Let’s talk about relationships:
It’s like being more than friends, but not really a couple
It’s kinda like hooking up when he feels comfortable,
Or when he feels that he isn’t stressed,
But when he is it’s not a good time,
But that’s understandable because he's busy
Although you’re busy a lot
I think I understand how it works,
It’s really simple… I think…
So we become friends,
and I like you, and you don’t get it,
but I still go for you,
and then you get it,
but you didn’t say anything,
but then you feel like you like me,
but you’re not sure,
but now you are sure,
but I’m not suppose to know
so you keep it low key although for everyone else is high key,
but not really,
so then you smile and kiss me,
but never talked about it,
which is okay because you don’t do dating and neither do I,
so we flirt in silence so neither of us know that we like each other,
but we do,
but it’s not worth it because we hate drama, even though i have to change my pillows every night because I cry a little to much on them cause I don’t understand what’s happening,
but that’s okay because that’s really what a relationship is.
No, the words ‘I love you’ are forbidden because he might run away,
But so does your heart so you say it any way,
and he responds “really?”
And it feels like the words were slammed into your face,
Like a slap right were your lips and your cheeks meet when you smile at his presence,
The same spots he kissed you in valentines day,
And you worshiped that cheek like if it was a greek temple where his hand sometimes lived,
And you held it so it wouldn’t go away,
But it did, and that’s okay because that’s really what a relationship is.
Never mind, it’s not like that really,
Let’s talk about us,
How I wish you were still just a human to me,
I don’t want to look at you an see poetry,
Words that climb up to my mind and slide down my hands to make me write
about love,
How your features, that invade every drop of moisture inside my eyes, play Mary-Go-Around in my green iris as if I wasn’t dizzy enough with your complicated relationship status, am I part of that mess inside you?
Because I’m growing into a skin that I can’t fit in,
But I force myself to, because you are in there, somewhere,
Waiting to be loved and feel any chance of paramountcy, like the one you felt when your mother passed away,
You were three years old,
I thought you didn’t remember,
But you cry in silence when your finger tips play those black and white keys,
I sing for you to fall asleep so you could wake up to my love and my love only,
Because I know that that’s what you need,
without bragging or being selfish is the warmth you’re missing when the winter falls in mid October at a little town where nothing really happens but us.
But you never sang along,
And now I have a playlist of music that I can’t listen to because they all remind me of you,
But that’s okay, because that’s really what a relationship is.
I don't understand,
How you crave for knowledge and not love due to your tragic romantic story when you started high school, with someone that wasn’t as alive as I am over your skin,
But you can’t know so I won’t say it,
and shut myself,
which I am anyways,
because you can’t love back the same way I love forward and backwards and forward and backwards,
that’s how it feels when I try to force you to hold my hand but you make an uneasy expression,
Nevertheless you hold it anyways in the interest of my love,
That you had since a long time ago really,
when your blue eyes locked down my green eyes
Effecting your ocean drown my rainforest,
But I am still locked down
Because we were best friends,
But more than friends really,
We were not a couple,
It was a thing, that’s was the call it,
It was like hooking up when you felt comfortable,
Or when you weren’t stressed,
But when you were it was not a good time,
But that was understandable because you were busy,
And now you are always busy
And I think I understand how it works,
It’s really complicated,
How you never said it back or how you hold your feelings in a dark cage with a sign that read “coward"
but that’s okay, because that’s how our relationship was really.
We loved each other…
And now, I just love you.
SNS
Nov. 16, 2016
10:30pm
