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Mateuš Conrad Oct 2016
civilisation abhors thought that it cannot vocalise,
and therefore monitise - it abhors it! it vilifies such
thinking as a form of mental  illness, or something akin
to such a statement; talk to any psychiatrist
and he'll tell you that psychiatry is, quiete frankly:
a variation of demonology - shadow people -
the "retards" everyone is quickly to defend
but easily strap into death-rollercoster rides
and the famous bon voyage adieu salute!
civilisation stamps it down, as i already said, abhors it,
whenever cancer is involved is a hellraising
fundraiser moment... come the sickness of the mind?
or the abstracted brain: we have parasite,
tapeworm people.
     and all because of our own cause in having created
the skivvy like residuals to brush under the
carpet of what's otherwise glitter:
   people who are without narrative:
                    without the marathon fundraiser public:
a macho personification of how to abuse
state authority but never wishing to do so:
but nonetheless being punished for it.

the central figure? fiction isn't written these days,
take a break, come back later.
        if you can't be honest now: you will never
be honest in a hundred years: forget it!
but you know what i find? sniffer dog that i am:
i find people like *Faustino Barrientos

a.k.a. not Pablo Neruda - and god i'm jealous,
there's this pristine exemplified variant of Adam
and i'm petrified with jealousy at
his 45 years of solitude in Chile -
               i'm mad by it,
why? because the so-called civilised world has
literally cut off all my limbs to embody such
a life: my grandfather and my father lived
under the laws of conscription auto-suggested
by the rubric of social preliminary bulletpoints:
i'm jealous of them too!
              i'm an Auschwitz shaven bearded
"thinker", no good to society that needs rigour
of appearing nice and selling bull's *******:
i wish i was (most of the time),
       i got a chemistry degree and was told to
work in a supermarket... there goes my love for
learning:
                i am, evidently, a pseudo-hermit,
self-imposed isolation but still seeing people:
or as i like to call them: ghosts - in close
proximity; now, if ever anti-social behaviour went
on unpunished, i'd be a gladdened example
of such feralness.
                    oddly enough, atheists are cultured
creatures,
                 but, not oddly enough: they have
nothing enabling them with self-preservation;
the argument goes along the lines of self- (hyphen
opening necessary)... as a prescribed form of
automation... in a variety of guises:
         this hermit from Chile has nothing of this
sort, he simply has a godly competence of
the environment, someone like Christopher Hitchens
can walk into a crowded space and give you
theological nausea -
              because could you find enough whiskey
metabolism while shearing sheep and
milking cows? no! atheism is a placebo of what
is otherwise an individualistic stance of
being an individual within a herd -
and what an almighty cold turkey experience we've
been given after Nietzsche killed god:
we're going cold turkey -
               we're theologically cold turkey -
we are still living in rehab, bad move to do it
so quickly: history on amphetamines sort of speak...
             a dichotomy of priestly attire
and politicians all suited tied and booted as
the grey matter: where are the ******* rainbows?
hence the persistence to relapse into hippy,
while adolescence succumbs to nothing more than
a medical circus frenzy: of nature's own:
                          getting rid of the weakest like
one might throw out an out-of-date yoghurt.
  all good and well with that montage of atheism
being the zeitgeist fashion statement -
    but there is no atheism outside of the civilised world:
there's the purity of the self-        automation:
or adaptability to the environment -
only once congregated there was the imposed:
the non-existence of.
                      because it was trendy to speak like that,
we established a cohabitating necessity as
a species and then tried to fake that necessity by
differentiating with enough intellectual sweat to
distance ourselves with a counter-argument:
i.e. not self-   as in automation because of the ever
changing weather and organic octopus auxiliary attachments
for the worth of grit:
                     but a self-    (unit of automation)
   to fill the world with an almost inaccessible
perpetuation of the narrative - but this civilised self-
                 as variant of automation
toward self-sufficiency and independence is completely
lacking in the civilised world!
     we treat people like ****! waiter! cashiers!
                     bus drivers!
         i endear you to think that in the collective of
what's known as the civilised world: the hermit does not,
exist! there is no self- to speak of,
               try milking a cow or lumbering along with Jack:
it ain't there! we're a bankruptcy in terms of limbs!
        well sure: i write, and immediately i'm
in a mess because i like to study -
     which means poetry or poetry aspiring to
philosophy is inherently useless... so is civilisation!
   tribalism has no need for money: because it
has community: cannibalistic or not... is still has
a collective need to survive - unless of course you
remember the civilised world and all those
experimental fetishes to get you starcast with a moovie.
so this Chilean guy, 40 years a hermit,
     and then this article in the Sunday Times
news review section: driven to distraction -
             and my notes as graffiti after reading it:
we are a second behind goldfish online (8 seconds
with cat videos) - goldfish are 9 seconds into
watching bubbles, and then creative dementia
     doing the plateau incremental snap: re re re.
the god does not exist argument is founded on
a banking system: it's the most viable way to make
an argument that provides wages -
          no other reason for it,
or: as according to the Chilean nomad Faustino
Barrientos
, begin with the self- unit
                of self-determination and sustenance:
otherwise don't bother arguing that sort of argument
without undermining the collective Disney index
of the people: who are incompetent at ruling themselves
then they congregate to give birth to a Picasso,
end of!
              so just because i studied the sciences i can't
be persuaded to an ulterior version of humanism:
i swear, Kant said that there was nothing nobler than
to concern yourself with god... or an argument for
such a being... maybe i'm misreading things:
after all... it's not all that fashionable to say such things:
because never was sane sensibility akin to Jane Austen
for ******* despicable as to read Jane Eyre.
              well sure, i have my "furthering" notes,
from the trenches of the devil's sulphuring *******...
         again: that statement "god is dead"?
is effectively going cold turkey... shutting off all
the superstitious metabolism of the past: oh, 20 centuries.
   sure, the Anglo Renaissance came, Elvis too,
       but the repercussions of what we "experienced"
at the height of the latter part of the 20th century?
unreplicable, gone, dust, sniff the actual grey dust
death of ash... it's not coming back: here my pessimism
and valour in the name of comedy - realism
and the very mortal hand of the extinguished flame:
it's gone! done!
                and it ain't, coming back with a backlash of
infuriated rigour to keep afloat: or return to / replenish.
  it's gone!  mind you, Heath could also be
included in this ode that celebrates necessary
obscurity of the Chilean to my jealous fancy as having
perfected survival skills.
             but this cold turkey debacle over the death
of god penetrates former colonial, hence post-colonial
societies: it affects the youth.
                  it suggests a quickened pretense of
diminished responsibility within a framework of
the lack of all things "karmic":
sure, so history is without a continuum to ensure
there's transgression for every transcendence
and we all live in an Utopian scenario of
immovable mountains: maybe that's why we're
no longer writing history but historiography:
and there is a distinction:
the former is actually angling and fishing -
the other is counting the number of skiving salmon
dreaming of wings rather than gills out
of the river.
                     among the other observations?
or apathy without origin in blissful thinking,
statement A.
     can you imagine anything more apprehensively
digested that reaching the conclusion:
a- + -pathos (without pathology)
                                 can be interpreted negatively?
negative thinking prior to reaching the consolidation
that apathy is, well: most people treat that as
an abnormality.
                     (if i ever wrote a self-help book,
i'd write one like this).
              you go past bulimia, past self-harm,
past all the negative bull and reach a state of apathy,
a non-disconcerted attunement toward feeling:
but you have been chiseling with your thought
at all the unpardonable negativism of your
identifiable physiognomy from genealogical nuance:
you seem to want to replicate an ancestry -
your heart will not tell you to **** yourself:
but find enough automaton curriculum in your
thinking: and your own mind will slothfully entice
you with a thinking sidewinder that aims at the
guillotine, or the gallows.
                   and after all that negative thinking,
you reach apathy, or being without a pathology?
and you feel an emptiness?
             don't expect to be Nepalese -
your ancestry forbids it...
                        you didn't reach a Buddhist apathy,
you didn't start from a zenith: but from a nadir,
tattooed with so many pathologies:
to reach apathy you had to transcend them:
       this is the bit were i say, concerning your heart:
it's a bit like a Cartesian cogito ergo sum moment.
talking about going beyond:
ever think that foundation of ontology is grammatically
based, if not biased?
        i limit this question toward grammatical
categorisation of words...
      primarily? the usual questions:
why are we here?
                       how? (well, that's outdated
'cos we have all the answers and that leverages our
greatest dissatisfaction, even in terms of writing
a new version of Don Quixote, which we can't).
                i devalue grammatical categorisation
altogether, i don't believe in it,
            for example why is categorised as
both adverb and conjunction... to me synonyms
don't exist in grammar, why is therefore only
an adverb...
              how? also an adverb... (ad- + -verb
         toward an action) - thus toward the municipality
of professions: but that's not a moral question.
       why is also an int. (interjection) and n. (noun) -
all it takes is a missing h to completely it as a noun
(unless of course the Oxford dictionary is wrong,
and i'm not Shylock Holmes)...
             what i am focusing on is the word
is, which is grammatically categorised as a conjunction,
and so it is, and so that is, and so this is:
       that's a canvas for me: mirror mirror, on the wall:
who will the the fairest of them all once i stop
asking the question with rose petals in mind being
plucked in that fateful lottery?
                         i don't care why, i already have
a good enough estimate as to how...
                          i base my ontology (nature of being)
upon the is...
                        where there was jungle, there too is
another jungle made of concrete -
and i don't trust the Quran: it makes grammar too
inaccessible, too holy even,
             you tell me the naked truth of the grammar,
i'll put on a ******* Hijab and prance to the tune
of le trio joubran's song masar down a street:
the weeping man of Amsterdam, two German chefs
tripping out on mushrooms while watching
American Dad in a darkened hostel room,
   and an Egyptian architectural student i spent
the afternoon with; otherwise? don't bother.
      and it really is great how is can't be an adverb
and merely a conjunction (well, "merely"),
      there is nothing that requires is to be a limitation,
or a necessary morphing into: toward doing / being
something... everything just, is;
and if it wasn't for Shia Islam you'd get **** all Sufi...
maybe a Falafel kebab, but **** all apart from that.
                    of course i'd side with the ****** Iranians
on this matter...
                                i can't live without music,
for fare game to Faustino Barrientos, but i can't live
without music, and Wahabbism doesn't recognise
music:      never was hearing a camel hart or a
merchant burp or a woman ****** seem so appealing,
and worthy to fight for!
(italics for the sarcasm).
do you think that if i clap my hands for a year
i'll hear a minute's worth of Wagner?
                                         (snigger): probably not.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2018
so, with israel being re-established...
why do we, us,hit
europeans... even need to bother
establishing authority,
         utilißing the new testament?
i quiete like the old testament
logic of:
oculus per oculus
                   (eye for an eye)...
because the saxon concept of
justice: i rather see...
the implosion of
   blackstone's formulation...
the 10:1 imploding to the 1:10
ratio of...
      a shawshank redemption...

there is... redemption...
since! there's no justice within
the post scriptum of
the hillsborough disaster...
watching people walk, the lunatic walk,
20 years later?
   disorientated by the court
of justice?

    re-dem-ption...
the whole aspect of: innocent until proven
guilty is horrid!
this... saxon vernacular of
that branch of philosophy that's
bogus...
namely... within origins
     of the forbidden fruit...
i.e. and you know?!

    really?!

      no... but i'll **** to make
a standing pivot of a pawn
on a chess-board.

                          savvy?

who, among the europeans...
actually needs such artifacts
as new testament texts, credo,
orthodoxy, sign of the cross
greek exports?

             the state of israel has
been re-established...
      i don't want anything to do
with this judeo-grecian banality...
you can have you little affair over

                                n

       e                                                 w





                                 s...

don't worry... i'll make sure that i'm
watching... people tell a lie...

yeah: hum hum bubbly hum-hum...
am i, or are there any arizona
inbreds?

who, the hell, needs, the news testament,
within the confines of history,
dispossessing europe of it,
of an established jewish state?

      one book among many...
hence the scent of a yawn...
                         when entering a library...

i'll do one gesture, and one gesture
alone... inclined to a replica...
    ecce libra!
             i wash my hands from
                  having any investment in it.

****, the greeks can have it...
      they can keep it, cherish it,
but they better not spaghetti the old testament
with their... "ingenious" plot...
not when the nag hammadi library
emerged...
      no... not now... not ever...
        i detest this greek book of overt
symbolism...
  their pristine alphabet,
their diacritical application,
  with the pseudo-romans toying with: deaf...
or blind... whichever it is...

sandpaper... instead of a kangaroo pouch...
of inflated... soft... flesh?
i'll rip your heart out
and feed it to my neighbour's dog,
                  beside a bowl of water.
La mattutina pioggia, allor che l'ale
Battendo esulta nella chiusa stanza
La gallinella, ed al balcon s'affaccia
L'abitator dè campi, e il Sol che nasce
I suoi tremuli rai fra le cadenti
Stille saetta, alla capanna mia
Dolcemente picchiando, mi risveglia;
E sorgo, e i lievi nugoletti, e il primo
Degli augelli susurro, e l'aura fresca,
E le ridenti piagge benedico:
Poiché voi, cittadine infauste mura,
Vidi e conobbi assai, là dove segue
Odio al dolor compagno; e doloroso
Io vivo, e tal morrò, deh tosto! Alcuna
Benché scarsa pietà pur mi dimostra
Natura in questi lochi, un giorno oh quanto
Verso me più cortese! E tu pur volgi
Dai miseri lo sguardo; e tu, sdegnando
Le sciagure e gli affanni, alla reina
Felicità servi, o natura. In cielo,
In terra amico agl'infelici alcuno
E rifugio non resta altro che il ferro.
Talor m'assido in solitaria parte,
Sovra un rialto, al margine d'un lago
Di taciturne piante incoronato.
Ivi, quando il meriggio in ciel si volve,
La sua tranquilla imago il Sol dipinge,
Ed erba o foglia non si crolla al vento,
E non onda incresparsi, e non cicala
Strider, né batter penna augello in ramo,
Né farfalla ronzar, né voce o moto
Da presso né da lunge odi né vedi.
Tien quelle rive altissima quiete;
Ond'io quasi me stesso e il mondo obblio
Sedendo immoto; e già mi par che sciolte
Giaccian le membra mie, né spirto o senso
Più le commova, e lor quiete antica
Cò silenzi del loco si confonda.
Amore, amore, assai lungi volasti
Dal petto mio, che fu sì caldo un giorno,
Anzi rovente. Con sua fredda mano
Lo strinse la sciaura, e in ghiaccio è volto
Nel fior degli anni. Mi sovvien del tempo
Che mi scendesti in seno. Era quel dolce
E irrevocabil tempo, allor che s'apre
Al guardo giovanil questa infelice
Scena del mondo, e gli sorride in vista
Di paradiso. Al garzoncello il core
Di vergine speranza e di desio
Balza nel petto; e già s'accinge all'opra
Di questa vita come a danza o gioco
Il misero mortal. Ma non sì tosto,
Amor, di te m'accorsi, e il viver mio
Fortuna avea già rotto, ed a questi occhi
Non altro convenia che il pianger sempre.
Pur se talvolta per le piagge apriche,
Su la tacita aurora o quando al sole
Brillano i tetti e i poggi e le campagne,
Scontro di vaga donzelletta il viso;
O qualor nella placida quiete
D'estiva notte, il vagabondo passo
Di rincontro alle ville soffermando,
L'erma terra contemplo, e di fanciulla
Che all'opre di sua man la notte aggiunge
Odo sonar nelle romite stanze
L'arguto canto; a palpitar si move
Questo mio cor di sasso: ahi, ma ritorna
Tosto al ferreo sopor; ch'è fatto estrano
Ogni moto soave al petto mio.
O cara luna, al cui tranquillo raggio
Danzan le lepri nelle selve; e duolsi
Alla mattina il cacciator, che trova
L'orme intricate e false, e dai covili
Error vario lo svia; salve, o benigna
Delle notti reina. Infesto scende
Il raggio tuo fra macchie e balze o dentro
A deserti edifici, in su l'acciaro
Del pallido ladron ch'a teso orecchio
Il fragor delle rote e dè cavalli
Da lungi osserva o il calpestio dè piedi
Su la tacita via; poscia improvviso
Col suon dell'armi e con la rauca voce
E col funereo ceffo il core agghiaccia
Al passegger, cui semivivo e nudo
Lascia in breve trà sassi. Infesto occorre
Per le contrade cittadine il bianco
Tuo lume al drudo vil, che degli alberghi
Va radendo le mura e la secreta
Ombra seguendo, e resta, e si spaura
Delle ardenti lucerne e degli aperti
Balconi. Infesto alle malvage menti,
A me sempre benigno il tuo cospetto
Sarà per queste piagge, ove non altro
Che lieti colli e spaziosi campi
M'apri alla vista. Ed ancor io soleva,
Bench'innocente io fossi, il tuo vezzoso
Raggio accusar negli abitati lochi,
Quand'ei m'offriva al guardo umano, e quando
Scopriva umani aspetti al guardo mio.
Or sempre loderollo, o ch'io ti miri
Veleggiar tra le nubi, o che serena
Dominatrice dell'etereo campo,
Questa flebil riguardi umana sede.
Me spesso rivedrai solingo e muto
Errar pè boschi e per le verdi rive,
O seder sovra l'erbe, assai contento
Se core e lena a sospirar m'avanza.
Passata è la tempesta:
Odo augelli far festa, e la gallina,
Tornata in su la via,
Che ripete il suo verso. Ecco il sereno
Rompe là da ponente, alla montagna;
Sgombrasi la campagna,
E chiaro nella valle il fiume appare.
Ogni cor si rallegra, in ogni lato
Risorge il romorio
Torna il lavoro usato.
L'artigiano a mirar l'umido cielo,
Con l'opra in man, cantando,
Fassi in su l'uscio; a prova
Vien fuor la femminetta a còr dell'acqua
Della novella piova;
E l'erbaiuol rinnova
Di sentiero in sentiero
Il grido giornaliero.
Ecco il Sol che ritorna, ecco sorride
Per li poggi e le ville. Apre i balconi,
Apre terrazzi e logge la famiglia:
E, dalla via corrente, odi lontano
Tintinnio di sonagli; il carro stride
Del passeggier che il suo cammin ripiglia.
Si rallegra ogni core.
Sì dolce, sì gradita
Quand'è, com'or, la vita?
Quando con tanto amore
L'uomo à suoi studi intende?
O torna all'opre? O cosa nova imprende?
Quando dè mali suoi men si ricorda?
Piacer figlio d'affanno;
Gioia vana, ch'è frutto
Del passato timore, onde si scosse
E paventò la morte
Chi la vita abborria;
Onde in lungo tormento,
Fredde, tacite, smorte,
Sudàr le genti e palpitàr, vedendo
Mossi alle nostre offese
Folgori, nembi e vento.
O natura cortese,
Son questi i doni tuoi,
Questi i diletti sono
Che tu porgi ai mortali. Uscir di pena
È diletto fra noi.
Pene tu spargi a larga mano; il duolo
Spontaneo sorge e di piacer, quel tanto
Che per mostro e miracolo talvolta
Nasce d'affanno, è gran guadagno. Umana
Prole cara agli eterni! Assai felice
Se respirar ti lice
D'alcun dolor: beata
Se te d'ogni dolor morte risana.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
3 weeks, that's all it takes,
      how many necessary things could have
been said, but weren't...
    i could have written to my local m.p.,
or say - an imaginary letter to
Lorca, like Jack Spicer -
     instead, i wrote a few pieces of
verbal-diarrhea - sheer frustration -
      how debasing i sometimes see myself
becoming, all this talk of self-censorship,
     it's this ominous shadow of some third
party sources... the more you write
it seems, the more you start fearing
in the existence of that famous chestnut
known as writer's block...
                         it's such a fear that it's
impossible to call it irrational,
a tiny fear, a phobia, fear without a narrative...
so you end up becoming debasing for a while:
thankfully: there's nothing in concreto
about it...
                    you begin almost in trance
blurting out words to no civilised purpose -
  just to go beyond the rust and stiffness of
3 weeks sober, as if starved from the world:
because your grandparents don't have an internet
connection...
      and you return from a place where
you have to time to read books, and be content
at being fed by a television set...
                rather than having to feed
the computer and that amassing of knowledge
and shared experience...
      a digital detox they call it...
   i call it a double-whammy detox... and strange
how doable it is: it doesn't require
a rehab...    or some guru telling you
       that you have to block out thoughts
immersed to the internet...
                    but then again, is it about that?
all i can claim to say is that:
    the internet can really become a cul de sac...
i'd feign to believe that anyone with
   it can read a novel these days...
                       i know i can't -
     in the most ordinary circumstances -
                     a complete shut-down can provide
enough furniture to be so less itchy
and nagging to touch...
                               and it wasn't even a case
of a self-imposed hiatus...
                    don't know what it actually meant
other than an immersion in: what
life was like in the 20th century...
                              and on that touchy subject of
certain words being treated as if said
by children and deserving the scorn from an elder...
well sure, would that give us many more
graces to: write in the fxxx?   and if i actually did -
if only the english language used some sort of
orthographic, but it can't: since it has no diacritical
markings...
    the aesthetic is so different in Poland...
you don't censor certain words so might think you're
talking roses and adorable puppies for some
grand social project...
       there's a graffiti joke in Poland...
              and there about four different variations
of the same word (as it sounds) -
huj                         hój
             chuj                                and chój...
  there are no others... but there's only one accepted
spelling of the word: given the orthographic convention...
and if this word is seen on walls
   without the correct orthography, it's a good joke...
  (it's the first spelling of the word that's correct,
if you want to know)...
     what i can't understand is creating these excessive
emotional associations with words,
not sentences that lead to a fuller meaning:
but isolated words...
                         it's a simple bewilderment that
using such words, for the sake of using them, might
suddenly lead toward some antagonism of
an ethnicity -
                                 it's black on white -
there are no hues of words... but when it's used
from fear of a writer's block, and it has to be used,
once again: not in concreto...
                        then it's again, used like i might
throw everything into grammatical categorisation of
words, and get back a lesson in grammar...
    that's 3 weeks without a keyboard - you're
bound to vent out some frustration...
                    at least there's an antidote to it,
on saturday i experienced zenith of the frustration,
until it dwindled away, overnight...
                             rarely do you see a review of a poetry
book in english newspapers...
   perhaps the guardian, but in the times?
               once in a blue moon...
           the review: if jeremy corbyn wrote poems...
    for almost a whole evening i was experiencing this
sort of: debilitating paralysis, debilitating because it
was wholly mental... i equated reading this review
with an experience of: ethical monopoly of vocab...
    and it really does exist... its not a question of political
correctness, but a case of ethics:
                  could i use the word nxxxer or not?
    can it really be so scary to see that correct spelling?
and what if i wrote about the river Niger, because
i felt like it... or took to the fancy of a trip to Nigeria?
       boy, Niagara falls must be stunning to look at too!
i don't understand that privacy can be so usurped,
so wrangled out one's on comfort...
    so we have our closet racists and closet intellectuals
(who i call the bearded white boys
                 in chequered shirts and torn jeans) -
    but in a fit of personal transitioning, are we really
about to censor each other, and on what ground?
      yes, i have a ku klux **** hood in my closet
and i'm about to shout ye ha! on a lynch frenzy...
      it's a word said out of context with a historical content
still ascribed to it... if this word were taken into
an urban environment: it would be an epitome of
what once was used with the words *******...
         i'm not concerned with the word historically...
       historically speaking: it's urban now...
                               it can literally mean: thick-as-night...
and can you start to begin finalising such
nano experiences in life...
                           some people get to sky-dive,
or hunt lions on safaris...
                                i'm stuck with a wasted evening
duped into thinking this out:
  like so horror minority report, said the word:
predestined to do the most god-awful evil...
                       or like i said the word:
and that's equivalent to not washing my mouth for
2 weeks... 2 weeks spent on a diet of onions,
garlic and raw beef...
                           it's this absurdity that has nothing
fancy about it, this could not be written by
Albert Camus... it's too worm-like absurd...
                 i don't whether to laugh or cry, or tell you
how i had to find a counter-frustration...
but i did, the review of a poetry book in a saturday newspaper...
philip collins' take on unreconciled - poems 1991 - 2013
   by michel houellebecq...
                               i'm guessing the actual book
would make me feel less frictive than the reviewer's take on it...
   such this huge ball of fungus dropped into
my cranium and started to cannibalise itself with
digestive juices of nihilism... thankfully reviews like this
would spur me on and make me want to read such a book...
just to get the antithesis (if that's correct word to use)...
   to me, it sounds like a book
that's supposed to oppose the european use of the haiku...
   for me not all haikus are philosophical...
     although i know they're intended as such...
personally, i think that the art behind the haiku is
more than the actual haiku...
    say, someone who invented this medium,
yes, an easterner would probably write 20 haikus in
a period of 20 years...
     writing too many haikus (usually done by westerners)
is precisely the opposite of the art-form...
      how can a haiku be written without a year-long
restraint, and when finally the pressure is too much:
you get ''so little''?
                      well sure, i can write a haiku any moment
i can... but i'd have to have a gnat's worth of
consciousness to write one without having meditated for
a year...
                we europeans can at least write
absurd excerpts from our rigid lives...
                        and houellebecq does that -
   we live in these snappy narcissistic observations taken
from the world we have so made systematic -
    and i guess reason is a big tender dog -
given that unreason is a ******* chiwawa that
constantly keeps barking... or any other small dog
for that matter...       well: once again -
who told these people who review poetry books that
poetry is an Ikea manual?
                               lack of imagination, i'd say...
   and i'll say that about any other liar out there who
can say that visualising poems is easy -
     modern art can be seen as pretentious ******* -
but then what can you verbalise about it is the whole trick...
   just asking, because i was thinking about when
that famous school of fine art in Florence is going to
reopen, and why no one bothered to remember the techniques
using oil on canvas...
                 evidently something is up in the zeitgeist -
    i'm guessing we'll not see a **** study by edward calvet
any time soon... and it'll remain so, for quiete some time -
something is being revised - i'd call all modern art
by the movement: revisionism -
                      well: the dark ages were revising something -
everything's crude once more...
                  as came with the over-exposure to our
******... and did i say there's something wrong with that?
but evidently seeing too much fucky-fucky
    has created jelly in the eyes of artists who have to
go back to basics... it's like artists are looking for words...
they want to return to a dialogue of the reneissance...
    or at least it sounds like that... oh no, not from them:
from the people that have a critical eye on the matter:
the intellectuals... i see it as a hope for coming back to
dialogue... if you can't return to a dialogue over
a very simple modern canvas... there's no point
talking about the greater intricacies...
                             that leave you speechless -
  i mean: what's the point of talking about a mona lisa
when you can enjoy a joke asking whether
the devil didn't have his hand up her skirt?
       or the ecstasy of st. theresa... what's there to talk about?
i look at that statue and just want to get a hard-on...
but first i guess i have to rediscover a dialogue
with what the current times prescribe me...
and these really are works of prescription... there's no
point look into pharmacology's list of prescriptions...
   as going about saying it's all a load of *******,
leads to the first step toward modern alienation...
       if darwinism can be a humanism, a study of
the human... i can only give it a motto:
there's a reason behind everything... there's a reason
snakes don't have eyelids...
                              or that giraffes look funny...
             or that camels are the most vile mammals
to walk this earth...
                       personally i
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2016
only today i learned ø denotes
        an encoding of diameter,
and it's Scandinavian,
                     or how the globe is
past the equator,
         and the lob-sided earth,
winters in Australia in the Summer months
in Europe.

    high philosophy begins with Beijing
dialectical highs,
    but take the route of lower philosophy
and encounter diacritics rather than dialectics,
because that matters, too,
        θought, a moral ought,
   and φilosoφy - and missing ought -
          and the two being irreversibly twins
in said... or θought an immoral ought,
                 sure, tubes, mistook ø74 for something
akin to φ...
    high philosophy never acquires a diacritical
dilemma...
                  or why local don't do anything
but actuate automatic application
   and those immigrant, or bilingual troops question...
    ø = diameter, not to be confused with the θ;
             higher philosophy begins with dialectical
beginnings,
               "lower" philosophy also begins with
dialectics, but it ends with diacritical application,
rather than utopian: nowhere from nothing.

what am i going to say next? *machado de assis's

philosopher or dog? introduction.

          ........................................­..................................
..............................­......................................................
..........­.................................................................­.........
.......................................................­.............................
...................................­.................................................
...............­.................................................................­....
............................................................­...........
(or a paragraph on the pleasure of drinking,
    or how to save you an optometrist appointment,
or how to take an interlude,
   to do the opposite of the Andy Warhol stipend
for making enough buggers hearing your
opinion, unchallenged,
                    but never having a diacritic concern).
hence the pending, or what everyone seems to
desire these days, circa 100 years later,
     how to provoke an interlude, how to hunger
for interludes rather than fame,
           i also drew a sketch before starting,
       shat -
                  and hey presto!
           ****!
                   yuck in orange in florescent.
yellow (florescent), F, pretty pretty pretty,
          in pink the bit about diameters and phi,
           again in yuck orange: swigs and the wiggle...
a paged concern for graffiti.
                  again, pending, yet to be hottie
and poster boy of a poem,
        again the impromptu break worth of fame that
actually isn't fame, but a chance to compare
                   how much whiskey makes up for the
Niagara continuum.
        again, (pending):
............................................... (how the hell do you
write pending ~15 minutes later?!)

the concept of Monday is greatly undermined
by Darwinism,
    as is Tuesday through to Sunday,
generally the function-able week desists the idea
of an Iron Age, as does the pantomime
of all that's worth celebrating -
generally speaking Darwinism is anti-history,
theology has nothing to ask of Darwinism
to argue against,
                             theology isn't a history,
but Darwinism is the purest variation
of history, variance of how we define logic
and its applicability, whether it's
i + think            /             1 + 1
    and have the moral attraction toward a 2
         or variate a moral action into a 3:
cos Radiohead simply sang 2 + 2 = 5 in a song:
cheat! matchstick principle regarding counting!
machado de assis? Darwinism is peppered with
overt imagery than salted with:
you get to sneeze a lot...
             a writer's voice: irony, mockery,
         consolidating the lessened counter-productiveness...
Flaubert, Dickens, Zola, Balzac, etc.,
                    homie, rap that **** out, condense it,
i thought Brazil was half the way America should have
endeared you? i had problems with Prussia
Austria and Russia... guess i was wrong how thuggish
i had to be with the Orpheus *******...
       cos the lyre was dumbo blunt deaf and therefore
cacka...
     higher philosophy begins with dialectics,
"lower" philosophy begins with diacritics -
     a return to the source, a debate with Ivory scales
concerning the Rosetta - a neo-formatting of
what's quiete
                           right: Sophia: hence anew: Rosetta.
and all for the pear that's woman and whether Satan
chose the fruit prudently according to Milton.
or the progress of a drunk:
centipedes and Fitzgeralds, Hemingways,
lust and last said...
                           the cf. of every apparent transitory
made to provoke the quasi and quack,
              ducking the Donald and the *****,
in agreement,
                     a happiness toward the tiresome
encrusting of what's worth being stated,
and then the deviatory,
                              as marketed a deviation
from a Louis Napoleon -
                                    because no Belarus was
to be chequered by an impeding force...
                      hence the cha cha cha...
                                    and hence the stanzas of
Argentinian tango...
              juicy and later the cruelty choking
of what some might make of Macbeath's habitual thinking
                                       worthy of a classroom
                audience; and that too is
exposable in return for being disposable.
higher philosophy is regarded as such with
dialectics,
                        but "lower" philosophy is
yet to be regarded as such with diacritics -
     not a case of what's to be said, and thus bedded,
but a case of how's something said,
                                and thus given a freedom
of: bedded, wedded, pimped, or whimpered into
                                     surviving writing a poem about;
also achieved by Humphrey and that chuckle of
revising Casablanca for an unnecessary quote dynamic /
diatribe when Hiroshima said
                 much more than the above certified:
boom! 1 million ******* dead.
       that's an overt-quote that gropes the many
amens among the citations of Marilyn, and still gets away
with                     a memory of J.F.K.,
           because that ****-honing masterpiece
was needing my memory rather
                                   than a b. b. q.    scewing.
          i find people rather forgetting:
jeopardy battered boundless gym orientational
                     thoughtless two shots of tequilas
            and three paraphrases of sours in biting a lemon
to upkeep a trough of a suntan with the H-He:
boom boom, higher tier laughter,
             ingesting that inflation of prop
                    boom boom, v bomber,
                     squeeze...
                    lob-side lo & behold,
                                       'n'        - squiggly extra thus born.
La mattutina pioggia, allor che l'ale
Battendo esulta nella chiusa stanza
La gallinella, ed al balcon s'affaccia
L'abitator dè campi, e il Sol che nasce
I suoi tremuli rai fra le cadenti
Stille saetta, alla capanna mia
Dolcemente picchiando, mi risveglia;
E sorgo, e i lievi nugoletti, e il primo
Degli augelli susurro, e l'aura fresca,
E le ridenti piagge benedico:
Poiché voi, cittadine infauste mura,
Vidi e conobbi assai, là dove segue
Odio al dolor compagno; e doloroso
Io vivo, e tal morrò, deh tosto! Alcuna
Benché scarsa pietà pur mi dimostra
Natura in questi lochi, un giorno oh quanto
Verso me più cortese! E tu pur volgi
Dai miseri lo sguardo; e tu, sdegnando
Le sciagure e gli affanni, alla reina
Felicità servi, o natura. In cielo,
In terra amico agl'infelici alcuno
E rifugio non resta altro che il ferro.
Talor m'assido in solitaria parte,
Sovra un rialto, al margine d'un lago
Di taciturne piante incoronato.
Ivi, quando il meriggio in ciel si volve,
La sua tranquilla imago il Sol dipinge,
Ed erba o foglia non si crolla al vento,
E non onda incresparsi, e non cicala
Strider, né batter penna augello in ramo,
Né farfalla ronzar, né voce o moto
Da presso né da lunge odi né vedi.
Tien quelle rive altissima quiete;
Ond'io quasi me stesso e il mondo obblio
Sedendo immoto; e già mi par che sciolte
Giaccian le membra mie, né spirto o senso
Più le commova, e lor quiete antica
Cò silenzi del loco si confonda.
Amore, amore, assai lungi volasti
Dal petto mio, che fu sì caldo un giorno,
Anzi rovente. Con sua fredda mano
Lo strinse la sciaura, e in ghiaccio è volto
Nel fior degli anni. Mi sovvien del tempo
Che mi scendesti in seno. Era quel dolce
E irrevocabil tempo, allor che s'apre
Al guardo giovanil questa infelice
Scena del mondo, e gli sorride in vista
Di paradiso. Al garzoncello il core
Di vergine speranza e di desio
Balza nel petto; e già s'accinge all'opra
Di questa vita come a danza o gioco
Il misero mortal. Ma non sì tosto,
Amor, di te m'accorsi, e il viver mio
Fortuna avea già rotto, ed a questi occhi
Non altro convenia che il pianger sempre.
Pur se talvolta per le piagge apriche,
Su la tacita aurora o quando al sole
Brillano i tetti e i poggi e le campagne,
Scontro di vaga donzelletta il viso;
O qualor nella placida quiete
D'estiva notte, il vagabondo passo
Di rincontro alle ville soffermando,
L'erma terra contemplo, e di fanciulla
Che all'opre di sua man la notte aggiunge
Odo sonar nelle romite stanze
L'arguto canto; a palpitar si move
Questo mio cor di sasso: ahi, ma ritorna
Tosto al ferreo sopor; ch'è fatto estrano
Ogni moto soave al petto mio.
O cara luna, al cui tranquillo raggio
Danzan le lepri nelle selve; e duolsi
Alla mattina il cacciator, che trova
L'orme intricate e false, e dai covili
Error vario lo svia; salve, o benigna
Delle notti reina. Infesto scende
Il raggio tuo fra macchie e balze o dentro
A deserti edifici, in su l'acciaro
Del pallido ladron ch'a teso orecchio
Il fragor delle rote e dè cavalli
Da lungi osserva o il calpestio dè piedi
Su la tacita via; poscia improvviso
Col suon dell'armi e con la rauca voce
E col funereo ceffo il core agghiaccia
Al passegger, cui semivivo e nudo
Lascia in breve trà sassi. Infesto occorre
Per le contrade cittadine il bianco
Tuo lume al drudo vil, che degli alberghi
Va radendo le mura e la secreta
Ombra seguendo, e resta, e si spaura
Delle ardenti lucerne e degli aperti
Balconi. Infesto alle malvage menti,
A me sempre benigno il tuo cospetto
Sarà per queste piagge, ove non altro
Che lieti colli e spaziosi campi
M'apri alla vista. Ed ancor io soleva,
Bench'innocente io fossi, il tuo vezzoso
Raggio accusar negli abitati lochi,
Quand'ei m'offriva al guardo umano, e quando
Scopriva umani aspetti al guardo mio.
Or sempre loderollo, o ch'io ti miri
Veleggiar tra le nubi, o che serena
Dominatrice dell'etereo campo,
Questa flebil riguardi umana sede.
Me spesso rivedrai solingo e muto
Errar pè boschi e per le verdi rive,
O seder sovra l'erbe, assai contento
Se core e lena a sospirar m'avanza.
Il termine, la vetta
di quella scoscesa serpentina
ecco si approssimava,
ormai era vicina,
ne davano un chiaro avvertimento
i magri rimasugli
della tappa pellegrina
su alla celestiale cima.
Poco sopra
alla vista
che spazio si sarebbe aperto
dal culmine raggiunto...
immaginarlo
già era beatitudine
concessa
più che al suo desiderio, al suo tormento.
Sì l'immensità, la luce
ma quiete vera ci sarebbe stata?
Lì avrebbe la sua impresa
avuto il luminoso assolvimento
da se stessa nella trasparente spera
o nasceva una nuova impossibile scalata...
Questo temeva, questo desiderava.
La mattutina pioggia, allor che l'ale
Battendo esulta nella chiusa stanza
La gallinella, ed al balcon s'affaccia
L'abitator dè campi, e il Sol che nasce
I suoi tremuli rai fra le cadenti
Stille saetta, alla capanna mia
Dolcemente picchiando, mi risveglia;
E sorgo, e i lievi nugoletti, e il primo
Degli augelli susurro, e l'aura fresca,
E le ridenti piagge benedico:
Poiché voi, cittadine infauste mura,
Vidi e conobbi assai, là dove segue
Odio al dolor compagno; e doloroso
Io vivo, e tal morrò, deh tosto! Alcuna
Benché scarsa pietà pur mi dimostra
Natura in questi lochi, un giorno oh quanto
Verso me più cortese! E tu pur volgi
Dai miseri lo sguardo; e tu, sdegnando
Le sciagure e gli affanni, alla reina
Felicità servi, o natura. In cielo,
In terra amico agl'infelici alcuno
E rifugio non resta altro che il ferro.
Talor m'assido in solitaria parte,
Sovra un rialto, al margine d'un lago
Di taciturne piante incoronato.
Ivi, quando il meriggio in ciel si volve,
La sua tranquilla imago il Sol dipinge,
Ed erba o foglia non si crolla al vento,
E non onda incresparsi, e non cicala
Strider, né batter penna augello in ramo,
Né farfalla ronzar, né voce o moto
Da presso né da lunge odi né vedi.
Tien quelle rive altissima quiete;
Ond'io quasi me stesso e il mondo obblio
Sedendo immoto; e già mi par che sciolte
Giaccian le membra mie, né spirto o senso
Più le commova, e lor quiete antica
Cò silenzi del loco si confonda.
Amore, amore, assai lungi volasti
Dal petto mio, che fu sì caldo un giorno,
Anzi rovente. Con sua fredda mano
Lo strinse la sciaura, e in ghiaccio è volto
Nel fior degli anni. Mi sovvien del tempo
Che mi scendesti in seno. Era quel dolce
E irrevocabil tempo, allor che s'apre
Al guardo giovanil questa infelice
Scena del mondo, e gli sorride in vista
Di paradiso. Al garzoncello il core
Di vergine speranza e di desio
Balza nel petto; e già s'accinge all'opra
Di questa vita come a danza o gioco
Il misero mortal. Ma non sì tosto,
Amor, di te m'accorsi, e il viver mio
Fortuna avea già rotto, ed a questi occhi
Non altro convenia che il pianger sempre.
Pur se talvolta per le piagge apriche,
Su la tacita aurora o quando al sole
Brillano i tetti e i poggi e le campagne,
Scontro di vaga donzelletta il viso;
O qualor nella placida quiete
D'estiva notte, il vagabondo passo
Di rincontro alle ville soffermando,
L'erma terra contemplo, e di fanciulla
Che all'opre di sua man la notte aggiunge
Odo sonar nelle romite stanze
L'arguto canto; a palpitar si move
Questo mio cor di sasso: ahi, ma ritorna
Tosto al ferreo sopor; ch'è fatto estrano
Ogni moto soave al petto mio.
O cara luna, al cui tranquillo raggio
Danzan le lepri nelle selve; e duolsi
Alla mattina il cacciator, che trova
L'orme intricate e false, e dai covili
Error vario lo svia; salve, o benigna
Delle notti reina. Infesto scende
Il raggio tuo fra macchie e balze o dentro
A deserti edifici, in su l'acciaro
Del pallido ladron ch'a teso orecchio
Il fragor delle rote e dè cavalli
Da lungi osserva o il calpestio dè piedi
Su la tacita via; poscia improvviso
Col suon dell'armi e con la rauca voce
E col funereo ceffo il core agghiaccia
Al passegger, cui semivivo e nudo
Lascia in breve trà sassi. Infesto occorre
Per le contrade cittadine il bianco
Tuo lume al drudo vil, che degli alberghi
Va radendo le mura e la secreta
Ombra seguendo, e resta, e si spaura
Delle ardenti lucerne e degli aperti
Balconi. Infesto alle malvage menti,
A me sempre benigno il tuo cospetto
Sarà per queste piagge, ove non altro
Che lieti colli e spaziosi campi
M'apri alla vista. Ed ancor io soleva,
Bench'innocente io fossi, il tuo vezzoso
Raggio accusar negli abitati lochi,
Quand'ei m'offriva al guardo umano, e quando
Scopriva umani aspetti al guardo mio.
Or sempre loderollo, o ch'io ti miri
Veleggiar tra le nubi, o che serena
Dominatrice dell'etereo campo,
Questa flebil riguardi umana sede.
Me spesso rivedrai solingo e muto
Errar pè boschi e per le verdi rive,
O seder sovra l'erbe, assai contento
Se core e lena a sospirar m'avanza.
Diego Scarca Dec 2010
Adesso, nella calma,
si vedon muovere i pali
della luce, i fogli di carta
sui recinti di legno dei cantieri.

Un’altra volta
c’era stato il commento
degli arabi, dei negri.
In un vecchio vano della casa,
le povere braccia,
le gambe lunghe e magre legate,
incominciano i racconti.

E si urtano gli oggetti
finiti sul fondo della strada,
mentre, per errore,
un fruscìo dei rami avverte
chi vi cammina
o da una griglia esala ancora
l’odore tiepido dell’umidità.

Si dissolve il colore
dalle pianure disegnate
nel sonno dell’umanità. Le creste delle piante
viste d’improvviso
da un punto oscuro
ravvicinate, mute,
perché si possieda in alto
qualche luce della quiete?
Diego Scarca, Architetture del vuoto, Torino, Edizioni Angolo Manzoni, 2007
Credei ch'al tutto fossero
In me, sul fior degli anni,
Mancati i dolci affanni
Della mia prima età:
I dolci affanni, i teneri
Moti del cor profondo,
Qualunque cosa al mondo
Grato il sentir ci fa.

Quante querele e lacrime
Sparsi nel novo stato,
Quando al mio cor gelato
Prima il dolor mancò!
Mancàr gli usati palpiti,
L'amor mi venne meno,
E irrigidito il seno
Di sospirar cessò!

Piansi spogliata, esanime
Fatta per me la vita
La terra inaridita,
Chiusa in eterno gel;
Deserto il dì; la tacita
Notte più sola e bruna;
Spenta per me la luna,
Spente le stelle in ciel.

Pur di quel pianto origine
Era l'antico affetto:
Nell'intimo del petto
Ancor viveva il cor.
Chiedea l'usate immagini
La stanca fantasia;
E la tristezza mia
Era dolore ancor.

Fra poco in me quell'ultimo
Dolore anco fu spento,
E di più far lamento
Valor non mi restò.
Giacqui: insensato, attonito,
Non dimandai conforto:
Quasi perduto e morto,
Il cor s'abbandonò.

Qual fui! Quanto dissimile
Da quel che tanto ardore,
Che sì beato errore
Nutrii nell'alma un dì!
La rondinella vigile,
Alle finestre intorno
Cantando al novo giorno,
Il cor non mi ferì:

Non all'autunno pallido
In solitaria villa,
La vespertina squilla,
Il fuggitivo Sol.
Invan brillare il vespero
Vidi per muto calle,
Invan sonò la valle
Del flebile usignol.

E voi, pupille tenere,
Sguardi furtivi, erranti,
Voi dè gentili amanti
Primo, immortale amor,
Ed alla mano offertami
Candida ignuda mano,
Foste voi pure invano
Al duro mio sopor.

D'ogni dolcezza vedovo,
Tristo; ma non turbato,
Ma placido il mio stato,
Il volto era seren.
Desiderato il termine
Avrei del viver mio;
Ma spento era il desio
Nello spossato sen.

Qual dell'età decrepita
L'avanzo ignudo e vile,
Io conducea l'aprile
Degli anni miei così:
Così quegl'ineffabili
Giorni, o mio cor, traevi,
Che sì fugaci e brevi
Il cielo a noi sortì.

Chi dalla grave, immemore
Quiete or mi ridesta?
Che virtù nova è questa,
Questa che sento in me?
Moti soavi, immagini,
Palpiti, error beato,
Per sempre a voi negato
Questo mio cor non è?

Siete pur voi quell'unica
Luce dè giorni miei?
Gli affetti ch'io perdei
Nella novella età?
Se al ciel, s'ai verdi margini,
Ovunque il guardo mira,
Tutto un dolor mi spira,
Tutto un piacer mi dà.

Meco ritorna a vivere
La piaggia, il bosco, il monte;
Parla al mio core il fonte,
Meco favella il mar.
Chi mi ridona il piangere
Dopo cotanto obblio?
E come al guardo mio
Cangiato il mondo appar?

Forse la speme, o povero
Mio cor, ti volse un riso?
Ahi della speme il viso
Io non vedrò mai più.
Proprii mi diede i palpiti,
Natura, e i dolci inganni.
Sopiro in me gli affanni
L'ingenita virtù;

Non l'annullàr: non vinsela
Il fato e la sventura;
Non con la vista impura
L'infausta verità.
Dalle mie vaghe immagini
So ben ch'ella discorda:
So che natura è sorda,
Che miserar non sa.

Che non del ben sollecita
Fu, ma dell'esser solo:
Purché ci serbi al duolo,
Or d'altro a lei non cal.
So che pietà fra gli uomini
Il misero non trova;
Che lui, fuggendo, a prova
Schernisce ogni mortal.

Che ignora il tristo secolo
Gl'ingegni e le virtudi;
Che manca ai degni studi
L'ignuda gloria ancor.
E voi, pupille tremule,
Voi, raggio sovrumano,
So che splendete invano,
Che in voi non brilla amor.

Nessuno ignoto ed intimo
Affetto in voi non brilla:
Non chiude una favilla
Quel bianco petto in sé.
Anzi d'altrui le tenere
Cure suol porre in gioco;
E d'un celeste foco
Disprezzo è la mercè.

Pur sento in me rivivere
Gl'inganni aperti e noti;
E, dè suoi proprii moti
Si maraviglia il sen.
Da te, mio cor, quest'ultimo
Spirto, e l'ardor natio,
Ogni conforto mio
Solo da te mi vien.

Mancano, il sento, all'anima
Alta, gentile e pura,
La sorte, la natura,
Il mondo e la beltà.
Ma se tu vivi, o misero,
Se non concedi al fato,
Non chiamerò spietato
Chi lo spirar mi dà.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
it the new year, and only into February have i finally returned to my modus operandi... which was? well... it was the pre-Christmas period in the supermarket, and 1 litre bottles of whiskey were on offer, marked down from £19 to £15^, so it was usually that, a bottle of coke, and a bottle of beer and walking home straight away... perching myself on the windowsill, watching youtube channels of uninspired people talking about being inspired... it was never going to work... i was bound to experience a writer's block... but as of today... it's back to my original "strategy"... (a) drinking expensive alcohol can be depressing, well, it actually is depressing... i don't mean drinking cocktails in some urban hot-spot... by expensive i mean something akin to Jim or Jack... that's expensive... in comparison to high commissioner, it is expensive... so having said that: it's the effect of alcohol in relation to the effect of alcohol in other people: that has to become expensive... a van gogh moment... say: writing a poem or "poem" (depending on the levels of your pedantry). (b) the modus operandi... going to a Sri Lankan offlice... buying three canned beers, a 70cl bottle of whiskey... and going for a walk with the beers... head clearing... and yes: rain or shine, winter or summer... out there... looking into suburban houses, with some people asleep, others still watching television... men at their roadworks posts... taxi drivers returning home... in general the motorway insomnia... it's good to return to my seemingly lost and forgotten ways.

^the most annoying thing about buying a computer in Poland for a mere £100 is that the keyboard isn't what it "should" be... i have no £ within shift+3... and the ditto marks are not at shift+2, but at ****+@... so yes, i have to copy+paste it from the public space of... the internet - and this is where computers become equivalent to a piano... sure, there's the black and white keys... by black i mean shift+.

it can begin with as little as,
well... it will quiete a lot to begin with...
bilingualism
       is more complex than stating
your polymath ability to learn
    7 languages... evidenly one is superior
to the other, in that bilingualism
can be regarded as something akin
to digging trenches...
     what i mean is that
psychiatric terms can be poetic,
   for example schizoid (split) phren (mind)
         is brimming with metaphors...
Brautigan, Burroughs, Bukowski...
      all of them were labelled as such...
i can't quiet understand it as anything
other than a metaphor,
     but in cases of genuine ordeal
with the symptoms, it's anything but that.
the American linguistic notation:
      [oz-moh-sis, os-]....
the British linguistic tradition:
                                 /ɒzˈməʊsɪs; ɒs-/ -
and this is my linguistic notation:
     \ o(h)-ßmo(h)-sis / -
    by the way... most denote the (h)
                        as '... i.e. o'-
   frankly... i like to laugh and sigh...
because?
                   well, it's what happens when
you originate with a language that has
diacritical marks, and inherit a language
where diacritical marks are completely absent...
   i and j do not really count...
   even though it's evident that i begins as ι...
   so it's there: foreced almost... with a diacritical
marking...
   oh yeah: i forgot to mention the word...
osmosis* -
                       hardly anyone says that word
with the first s being soft...
       hence what english did to the world
and globalised it, so unto english the world must
give an answer, and given that english
is a language written without clear,
educational distinctions, a blank canvas
in terms of diacritical markings...
   i guess we can start to see how we can write
english, once again, with a "world view"
incorporating as many deviant examples as possible...
   a bit like bird-watching, or what darwinism
is in reverse, as ****-centric and beyond this:
nothing... so that's a german example having
a say in this example...
            and it really begun simple...
   and this is how the slavs differ...
    žiž      (well, given the ι already has a mark)
        that ι already has a mark,
southern slavs differ from northen slavs
in that they couldn't mingle the too together...
  so-half a caron on the zzzz / snooze (ź)...
      or how lazily we call it sleep, or snoring...
imagine all that effort into the onomatopoeia
of a woof! or a meow! and indeed:
probably the wise choice to call it zzzzz and sleep...
and leave the snoring to the harp
   (snoring in Polish? hrapanie...
the verb? hrapać)...
              the southern slavs will not spot this,
and if that's the case that žiž could be written
by a Yugol... it wouldn't be written by a Pole...
             and given that ž = ź
it just shows you that the southern Slavs's excess
is a complete disrespect / automaton stance
            concerning i...
  the Russians are Greco-Slavs... don't know...
  if they were introduced to the Latin alphabet first
they wouldn't be a competing super-power
  with their pseudo-Grecian alphabet (Cyrillic) -
   and thank god... no good, no evil...
     it would be a bit too much...
        like th
     at question is usually asked:
why do bad things happen to good people?
well... why do good things happen to bad people?
back to ž = ź
   and there's Hegel... castrated with his i = i / i am i...
well, i can see that...
          plain and simple... no wonder Marxism came
from Hegel... dumber than a hammer...
  and the subsequent nailing in of nails into coffins...

no. 1
(evil bladder, evil bladder! hence the interludes...
but hey! it's a collage)

... and this promenade in the night and rain,
really has a kabbalistic beginning,
well... kabbalistic meaning: you've really become
ridiculous with your numerology -
numerology is the lazy way to upkeep mysticism...
  i can't see it as anything more than indolence...
i begun this meditation
with two letters...              z           &             ι
and that later gave me the variations
                         the Libra is heavier on the z side
i know, but that's for now...
i.e.
                                               ι
                                                     (i)
                              &

               z
(ž    
            ß     ź)

that's how it looks right now, it's good that
i didn't mention ż so far....
so unto the examples...
      a southern slav will write ži... (ž= ź)
but a northern slav will not...
    e.g. ziemia (earth)
         ziemniak (potato)
   ziarno (grain)
    zima (winter)...
             and only in this particular combination...
(this has to be more interesting than numerology,
i.e. not substituting letters for numbers
   i.e. 1 = a, j, s, / 2 = b, k, t / 3 = c, l, u
ergo 3,848 = hello using something called
a decimal base 10 arithmetic... i don't know)...
     as other diacritical acute insertions
    also prove to be the case, respecting
the enforced diacritical mark above the ι,
esp. when there's a squeeze...
    ściema (faking it)
                 nagość (nakedness)...
  this is language slowed down from its
supposed everyday quick usage...
               i'm looking for a word when
the squeezed snooze (ź) appears as it does...
       http://tinyurl.com/zvur8qb
well.. może = maybe (Goran)
   write morze = maybe, and you get
the orthographic nazis onto you...
                 it's an aesthetic that has transcended
aesthetic in that it has become as rigid
as a rubric, or a "universal" appreciation of
                  Michelangelo rather than a Damien Hirst
shark in a plastic aquarium...
     and given it's a diacritical mark on
the last possible alphabetical letter: how
hard if not now to find a suitable word?
       it's really hard to find a ź example
once you realise that z+i are so coupled...
   you only realise at first the alpha-
                  / beginning of conjuring an example
that doesn't really arrive...
       such is the ź example given that z+i are
so entwined...
                   i could easily write the caron z
   and the roman enforced diacritical marking over
iota easily... ži...
                           but i can't... the Pandora is
hovering above my head, and i can't think of
a word with ź in it... given that i'm only thinking
of an alpha- / beginning the word with a zi
                       that's equivalent to ź
should no i be present within such close proximity...
       zakon (monestary)
                 zagoń (round-up,
                           the pronoun is self-evident...
        contained within the word, and it's gender-neutral,
   and if the pronoun is not the bothersome bit...
then it's the latter instructions of: those sheep...
    aport! / fetch... you can say that word (zagoń)
in your sleep, and you wouldn't need to be in a place
where there are sheep, or sheep that need to be rounded-up).

interlude no. 2 - no comment.

      well...
  it's no mere accident that when i go on
this little walks with beer that i find the odd thing
lying on the pavement...
  today? a rain-soaked joanna cannon
book, the trouble with goats and sheep...
and yes, i finally found a Polish word that provides
an example of ź...
      before the enforced diacritical ι
                              the acute above the z disappears...
given zielony (green)...
              but after the enfroced diacritical mark
over i... acute symbol has a tendency to appear
like a necessitated after-tea mint...
     e.g. kraszewski's god's wrath, page 158
(ludowa swpółdzielnia widawniczna edition, 1973 a.d.)...
znaleźli - they found...
      zło - evil...
                  źli- evil ones...
                          and it is such a rarity to find!
  a bit like a narcissus flower in a field of wheat!
     or a jasmine concentrated to a perfume...
             whiffing about its airs against the tennis with
the wind...

i wish they might call this:
    against the cantos' fascination with the chinese
ideogram...
or... thanks for using emoticons...
   language had to retaliate against the :) and :(
                    hieroglymphs of the digital pyramid...

interlude no. 3 - still no comment

also known as the Libra and the pivot

                                               ι
                                                     (i)
                              Δ

               z
(ž    
            ß     ź)
  
   and yes _____________ the sea-saw...
humanism can really compete with the science,
if it get its act together...

    and since the Greeks already adopted
adding diacritical marks to their beautiful alphabet...
i wonder how θ will fare
   when i write the word thought (θought),
and subsequently write the word:
   weather....       oh **** on me! it's an acute θ!
that magically turns into a V!
   weaver...
                 and saying that: only one consonant
made it to a vowel status of a grapheme æ / œ...
first to come was ß... the grapheme of s and z...
   a bit of chemistry goes a long way... chiral
as a pair of siamese twins, those two are
(you can put on a cockney accent saying that
sentence, yes, you can, i say so)....
  well... it's complicated because you're not german
and german to you is like quasi-Zulu...
ß looks like β (beta)... but it's a grapheme...
an sz that never actually meet... or entwine
like a and e might in æ...
   which makes it very difficult to follow...
just like the grapheme i wish to invent for
       TH  
                         namely that it's akin to  PH...
φilosoφy.... θou(gh)t....
                        g(h)ost...
                 ­                                look how pretty
it looks though: the ****'s F doing here?
     this an **** or a a ******* or a happily
married couple, or what?
    Φ and Θ.... almost looks like a keyhole
with a key lodged in it, and then turned...
horizontal in... reaction of unlocking the lock
mediatory with Θ and then back out into Φ...
             i.e. Φ + I = Θ = Φ + I + ...an open door...

interlude no. 4: this Russian chic at uni really
loved the doors... we watched a movie together
about them... with val kilmer playing
the dead man key role...
  is that door enough for you honey?
                       you got the шock and ßakes?

and if i mention hekhalot rabatai?
or the talmud, or the sefer yetzirah,
                              the bahir and the zohar?
twelth century and thirteenth century rabbis...
      will i also hear of the two Adams
of Eden, the (alpeh) fffא and the (ayin) fff
                    alpeh is a tame ******, feminine,
the mystery is not in the siamese H
   of the tetragrammaton, but in the aleph and the ayin...
    clearly i can't write ayin down without
semite d'uh on the digital canvas...
           writin left to right doesn't do much
justice... unless i write ye י‎,                                                            
f­ff.
ffff   fff        ע                  י‎
...pfי‎                         ­                  י...
there... you should really look at
the behaviour of ayin in the digital form,
the ****** wont't budge! you have to tell him
of the yodh to get off his *** and
make way for a pregnant lady...
        and since this is the 21st century...
i'd like to say: i'd like to write
a pentagrammaton.... yep...
a pentragrammaton... the ayin is gay,
and alpeh is a heterosexual...
     but the pentragrammaton now concentrates
on vav - or a vw beetle... v = w = ł...
       that's the moment you realise
that western linguistic mentioned o' not as
o(h) but as ' = yod...
         bad move... it's no silent (y)...
obviously this can exist in a non-pentragrammatorn
relation...
                            עואי­
Silvia, rimembri ancora
quel tempo della tua vita mortale,
quando beltà splendea
negli occhi tuoi ridenti e fuggitivi,
e tu, lieta e pensosa, il limitare
di gioventù salivi?

Sonavan le quiete
stanze, e le vie dintorno,
al tuo perpetuo canto,
allor che all'opre femminili intenta
sedevi, assai contenta
di quel vago avvenir che in mente avevi.
Era il maggio odoroso: e tu solevi
così menare il giorno.

Io gli studi leggiadri
talor lasciando e le sudate carte,
ove il tempo mio primo
e di me si spendea la miglior parte,
d'in su i veroni del paterno ostello
porgea gli orecchi al suon della tua voce,
ed alla man veloce
che percorrea la faticosa tela.
Mirava il ciel sereno,
le vie dorate e gli orti,
e quinci il mar da lungi, e quindi il monte.
Lingua mortal non dice
quel ch'io sentiva in seno.

Che pensieri soavi,
che speranze, che cori, o Silvia mia!
Quale allor ci apparia
la vita umana e il fato!
Quando sovviemmi di cotanta speme,
un affetto mi preme
acerbo e sconsolato,
e tornami a doler di mia sventura.
O natura, o natura,
perché non rendi poi
quel che prometti allor? Perché di tanto
inganni i figli tuoi?

Tu pria che l'erbe inaridisse il verno,
da chiuso morbo combattuta e vinta,
perivi, o tenerella. E non vedevi
il fior degli anni tuoi;
non ti molceva il core
la dolce lode or delle negre chiome,
or degli sguardi innamorati e schivi;
né teco le compagne ai dì festivi
ragionavan d'amore.

Anche peria tra poco
la speranza mia dolce: agli anni miei
anche negaro i fati
la giovanezza. Ahi come,
come passata sei,
cara compagna dell'età mia nova,
mia lacrimata speme!
Questo è quel mondo? Questi
i diletti, l'amor, l'opre, gli eventi
onde cotanto ragionammo insieme?
Questa la sorte dell'umane genti?
All'apparir del vero
tu, misera, cadesti: e con la mano
la fredda morte ed una tomba ignuda
mostravi di lontano.
Passata è la tempesta:
Odo augelli far festa, e la gallina,
Tornata in su la via,
Che ripete il suo verso. Ecco il sereno
Rompe là da ponente, alla montagna;
Sgombrasi la campagna,
E chiaro nella valle il fiume appare.
Ogni cor si rallegra, in ogni lato
Risorge il romorio
Torna il lavoro usato.
L'artigiano a mirar l'umido cielo,
Con l'opra in man, cantando,
Fassi in su l'uscio; a prova
Vien fuor la femminetta a còr dell'acqua
Della novella piova;
E l'erbaiuol rinnova
Di sentiero in sentiero
Il grido giornaliero.
Ecco il Sol che ritorna, ecco sorride
Per li poggi e le ville. Apre i balconi,
Apre terrazzi e logge la famiglia:
E, dalla via corrente, odi lontano
Tintinnio di sonagli; il carro stride
Del passeggier che il suo cammin ripiglia.
Si rallegra ogni core.
Sì dolce, sì gradita
Quand'è, com'or, la vita?
Quando con tanto amore
L'uomo à suoi studi intende?
O torna all'opre? O cosa nova imprende?
Quando dè mali suoi men si ricorda?
Piacer figlio d'affanno;
Gioia vana, ch'è frutto
Del passato timore, onde si scosse
E paventò la morte
Chi la vita abborria;
Onde in lungo tormento,
Fredde, tacite, smorte,
Sudàr le genti e palpitàr, vedendo
Mossi alle nostre offese
Folgori, nembi e vento.
O natura cortese,
Son questi i doni tuoi,
Questi i diletti sono
Che tu porgi ai mortali. Uscir di pena
È diletto fra noi.
Pene tu spargi a larga mano; il duolo
Spontaneo sorge e di piacer, quel tanto
Che per mostro e miracolo talvolta
Nasce d'affanno, è gran guadagno. Umana
Prole cara agli eterni! Assai felice
Se respirar ti lice
D'alcun dolor: beata
Se te d'ogni dolor morte risana.
Passata è la tempesta:
Odo augelli far festa, e la gallina,
Tornata in su la via,
Che ripete il suo verso. Ecco il sereno
Rompe là da ponente, alla montagna;
Sgombrasi la campagna,
E chiaro nella valle il fiume appare.
Ogni cor si rallegra, in ogni lato
Risorge il romorio
Torna il lavoro usato.
L'artigiano a mirar l'umido cielo,
Con l'opra in man, cantando,
Fassi in su l'uscio; a prova
Vien fuor la femminetta a còr dell'acqua
Della novella piova;
E l'erbaiuol rinnova
Di sentiero in sentiero
Il grido giornaliero.
Ecco il Sol che ritorna, ecco sorride
Per li poggi e le ville. Apre i balconi,
Apre terrazzi e logge la famiglia:
E, dalla via corrente, odi lontano
Tintinnio di sonagli; il carro stride
Del passeggier che il suo cammin ripiglia.
Si rallegra ogni core.
Sì dolce, sì gradita
Quand'è, com'or, la vita?
Quando con tanto amore
L'uomo à suoi studi intende?
O torna all'opre? O cosa nova imprende?
Quando dè mali suoi men si ricorda?
Piacer figlio d'affanno;
Gioia vana, ch'è frutto
Del passato timore, onde si scosse
E paventò la morte
Chi la vita abborria;
Onde in lungo tormento,
Fredde, tacite, smorte,
Sudàr le genti e palpitàr, vedendo
Mossi alle nostre offese
Folgori, nembi e vento.
O natura cortese,
Son questi i doni tuoi,
Questi i diletti sono
Che tu porgi ai mortali. Uscir di pena
È diletto fra noi.
Pene tu spargi a larga mano; il duolo
Spontaneo sorge e di piacer, quel tanto
Che per mostro e miracolo talvolta
Nasce d'affanno, è gran guadagno. Umana
Prole cara agli eterni! Assai felice
Se respirar ti lice
D'alcun dolor: beata
Se te d'ogni dolor morte risana.
Mateuš Conrad May 2017
not much of a story...
             it's only half past 10, and it's a saturday...
but i have two litres of dark *** with me,
and a bottle of hoisin sauce...
                       ****'s gonna get dangerous
   down in the kitchen...
                some pork is going to get slaughtered...
and if i get my hands on some
                                booker t. and the mg's?
       and then fry some rice, and add some eggs?
you're going to be talking to marlon brando...
without the cotton-***** stuffed into his cheeks
to speak, like he spoke, when filming
        the godfather...
                            could have smoked 20 packets
of marlboros... and you'd still get the huskies...
and the sledge... and a holiday in alaska...
                                                       ­  never mind.
hoisin sauce though? that's the dog's *******!
it goes down well with duck... chicken?
to bland...    but i'm guessing will pork will go
down well with the sauce.
         otherwise? z.z. top me...
                              i only learned yesterday,
what a boilermaker was...
                            apparently a shot of whiskey
followed by a beer...
         nothing quiete like al pacino in
                   the 1971 film, the panic in needle park...
this is going to be a feast... i can feel it...
            what do michelin star chefs eat when they get home?
some simple grub... probably egg on toast...
         i hardly think they're spectacular in their
choice of edibles to replicate their restaurant outputs...
      for them it's probably like:
            if it ain't done in 15 minutes... i'm not eating it.
hoisin? yep, that's to replace the sweet chili sauce.
           then there's the 2 litres of ***...
   well... i'm pretty sure one of the litres is for tomorrow.
Sulla chiara aderenza del suo viso
dove balena il ritmico, selvaggio,
sentimento dell'alba
mentre della notturna s'addolora
quiete silvestre e cinge a dominare
il boato del tempo la più cauta
trepida luce, salgono veloci
i profili irrequieti del destino.

Mirabile linguaggio che trascorre
dalle limpide acque alla vibrata
forza dell'inumana profezia!

Ora nell'ampia conca dell'eremo
un soffuso candore si raccoglie
dalle acque sui rami ed accompagna
di cenni lacrimevoli il congedo.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
now i'm breathing cigarette smoke
into fog....
it's local and it's bypassing
the global narrative...
i'm sitting perched on
a windowsill
debating whether
d.n.a. predates the other curses:
i love music more
than women,
i'll say it again: i came to love
music more than the Tehran's worth
of women, the music over-powered them,
i wash shaking at the knees
of ac / dc, and i asked for d.n.a.
inclusion... because i was
bothered to read it as otherwise...
and i know there's a woman out there for
me.... and i known there's
  a lesser comic book hero to guide
the matter into a mortgage...
but i know where they gas the liberals,
i know know where Switzerland is...
   i'm bound to a boredom already
hijacked...
      ai'd gas a few liberals had i been given
a chance, like my gradfather likes to
recount: herr! bite bonbon!
         i don't mind writing about extinction
i'm quiete dodo about it,
       if the music plays, the women can shut up.
i heard my grandfather whisper into
me a chinese whisper about ensuring
your heart remained small...
             behalten herz, klein herz...
           herz uber alles.
i don't mind being an extinct specimen
akin to the dodo,
        that might sound insane around here,
but i am vague about the argument
to pro the alternative....
given the culture i find no worth to scatter
the proof...
      music overcame my want for women...
and i what comes next is a stamping,
i just want to fear the end of gravity
but instead i'll probably hear a harnass flinging
Amazonian bridge between compensator and
instigator... and i hope
   i'm wrong...
                              all this dyslexia
and anti-Rousseau sentiment... had i not read Voltaire...
but i have no one to cite...
              apart from them, so it really does seem
like all other clubs: slightly selective...
                       after a while not getting any
makes your forget that dating sites exist,
    you start to learn the proper narration of the world:
so close: yet so far away...
                           i can't state the last bet i made on
the roulette of passion, i decided to feel nothing
concerning it...
                    it got a bit worth a right of a bollocking...
all i needed was a club, and a barbwire wrapped
around a club for a signature, to turn
the debate with the right ink...
                i said n'ah, i prefer music more than
a woman's nagging... women married always
tend to make other males more useful than their own
partners...if there's a love: it will tear us apart...
otherwise we'll congregate with the accomplishment
of jealousy...
                 and if we feed the little heart:
there's no great love to be had...
                                    i can't expect this to sound
as a guiding principle, as Athos said:
  the best advice: is to give no advice at all...
                      i just love watching what
darwinism did away with the historical narrative,
we'll all be dead within the next year...
                            we're all counter to what could be
taken as worth keeping...
            i mean... we already said that fame was pointless
given there was no competition left to
usurp us... having congested the edges of the world,
becoming prime in Siberia... and lavished
in Arabia...
                      but i know that this is really
an anglophone reality, talk this talk in germany
or france and the reaction is different...
                   the more i realise that i do speak english,
the more i wish to not speak it it...
i get tired of it...
                   i sorta lose the plot, wishing that
there actually was a plot to care about...
                                          i can't see the plot,
i can't see the plot because there isn't one to begin with...
   it's architecture kept by invoking a care for
superglue... i can't see it as migrational,
   i can't see it as eastern european economic migration
or the african stampede, or the eternal-judeo
   dispersion...
            if the western people are bewildered by their culture,
then i'm doubly bewildered by the export of all
body-works to china, leaving earopean man with
menial, but rather mental works...
                  and i'm drinking, so that's a +,
but i just can't see the end as related to d.n.a.
being upkept... i can't see that narrative...
                          my concept of eternity can't really
transgress your lack of it...
                        it's get boring after a while talking
with atheists... i'd prefer talking with ahumanists...
        i'd love to pair an atheist with an
ahumanist... because i don't actually see a lot of
human in what's god's own...
                    a- (indefinite article), meaning without
god, or the kaleidoscope finger to the eye
suits the noun right... thetheism is also a very
ugly noun that could exist.... before god has no
parameters, i'd prefer to look at the words that can exist
but don't, given our care for lubricants...
     the- (definite article), meaning with god....
    well the alternatives are islam... christianity...
or the argument by populist secular commuters:
we actually do believe in the same god...
question is: what's there to question in your spare time?
        after that it becomes a hellish enterprise...
  or a dictatorial reality... or the democratic basis for:
i don't eat with you, i won't sleep with you,
and i'll certainly not turn the central heating for you.
   the least thing accessible for me, is to
watch television with you,
                 because that's how it works.
given we've moved into a.i. and robotics,
i'd like us to play god, beyond definition, by simply
not being there... just so we can perfect creating the robot...
so atheism must come with ahomo...
                          best prescribed via ****...
   or the *****...
                         well, if we are to forsake the existance
of god, and fully embrace creating the robot,
we shouldn't technically be here...
                                which makes Heidegger's
dasein really useful... given that popular culture
made fun of germans as not really human but
merely robotic, until the human peeped through
the veil of Auschwitz and everyone was like:
um... revision? just like they thought the Jews
were stupid clinging to the tetragrammaton...
  they did... in the past 2000 years of "judeo-christian"
interaction, you'de get more crucifixes than
talks about the tetragrammaton...
                well, if we're serious about building
the ******* robot, why not do away with god
but also humanity? i don't see the point of disposing one
and keeping the other...
           in our ambition to create a.i.
we didn't forsake god, we forsoke ourselves...
    i don't care whether god is dead...
                     given we have youtube
                  stars that act as clogs in the advert machinery
i find no care to find a deus mort, or a **** viv!
i find, no concern, in finding a dead god,
  or a man, alive... non deus mort, vel **** viv!
  counter:
    numne deus mort: **** est non viv,
             **** contra viv... contra deus...
                 strange to think,
a non-existent thing: to be so obstructive,
and later construct one's life around him
being so beneficial, as to make a life from
orating atheism... a tad bit funny...
        how can i perfect this vulgate?!
numne deus mort, **** emortus...
                evidently, given our preoccupation
with robotics and a.i., the death of god
came with the baggage of becoming gods
and asking to spark a secondary case of the Edenic
charring...
               again the Latin... it's a fetish, my apologies...
deus mort (god dead, est, yeah), or
                        **** viv (man, life bound) -
   it appears the two aren't as explicit as it would appear...
it seems there's a natural basis for a god,
whether satan's clause does actually involve
being paid in toy-structures and cleaning the conscience...
          and i do speak worse Latin than
most English people speak modern English...
luck of the draw... the long straw.... i win a tumble dryer...
you win a voltswagen beetle engine...
   we both end up hearing a midnight song of
mechanical burps and fake stomach maracas...
       i just thought i'd say:
either god is dead, and man has died with him,
or god is really dead, and man fakes living a
posthumous life, encouraged to create a robot...
which he has done, alternative to prayer,
  creating something a god might occupy himself
with then man has abandoned god...
                    i sometimes think:
of all the anglophone writers, i use the word
god as shamelessly as most anglophone writers
use pronouns... i use the word shamelessly...
  because most anglophone writers use pronouns
so freely... i know this doesn't give the fat
of the argument... but i use it freely...
       i'm starting to wonder wether
            god is dead gave us anything more than
people paying for a grave before they get
shovelled into it...
                  as it stands: quiet the opposite...
long before the epitaphs or the dates are
              enshrined, they have already bought
the parody of owning a home...
they are already waiting for the marble space
beneath the maple trees...
                 which is why i ask by restating
the end of metaphysics, if gott ist mort,
            what mann ist viv?
     last time i checked, i found more human warmth
of my own voice asking a refrigerator about
the weather, than my neighbour about
    last Sunday. i'd sooner punch my neighbour
dead than ask him about his feelings.
6ft1, 115kg... i guess i could put a sock in
the right case of gob.
Mateuš Conrad May 2017
.i can hardly feel nostalgic, when youtube was what it was, i could waste a good liter of whiskey and stay up all night trapped in the labyrinth of the most superior - ingenious algorithm, a personalised algorithm that was pure a.i.: it would learn from you, in the suggested feed, it always learned from what you like a priori and it would suggested a thesaurus interpretation, those were the fun odd days, a man could immerse himself in foraging for new music as well as butchering a liter of whiskey... lately my exploration days on the platform became nothing of human concerns, more a rat in a maze, even the drinking became dreaded labour of: "boredom"... some things had to change... what was the point of wasting a liter of whiskey per night on a screen that became as unshakeable as a mountain... so now, instead of wasting 20 quid a night on a bottle... half a liter will give me the lullaby effect... in terms of drinking that half a liter of whiskey: considering i will not enjoy using the internet as much... never mind the view count: i know that some written has a lower view count and that if it has a view count it builds up slowly... after all i am a modern contemporary... there's so much tolstoy to get through! the tally... but i will not allow myself the brahmi tally system, it's too complicated for my liking... and i can't write the european ||||(/) into html for some reason... let alone the chinese (正) version... i had to invent my own tally system - the braille tally:

           ⠁ ⠃ ⠇ ⠧ ⠷ (⠿)
           1  2  3   4  5  (6)
           a  b  l   v  à  (é)

    it's quiet a sobering experience...
                     only yesterday i drank about 250ml
and pretended to be asleep for six hours,
got up so refreshed that i started to decorate the kitchen
and made the most badass tagiatelli meatball sauce...
the trick was... onions garlic and two fresh chillies
fried first... a teaspoon of chilli powder
a teaspoon of paprika fried first,
   chicken stock added, then some tomato puree...
let that thicken...
meanwhile make the meatballs...
the breadcrumbs should be made into a paste
by adding milk... the meat fused with the breadcrumbs,
salt, pepper and italian herbs:
oregano, thyme, rosemary, basil etc. fried
and left to the side...
    a can of chopped tomato, worcestershire sauce...
some sugar... salt / pepper to taste...
then the meatballs would go in...
            the old youtube: explorer-tube is
not coming back...
        and... quiet frankly?
           exploring these alt. media outlets is a bit
of a headache...
what good is gab.ai to me,
                                         when i never used twitter?!
whatever this current: "culture war" is...
                  it's not worth fighting...
                             at this point videos gain
the traction of "count"...
         but then the "count" becomes diffused into
stupid comment sections where people need
the obligation to shout and pass the queue with
raised elbows...
                            repossession - a synthwave  music
mix...
                tomorrow i'll finish decorating the kitchen,
save myself another 10 quid...
try to find about 3 hours of sleep...
                     and i'll look back at the years
from 2008 through to 2016 as a glorious period
in internet history that has:
   unfortunately died and how the future generations
will never experience what i've experienced
when it came to an a.i. music shop assistant...
   so they say: a.i. will take away many professions...
by the looks of it...
   the first a.i. job for an a.i., as a music store curator...
the first a.i. music shop assistant?
fired... out of a job...
            it's strange...
                            oh but not so very strange...
a.i. to steal the jobs of humans...
    looks like humans hit first...
   and stole a.i.'s first job prospects,
on a site like youtube...
                     and what a fine job this a.i. did...
i never knew so much alt. music existed...
      well i did and i didn't: that's up for debate...
in translation? if you buy a vinyl copy
of a record... you still get a code to a site that lets
you download the mp3 copy...
so the best of both worlds...
                                a vinyl... and mp3s...
but bye bye wasting away every night on a site
that turned against its a.i. music shop assistant...
here's to sobering up...
                    by gradations...
       after all: one decent "poem" a glorious night
is enough to five spewed like venom spat from
                                                                      an u.z.i.


even i become remotely "o.c.d." when it comes down to
the english sway of notation.
                 i'm talking a basic arithmetic,
a basic arithmetic of notation in english, or quiete simply
english notation.
                         i deem         "    "       to denote:
                        a quote, of a quote - as in: third party
resources being cited.
                                            what i'd definitely be satisfied
with as deeming a quote, would be a    '          '      
                                                         encapsulation;
but the way english speakers denote a quote a quote
by using "         "     encapsulation? to me that's arithmetically
unsound...  or to use a blunt knife expression: simply wrong.
first of all             " = ditto
                 perhaps the english are unfamiliar with
continental standards of linguistic coding, but  " = ditto,
but of course         ditto ≠ quote...
                               " ≠ quote,
so why would you utilise the ditto symbol to imply, quote?
            it doesn't matter if it's either side of said words,
the symbol is not a quote-based symbol to be used...
   '        '       is; yep, two *******... now who's feeling creepy?
" = /as above/
        where no 2nd or 3rd party sources are cited / quoted -
at best the     "     "   encapsulation can only mean one thing,
and one thing only: ambiguity:
                        a bit like saying - a friend of a friend, said
that he once ordered k.f.c., and in it he found
        a k.f.m. (kentucky fried mouse)...
                                                but that's about it.
the ditto mark implies                               paraphrase,
you're basically rewording something,
                                  borrowing from the already stated
     in the above, given script, of your own original output.
so you see, i don't know how "      " encapsulation can denote
a quote, if the basic arithmetic states,    ' + ' = ",
                         and by the time someone supposedly quotes,
the notation of supposed citation will morph into  "'       "'
                       type of enclosure.
Marco Bo Sep 2018
early morning
steeped
like a diamond
you shine

that trickle of water
close to you
as thy dew
at rest  
I long to be
...
mattina presto
intrisa
come un diamante
brilli

quel rivolo d'acqua
vicino a te
come tua rugiada
in quiete
vorrei essere
...
temprano en la mañana
empapada
como un diamante
tu brillas

ese chorrito de agua
cerca de ti
como tu rocío
en paz
quisiera ser
...
tôt le matin
trempé
comme un diamant
tu brille

ce filet d'eau
près de vous
comme ta rosée
au repos
je voudrais être
Marco Bo Oct 2018
early morning
steeped
like a diamond
you shine

that trickle of water
close to you
as thy dew
at rest
I long to be
...
mattina presto
intrisa
come un diamante
brilli

quel rivolo d'acqua
vicino a te
come tua rugiada
in quiete
vorrei essere
...
temprano en la mañana
empapada
como un diamante
tu brillas

ese chorrito de agua
cerca de ti
como tu rocío
en paz
quisiera ser
...
tôt le matin
trempé
comme un diamant
tu brille

ce filet d'eau
près de vous
comme ta rosée
au repos
je voudrais être
Sempre caro mi fu quest'ermo colle,
e questa siepe, che da tanta parte
dell'ultimo orizzonte il guardo esclude.
Ma sedendo e mirando, interminati
spazi di là da quella, e sovrumani
silenzi, e profondissima quiete
io nel pensier mi fingo; ove per poco
il cor non si spaura. E come il vento
odo stormir tra queste piante, io quello
infinito silenzio a questa voce
vo comparando: e mi sovvien l'eterno,
e le morte stagioni, e la presente
e viva, e il suon di lei. Così tra questa
immensità s'annega il pensier mio:
e il naufragar m'è dolce in questo mare.
Silvia, rimembri ancora
quel tempo della tua vita mortale,
quando beltà splendea
negli occhi tuoi ridenti e fuggitivi,
e tu, lieta e pensosa, il limitare
di gioventù salivi?

Sonavan le quiete
stanze, e le vie dintorno,
al tuo perpetuo canto,
allor che all'opre femminili intenta
sedevi, assai contenta
di quel vago avvenir che in mente avevi.
Era il maggio odoroso: e tu solevi
così menare il giorno.

Io gli studi leggiadri
talor lasciando e le sudate carte,
ove il tempo mio primo
e di me si spendea la miglior parte,
d'in su i veroni del paterno ostello
porgea gli orecchi al suon della tua voce,
ed alla man veloce
che percorrea la faticosa tela.
Mirava il ciel sereno,
le vie dorate e gli orti,
e quinci il mar da lungi, e quindi il monte.
Lingua mortal non dice
quel ch'io sentiva in seno.

Che pensieri soavi,
che speranze, che cori, o Silvia mia!
Quale allor ci apparia
la vita umana e il fato!
Quando sovviemmi di cotanta speme,
un affetto mi preme
acerbo e sconsolato,
e tornami a doler di mia sventura.
O natura, o natura,
perché non rendi poi
quel che prometti allor? Perché di tanto
inganni i figli tuoi?

Tu pria che l'erbe inaridisse il verno,
da chiuso morbo combattuta e vinta,
perivi, o tenerella. E non vedevi
il fior degli anni tuoi;
non ti molceva il core
la dolce lode or delle negre chiome,
or degli sguardi innamorati e schivi;
né teco le compagne ai dì festivi
ragionavan d'amore.

Anche peria tra poco
la speranza mia dolce: agli anni miei
anche negaro i fati
la giovanezza. Ahi come,
come passata sei,
cara compagna dell'età mia nova,
mia lacrimata speme!
Questo è quel mondo? Questi
i diletti, l'amor, l'opre, gli eventi
onde cotanto ragionammo insieme?
Questa la sorte dell'umane genti?
All'apparir del vero
tu, misera, cadesti: e con la mano
la fredda morte ed una tomba ignuda
mostravi di lontano.
Credei ch'al tutto fossero
In me, sul fior degli anni,
Mancati i dolci affanni
Della mia prima età:
I dolci affanni, i teneri
Moti del cor profondo,
Qualunque cosa al mondo
Grato il sentir ci fa.

Quante querele e lacrime
Sparsi nel novo stato,
Quando al mio cor gelato
Prima il dolor mancò!
Mancàr gli usati palpiti,
L'amor mi venne meno,
E irrigidito il seno
Di sospirar cessò!

Piansi spogliata, esanime
Fatta per me la vita
La terra inaridita,
Chiusa in eterno gel;
Deserto il dì; la tacita
Notte più sola e bruna;
Spenta per me la luna,
Spente le stelle in ciel.

Pur di quel pianto origine
Era l'antico affetto:
Nell'intimo del petto
Ancor viveva il cor.
Chiedea l'usate immagini
La stanca fantasia;
E la tristezza mia
Era dolore ancor.

Fra poco in me quell'ultimo
Dolore anco fu spento,
E di più far lamento
Valor non mi restò.
Giacqui: insensato, attonito,
Non dimandai conforto:
Quasi perduto e morto,
Il cor s'abbandonò.

Qual fui! Quanto dissimile
Da quel che tanto ardore,
Che sì beato errore
Nutrii nell'alma un dì!
La rondinella vigile,
Alle finestre intorno
Cantando al novo giorno,
Il cor non mi ferì:

Non all'autunno pallido
In solitaria villa,
La vespertina squilla,
Il fuggitivo Sol.
Invan brillare il vespero
Vidi per muto calle,
Invan sonò la valle
Del flebile usignol.

E voi, pupille tenere,
Sguardi furtivi, erranti,
Voi dè gentili amanti
Primo, immortale amor,
Ed alla mano offertami
Candida ignuda mano,
Foste voi pure invano
Al duro mio sopor.

D'ogni dolcezza vedovo,
Tristo; ma non turbato,
Ma placido il mio stato,
Il volto era seren.
Desiderato il termine
Avrei del viver mio;
Ma spento era il desio
Nello spossato sen.

Qual dell'età decrepita
L'avanzo ignudo e vile,
Io conducea l'aprile
Degli anni miei così:
Così quegl'ineffabili
Giorni, o mio cor, traevi,
Che sì fugaci e brevi
Il cielo a noi sortì.

Chi dalla grave, immemore
Quiete or mi ridesta?
Che virtù nova è questa,
Questa che sento in me?
Moti soavi, immagini,
Palpiti, error beato,
Per sempre a voi negato
Questo mio cor non è?

Siete pur voi quell'unica
Luce dè giorni miei?
Gli affetti ch'io perdei
Nella novella età?
Se al ciel, s'ai verdi margini,
Ovunque il guardo mira,
Tutto un dolor mi spira,
Tutto un piacer mi dà.

Meco ritorna a vivere
La piaggia, il bosco, il monte;
Parla al mio core il fonte,
Meco favella il mar.
Chi mi ridona il piangere
Dopo cotanto obblio?
E come al guardo mio
Cangiato il mondo appar?

Forse la speme, o povero
Mio cor, ti volse un riso?
Ahi della speme il viso
Io non vedrò mai più.
Proprii mi diede i palpiti,
Natura, e i dolci inganni.
Sopiro in me gli affanni
L'ingenita virtù;

Non l'annullàr: non vinsela
Il fato e la sventura;
Non con la vista impura
L'infausta verità.
Dalle mie vaghe immagini
So ben ch'ella discorda:
So che natura è sorda,
Che miserar non sa.

Che non del ben sollecita
Fu, ma dell'esser solo:
Purché ci serbi al duolo,
Or d'altro a lei non cal.
So che pietà fra gli uomini
Il misero non trova;
Che lui, fuggendo, a prova
Schernisce ogni mortal.

Che ignora il tristo secolo
Gl'ingegni e le virtudi;
Che manca ai degni studi
L'ignuda gloria ancor.
E voi, pupille tremule,
Voi, raggio sovrumano,
So che splendete invano,
Che in voi non brilla amor.

Nessuno ignoto ed intimo
Affetto in voi non brilla:
Non chiude una favilla
Quel bianco petto in sé.
Anzi d'altrui le tenere
Cure suol porre in gioco;
E d'un celeste foco
Disprezzo è la mercè.

Pur sento in me rivivere
Gl'inganni aperti e noti;
E, dè suoi proprii moti
Si maraviglia il sen.
Da te, mio cor, quest'ultimo
Spirto, e l'ardor natio,
Ogni conforto mio
Solo da te mi vien.

Mancano, il sento, all'anima
Alta, gentile e pura,
La sorte, la natura,
Il mondo e la beltà.
Ma se tu vivi, o misero,
Se non concedi al fato,
Non chiamerò spietato
Chi lo spirar mi dà.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
it's english, what do you care? you **** it!

oh, you already said your
"thank you",
it's about time that
i say my: *******!

i just remember punching a wall, and
the home office legitimates
complimenting me in my computer...
now you have your somali
asian indian muslim "illegits"...
well done, good luck,
as

   the i.r.a. might say: riddle your
own own stupidity!

try reasoning with someone kid
prior to being aged a teen (13)...

you can't reason with these children!
you can't! you think some stupid
monarchal parade will stop them
acting what they feel
as the other blue-blooded "arisocrat"?
they're cold blooded!

   you're not going to stop them
you idiots!
          no matter what the current
generation says: akin to:
i'm not going to pay for the sins of my
forefathers...

   oooh... oh ****... you're gonna pay...
it's the justification clause...
not quiete the american
   constitution ammendment...
you're gonna pay...
  mind you... you know
  why they're not touching
the poles?
   haven't you heard?
   weren't the poles exposed
    to the teutonic crusades?!

honestly? serves you right, *****-slapping
that ******-smirk off your face...
all it suggests is: another punch!
what?
   i'm trying to pluck the fruits
                                       off a plum tree!

me? i'd be cobnsidered collateral "damage"...
the "no man's land": the so called
caught in the middle...
           2nds first, thirsty last -
          you tattoo that ******* emblem
into your arm, i'll chop it off,
******* ******.

                              you be goldi-locks
lucky to have the evolutionary canvas of
8+ billion that doesn't see us
extinct... ******* ferris wheel & theme
park of gay: the oops 'e' daisy...
why god and the hatred of ****?
   isn't it obvious?
   might as well jest at impregnating
a wolf with human *****, how's that?
not going to bother with the idea?
well then: ****... is just ow... just nice.

why do you think?
you defending **** because you'd be alive
if it was "normal" 10,000 years ago?
     i can only say the word: priv. regarding it...
you sure we're on the same planet?
   the same orb?
    i'm not so sure...
     if we allowed homosexuality as a social
norm back then:
  YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE BY
                                        MY ESTIMATE!
                     you'd be a short-lived
tissue experience of an albino tadpole...
****!
                 no! i won't stop cursing to amuse
an american baptist preacher!
                    *******!

this is the part where i stop writing and
play the hand-gesture game of
fishing for a bunch of wankers...
      sure i ****...
  i can't see a benevolent women
to surrogate my arm in the vicinity either;
but for ****'s sake i'm sure
there's a women, willing to *******
her womb for a surrogate intermediate baby
between two hopefuls of **** bashers;

so... well done... clap clap...
         much ado about the need,
but otherwise case for *applause
;
my my, hasn't prostitution become oh so
very much, so oh so refined!

tour de france:
cudowne dziecko dwóch pedałów -

tour of france:
the glorious child of two pedals

(gay? pedał!) -

so you want me to become sincere in talking
about it - within the frame of a +
of not becoming agitated physically?
   can't some sort of "anger" (joke) be entertained
in the written sense without the fist?
is is that: well, if you censor me here,
i might as well snap my knuckles
and levy a punch... yes? nod nod ah ha?

personally?
i remember kissing this guy in a nightclub
one night,
then going to a birthday party
and seeing him there...
i left early...
   why? a homophobic woman started
asking me whether i minded gays...
it wasn't the gay guy i kissed
that made me feel a pinch of nausea...
it was a woman...
with her question regarding whether
i minded gay men...
              *****! i haven't got beef with them!
but if the journalistic narratives keeps
tugging at the victorian
19th century "affair": i'll be calling
the resurrection of joe merrick!

   i would have stayed at the party, after all
it was my cousin's birthday party...
what gift did i bring? a fiction novel
about smoking...
   prior? buying cigarettes for an oliver crew
of kids... i didn't short-change them...
the leader said: huh?
and i said: camel cigarettes, i paid extra,
they're better than was you asked for...
imagine: smooooooth.

no, but i really did ******* from the party
when this girl started asking
in her heterosexual way of wanting to be
laid, asking if i was **** or straight...
      is there such a thing as feminaphobia?
after that sort of experience?
                             there better be one!

no... and i don't want to get it...
                        never have, never will...
what was she doing at a gay party anyway?
pushing ******?!
Thanh Mar 2019
------ Translation ------

A distant flash broke the silence
And the breeze, having touched the quiet crowns,
Became fire:

Ash.

Along the lake shore
I gaze at the reflection of the sky:
Water, mirror of the universe!

And from the top of the world the still mountain watches

The eternal cycle accomplish:
Day and night alternating.

------ Original ------

Un bagliore lontano squarciò il silenzio
E la brezza, sfiorate le quiete fronde,
Divenne fiamma:

Cenere.

Lungo le rive del lago,
Scruto il riflesso del cielo:
Acqua, specchio dell'universo!

E dalla sommità del mondo il monte osserva inerte

L'eterno ciclo ultimarsi:
Giorno e notte alternarsi.
The whole poem is a reference to the Eight Trigrams:
- Zhèn: Thunder
- Xùn: Wind
- Lí: Fire
- Kūn: Earth
- Duì: Lake
- Qián: Heaven
- Kǎn: Water
- Gèn: Mountain

The order of the verses corresponds to the Later Heaven disposition of the Trigrams which represents the order of the "manifested world" that is the alternating cicle of life/death, day/night, seasons, 5 elements and so on.

I chose the title as well as the last two verses to give an hint: the "first spark" is the moment when from the primordial state of things, displayed by "Early Heaven" disposition of the Eight Trigrams where all the opposites are balanced and "static", the movement takes place giving birth to all things.
Credei ch'al tutto fossero
In me, sul fior degli anni,
Mancati i dolci affanni
Della mia prima età:
I dolci affanni, i teneri
Moti del cor profondo,
Qualunque cosa al mondo
Grato il sentir ci fa.

Quante querele e lacrime
Sparsi nel novo stato,
Quando al mio cor gelato
Prima il dolor mancò!
Mancàr gli usati palpiti,
L'amor mi venne meno,
E irrigidito il seno
Di sospirar cessò!

Piansi spogliata, esanime
Fatta per me la vita
La terra inaridita,
Chiusa in eterno gel;
Deserto il dì; la tacita
Notte più sola e bruna;
Spenta per me la luna,
Spente le stelle in ciel.

Pur di quel pianto origine
Era l'antico affetto:
Nell'intimo del petto
Ancor viveva il cor.
Chiedea l'usate immagini
La stanca fantasia;
E la tristezza mia
Era dolore ancor.

Fra poco in me quell'ultimo
Dolore anco fu spento,
E di più far lamento
Valor non mi restò.
Giacqui: insensato, attonito,
Non dimandai conforto:
Quasi perduto e morto,
Il cor s'abbandonò.

Qual fui! Quanto dissimile
Da quel che tanto ardore,
Che sì beato errore
Nutrii nell'alma un dì!
La rondinella vigile,
Alle finestre intorno
Cantando al novo giorno,
Il cor non mi ferì:

Non all'autunno pallido
In solitaria villa,
La vespertina squilla,
Il fuggitivo Sol.
Invan brillare il vespero
Vidi per muto calle,
Invan sonò la valle
Del flebile usignol.

E voi, pupille tenere,
Sguardi furtivi, erranti,
Voi dè gentili amanti
Primo, immortale amor,
Ed alla mano offertami
Candida ignuda mano,
Foste voi pure invano
Al duro mio sopor.

D'ogni dolcezza vedovo,
Tristo; ma non turbato,
Ma placido il mio stato,
Il volto era seren.
Desiderato il termine
Avrei del viver mio;
Ma spento era il desio
Nello spossato sen.

Qual dell'età decrepita
L'avanzo ignudo e vile,
Io conducea l'aprile
Degli anni miei così:
Così quegl'ineffabili
Giorni, o mio cor, traevi,
Che sì fugaci e brevi
Il cielo a noi sortì.

Chi dalla grave, immemore
Quiete or mi ridesta?
Che virtù nova è questa,
Questa che sento in me?
Moti soavi, immagini,
Palpiti, error beato,
Per sempre a voi negato
Questo mio cor non è?

Siete pur voi quell'unica
Luce dè giorni miei?
Gli affetti ch'io perdei
Nella novella età?
Se al ciel, s'ai verdi margini,
Ovunque il guardo mira,
Tutto un dolor mi spira,
Tutto un piacer mi dà.

Meco ritorna a vivere
La piaggia, il bosco, il monte;
Parla al mio core il fonte,
Meco favella il mar.
Chi mi ridona il piangere
Dopo cotanto obblio?
E come al guardo mio
Cangiato il mondo appar?

Forse la speme, o povero
Mio cor, ti volse un riso?
Ahi della speme il viso
Io non vedrò mai più.
Proprii mi diede i palpiti,
Natura, e i dolci inganni.
Sopiro in me gli affanni
L'ingenita virtù;

Non l'annullàr: non vinsela
Il fato e la sventura;
Non con la vista impura
L'infausta verità.
Dalle mie vaghe immagini
So ben ch'ella discorda:
So che natura è sorda,
Che miserar non sa.

Che non del ben sollecita
Fu, ma dell'esser solo:
Purché ci serbi al duolo,
Or d'altro a lei non cal.
So che pietà fra gli uomini
Il misero non trova;
Che lui, fuggendo, a prova
Schernisce ogni mortal.

Che ignora il tristo secolo
Gl'ingegni e le virtudi;
Che manca ai degni studi
L'ignuda gloria ancor.
E voi, pupille tremule,
Voi, raggio sovrumano,
So che splendete invano,
Che in voi non brilla amor.

Nessuno ignoto ed intimo
Affetto in voi non brilla:
Non chiude una favilla
Quel bianco petto in sé.
Anzi d'altrui le tenere
Cure suol porre in gioco;
E d'un celeste foco
Disprezzo è la mercè.

Pur sento in me rivivere
Gl'inganni aperti e noti;
E, dè suoi proprii moti
Si maraviglia il sen.
Da te, mio cor, quest'ultimo
Spirto, e l'ardor natio,
Ogni conforto mio
Solo da te mi vien.

Mancano, il sento, all'anima
Alta, gentile e pura,
La sorte, la natura,
Il mondo e la beltà.
Ma se tu vivi, o misero,
Se non concedi al fato,
Non chiamerò spietato
Chi lo spirar mi dà.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2021
videos that begin: and later conclude with the flow
of: unscripted freedoms...
get on my nerves: get on my ******* and cranium
like an itch i just can't scratch...
freedom with too much impulse:
but not enough premeditation...
               so i turned off... they were a massive downer...
i returned to just... listening to music...
scribbling or rather: chicken scratching...
for all that thought allows when coupled
with writing...
   speaking will never grant...
  even if you couple it with war drums and
mantras of the millionth count of man...
sit under a make-shift canopy when it's
raining... the sound is electric for a while...
mesmerizing even...
like a little trickle of "orchestra"...
but then again: the sound of falling rain
is hardly Bach's polyphony...
but it also isn't the sound of a waterfall...
or the sound of the sea and its barrage of the shore
with its waves of stampeding horses...
nor is it... a tap trickling a rat-tat-tat on the sink
basin coupled with the humming
of the refrigerator murmur for the sake of ghostly
ambiance come the zenith of night:
when even burglars are asleep...
it's not a sound of slosh / slush of throwing a bucket's
worth of water from a height...
i too would like to imagine the sound
of a falling chandelier... not no...
perhaps throwing out... a bucket's load of crushed
ice on... glass... or a mirror... or a sheet of metal...
copper or iron? any difference?
i bet there's a difference on lead...
or aluminium...
but from under a makeshift canopy
to out in the open...
   a bewildering absence of "orchestra"...
just a teasing at silence...
                   no focus point for a collection of water...
evenly spread: like too little butter spread
over too much bread... you can still see the
Himalayan mountains inverted as holes
on a slice of ciabatta... couple that with a slice
of Swiss cheese and you're bound to see...
the lost lakes of the moon...
i suppose Mars was inhabitable once...
since... the earth wasn't...
and as the sun gradually cooled...
         the moon was a habitat once...
and once the sun cools even further...
Venus might be a welcome habitat...
           an argument to counter man's desire to explore
space... burning cow farts into a vacuum...
or dead dinosaur-burn to boot...
stand outside all space and time:
supposedly that's philosophy...
i suppose i'm not going to make scrambled eggs
with my brain while i'm at it...
i return to my heart of stone...
   i return to a fullness of being alone...
now that i managed to get both a haircut and
a beard trim in one afternoon
i see hungry girls eyeing me up while
i cycle... back lacerated by sweat...
     somehow it feels that during the summer:
people are supposed to fall in love...
**** at night in the forest or something...
a 35 year old man will spot a girl who just finished
her GCSEs or A-levels while all the other minors
are still dressed in school uniforms...
if this is what 35 year old men did when
we were the same age as these girls...
i suppose when we were their age: we weren't cruel
enough...
i'd love to see a colt get a stab at it to later
see the plunge into disappointment...
as ever: only the prostitutes seem the most beautiful
of women...
why is that? mandible... or... skin like leather:
well worn?
not some holy grail: mothering types where
you invest in "prodigy" or... "dynasty"...
assured that... your woman will not be touched...
fiddled by some better fiddler than you...
i suppose owning a pedigree dog is less hassle...
why not skip all that...
go straight for the obvious...
hassle with this... that... and the other...
- i was buying a gift for my father for father's day...
an obligation that shortened my savings
to visiting that godsend of a ******* of a *****
by £34.99... i got bored of buying him
whiskey for his birthday...
he has driving glasses... but nothing to walk in...
stop squinting!
in a magic moment of mania i tried about
a dozen pairs in the space of... 3 minutes...
not enough mirrors... if i had three mirrors two work
with would have put on those dozen pair of sunglasses
in circa a minute...
- at the unisex salon i was coerced into chatting
with my "hairdresser" Nicki...
we talked about her father... 75 now...
who owns over a dozen motorcycles...
he had this Harley phase...
he's going camping this weekend...
there are supposed to be lightning storms...
we never had a car...
on a bike with a buggy...
my mother died when she was 43...
he found a second lady... she too died...
i think that motorcycle saved him...
investments... one is over 100 years old...
probably comes to over £30,000 in worth...
       - is it me... or do... women... barely recognise
the worth of something?
or perhaps time is... beyond measure for them?
i had my eyes closed while i was sitting
before this grand mirror...
i don't want to see myself...
   it felt like "it" wasn't supposed to think...
pay attention to... what she was saying...
forget the Jezebel's ******* and fixate your
concentration on this... blonde bombshell
cutting your hair: and remember the one
car her father owned...
memory of the name of a thing...
oh sure... i have a memory of things...
my father owned a Makita drill...
my grandfather owned a KOPERNIKUS IX
set of protractors and ****
by E. O. Richter & Co.
he was also a philatelist...
           i inherited a grand collection...
   but he didn't indeed invest in macho:
obedience objects of bypassing self-generation
of momentum...
he didn't own a car... he preferred a bicycle...
a bus... i do too...
i guess i'm more of my grandfather than
i am my father... after all... my father wasn't
present when i was 4 through to 8...
the great brain-drain / labour-drain from the east
to the west after the collapse of soviet empire...
"coincidentally": the collapse of production
of goods in the west overall...
and metallurgy...
smart jobs now... or ***** jobs tending to...
children that will be... literate bound
to menial johns worth of jobs...
would have been better to keep them:
illiterate... quite frankly...
it's not quiete enough to just quit... right about: now...
quintessential... the goods coming in...
or the export of: Samsara Usury...
it's terrible that i forgot the name of
the car they drove...
kwa-yet... phonetically: still English...
oh the natives...
i could just cuddle them with pillow!

- so while Nicky finished off my hair
i began to take form...
to the Turk for the trimming of the beard...
i still think he ****** it up a little bit...
my chin and neckline isn't exactly
right angle: L inverted...
i need longer hairs at the tip of my chin
than longer hairs that protrude from my neck...
but he used a trimmer that had a whiff
of brothel i.e. jack daniels...
and he used a brush with some...
baby bottom powder...
   eh... if i don't like how the regrowth will
look... i'll... bask... in... a week's worth
of... returning to a joy of shaving...
god... i think i've had *** more times
than i've shaved my face in the past half-decade...

i have to write this in old deutsche:

writing is less intrusive than speech...
there's no premeditation in speaking...
writing is an extension of thought:
it's not an invitation to speak...

(in german, utilizing english grammar)

schreiben ist geringer aufdringlich als rede...
da ist nein vorsatz im reden...
shreiben ist ein gedanke(-)erweiterung (auf)
es ist nicht ein einladung zu spreche...

ol' Nicki is still in her 40s and single...
looking forward... no motorcycle leather clad owe i...
or pretend Zen buddhist either...
masculinity as... something eclectic...
those specimens of men that...
drag their offspring to football matches
and turn them into zealot supporters...
if i were bothered enough to be implored
to breed: i'd plough out a *******
Frankenstein: i already know i'm halfway...

what's that saying in casually dating when
you have multiple partners...
oh... right: it's...
es ist... kompliziert...
   i bicycle through central London
looking for two eye-sores... the tourists
are easy to spot... a pair of *** girls one flashing her
knickers while i pass...
the other taking a photography of an array of bricks...
but i'm also looking out for spotting thoese
gems those sugar-babies walking like
their usual selves... peacocking their sugar-daddy
assets...
married men with ****-**** on the side...
always in the centre of capital...
while also... on the side...
spotting... the very... past angry: melancholy women...
probably failed feminists...

well look at me: i stopped believing in love...
i started to be charged for intimacy...
at £2 per minute... at £120 per hour...
i dearly pretend to think that a session at
the barbers is "about the same" as...
a ******* from a nymphomaniac...

again: to reiterate english with German...
at the Ypres vicinity... the mass graves....

give me too much whiskey: i'll drink too much, whiskey
i'll blame my muse!
give me just enough: i'll go to bed early!

geben mich zu viel whisky: ich werden zu viel, whisky
ich werden tadel mein muse!
geben mich nur genug: ich werden zu gehen bett früh!

a newly arrived proverb from the Slavs:
if you come among the crows:
you better croak like them...

             wenn du kommen sie unter die krähen:
du beste krächzen wie (wei) sie (sei)...

yes... almost everyone is literate...
the priests and their monopoly of literacy have
disappeared..
but new monopolies have and new a literacy have
arrived...
come... sniff at me... if i ought to be a "beta"
sniffing glue off the heels of an alpha...
ich... bin... komplett!

         herr omega...          herr niemand-nix...
der letzte ratte...
                 pounding my heart to tease
a sponge...
   oh the air i breathe i will assure you...
my experience with prostitutes will never
be a Walt Whitman: ga-ga-gay...

'to a common *******' -
be composed - be at ease with me - i am walt whitman,
liberal and ***** as nature,
nor till the sun excludes you do i exclude you,
not till the waters refuse to glisten for you
and the leaves to rustle for you, do my words refuse
to glisten and rustle for you...

well **** me... between listening to
KULT's - brooklyńska rada żydów...
and... john williams' - if i were a rich man?

i'd have a harem and a camel's weight worth
of hard-on pills...
while in my youth i'd... invest wisdom and humour
to see a boxing match between king Solomon
and Buddha!
oh these labyrinths of constraints of what someone
else has assured themselves with
"gravity"... just prior...

by the girth of the right of birth and all that's
required of me to come around by: merely timing...
perhaps it would have just been easier to
fudge-pack *** with all the custard lot of ****
to begin with...

Walt Whitman... that ****** on a string...
while here i am... chore bound to juice up...
one of those "fair maidens":
always those... insufferable holes in the ground...
these: the phallus is... obnoxious...
it rises into the air and stratifies shade...
the **** the floral bud...
the mantis... the black widow...
the venus fly-trap...
     no... all caressing creatures!
at least i can both ingest fine food with
my mouth... while also able to:
puke the lies people speak...
which mingle with already eaten food...

if solipsism is merely a concept...
then... what ever happened to that Greek
demigod deity?
Narcissism is a concept: there's also the demigod
deity... but... it seems like...
the old gods of the Greeks kept the existence
of this... prancing ******* rabbit-toothed pony
a ******* secret...
where are we now?
in a society of sociopaths and ghosts!

the advent of Solipssus...
              someone train some dragons or conjure
up some demons to get this
urban rent-boy off his ******* peddle-stool!
to hell with the wrath of Venus!
she has enough ****** on c.c.t.v. cameras making
enough "dough" for not loaf of bread as we speak!

i just... wanted to be assured...
the 'ebrew deity assured me...
                 look at the letters...
the sounds and forms that people are and become...
come much later... but not too late...
they'll still be your... contemporaries...
you'll see a shift...
H-H: rugby...
                     Y: the tongue of the serpent...
begins with W and begins with M...
W: cosine... M: sine...

                   i owe nothing to the Hebrews...
but truth be told... this **** show of scouting for ******
in the ruins of Dubai...
will bite back... i'll be dead then...
the current sparring contest between
the Ishraelis and the Iranians...
always favour the minority...
the ****'ites are... the minority...
    the Persians would never bow to some...
hot-rod & hearted bunch of camel jockeys
findning literacy... all of a sudden!
"all of a sudden"!

           came the great tide... alliances are being made...
the Israelis are already making bargains with
the Persians... once... this... Arabian... fairground
collapses... once the ethics of the western mind
impose... when slavery was abolished in 1833
"somewhere": in Arabia it was only until 1970...

Christianity emerged in year 0...
Islam in year 633... circa...
give 'em some time... too much sun: turban's being
fried at present from all that imported *****-work...
but... come circa 1412... paganism was still
defended in Europe by an alliance
of Polacks and Lithuanians versus
the Teutonic knights...
i guess because the crusade involving
Barbarossa failed... i hope... the great ginger
gherkin did manage to find his way to...
Yerusalem...

  just saying: hands in the air... jazz hands:
Pontius Pilate imposing!
give those h'Arabs some time...
they've been sitting on dinosaur juice all this time
it's not wonder they want to pay out
their... well-earned: investment in...
sand... camel jockey has to have his yacht pride...
his... miracle of Dubai... a city built on sand...
unlike the thick splodges of London clay...
i will die before any of this tumbleweed giggling
happens...
it will be revelled in like a crescendo like no
other...
when... those Syrians were not welcomed
by those Saudis...
because the Saudis would only accept...
in between: Romanian ******...

                  as they would still decapitate youths
for staging minor protests...
the Slavs didn't welcome what the western Lands
seemed to be missing...
i guess: inbreeding paramount?
not... those... ****-less ***-starved youths
as if it wasn't a polygamous cult of bypassing
shared ambitions of...
a plumber hooked up with a hairdresser...
and they had an irish catholic lot of children
together, while the state allowed some aid?

no?
      well... i am a glistening slab of marble
lodged in a ray of moonlight with a smile...
all is not my plan: but the harvest of what's to be
allowed to be... made: demised.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2018
i mean: fair enough to the sober
commentators on youtube -
   hats off and skirts down to you
gents and gentile women...
   but...
         i ask you...
   can you even read the news
under the façade     (there's a greek
ς, sigma, invoked by that...
who would have known,
that the Kelt,
            would have applied
              a greek letter, so far away,
under the wings of rome
diffusing!) -
          under the  faςade of
                                        soberness?
never could trust someone who
didn't know how to drink...
     or allow himself coherency
when inebriated....
          *******: angel of the opiates
comes along,
    which makes harold shipman
     look like quiete the hippocratic oath
taker...
            ministers mull ban on
sale of energy drinks
:
             apparently children drink
more coffee than adults
  (albeit the covert, synthetic kind,
which underlines the principle
of synthesis for the "worth"
  of science, per se)...
               private schools shun
tougher GCSEs
...
                       because hard...
              is apparently "too" hard enough...
oh i've "cheated" in my history
exam...
                but wrote a brilliant
essay on the counter-reformation
                            in my, "spare" time...
since: how the hell can you "cheat"
when constructing language coherency?
                  caged rat mean anything
to you?
               well, "cheating" never got me
anywhere to a socio-political
position of prominence,
evidently there was only a per se
            impetus,
              all that is chaos, and all that it's not...
yo ** ** and a scottish sailor
saying: i'd really freak out
if you substituted the whiskey for the ***...
imagine that!
   a drunk... with a sober head!
            but can you read the news
                  and be sober, simultaneously?
i was ingenious in crafting
a rabbincal like mini-scroll equivalent
of a torah...
                      folded akin to two rams
barging, and "see-through" in that
there were two-matchsticks to posit
the subsequent movement...
           because why wouldn't you "cheat"
in terms of the regurgitation of
                        boyscout rules
    and: 'sit boy! sit boy! sit!' of crufts?!
most of my childhood friends ended up
in prison,
     which is what you get...
      with a good father and a tyrannical
mother...
     and origins in a post-scriptum of
a town once famed as a socio-industrial
complex at the heart of which was metallurgy...
like i said:
       i wrote the most berilliant
counter-reformation essay in my, "spare",
time...
            under examination circumstances?
you ******* a rottweiler in a rat-maze?
educational synonym / imitation
of the islamic call for prayer...
               it's not that i gained a social
status from all of it...
                      merely a principium ex "nihil"...
an honest cheat is worse
          to fathom than an ardent crook...
given there's no pathological truth-sayer...
         miraculously: a visage of an oasis!
but given that i'm drunk...
   and given that i'm reading the news...
why not drink-sprint into a narrative?
          it's not that i'm actually commenting
on some "good"...
               all i know is that i'm shy
        of 2 beers down my local co-op...
and i'll need to brush-my-teeth and
apply deodrant (no one says
do with this spelling:
       deodorant; esp. in england) to hide
                               my "inadequacies";
faaaack...
   americans can have their
                   ah'loom'noon...
                    we can have our
              deodrant...
         as we'll keep our: alumni-minimum...
    Al - finally! in pixel!
                              l or 1?
                                 might have to start
considering "breaking the habit"
                                 and introducing AL
like we might fathom Lm
           on a roofer's invoice to denote
                         a linometre: a linear metre,
                everything to do with being just short of:
                     up-the-wall.
Sempre caro mi fu quest'ermo colle,
e questa siepe, che da tanta parte
dell'ultimo orizzonte il guardo esclude.
Ma sedendo e mirando, interminati
spazi di là da quella, e sovrumani
silenzi, e profondissima quiete
io nel pensier mi fingo; ove per poco
il cor non si spaura. E come il vento
odo stormir tra queste piante, io quello
infinito silenzio a questa voce
vo comparando: e mi sovvien l'eterno,
e le morte stagioni, e la presente
e viva, e il suon di lei. Così tra questa
immensità s'annega il pensier mio:
e il naufragar m'è dolce in questo mare.
Il termine, la vetta
di quella scoscesa serpentina
ecco si approssimava,
ormai era vicina,
ne davano un chiaro avvertimento
i magri rimasugli
della tappa pellegrina
su alla celestiale cima.
Poco sopra
alla vista
che spazio si sarebbe aperto
dal culmine raggiunto...
immaginarlo
già era beatitudine
concessa
più che al suo desiderio, al suo tormento.
Sì l'immensità, la luce
ma quiete vera ci sarebbe stata?
Lì avrebbe la sua impresa
avuto il luminoso assolvimento
da se stessa nella trasparente spera
o nasceva una nuova impossibile scalata...
Questo temeva, questo desiderava.
Silvia, rimembri ancora
quel tempo della tua vita mortale,
quando beltà splendea
negli occhi tuoi ridenti e fuggitivi,
e tu, lieta e pensosa, il limitare
di gioventù salivi?

Sonavan le quiete
stanze, e le vie dintorno,
al tuo perpetuo canto,
allor che all'opre femminili intenta
sedevi, assai contenta
di quel vago avvenir che in mente avevi.
Era il maggio odoroso: e tu solevi
così menare il giorno.

Io gli studi leggiadri
talor lasciando e le sudate carte,
ove il tempo mio primo
e di me si spendea la miglior parte,
d'in su i veroni del paterno ostello
porgea gli orecchi al suon della tua voce,
ed alla man veloce
che percorrea la faticosa tela.
Mirava il ciel sereno,
le vie dorate e gli orti,
e quinci il mar da lungi, e quindi il monte.
Lingua mortal non dice
quel ch'io sentiva in seno.

Che pensieri soavi,
che speranze, che cori, o Silvia mia!
Quale allor ci apparia
la vita umana e il fato!
Quando sovviemmi di cotanta speme,
un affetto mi preme
acerbo e sconsolato,
e tornami a doler di mia sventura.
O natura, o natura,
perché non rendi poi
quel che prometti allor? Perché di tanto
inganni i figli tuoi?

Tu pria che l'erbe inaridisse il verno,
da chiuso morbo combattuta e vinta,
perivi, o tenerella. E non vedevi
il fior degli anni tuoi;
non ti molceva il core
la dolce lode or delle negre chiome,
or degli sguardi innamorati e schivi;
né teco le compagne ai dì festivi
ragionavan d'amore.

Anche peria tra poco
la speranza mia dolce: agli anni miei
anche negaro i fati
la giovanezza. Ahi come,
come passata sei,
cara compagna dell'età mia nova,
mia lacrimata speme!
Questo è quel mondo? Questi
i diletti, l'amor, l'opre, gli eventi
onde cotanto ragionammo insieme?
Questa la sorte dell'umane genti?
All'apparir del vero
tu, misera, cadesti: e con la mano
la fredda morte ed una tomba ignuda
mostravi di lontano.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
you can't tell me that the sole
male fetish for womanhood
was her worth of the crop
of her hair..
              'last time i heard
it was her hips'
and you'd be right in stating
so...
             i was more inclined
by the hands...
     like, little figurines
of ballerinas...
           and snow falling at night,
attired in the hood,
static like a stone,
beneath a lithium
street-lamp...

i too wished for a trucker's
voyage with a niñita...
ah!
           pedant...
   that waving motion?
you can't put
either i or j together with
an ñ...
  unless..

       ninȷítā:
neen-yee-t'ah!
  ******* morons...
went for the hieroglyphs
like quick-bait
before exploring
their literacy
just a little bit further...

   ******* cul de sac
"explorers"...
manifest in:
by the thousand count
worth of drones /
viewers...

yeah...
let's all just pretend that...
we're all going to
be "nice" people...
while the police do jack-****!
just 4 hours ago
i could have been
a security guard
in a supermarket...

what's stopping me?
the person
who has taken charge...
useless as a *******
sprinter contra
the snail in a Zeno episode
of "paradoxes"...

to be made accountable
of all the 8+ billion
lives in this world,
to become the spearhead
for a clinging sensation
of, hopefully,
individual vectors...
    to come across
the sight of Copernicus...

did you know that
us Polacks feel
grieved by...
having to succumb to
a history that states...
it was Galileo!
no... it was Copernicus!
Copernicus was
German!
   no... and the no continues...
the idiots fathom the laziness
of the intelligent...
which...
means nothing as quiete
as what it should mean:
don't use your elbows
to shove into a queue...

that's how i imagine
god...
somehow...
the last refrain from
calling on santa claus:
or satan's, clause...
to be fed so many
"delusions"
and be woken up with one...
i don't know...
            god is a word
per se, and a nature...
   something biased...
an autocrat...
a despot...
        what if what i want
is not what i will never
receive?
              
the islamic fetish for hair...
last time i checked,
my grandmother reacted
to finding a hair
in a soup,
like some Ascot bride would
react to finding a fly
in her champagne flute...
i always thought
that the most ******
aspect of a woman
was her hands...
so... no head-cover...
just gloves...
   hair... who made up
this... hair-erotica
of monotheism?!
             i am freaked-out!
why wouldn't i be?
who has to feed an *******
via an association
with...

             the monotheistic
fetish for... hiding the discovery
of keratin...
how about we
begin with... a woman's hands?

it's a mad mad world
and i'm not inclined
to quote a base of song lyrics
to encourage it with...

monotheistic erotica
         surrounding keratin...
involved in...
the aspect of the fair ***...
making aspect...
of long hair...

but what if i like... pixie girls...
girls with short hair?!
and what if i were
a mundane-rock stoner
who allowed himself
to suit dates,
rather than tattoos,
and subsequently forgot
the existence of barbers...
and pretended to long for...
          keratin curtains?

but this is not a win-win
scenario...
              this topic,
was not even brought up...
it vaguely surfaced...
        face-to-face...
i didn't see no more than
i did of a screaming
police officer...
shackled...
being arrested
in an alleyway
on a Friday night,
in the dark,
*******...
               saying:
i'm not getting up...
make me...
      in a country that also reads
into a crescendo of:
the easily taken bait...
   and...
if i were truly the Pilate,
i shouldn't have trouble
washing my hands
clean off the matter,
but my hands are tied...
   i still remember playing
video games...
i'm not cross-eyed!
   but no chance in hell
would the right hand perform
the inbuilt functions that
a left hand ought to do...
and likewise...
   so... a big ******* X...
schematic...
of being right-handed...
playing video games with
a keyboard in tow...
through to the late mid-00s...
arms crossed...

    the right hand doing what
the left hand was intended
to do...
while the left hand doing what
the right hand...
                                   X

age of empires...
or some other game...
one of those first person shooters...
doom, or quake...
or whatever it was...
hardly cross-eyed...
but sure as **** cross-hand...
  
                               X

no tunnel vision, no | |
           synchronißed swimming event
worth the olympics...
no flappers either side
of my eyes...

           as for all those who support
their freedom to blah blah along?
i just want to see them
pick up a pen...

       oh, i've seen Jordan B. Peterson
pick up the pen...
           it's great...
             it's like:
being woken to speak again!
any criticism of mine?
i hope it's subtle...

     meat-cleaver
and some of the plethora's worth
of a densist's attire in
slying open a:
painting of the healthy
bite...

        chisel! chime chime!
we have a winner!

writing... and those who
suppose so...
the end of death in
life being continued,
via:
a piece of writing,
discovered, posthumously,
20 years later...
or...
           the work of a wine...
connoisseur...
             yeah... had to ferment...
some drunk from
it immediately...
  some... years later...

like me...
current year? 2019...
i am mostly a necromancer...
meaning?
   i read from the worth of
the dead, being surrounded
by the motto:
don't forget that i too,
once lived...
   i can't forget that...
necromancy:
to read from the dead...
    well... like necrophilia...
but instead of *******
a dead body...
you read the mind
of a dead person...
                              simple...
i own a private library
and about two living authors'
worth of output...
i am, a necromancer...
no contemporary writing...
   i sometimes watch these
book review videos on youtube...
like... abookutopia...
right... the reader of a writer
who's still alive...
          my library?
               a ******* cemetary.

like: i ****... into a leather chair...
and pretend it's:      eau l'automne...

                fine wine...
something fermenting, obscure...
you will not find me reading
Dickens... having heard
the praise from England,
like you will not find me reading
Mickiewicz in Poland...

so... those taboos out of
the window...
        i tend to forget which
part of my body succumbs
the easiest
to being tickled.
Sempre caro mi fu quest'ermo colle,
e questa siepe, che da tanta parte
dell'ultimo orizzonte il guardo esclude.
Ma sedendo e mirando, interminati
spazi di là da quella, e sovrumani
silenzi, e profondissima quiete
io nel pensier mi fingo; ove per poco
il cor non si spaura. E come il vento
odo stormir tra queste piante, io quello
infinito silenzio a questa voce
vo comparando: e mi sovvien l'eterno,
e le morte stagioni, e la presente
e viva, e il suon di lei. Così tra questa
immensità s'annega il pensier mio:
e il naufragar m'è dolce in questo mare.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2019
.                  ready to glare's
video:

      first day teaching and
my overwhelm / meltdown
on camera...

i'm no better,
    jack nicholson's
the joker
"vs."
      melvin udall

yeah, that's about me,
clarified by the circumstances
of delusion,
****, they never tell you
that delusions
are the "side-effects"
of ego-tripping,
  to, "compensate" never
encountering psychadelic
drugs...

now i seem to be lined
up to a predicament,
of calmy
      collecting the washing
off the washing line...
while thinking:

what the hell
happened to
    the band, pitchshifter?
noatbly via the song
dead battery?
          whiskey:
when not quiete sober,
   noon...

   at this point of day,
experiencing the voyeurism
of a shadow will
always translate
into bad luck.
Il termine, la vetta
di quella scoscesa serpentina
ecco si approssimava,
ormai era vicina,
ne davano un chiaro avvertimento
i magri rimasugli
della tappa pellegrina
su alla celestiale cima.
Poco sopra
alla vista
che spazio si sarebbe aperto
dal culmine raggiunto...
immaginarlo
già era beatitudine
concessa
più che al suo desiderio, al suo tormento.
Sì l'immensità, la luce
ma quiete vera ci sarebbe stata?
Lì avrebbe la sua impresa
avuto il luminoso assolvimento
da se stessa nella trasparente spera
o nasceva una nuova impossibile scalata...
Questo temeva, questo desiderava.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
alongside the songs herr mannelig
             and herr holger -
  garmarna...

     would you believe it...
i couldn't... holger: juniperus squamata...
juniper...
i don't quiete remember what's
it used for...

to have little ol' me bothered about...
view counts...
perhaps i'm being lazy...
    perhaps i'm... what's already available...

but i have a contender...
   hammock - ketonic... 2005...

and... godspeed you! black emperor...
F♯ A♯ ∞ -
       by god i still can't fathom
that this ever took place in 1998!

having to invest in 100 years...
as a sidenote: hopefully i do not come
out as a plagiarism within
the confines of your: gratefully... anonymous...

better things have come out
of canada than... rush or pearl jam...
if you can sieve half an hour...
F♯ A♯ ∞ is an album for you...

what is post-punk or post-rock...
  post-rock from radiohead?
    postponed prog-rock?
        godspeed you! black emperor...
the album came out in 1998...
i was still young and busying myself
with fan boy teen angst and tool...
i discovered...

              so mentioned...
a good... 18 years later...
                big things have happened in the world...
little things also...
greater things with a world-as-solo...
lesser things this these greater things
of so little... concern: for the greater world...

i want to mind them...
confine myself to: borrow from...
the grand arch of nouns...
call for a seamstress sophie...
and her love of... the breaking
of urns... and her shadow twin...
pandora...
           but... i can only think of...

Ernst Zimmer...
                  who kept... Hölderlin...
                in a room in a tower...
  overlooking the Neckar river in Tübingen...
freely...
           in light of both giving
some variation of consent...
i too would give all the world:
to be this... given this: ghastly cage(d)...
21st century hopes... hyperion?
to write new: new...
burn the old? to ask the same questions:
what's new is what's revised...

the spanish might have conquered
the "lesser" people of south america...
but at the same time...
the mongols: the lesser people...
clearly no affiliation with african
mothers and tatas...
conquered india... china... the muslim
empire... and teased christendom...
so... who's ode or what **** wits' boor
to baron the sodden crisp of...
moving... forward?
                       once upon a time...
all might kneel before the cruficix...
but before a converted brownie point count
so... glorious in his imaginary whip...
holding...

Eswatini will not... dream big...
the vatican of the continent: some might add...
will only welcome... easily converted...
castrato guards of the quasi-zulu king's harem...
big-****-para-bongo...
like... you hear it... and you're like...
'i'm pretty ******* sure...
some consonants are missing...'
the vowels might all be there...
but... thereafter?

                i don't even want to bother...
invade... india...
with latin script... you will get the sanskrit
backlash...
invade china... you'll get back...
your letters eaten by ideograms...
invade saudi arabia... giggles-and-squiggles...
invade greece: they'll spit cyrillic back
at you...
invade anywhere with latin...
you'll get all you want...
until judgement day...
when the leeches will answer back...
and drag you back to... where you belong
with "them" having found "them"...

well... it was truly nice of you to give
us the 20th century...
mighty nice of you...
too bad... you won't be... culturally...
exporting anything new...
into the current century...
beside... the overlooked library;
which is doubly nice!
time will seem to extend beyond...
what smells nice in a boquet of
flowers and will start to...
be scented with broths and...
what you brought back from Rajastan
and the like.
          
don't fake it... you didn't bring back
the dough from Nepal...
the idea... you might have...
but the Nepalese lamas weren't throwing
a big think stink over... eating...
uncooked cookie dough...
of course minus the caribbean sugar: dodo!
so don't ben & jerry my ***...

very nice... fun nice...
               100 years from now...
               looking for a tomorrow is suicide.
Sulla chiara aderenza del suo viso
dove balena il ritmico, selvaggio,
sentimento dell'alba
mentre della notturna s'addolora
quiete silvestre e cinge a dominare
il boato del tempo la più cauta
trepida luce, salgono veloci
i profili irrequieti del destino.

Mirabile linguaggio che trascorre
dalle limpide acque alla vibrata
forza dell'inumana profezia!

Ora nell'ampia conca dell'eremo
un soffuso candore si raccoglie
dalle acque sui rami ed accompagna
di cenni lacrimevoli il congedo.
Sulla chiara aderenza del suo viso
dove balena il ritmico, selvaggio,
sentimento dell'alba
mentre della notturna s'addolora
quiete silvestre e cinge a dominare
il boato del tempo la più cauta
trepida luce, salgono veloci
i profili irrequieti del destino.

Mirabile linguaggio che trascorre
dalle limpide acque alla vibrata
forza dell'inumana profezia!

Ora nell'ampia conca dell'eremo
un soffuso candore si raccoglie
dalle acque sui rami ed accompagna
di cenni lacrimevoli il congedo.
AH...

  sigh...       what a glorious sigh...
that I: aye?! i... little i...

something about
Aristotles' poetic that i can't quiete grasp:

in the ancient world
the people didn't paint:
but they: sculpted...

imagine how i think:
testament of thinking per se:
i don't really
think...

         nothing doesn't think:
nothing is a pronoun,
in the category of words:

my my: my most devilish and i:
an isc on
a leash
i don't have the time to appropriate
invoke... invoke is a better word

i'm here to paint!
Aristotles' poetics clarified
the obliviousness of language
to a philosopher...

i'm here's to paint!
so i'll paint... by punctuation!
i'll paint by punctuation!
and...
each... and... every...
line break pillcrow will not be:
my last...

if Spinoza wrote his Treaties in Hell:
i'll...
go ahead...
nothing is a pronoun and it speaks
more than god speaks
ever... truly... listen to: nothing?

but women can give birth
and it feels weird
disclosing that Reyla is my daughter...
genetics and phonetics
and blah blah the intellectual apes
are public intellectuals!
Gremlins get off!
give me the Unity with my brothers
the Siech: Sicz: Cossack BRONE!

women give birth but are rarely
strangulated by nothing...
forget Nietzsche's work ethic
and boredom:
if pronouns is what..
touch wood...
whoops! i just touched iron and i looked
at it and you looked at it
and we both hoped it was wood:
but it was iron...

just like a golden ring looks great
on a black finger...
so must a silver ring and moon
look good on the finglet
of the pigglet pink in white
on a finger the moon: is mine! to answer!

madness madness!

   if... you... say... so...
i'm here to paint!
i'm here to conjure all the oyster
raw meat delicacies...
but people of the ancient world
didn't paint!
they sculpted!
now see the impasse
how smart the modern people are
and how dumb the ancient people were?
see how there's this definition of humanity
by:

memory-erasure...
we will: forget!
we will rememeber!
but we will also!
die!
forget!
we will die!
we will: forget!

and by forgetting we will
imagine!
because there are archetypes
of humanity
not reincarnated
but from all origins: an abiding
concern for narrative:
and dialogue:
and monologue...

i'm here to paint with
punctuation and diacritical markers
atop of letters...
but not today:
today i'm all chaos and storm
and the grain of porridge
and the distance of raindrops on
the window come the daft ghouls of the night:
oopsie: oopsie...

but i'm here baby'oh:
owl my woo and lunatic...
woe and luminiscence...
but i'm here baby oh...
      just this you're not my baby
baby O...
                      now comes the measure
and with enough atom bombs one
might content with volcanos...

                     Mt. Vistivius... or who
the tragedy of Pomepeii...
Christ was crucified...
a truthfuly historic presence...
an event to topple all other events?
i ask: in Heidegger's vein
to the artery....
Heidegger: question-worthiness...
Zeitgeist: news-worthiness...

     thought is a muddling puzzle
of philosophers and opportunistic hacks...
the ones genetically displaced...
but then only the lower IQ strata replicate:
and we need bus drivers....
what we don't want is
for the rupture...

           intellectuals agitating the public
with a historical-conscience...

WE ARE MANY:
who says who to whom in the great agitation?
this is not... painting?!
this... is... not... words as... painting?!
MILLWALL! MILLWALL!
the SCOTCH CONNECTION!
that one... part of London:
Elephant and Castle
that i love...           why did i decide
to support Millwall?
       oh...                 mate... just the south
London architecture... the feel of the place...
couldn't feel it closest to either
Arsenal, Tottenham of West Ham grounds...

SCHLUS! MACHTUNG!
ABERZ! ABERZ!
SCHNELL SCHNELL SCHNELL!

Tartan Jersey...
you already have the colouring:
Edrick the Navy....
deep blue and purple...
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
in that there's a moth and a man
and that there's
   an unforgiving light that illuminates
so much that
the shadow and skeleton become
a myth...
   and both man and moth
      are no longer cousins of the ape...
because: there's this because
that a better association with
            a scratching on a rock
      could never begin with admiration
or ambition for... with or in... marble...
otherwise there's this...
this...    vacancy for clearing:
a hiatus in the non-professional wording
otherwise a sabbatical (&) truancy...
nothing quite like a pop-song
onomatopoeia...
                   i.e. quiete / quit...
            a queue and a cue...
sometimes english is very much like
fwench...
   unlike ****** barbarian altogether:
there is no clarity of syllables...
the consonants do not have diacritical...
"itches"... the vowel too...
and there's not etymological progress
of a "clue"; notably
with a prefix anchor based in ancient
greek like a pre- or a pro-
or con- for clarification's sake...

     perhaps if i were irish and some...
       and here i was...
demanding that russian be "relieved"....

    i.e. how ш + ч became щ...

                          england - anon.
          1225: miri it is while sumer ilast -

the youth of the cross...
the youth of the ****** bulk...
and forever the nibbling caliphate...
like some lost - a father's greased
pwide...

      had i a son... had i a daughter...
if i ever was to be an
uncompromising john,
        berryman...
       this to be to walter...
                                 'enry elder:
chin: no... this Xinaski...
             i sow my cheap sort
for the envy of others that had
to become a lawn...

a tease of the knees when
not bulging on the bend
in a duty of prayer...

           because by dictation:
born catholic:
there's this expectation
of the middle...
given that orthodox is beside
protestant sensibility...
orthodoxy of lebanese...
it's russian... it's modern greek...
it's euro-asian wetted *******
and a cling to *******!
the cow-tow-thick-and-affiliation
licking...
bavarian history and
the league of lombardy...

                    schneiderschwarz...
mythical creatures...
when attired in german...
to progress through
with english overtones...

                            uhrschattenhand...
translated from a borrowed
sax.:
   the mythological chimera...
yes...
to the best of my abilities...
here's me... prancing like a peacock!
yes: i'm all well and tailored...
and... dispensing thank-yous
worth of banknotes
like any neufett blister and
thereby scratched: bleeding enterprise;
a fathom.

— The End —