Beware of the wisdom
that comes out of my mouth
Because it comes out
doesn't mean it went in

A porpoise may stay
near the surface for air
without diving deep
to find what's down there?

It's easy to say words
if they have been learned
Knowledge of the meaning
this must be earned

i cant get thoughts to leave my head when i want them to.
theyre like solicitors standing on my doorstep,
and they wont go away unless i give them what they want.
new scars, less food, my head bent over a toilet, retching.
too many drugs, not enough drugs,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

i wish they would go away.
i wish they didnt spin in my head
porpoising up and down
making me sick to my stomach,
sick to my head,
incapacitating me.

I want to escape,  
i just want them gone.
i dont want to die, i just dont want to feel this anymore

i would do anything.
i have done anything,
and none of it seems to do any good.
im just a mess of self destruction and self mutilation,
i know.
fundamentally unlovable?
maybe.
i just want them Gone. Away,
but i dont know how to do that in a healthy way.

imaging
orca clouds
porpoising through the sky
we
sing out loud
while
being
pierced
by
thunderclaps   of lightning
and
i
wonder
still
somehow