I didn't know
By teaching things
Of salvation and of death
I would be tossed
Into such a state
No wonder I'm a mess.

How dare I contemplated the Lord
As if He told me to?
How dare I teach the ways of God
To those unwanting few?

It's said thoughts of suicide
Can accompany prelest
And I saw the damage the demons caused
When I decided to speak.

I know now what I've said
I've only learned from books
That's why my mind is troubled so
Plagued with Hell's fishhooks.

I need to fight back the thoughts
That well up in my head
I need to fight the demons back
Unless I'd find me dead.

Suicide, depression, please spare me, please.
I just want a single day of release
I would like to not feel like sleeping all day
And I want to win my life back.

But, alas, I chose my fate
And now I've got to heal my mind
I feel like dying, I cannot see
The light that I once had