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Drew Diligence May 2010
I

I took a walk with a ghost today;
Through the forest of my mind.
I found him wandering all alone…
Trailing my grief behind.

I could see his hallowed pall of sorrow,
And my heart had stopped its beating,
His visage recalled a painful musing…
…Terrible and fleeting.

“Did you die well dear friend”?
Asks my soul from deep despair.
As all the tears catch my eyes,
To dance their misery there.

His spectral boyish hand,
Stretched out through passaged time,
And guided me to a place
Of distant, aching clime…

II

The hills around have a speckled snow,
And the valley stream runs swift.
The clouds about, hang their sadness low,
And casts my mind adrift.

A young boy who knows no cheer,
Strides happy at my arm.
A life of strife and constant fear,
Are for the moment calmed.

The day blows cold and dim,
But we are warm and light,
He with me, and I with him,
In our walking; take delight.

Oh what a happy sight to see
That freckled smile of old.
And how well I remember… that melancholy he,
Lost that day… in the darkness and the cold.


III

My inner heart smiles warm,
At the memory of that day.
How as friends we walked together;
Two young boys at play.

“Do you remember when we were ten”?
Begs my inner mind.
As I feel his phantom presence,
Steal up from close behind.

...”I remember”

He whispers unto my hidden ear.
And I am sought to weeping,
At the sadness that I hear.

“What can I do, dear friend,
That will bid your spirit well”?
His ghostly form comes close,
And sighs…

“Deliver me from hell”.

IV

The daylight shadows play long,
And our thoughts have turned to hope;
But I sense that fate has crept along,
And we teeter on its harrowed *****.

We part at the usual place,
At the park under the tree.
Our social sense forbids embrace,
And we divide unhappily.

He is unhappy to be returning,
To a home that has no hearth.
There is no love, nor fire burning,
The house is free of hope and mirth.

A timid soul kept timid,
By the biting force of hate,
A burnished light, shed amid,
The coal black storm of fate.

V

“What hell do you dwell in”?
Cries my mind from wretched keep
And the torture of my heart,
Implores my soul to weep.

“The hell of your misery”,

Whispers nothing from the dark.
I live within your heartache,
Under the sycamore at the park.


We parted unknowing at that tree
No idea, what fate had in train.
No kisses, no hugs, no parting words,
Just wind and biting rain.

But I know that you loved me,
And you may know, that as I rest;
Of all the souls in this dark, dark, world,

…”Know that I loved you best”.

          VI

A shot rang out amidst the day,
Though it was silent unto me.
And there you died, and there you lay,
Under the parting Sycamore tree.


Did you die well dear friend?
Or was the pain and fear too much?
How I wish I could have held you then,
To soothe and bless and clutch.

I could have eased your dying,
And lent comfort to your soul.
But instead I lie here crying…
Untrusting, and unwhole.

It was not my fate, nor yours,
To greet eternity as friends.
I know no state, and I know no laws,
That gives solace to our ends.

         VII

“I have a son now John,
He is nearing ten.
Shall I tell him of you and me,
And how we were back then”?

“Shall I tell him that I loved you,
And what a dear, dear friend you’ve been?
Or shall I keep a silence,
Unknowing , and unseen”?

A whisper comes from nothing,
So soothing in its tone.

“tell him…
That I always had a friend…
Even when I was alone”.


“Tell him that I reside,
Within the confines of your heart.
And never was I happier,
Than when we walked…

By the Sycamore at the park”.
Nina Messina Dec 2013
I’m bending over backwards, cracked words falling from my lips as I try to explain to you who I want to be. My spine cracks beneath the strain.
You turn every phrase I try to translate to you into some spiel, shoved into my face. You called me crazy for being a creative thinker.
The materialization of my existence bursts forth into vibrant colors, a catalyst sparking my unwillingness to become you, who “raised” me.
I still have scars from the lies you carved into my skin, I scratched their opposites on top of them to blot out the dark tendrils of your misery and replace them with my own faltering hope.
Burning and tearing trying to prove I’m not the monster you tried to make
Taking charge of my own youth, teaching my own self discipline to restrain the unfathomable hate I have what you’ve done
At 11 years old you had lora, your /new wife/ steal my diary when she kicked me out of my room to clean it. That night her, sara and yourself read passaged from it aloud and laughed at me.
You turned my brothers against me so I’d always be fighting alone, pitting us against each other like wolves, but I got kicked out of the pack.
I became a fire
Scorching pages of my life’s history till it was erased, retaining the anger of memories and bridges burned.
I was never the villain you played me out as, I learned all my swears from you. I learned all my negatives from the influence you provided. You taught me hatred
I was never the victim you tried to turn me into, maybe I thought I was, maybe I believed it for a little while. That fabrication was never true, never who I was.
You said I was your favorite, yeah maybe your favorite to tear down, your favorite to break.
I’ve figured out that people only try to gain forgiveness from things they’ve broken  after they’ve messed them up past the point where those relationships can be mended,  its proven with you, with my brothers.
You made too many mistakes to fix this, not with gifts, nor with promises that are broken before they leave your lips.
We share blood, I came from you, it seems my value dropped the moment I was born, and obviously you cant respect women enough to give your daughter enough of a chance to fight the world. So I forged my own weapons, sharpened my claws with the will to be better than you ever were.

— The End —