Normalicy is living up to a bigger name
Unattainable in all the right ways
A bitter sweet dream that you can't help but
Reach for.

It is a false sense of security on a "normal" day
And the crushing weight when something goes wrong
Knowing you'll never be normal
As long as you worry

Anxiety is your least favorite friend
But somehow your closest
It’s a title you try to wear proudly
Claiming “titles don’t define me”

But somehow the symptom list consumes you
With every “please don’t do that”
And you’re sinking deeper with “it’s not that big of a deal”
You’re drowning when they do it anyway

Anxiety is a trigger list longer than a prescription name
And missed phone calls everyone’s used to
Knowing you’re the disappointment as plans fall apart
A broken heart when they just quit calling

It’s  your ticking time bomb on when you’ll be fired
When people will leave and you don’t try to convince yourself that they wont anymore
Because everyone does
It’s easier to leave than to help and to understand

It’s the toxic part of you that you try to hide
Cover it with bandaids
And hope they ignore the radioactive poison through your veins
And you’re just trying to feel like you’re not poision

It’s an IM box that understands and a parent that doesn’t
Knowing you’re not alone but feeling it anyway
Because when you’re choking for air and getting weird stares
You’re alone

The light gives way to the dark blanket of shadows thrown over actuality, smothering the last flicker of infallibility. The blanket weighs heavy on what is and what could be, distorted by depriving it of oxygen, suffocating the mind of realism. For what is, is now what could be and what could be, is reality. What could be is suffocating amidst normalicy and routine fallen to fear. But what could be, will never remain what is.

I wish I could say
Life is easier with you here.
But,
Depression doesn't work that way.
No amount of love i have,
Will change how I
See and feel the world.
But when the darkness clears,
And I can see and feel the world
With the clarity of normalicy.
You make that,
The most magical time
It could possibly be.
And for me,
That is enough to stave,
The darkness.
To get me through
Right back to you.