happen afterwards. She was alive but she was done living.
Her smiles became a veil to hide her sadness, her laughter cries for help, her grief so humongous she thought she’d never find relief so reareashe’d drown herself in more alcohol till even the bottles of liquor feared that she’d be the death of them.
25/10/17
r3d
#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realrawandaimple
­#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

There is his cabana
I laid my head on his shoulder
He whispered something to me and it made me begin to wonder
Wonder why something suddenly didn't feel right  
"Did you ever read "Anthills of the Savannah" he asked in his rich textured baritone voice
Jolting me outta my reverie with a tiny shudder
"Yes, but never really found it captivating"
I said
What's your take on the book I queried?
"I never really enjoyed it myself"
I knew he had a lot more he wanted to say to me cause art was always his window
I turned to catch his gaze and said "so spill"
"What?" He asked
"Oh please Harry! Miss me with the BS and tell me what's on your mind"
I only forgot his pet names when I needed to get something outta him
He heaved a sigh, certainly not one of relief
And looked away from me.
"What's wrong babe?" I asked trying hard to conceal my worry

"I'm sorry, this wasn't what I promised you when when we married"
"And I could never love another like I do you"

"What are you on about?" I asked my voice trembling barely above a whisper.


"She's carrying my baby...
I'm sorry but it happened just once and now she's carrying my baby"

"Who is she" I whimpered
Seeing as we never had a child of our own .

Everything inside of me came crumbling down


Minutes passed, the silence was too loud
Almost deafening

I tried to steady my breathing but my heart was beating so hard I feared it might break free from outta  my chest.


"Harry Ese Williams! Who is she?"
This time around my voice betrayed me
And just when he was about to respond

My bestfriend walks in, our eyes locked  and I knew he didn't even have to utter a word for me to know who it was he was talking about.

r3d
10:09

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realr­awandaimple
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

The Challenge (Day 7)

Woman,
No woe, no *****
Descendant of eve, made from man’s rib
Man of Sand, then the Creators breathe
Not the devil, not to perpetuate evil


Why do you sow discord among yours
When you have been empowered to sew hearts hate has rent with love?

Woman,
Feminine, feline
Made to create, bear fruits
Fruits that nourish
Not to poison another to perish

Woman,
When will you realise that when you tear down one of ours, we all fall down?

Woman,
You’re called;
                          Mother, Daughter,
Teacher, Lover,  Healer, Partner


Not killer
Don’t ****** ’er
Not backstabber

Don’t Torment ‘er
Not Dementor
Don’t mock’er

Not naysayer
Don’t Hat’er


Woman,
When you sit among man and slay your sister with your tongue
Just before you let him see beneath your thong
Do you think he’d treat you as royalty when you can’t practice loyalty?

Remember just as he sat to spew venom about her
So would he with another about you.


Besides he sees you and your sister as same
This stupidity won’t change if you think you’re a saint and your sister is to blame..

Woman!
You are your sisters biggest problem
And  with her lies your solution.

Nothing will work if you don’t agree to walk with her

Woman,
When you stand for one, you stand for all.
If it can happen to one, others can also take the fall.

Woman,
Stand firm so another will have the courage to stand tall.


r3d
311017
17:49

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe­
#realrawandaimple
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

The Challenge (Day 6)

A gypsy she was
Constantly tipsy because
Her fantasies paused
The curse her realities had caused

****** Mary was Hersolutiongel before *******
Devil’s cut her femgasm if she ever wanted to hit ******

Always numb
Until after a few shots of bourbon
Wild she’d turn
Haunting her preys with desire as from her touch, they burn
She leaves soon as she ****
Breathless, they lay long after she’s gone
The mystic menace she’s become
Some say, she once was Queen
Whose crown shone bright and her smile a beam
Until her king was slain by his twin
So his throne he would claim

Held down by her guards on his command
She must be his Queen was his demand
She spat on him and cursed his grave
A slap, she recieved across her face
taking her against her will to satisfy his rage
She writhed in pain
Her cries drowned in her drought of tears
He had cursed her with shame
Timid, she’d become imprisoned by fear
Months after uncontrollably she bled
So much her poker faced midwife admitted she was scared
The queen had lost her seed
With which went her appetite and sleep
One day the new king was found dead
His body missing a head
The kingdoms was filled with dread
And the queen panicked she might be silenced so she fled.

A gypsy she became
The haunted became the hunter
The best in the game
r3d
30/10/17
14:15

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realrawandaimp­le
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

So I’ve been here wondering what have I gotten myself into?

Sigh, I’m gonna follow through till the last shot drops so I’m not even about to tap out before this is over.
Life is love and like love, it has its challenges, beautiful times, hurtful events, days when you just wanna give up on that spouse/partner/sibling/friend who seems to have repeatedly gotten on your 12 cranial nerves, hurt you on a regular even when he/she fails to realise this or says it’s totally unintentional. Some days the reverse is the case and you are the villain.


Life like love has its phases and some of these most shy away from without realising these are some of the most crucial experiences, these are the moments that shape our destinies, our purpose cause every decision at these focal points can alter a lot about your existence.
There are so many sensitive topics and challenges we face but are afraid to speak out for fear of stigmatisation and also because we would rather not have to deal with the heart wrenching feeling that justice might not be served.

Anger is deadly when it gets the best of you, especially when you lose all control to it.
Anger is mostly abusive if it isn’t channeled appropriately.

Abuse of any kind has an adverse effect on the general well being, growth and confidence of its victims as well as their outlook on life in a grotesque manner that most never get an opportunity to straighten.


Alcohol Addiction among other substances abused are steady on the rise.
These things give us a false grasp at desperate hope/lessness but once the effect of such substances wear thin like a boomerang we turn in to despair like a warm bed after a cold day of hard labour hence using these substances over and over again as a resolve whilst acting irrationally and blaming it on these substances/vices.
Though most times we use them as a subterfuge; unashamedly display behavioural patterns we are too cowardly to gather enough courage to exihibit without these things as happy triggers.
Due to the frequent or constant use of these substances in our system, we depend on their use to get by, but do we really get by, since we take these things till we get inebriated or high to the point that we become a hazard even to ourselves?
Most of the things are resultant effects of causes influenced by choices we make and the impact of such decisions truncate our progress or stagnate it, as the case may be.
If a loved one begins to manifest irrational behavioural patterns; an extrovert suddenly becomes recluse or an introvert suddenly loud and overbearing, please find a way to reach out to such a person to find the root cause of the problem & don’t be surprised if they are aggressive cause it’s a normal reaction with persons battling with some type emotional trauma or battling with any type of addiction.

It could be that someone you know who might have outta the blues started to act funny, irrationally or suddenly wouldn’t wanna do anything or be able to complete simple tasks, though such a one was a go getter before the appearance of these weird behavioural patterns.

Most times instead of reaching out we begin to spread word about how these persons have changed though when we meet with them we share hugs and smiles, some “fiends” distant themselves from such persons and never reach out to find out why the sudden change.

This is not what they need from us as this may push them further into their cocoon.
Hurt and confused persons are usually defensive, they are prone to spewing hateful/hurtful words.

These people need love the most though they seem undeserving of it.
Help a friend get help today.
We all need each other, we all need love, love needs us to show love today, send love and a prayer for clarity and peace someone’s way today.
Help the hurting to heal not to stray some more with the words you say or fail to say.
Love is a verb.

Show love don’t make a show outta love
Share some in whatever way necessary today.

Salaam!

r3d

6/11/17
17:03

#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realrawandaimp­le
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d

Her death sentence was served in a bottle
With every swirl came a count charge
Every swig, a guilty plea

t3d
17:03


#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
#realra­wandaimple
#welearnasweteach
#writingright
#firesofr3d