Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Lucy Mohr May 2018
Nie wiem, jak się lepiej czuć
kiedy wszystko co mam ochotę to gówno

(Translation)
Title: Feel Better
Poem: I don't know how to feel better
if all i want is ****
This poem is written in Polish, the language of most of my ancestors. I don't speak it, i was just trying to be creative
Mateuš Conrad May 2020
perhaps one of the last few glitches in
the youtube algorithm...
i once mentioned the channel
    hakiri ditari...
               looks like... 666MrDoom is feeding
me up-to-speed 2020 releases...

beside the point...
           brain for fudge... packing...
no exoskeleton to crawl into and become mush...
even if... ms. amber dresses herself
in a cancan attire of a bourbon tongue:
slick...

no real geometry for a god, no god...
thought... here: jigsaw says 'ello...
      and bye-bye...
           when the body is fully retailed...
for the debt to be paid...
for the worth of day...
when all bones are given the ol'
arithmetic... and some new muscles
are discovered: that... "once upon a time"
were treated like mollusks
on the dodo-pact of exodus from existence...

a snail exists...
   i, man: insist...
          a vicious cycle...
          a stone a moon a sea simply is...
a snail exists...
i, as man: insist!
               the golden calf is coming...
i'll look more mediterranean by the day...
i'll become indistinguishable from
the... libyans... or the greeks...
sacarcens or... whatever float me boat:
that particular day...

   lucky me... vamp in december...
i truly can't remember when i last sported
a farmer's suntan!
i'm... white?!
         pass the porky crux of burn...
avaricious suntan...
          suntan... not heretic... antynom...
ah!                    fa'n'ah'tic!
       suntan fanatic... briefly...
               this year... because?
what a strange spring we've been having in
england... no one can remember
such a glorious april! no one can cite
to memory: such a blissfull may!
              i'm white as a... what remains
of the boar: through a pig...
and into what becomes leather... shoes...
and a leather belt...

   everything is treated as an economic gain:
everything: except for the oink...
pig ears are a delight in manhattan... apparently...
if only the pig had...
   crude... camel... hardened toes:
well... you wouldn't eat them...
or bite your own...
bite your nails but find gagging mechanisms
when it's not a fly... but a hair...
floating in your soup...

                 exoskeleton of the body...
or for: the body... god, thought, soul...
sorry... i was too busy today...
i was so into using this brilliance of a...
    magnusson hand-saw...
that... well... it looks like i "forgot" to
check my "other" blood-pressure...
or... i want to reach the point of maturity
where jerking off will be too boring...
where: like today...
the hand can be used for better things
than checking for impotence...
or... frost-bite on this tundra of love in:
zee...         westliche länder...
   hyphen? westliche-länder...
no hyphen compound? westlicheländer?
hyphen? westliche-länder...
no hyphen compound? westlicheländer

i.e. heidegger ponderings VII
"aphorism" XXIII...
         'why do the french have an academically
governed language'

i was just about to ask a... similar question:
why is english a shotgun (shrapnel)
of german...
  moreover: why is german a chemistry-noun
enterprise compounding fudge-patchwork?
more so: why are there remains
of german in english in chemistry...
only there... are there blatant distrusts
of hyphens...
                       dihydrotestosterone...
in english...
              freundschaftsbezeigungen        
in dutch deutsche: no... no dutch...

hyphenated / compounded... myopic i...
    shrapnel 'oi! over 'ere!
                     painting and... laying bricks...
contra...

  hand-saw? well... that could be up for
an oxford dictionary consideration...
the first stage is an inquiry for a hyphen basis...
hand saw has to make entry as: hand-saw...
before it can tease... the german...

    hand saw / wood saw...
                      either way: shrapnel at first:
petition to the oxford dictionary:
it might get a hyphen: precursor to the proper
compound...
                       handsäge / holzsäge...

handsaw / woodsaw...
                   umlaut adam-isch:
ä - yes... sage and thyme (surds of bindi) -
and rosemary... sa'g'eh...
    rose mary: rose-mary: rosemary...
                   all that is required?
a plural article and a pronoun:
    i saw hands!
                        past participle of: seeing...
a mime!
            and no mimic... eh?
tough little brandenburgian-chesnut to
swollow: since: the proverb states:
if the swallows are flying high in the sky:
no chance of rain for tomorrow...

i tried to dissect a liter of bourbon
into 4... the best i could get away with was
a portion of 3...

the old germans and the new germans:
the prussians...
and the otherwise shy germans
of austria with the hungarians
in their bosoms...
to remember: when the prussians
and the lithuanians were the last
pagans of europe:
and the teutonic order...
having pickled barbarossa went back
home...
where to: mein herr?!
east: north... tease the rus!
           such is this old matriarch
of a continent... i have no expatriate
sentimentality of the english
fior italy... or the new found cheese fetishes
of the ****** women for...
i'm so obscure when it comes
to love affairs with the p.i.g.s. -
well... yeah... even greece...
                    rozpierdol mnie na serbii...
albo... macedonii... lepiej!
wrak na krymie! lepiej jeno nie wiele
lepiej!
    
      will there every come a time when
i'll fall in love with Warsaw?
        will there be a time...
when i pass through it...
   and not feel... like a paranoid schizophrenic?
east end of london...
    i submerge myself into what
a h. p. lovecraft couldn't stomach of
new york... and... no... none of that
eerie oddity of...

from under the iron curtain...
it's a make-shift of a sicilon veil and:
that joke about how copper-wire
was invented: two scots scoubbling
over a penny - stretching it...
and of course... the pandemonium
of the pill in rubber...
the hounds from under the iron curtain...
if only i was looking for
a marriage meme... if only:
most certainly - and love brings with it
that sort of certainty -

   you have to excuse me...
lost all ambitions to express a freedom
of speech with a video...
i much like kierkegaard's posit of what
writing allows:
where... is... the megaphone?
to write is to escape the often bout
of thought: beside the "narrative" of thinking
and its mingling with claustrophobia...

"too many" ukranians and mongols
in the parts of warsaw i've passed...
   and that... is hardly this...
disneyland of bubblegum and pink that
london provides with its...
deserving reach into...
how did the raj indians survive if not
bribe their way out with well-above-average
culiniary-skills?!
the spaniards and south h'american gold...
gold contra the spices...
blah blah...

ever hear a greek speak and forget he was
either greek or speaking greek
and think... outlandish of me... i must be...
speaking to a spaniard...
lisp signature 'ere... lisp signature v'er...
****-oh-little-me...
this world is too big for my little problems
and conquests of...
     propensity! it's like...
watching: four weddings and a funeral...
thinking that england, circa 1994...
was some sort of mythological land...

       i was ate... back in 1994... and i was in
Ęgland... yes: ******* liberals with that N
of yours... have your way with it...
Napelon or Nig()er...
bounce bounce: siamese twins:
twiTTing... giGGling...
                                                       gaLLoping...
     because... like... "never"..
   N-Dynamite wasn't a depiction of...
                        jeffrey dahmer -
the lesser: more sedated "if only" scenario...
"orthography": or a tux without
a bow-tie scenario...
because i still think of orthography as:
it would be desired...
to have some diacritical marks...
since... hydra: the hovering d(.)t
above... can be cut...
and there would be no clarifying certainty as
to a... noticed "difference"...
ȷokıng asıde... ȷust lıke so...

   mind's split: and the apostrophe?
a susan: i don't know...
well... cyrillic... please!

                Wojcicki (what's apparent)
                Вoйćıцkí (what's being revised; as...
                what's being: under- / over-stated)
    
         and no cyrillic! doubly please!

perhaps in exile - perhaps just scouting -
perhaps less an immigrant and perhaps
none of them: the above...

                             ottomans for supper?
anemic anglo-saxons for aperitifs?
                           right now...
                            "elsewhere" confirms
the same concerns for crux...
vector status as might: "being" and a "here"...
here: da... and now: jetzt...
                               clearly...
       some words as just pardonable in their
confines of english... they might as well
become relegated to the status of myth...
clouds... psychiatry and / or...
a spectacular gem to behold...
   not in real life... but in the acted
representation of a james murray...
                    
               this is hardly a medium to
bemoan... or to call forth lacklustre scrupules
of indolence... to breathe...
with these words... in a limbo of libido...
and what's happening "elsewhere"...
how shouldn't i pay a visit to a recess
of my mind... and make clusters of
a memory that erases all that comes forth
as... pitiable justice to further a hope
for eloquence... without all that:
of a desired / yet derided...
                                             etiquette...
the straitjacket contra the liberal arts
of attire... the catwalk seen-by-the-other...
the god the mystical "other"...

                    does... peeling an apple...
slicing it...
take away the joy... of eating it... with
each bite... with the skin intact?
Mateuš Conrad May 2016
nam wszystkim dopisują, biel
skóry! demokracja ozorem ich
znaczy tyle samo co bydła krew!
o rękopis pizd, hu ha,
rękopis naprawde: no, ten
łók walii! nagle w nad-kilometr
łokciem w dal i ruch z przodem,
łokciem między afery kilo wiepsza -
nie wyryte w kamień, tak nagle od
przysięgi? katahez brak? co ja pytam
od narodu w nagłej dumy z papierzem
i pieprzem?!
o cud? ha ha! cud? ha ha! kicham i
to samo mam co wy raptem pseudo-żydem.
lepiej jeden bałwan w drugi bałwan tropem
w mgnięcie oczu na stopienie miecza w rtęć...
i mówie: PO LI TY KA?
to przybliża twardówke nad osioła gest:
by równać się z kimaniem kozioła w ząb chat chat chat?
że kimanie jest równe kiwaniem z luzem na
obydwie rubryki tak w palette sauerkraut -
to sie zgadzam po polsku impromptu;
ale ta kobieca przepaść... nagle przepaść...
ale też nagle okulary przeciw-słoneczne,
i wieczna noc, o której zawsze wspomne, by
zaćmić dzień.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
ah, grand are the hours after taking the final shout-out to mr. ****, grand amusement entails, a wriggly *** waving dance around the house, and a deep breath, matched with a deep sigh, gone are the hours contemplating whether he's coming, or he isn't.

- you're bloated, you reek of alcohol.
- i know, i sometimes look in the mirror.
- your liver is giving up.
- i'm not bothered,
   i'm like a child with cancer,
   fearless:
   i prefer the death of youth,
  than the supposed wisdom of old age:
it's a roulette after all...
    the mind has the capacity
   to be like iron: turn to rust.

and that's how conversations go; i said to her:
lepie swój grób przedczasu -
lipie go, wiem, wiem że igram z ogniem,
a nie z ogryskiem jabłka...
to przecież wiem, i na tyle dobrze -
ale lepiej mi umrzeć, złożyć swe zwłoki
przedczasem -
  ale mieć w swym oku gwar
                            zainteresowania
              i zamknięty zegar podziwu...
gwar, phe! tonący statek nie danej obietnicy
   o chęć o jutro!
lepiej mi umrzeć przed swym czasem,
niż ten marny widok starości...
  jak to mówią, ci na tym marnym szczycie,
  na tym szczycie garbatych -
        z tym pięknym pokłonem przed
                                          ołtarzem czasu?
    ah... *starość nie radość
...
       wole przed czasem - za młodu -
aby tonąć w kwestiach podziwu na to
wszystko -
  niż w jakiejś poczekalni -
          bez ambicji na podziw,
                   bez aspiracji na coś po jutrze -
wole za wczasu niż w czasie -
               kiedy czas przestaje chodzić w koło,
czekający nademną - wisiący,
                                  jak gilotyna -
  i jeno myśł, że skowronek opuści młot
                         na huk:              kaput!
i pogna w lot ku kolejnego serca,
  ku kolejnego dnia, mówiący:
   ten, już swoje zrobił, dajcie nam następnego!
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2019
only last night, having reach my fill of ms. amber bathing in a ginger ale jacuzzi - chasing a choir boy castrato cat waking me four times i had to utter in frustration (which i later noted): mortality is such an insufficient measure of things... i would be ****** if i didn't make a quick ode to Ovid's ****** poems... to truly appreciate performing oral *** on a woman? i suggest you first appreciate eating oysters... not oysters: no, having performed oral ***, looking at the moon in the quicksilver sheen to see your face all slobbered... an appreciation of eating oysters, is most certainly, a precursor to performing oral *** on a woman... beside:

wenn alles weisheit wurden zu kommen auf Indien -
if all wisdom were to come from India,

needless to say - these ancients still treat
greece as some sort of ongoing "experiment" -
that nothing, absolutely nothing:
is viable -
they might as well call it the still to progess
into a foundation state of affairs -
the west is seen as fickle -
a thought it not so much entrenched
and passed on, as it is made vogue one
generation - disappearing for some time:
before reappearing...

no proverbs ever came from the west:
nothing akin to:
besser ein spatz im ihr hand -
als ein taube auf ihr dach -
i just like how it sounds in german...
the original reads:
lepiej wróbel w ręce - niż gołąb na dachu
(better a sparrow in your hand,
than a dove upon your roof)...

legit. proverb: hold the simpler joys
in your hand, closest to you,
that look up and think that a dove
upon your roof will bring peace to
your household...

as long as everyone under the roof
has simple and "immediate" joys in hand
close to the heart...
peace is not tempted by spotting
a dove on your roof...

here's another one... and i was looking and
i was looking and i was looking
and i thought i couldn't find some,
some sort of alternative...
if only Ted Bundy went down this route...
then again... if he did...
he would have started jerking off
to fine art... the detail of the tongues,
the ***** and the ability to filter
out what is happening outside the erotica...
what?
i will drill this example in...
every, single, time:
Bronzino's venus, cupid, folly and time...

perhaps i am that old,
before free internet *******...
some of us had the ***** and the rose cheeks
to walk into a newsagent and pick
up a pornomag...

well... "*****" - more like...
sculptor's digest... or...
**** subject pages for that lesson
you'd love to take at school
where you could paint a ****...
oh hell: paint all the flowers in the world...
flower: covert: female genitals...
all the flowers in the world...
but not the torso and the mystery
of the bellybutton
nor the cow-sacks of Surabhi...
after all... they started multiplying in number
and you couldn't, after a while,
tell apart what it was about them...
peach on the front,
peach on the back...
and what would a hindu know of
the tetragrammaton?
when H... is a surd in their language?

i tried almost everything...
but upon my final discovery...
hell... it just started making sense...
glory-hole... the dreaded lesbian genre...
once in a brothel i was asked if
i wanted 2 hours with her,
or an hour with her and her friend,
i replied: i still don't know what i'm
going to do with you...
i don't live by the motto:
the world is divided into men
who have slept with two women
and a the men who haven't...

give me two legs of chicken...
i'll know what to do...
a woman can multitask...
after all... if a muslim gets 72 virgins...
a woman is guaranteed her
3 greyhounds... one for each 'ole!
'ere comes the charging bull...

der wesheit auf Indien:
nothing reflexive about it -
just enough to ease you into a mirror
of non-reflection:
i.e. something to destroy the self
with and incorporate -
a billionth part of yourself...
wisdom worthy of meditation -
but not exactly stretching
into a labyrinth of thought -
call it all you like:
clumsy thinking,
spaghetti alleys and cul de sacs,
the labyrinth -
why complicate life, which is already
complicated, by complicating thought?
after all: what is thought?
the first question of the θ-moral?
the th'ought i?

oh don't get me wrong...
that an elephant shouldn't exactly pair
up to a rabbit in the kama sutra:
spot on...

even i became tired of the meat-market...
after a while i just felt like a butcher
looking at cuts of meat...
cam-girls: i don't remember paying...
the genres... god... i probably looked
at 5 in total...
hello exotica... ebony...
glory-hole... ****...
the horrid affair of the extremes -
lars von trier nymphomaniac
confessions type of genres...
hell... i even tried ******...
but still: the meat-market...

well no point looking for alternatives
in the islamic world...
unless you are really ***** for
eyes in the kneeling position
while looking to and from the heavens
of a catholic confessional booth...

some variant of softcore ****:
latex whole body suits...
girls in gimp suits with a zipper
for a genital opening...

but still the meat market...
****? only to laugh at the farts...
but still... the meat-market...
and still the all pervading sense of voyeurism!
that's not enough, it wasn't enough to begin with,
then i'd come across articles
in legit. newspapers (the times)
about how women tend to watch
more violent *******...

for a while i entertained the no-man's land
affair with girls ******* videos...
**** became a little bit weird
when i turned that upside down
and focused on: pregnant women
*******...
and... i just borrowed something from
a 1976 novel by Michael Crichton:
eaters of the dead -
better known as the Wendol in the film
the 13th warrior -
where the diety was a pregnant woman...
i played into that fantasy...
which coincided with the time
i ****** off ******* for 2 hours
and imagined:
well... i guess... ******* are off limits
to men when a woman has a baby...
and she's actually breastfeeding...
i couldn't imagine this fantasy to live
beyond that date of conception
through to having finished breastfeeding
a child... but... for a while...
i gave careful attention...
to what it would be like...
with a lactating woman...

that was the zenith of my exploration...
eh... *** parties? filmed in those shabby
intz intz horrid dance music scenes?
n'ah... i wanted something more...
more... archetypical...
something teasing the forbidden...
but not forbidden as such...
something akin to:
having to convince her to **** while
on her period, in a bath,
wearing a ******: to ease, the, cramps!

ugh... czech house party *** scenes...
or those scenes from prague,
the inverted glory-holes...
what you see are cubicles
of women's legs sticking out...
again:
too much imagination already given...
none of this was akin to
Bronzino's venus, cupid, folly and time...
everything was moving,
i was nothing more than a ******,
always the 5th wheel of the wagon...
somehow, yeah, "somehow" necessary...
even if a woman was ******* 3 at the same time,
there was the fourth... watching...
via the 5th one: filming...

hyper-geometry of a triangle...

what was essentially missing?
accents of eroticism - subtlety -
to have an image in your mind - quiet static -
and to allow your imagination to seep in...
all the other western alternatives
were nothing but meat-markets / slaughterhouses...
none of your imagination could seep in...
not even with the first pornomags
of my teen years...
protruding ******* like the eyes
of judge doom from: who framed roget rabbit...
which always begged the question...
very much akin to the question
posed by Milan Kundera in:
the unbearable lightness of being...
**** with your eyes closed...
or your eyes open?

the sensuality of worms and all those
murky beings: primordial *** -
eyes closed -

      eyes open? the seemingly anti-sensual
inconvenience of mammalian
reproduction - with no pain upon giving
birth: what pleasure upon reaching an ******?
asked the wind of a savannah to its inhabitants.

Islam still wasn't helping -
i could never understand how a woman's eyes
were the most ****** aspect of a woman's body...
perhaps her hands...
well if you have hands like i have...
what you have in your pants isn't exactly
an ego-trip... you're holding a sparrow...
she's holding a bulging ribcage of an albatros!
you can hold a basketball with one hand...
and she is... a knuckle short of your four...
why wouldn't a woman's hands be the most
****** aspect of her body...
after all... a non-discriminatory plateau:
all are the hands of a a geisha...

geisha... islamic eroticism still isn't working...
hair... hair...
a lot of people complain if they have
a fly / a hair in their soup when served
in a restaurant... jokes on me...
i have a beard and the hairs of the beard
are the same consistency of ***** hair...
so i basically have ***** on my face...
ha ha...
why hair? what's so ****** about hair?
what if i tell you that as women age...
almost all of them decide for the pixie girl look -
and what if i told you that...
ifindwomenwithshorthairintheiryouththezenithoferotica?
ag­ain... islam isn't helping...


.a thing of genuine beauty, is always predicated upon transcendent value of inquiry... to transcend the common, daily, human squabbles... it becomes areligous... while daily human squabbles continue, what has been lost, is an item of transcendence, it was never to be a focus of some "parasitical" sycophancy of tourism... there's nothing to be celebrated, and... nothing much to be awed by either.

well, what did the ottoman turks
do to the hagia sophia?
they converted it,
but they weren't philistines
to the point,
   or say, a bunch rabid mongols
from the 13th century
in Bagdad...
                      like:
                     and why didn't
the nazis not destroy certain valuable
cultural cruxes?
   that picture of st. paul's cathedral
during the blitz...
  yes, the english might think
it was a symbol of defiance...
but i'm pretty ******* sure
that if one luftwaffe bomber dropped
something on st. paul's,
they'd return home and be
shot by a firing squad...
            they might have been
nazis... but they weren't philistines...
even the ottomans...
süleymaniye was so jealous
of the byzantine building
that he had to commission the construction
of a building to match-up
to the hagia sophia in some
way...
           again:
                  prank call buddha...
tell him they're also
tearing down idols in northern europe
with their phallus cult
           of the large wooden
***** carved from a tree.
what's that?        you yell'ah?
i mean: in the heyday
   of scandinavian black metal...
varg vikernes... 'nuf' said.

_________
a
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2020
keep me in this prison: to recount the spinning
labyrinth of thought before falling
to sleep only 14 hours ago...
                      and having done so:
dreaming up the most uncomfortably real dreams -
not that detailing them would be worth
anything...

   begging myself: remember the words
prior to sleep: write them down: you fool!
the "other" man is speaking - rising from the depths:
the child "abadoned": to curate this tongue
has risen from the depths by chance
of you favouring to enter them in turn...

a protest concerning kenneth rexroth:
but sir... what's there to boast about?
    aren't you reading Proust as a translation?

keep me in this prison... as of today...
a few chapters from the pickwick papers:
yes... i do kind Dickens much easier on the eye:
and most certainly much more peacock-strutting
than Shakespeare...
            perhaps with the exception of Macbeth:
as ever... exceptions can and sometimes
must be made...
                      however: minor...

and in between chapters... well...
                         a swedish ***** and some tonic
and lime...
            and then the windowsill...
perched on a folded leg...
       smoking a cigarette... continuing
to sip the thrill zapping... crisp and cutting...
      warm snow...
                       and the song...
             qui nous demaine:

                  trois fleurs d’amour i trouvai
                  en la bonne estraine
                  voici le mai, le joli mois de mai
                  qui nous demaine...

in the rendition of corvus corax...

yet another moon-less night...
         such nights: where it almost feeds to be inclined
to conjure up some nearby nomad with
a robe attired with stars...
         a silver globus of glistening
romance and death...

                  such nights when the moon
doesn't appear...
            and frankly... the clouds have settled
for keeping the man in the ***** of earth:
never to aspire toward galileo and copernicus ltd.
in protest! for astronomy!

yes... between reading the pickwick papers...
and listening to some music:
never the two at the same time...
a parting of the seas...
the art of reading: in the sea of silence...
where you can fiddle with...
    a whisper from the buzzing aeon bound
to minutes: the sound of an electric demon
in a lightbulb...

and of course beyond this sea of silence:
a sea of sighs and yawns...
a flipping of a page: like a crease in time -
or a passing whale-shaped-tsunami
of sound...          to then the music...

as death would have it: beside the music...
perhaps once upon a time...
but i do not believe it:
a pen on paper - a hunched crow left scratching
with its claws...
while a fire **** between such
imaginary creatures took place in a candleflame...
but no music...
perhaps in the 20th century:
the radio... and the type-writer: machine-gun...
the radio static would have aided
the mechanisation of the type-type-typo!
scratch-rip! again!

21st century antics?
   pristine quality, earphones...
all the better to not hear the clicking sound
of a lineage of ten little hammers on a keyboard...
perhaps plucking oysters from the depths...
or for that matter pearls...
or perhaps searching for delicate mushrooms
and pulling them by the stump...
still the umbrella royalty still: that sucker's bribe
of pride...

of note: the old tongue wanted an audience...
concerning? drinking... and other... habits...
*****: most certainly... with the lime and tonic...
in "rationed" doses... and a good sleeping
hygiene... i must call it a sleeping hygiene...
at most 12am to bed... and at least 8am the rise...
the drinking:
one day upon a sleeping lake...
another day upon a raving lunatic of a sea!
a time for drinking: a time for thrist...
a time for living and a time for dying...

i tried to imagine myself in one of those a.a.
meetings... self-lacerating myself:
in that secular ugliness: without a monk's tunic
or: tools for: penitence...
after ten weeks or so: clap clap all round applause!
i bet...
       the dry stretch: applause applause:
lady gaga go-go! to live for applause...
b'ah! to ******* with that sort of attitude...
and this is where the old tongue spoke(:)

o piciu?! wersja: jak, pić?!
chcem tego psa na smyczy niż tą smycz: samą!
bez tego psa! ten "niby"
wzamian z tym marno-nerwowym
   człowiekiem! tą śpiącą pijawką!
suma sumarum?
   wole tego psa na smyczy - niż tą smycz
bez psa!
lepiej ja z tym psem na smyczy:
   niz ten czlowiek ze swą śpiącą pijawką!


tr.
     on drinking?! version: how to, drink?!
i want this dog on a leash than this leash:
on its own! without this dog!
                  that "so-called" alternative
with this feebly-nervous human!
                                    that sleeping leech!
<>
i rather this dog on a leash - than this
leash without a dog!
better i with this dog on a leash:
than this human with his sleeping leech!

it's not some eternal wisdom...
but...                                 it's a good enough start...
and yes... please... this prison...
every... single... day, and, night....
forever...
i can become the observant spy mushroom:
the hitchhiker in 1960s psychadelia
mingling with darwinism...
the mushroom that hijacked the ape...
etc.

                  it's a pretty simple list...
a dickens... a ***** and tonic and lime...
a windowsill... a cigarette...
   some... folkish song... i'd much prefer
the lyrics to the sung in anything but english...
french, latin... german... norwegian...
but please... not italian... i'll settle for greek...

if asked: why didn't you marry...
good question...
                why didn't i marry?
                        perhaps this... or perhaps...
i much prefered the 1 hour periods
of entertaining the company of prostitutes
in a brothel?
               honest transactions: stealing kisses...
the mainstream already laid the generic
framework: jack the ripper sort...

                      well: from judas to jesus
to me to the... "lowest denominator"...
                                            or so "they" say...
since if there was anything to be celebrated
at easter... outside of a homogenous catholic
nationhood... in england...
the lair of the huguenots...
         well... i teased reading kabbalah...
i teased reading the gnostic texts and i really did go
mad about the nag hammadi library...
after a while though:
can i change the direction of the Vistula
by putting a stick in the middle of it?
i certainly: ha ha! river... not the sea:
what can you do? turn the time and the flow?

anyway... catholicism...
                the usual suspect rubric check-list...
baptised? had i any say in it?
first communion? did i have any say in it
or would you rather ask whether
i lied when taking my first confession?
a first confession is a precursor to a first communion...
or... i don't remember...
i played the xylophone at the st. augustine's
primary school nativity play:
yeah... and drinking under-age...
crux of the matter: if we're all about peacocking
and comparing all the little richards
via the 3rd's **** or whatever...
confirmation?                      yeah...
          ­           so much for a church wedding...

all that... and i have to come back...
sensibly... catholic intellectualism or sorts...
bribe me and i might take it seriously...
love me and i might even throw in some fiasco
of apologetics... but then i'd be like
a monkey at a sushi bar: eat it? fling it?!
the only sensible consolidation of
a celebration of easter...

    the winter has been crucified...
                 and today was the first day i could
pick up a scent of spring...
in the rain... it trickled with...
earth... from far away... dry sand... mingling
with the water... the wind must have
picked up the sand from sahara and a dollop
of the evaporating mediterranean...
flung it to these isles...

                       yes: origins in catholicism...
which always more fun to break away from...
"apostate": notably watching apostate intellectual
jews and their spezial brand of atheism...
since: i mean... trust a catholic convert to
judaism? trust a *** reading into gnosticism?
or trust a muslim at all?
                         basic questions of: a priest,
a rabbi...                        a druid walk into a bar...
sort of jokes...
           there a litany of them...
a whole 'ymn book o' 'em!
                       sam's the weller! see the son?
moi noi'ver!

         but back and forth back and forth
within and without catholicism...
                                it's not as fun... black-clad
sober, serious, surplus of secularism...
                         all that: agitation from... what the persians
rebelled against... when finally the islamic
schism came so early...
and the ****'ites and... the persians like
the good choir boys of catholicism...
     one eye is said to be reserved for reading...
one eye is said to be reserved for admiring...
           it's hard to admire a text...
                          when it's even harder to read
into a sculpture!

oh yes... i like this prison... very much...
                                             where, is, my, mind?!
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2015
szereg nóg i partia,  tzn. co to znaczy by sklep
był przed kupnem pralki czy kszesła
jak i serduszek na gólaż -
czy też dziada józka masła excess na kromce kwaśnego
czy u kaiser’a w kocim sercu w kominie
gluchej miłosci na mru iglatych wąsów -
jak stonoga w garści marsjana?
w komunie śmieśnie brzmi słowo - handel,
lepiej u anglika: händel -
bo to nie hazard i stara baba z obrusem na głowie
bez zęba frontem, jak i też
gotowa targowica na gwizd z nią:
fiołka fiu fiu w dziobie wróbla mieniu ćwirek
to też jak niby kalosz w kalisz'u splotch godny
by dreptać w rym z blotches szlachetnego błota eden'u.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2020
that the EU was over... i could have told you...
way back in 2004...
when the "project" expanded by a gravity
of 8...
             plain and simple...
                   thank you - dear west...
                      sprechen deutsch!
nein!
              sprrrrr-ECHEN deuTsch!
danke - liebe abend...
                                         liebe... abend...
the hounds and the workers from under
the curtain...
with iron teeth and bones and smiles...
  the hounds...
                   i composed a list...
                  almost all of them are the former
conscripts of the WarshauPakt...
                    the idea was... though...
to postpone their entry... to... strenghten
the common currency... the shared currency...
zu stärken die währung!
    too bad... well... the british would never
exchange fiat or gold... without Lizzy's face
donning the coinage or paperaeroplanes
of in-debted over spending...
           i do live on debit...
i'm trying to get a credit card...
since... i heard... all credit can be regained...
a credit is a safety-net -
   debit tenticles into your details and there's
very or little chance to argue against:
a zombie affair of debit -
an amazon 30-day free trial...
                it's not like they'd cut you off...
they'll keep on *******...
god forbid... vampirism... and the romance of...
a bit like a h.i.v. epidemic...
     illness of the blood...
   vampires are a romance...
      time to get on the bicycle and practice
a run through the village on a whim
of ****** hunger... about to be tested...
a single currency...
well... the germans always loved the idea
of a unified Europe...
              unlucky for them... they weren't
supposed to gain access to Charlemagne...
        but even Nietzsche cites this ambition...
too bad... there was no... scandinavian model
of teaching: an omni-present bilingualism...
or a switzerland model of at least three languages...
hardly... possible... when dealing on the outskirts
with: hissy-fit proponents of culture...
when the ottomans came, the mongols...
a list of the EU expansion:
the baltic states would cower and...
some if not all... do have the shared currency...
just out of the blue...
the tri-colour... why is the german football team
attired in teutonic knight colours?
oh i can just see it...
   a black shirt... red shorts... and yellow socks...
as emblematic as the fwench...
    unlike the Italians in blue...
oddly enough i don't associate rome with blue...
more... purple and red...
even the irish don't exactly show off their
terrible orange...
        schwarz und weiß:
                  arbeit macht frei... it's all a very german
"thing": this unification of europe...
why call it the EU at all...
   why not call it...       the vierte *****?!
         well... however long it lasted... it outlasted
the dream of Barbarossa invested in through
heat-leer...
                          i won't deny that i live
in england... but... it's sometimes worrying
too...
           never mind that... the currency...
well... i know of: the czechs with their koruna
the hungarians have their forint
  the polacks have their złoty
    and the invested amour of the germans...
for the swedes... the swedes still have
their krona... how many is, that? i count...
                               4...
                   the new... "european" enclave
into russia... whatever the **** and unnatural
was... the vicinity around Kaliningrad...
the same ****: different cover with...
estonia, latvia... lithuania all in the euro single
currency... the good old days of the teutonic
knights waging their northern crusades...

the slovakians were duped too...
               the romanians still have their leu...
the bulgarians still have their lev...
            oh mein gott! what of the projected...
sleeping beuaty entry... of the former yugoslavia
territory? was that... planned for...
2004... 2007... what the hell happened in... 2010?!
what happened in 2010 that didn't connect
Greece to... Italy via a shortcut across the Adriatic?!

but they enlarged... the... cartoon post-"soviets"
came out flinging **** and rusty spare parts...
some would catch a nail some a *****...
to pick vegetables, do the roofing... the plumbing for...
very important and riddled western:
"chauvinists" and... "neanderthal" journos of the great
snooze...

can it really be... deemed... "journalism" as
it mere partakes in... the chihuahua and lackeys
of the editorial? of the opinion pieces?
are they the ones to soften the blow of a harsh...
editorial... ahem... re-a(h)-lee-tea?

what was all this hype and envy for attention
when Brexit happened...
relentless... one trough of dog **** and canines
and minced maggot flesh for the lap dogs
to slurp... another baron of: for those idle hands...
work! the crown... or in terms of terms...
kabbalah: the keter... ehyeh asher ehyeh...

today i asked myself...
what does make h. p. lovecraft original...
in the ocotpus riddled godhead...
i asked myself that question when looking
at very finely sculpted from tree figures
of elephants... and...
an octopus godhead...
            well... and there's... Ganesha...
  which... is a bit like the russian name: Nikita...
you have one Nikita in that video of Elton
John... but then... you know it's not the Nikita
of teenage boy wetdreams...
but some Khrushchev...

      anything from the seas... perhaps...
except for seeing a whale... a fish that... needs
to snorkel... and it's BoB or bOb with gills
plucking out Os from bubbles...
                        in that: -xygen...
                             what can be so... possibly...
horrid and original within the confines
of h. p. lovecraft's imagination beside...
the descriptive allure...
                        as man i couldn't conjure up...
nothing as spectacular,
imaginative and yet... somehow... sensible...
as an elephant's head...
                     i bring the hindu head of an elephant
to compete with the anglo-saxon priest
of the depths of existential angst...
     i bring my elephants head before the octopus
attached to a body...
                 i can imagine much worse...
              but i'll use the fear of the octopus
and the leftover ink...
                             the EU was dead in 2004...
perhaps these isles wouldn't be throwing such
a hissy fit of self-congratulatory gluttony
of gloating over the defeated...
       it wouldn't have happened if there was:
currency of one's own...
               the rest will happen... naturally...
of the countries that still have their currency...
they still have their sovreignity...
i'm not into bull-crap stipends of talking
politico and sharpening pencils and folding
pieces of paper...
                       it was dead when...
                              the labour market opened...
and "our" best postcards... "our" best people decided
to leave the nest...
             2004 was a siesmic shift...
back in 1994 i was a token slav...
       hell... back in 2002 i was a token slav...
                 after 2004... i was no longer a token slav...
and because, after all... the british people
are omni-good... glutten-free eating
dickens reading cricket lovers...
        there is absolutely nothing criminal to be
associated with...
                     well... imagine a st. peter of mongolia!

what became apparent after 2004...
returning to those friendships prior... in school...
i somehow had a reputation of a patriarch...
the mood suddenly changed...
i was... the good exponent...
then the bad exponent... then all the bad exponents...
compared the beatles': i am the walrus
with... killing joke's: i am the virus...
as a side-note...

                  there wouldn't be a Brexit...
without the pound...
                       the pound predetermined the success
of the referendum...
it's almost as easy as frying pancakes...
not... if Britain was buying toothpaste
or shoelaces in euros...
for me it's still the most obvious... cheap victory...

the call for self-determination and
sovreignity... well that's all nice and Pickwican...
but the money already had the loudest
voice... and it was in the minoty of
a single pound...

it still feels like a cheap victory...
              a load of bureaucratic papers -
hardly a signature of **** on should they be worth
that of toilet paper and a wipe:
no nation's sovreignity is ever questioned:
when its currency is the ultimate authority -
unshaken...
and in europe? there are still a few left...
with the same integrity of currency...
4...

      whatever happened to the spaniards'
colonial past? where did the money go to?
               doesn't matter...
the satellite hounds of the former soviet empire:
having to integrate into the german-lands...
was always going to be a bad idea...
a sore denial of leaving a dozen plums
"wandering" from chin to cheek and elsewhere...
it's hard to imagine...
that a people would somehow come from
under one handlers...
and readily agree to new handlers...
and a "capital"... in Brussels?!
of all places... Brussels?!

        geographically speaking... where
is the centre of Europe? at best Dresden...
Toruń... Prague... at worst... Brussels... Dublin...

or coming from a town that once could
boast about... a cohort 30,000 metallurgy workers
in its metallurgy plants...
diminished... to... 3,000...
what's 30,000 roughly multiplied by:
a wife and two children? 100,000 circa...
move to elsewhere in Poland...
or move elsewhere in general...
ah... the love of obstacles... a language to acquire...
well... here's the prior-mentioned
acquisition...

       looks like i haven't been such a bad
host... after all...
clearly it - the host and "parasite" can
relate to a song in quasi-finnish:
täppmarschen!
                
          of the people "supposed" to be...
none and all were not... supposed to be...
even with the dreams of german
19th century recluses akin to nietzsche...
who... if being put under the scrutiny of
Mr. Dickens...
would be found as being bound
to the style of stenography of a... mr. alfred jingle...

nothing more! nothing more of this
already questionable affair of sods
and sorts!
               didn't... just a little bit... couldn't
nietzsche be... put on trial for
writing in stenography? high-brow and
brows indeed raised: should any more
sycoiphancy relating to the style...
be found upon this "trial of errs and errors"...
the englishman... if not the most...
trialed by witness...
    the most... sympathy sodden sobrerity...
as with requiring him to be drunk...
he starts to play the rascal
with a ******* slingshot... and never:
the poached egg in a barrel of whiskey...
never that... pensive: brood quote...

i only wished that i had lived
about / among the pobl Gymraeg...
well... who can wish otherwise...
                   Cymry... when there's me
attempting to sharpen the chisel of my oyster's
worth of tongue in speech and none
of it reserved to the dog oyster's worth
of performing the suitable, otherwise...
personages of oral found in the gutter
or in the ***** of Venus... should her floral
womb open for: vaccanies:
only onomatopoeias and vowel catching
brothers H and H of the tetragrammaton
allowed in!

just because it's Cornwall...
doesn't imply i will not come with...
                                                      Çymru!
no point a base in Loon'don if York is left
intact and with only two left hands
to govern it...
     even now...
                lepiej dmuchać na zimne:
better safe than sorry...
eh... pity that proverb...
since there's no connotation
of the joke... it is better to blow on the cold...
tea...

      and what of my time among
the Picts... well... that truly is a sort of...
muslim man mentality toward a woman
wearing a niqab...
            it's one of those: for your eyes only...
shady strings... perhaps the lute is involved...
t-shirt madmen...
in the middle of February...
on... the north bridge... and just below:
waverley station...

                     only last night i had a dream
of inspecting sketches of me...
with a 6-pack... long hair...
and the hands that scratched my love-handles
when they had their torso pinned
to a trojan thumping in a *******...
she's still a ghost of mine...
every time i want to forget her...
she resurfaces...
  it's like... kissing a frog...
                       i am the ******* frog...
and she is... the sitting, poised...
always less alarmed than usual: Akhmatova...
one of those women that i could:
actually... i still do... **** of on a regular basis...
she was my Aria Giovanni...
she became my Eve Angel...
                in between she's a compliment
of cubism is (you read that right...
of cubism is and not of cubism in)...
   her bagel of a nose... and she is myopic and
she's a troll short...
                she'd find a kippah on her head
under my chin... then again...
when she had short hair she was the only
tom-boy in edinburgh to steal...
              looks like the hopes for a... an engagement
afresh... well... she morphed into
the grant Tsarina and i am...
the next *******-master of a Потёмкин...
                               i am also delusional about:
my currency of metaphors...
god... mother... nation...
                      what are these...
when you have made it... and are a citizen of...
Monte ******* Carlo?!
when i think of father... eh...
well there could be an outlet of metaphors...
but then... there's that quote that mentions
Elijah... and i'm all knees and pearly gates please...
primo et pronto!

point proven... i can't exactly love another
woman... i can **** anything that moves...
etc.,
        but it's not exactly love to begin with...
it's that genius of reciprocated nihilim...
i began to live for the promise of:
and i will spend a tenner with charles III
***** on a banknote...
before the next pope does a kicker in one
of death's lamborghinis: feet first out
of the church congregation of:
              i didn't come here to praise caesar...

         but here a coffin... and an abudance
of toothpicks! sometimes... it would seem...
one doesn't have the necessary wealth...
as there simply can't be "too many" teeth
when the economy and ergonomics of toothpick
application is concerned...

oh that victorian laissez-faire of applied
language... it's not short... it's Pickwican...
it's... insinuating an extension of the bracket of
inclusion of informality...
a commonality of staging a cordiality
with a dwarf... strapped to... a song...
no less... rotes harr... i can see these devilish
imps chained to a carousel of this infernal
dance... and there is no greek-god
of the german-romance myth in sight...
for that... sort of sell-by-date nostalgia...
a rotten apple... a a Helga for a lover...
and a Helmut for a luvvy-dubby-shy-bud
of a limp whittle 'ichard!

- she's like a burning splinter in my mind...
of a body... that's all but cemented into
the hands of a sculptor that only works
with copper, brass, marble or... custard for brains...
and this burning...
again to Sophia with all the baggage of
a priori...
or Medussa with all that comes with shadows
of... frozen suitors to fashion
****** from...
her entourage of suitors... three coronations
of engagements down...
however many lovers...
me and my brothel sand-pitting to the best
kept secret of:
a leverage of two bodies embracing
for minor pundit approval...
the man of supposed lies...
the deceiving harrower...
                      
god and this leeching telepathic embrace...
"god", this telepathic embrace...
and the subsequent telekinesis of me
writing these words...
last time i had this murmur...
i came to aid as she was cutting her hands
down the Nile...
and... not exactly at the crux of...
the Hoover Dam... shame... a great shame really...

so be it... as it has always been...
whispers and grains of sand
passed toward the post-office of the wind.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2018
a no, czym,
                             "niby" gadam?

to po co mi ta
                             kurwa flaga

      i gzyms co (w) dół
                          mam patsyc (z):

  o jakiś sentyment?

eksodus, kujwa:
w morde nadana...

   lepi sie lepiej ki(e)dy:
bez...
              i nieco nic
a w tym TRILL zapomnane...

    koo'dz: V            a(h)...
                ahahaha!

ja nie polak,
                 ja... polską...    
  żyt: na nieustannej
nodze...
a propo:
            tym             te      sz
    żyd?

       zależy zkąd, tym prawda
o to ż in anti-shamanic
      "clarity"           (i.e. also).

           which includes
the matter to mind:
         with...

albo zapomne albo przy- se...
to NN... w kwocie
                    nie-ustaNNej -

you can almost tell apart a dutch
tourist from a french tourist,
and... you can tell they have
inherited an idiosyncracy,
  along with an ethinicty...

         ***** england ought to know,
the language has mingled with
so many deviations
that, it became apparent,
the scots and the irish became
neglected...
    unfathomable,
    or at least the fathomed: last.

           n'eh n'eh        ej...

no, not edge via: jee'p...
            
   it's really stretching it,
"thinking" there are nouns associated
with the roman alphabet...
    which are, pure phonetic
simplicity...
       hey, the Jew god tetragrammaton
is a vowel catcher:    e.g. ah
    as a minor expression of awe...
and hardly the sigh of oh...

latin letters have no names,
to begin with...
      O is no -micron or -mega...
     V is closer to the definite
article via v'eh "point"
than it is to a greek cheese....
         which morphs,
"magically" from feet to theta...

      what's V'eh point?
          precisely:
latin letters do not, and never had
possession of a noun status.
            
     there are actually only
three nouns in the polish
alphabet:

    igrek (y),
                   jot (j),
               zet (z)
              ziet (ź)
                      rzet (ż)

  although i'd debate this claim
(really, only igrek,
  the slavic gamma qualifies
to be given a noun status) -

the greek isn't exactly pristine
either...
    considering that

of the 24 letters:
        α, β, γ, δ, ε,
    ζ, θ, ι, κ, λ,
                   o, σ, υ and
   ω could be considered as nouns,

syllable cound:
        1 syllable doesn't allow
an encoding a noun status...
     meaning:
            the inability to lip-read...

sure, you can tell apart
        a π from ρ from τ from φ...
          
(luckily this observation,
is not,
         a rigidity celebrating
orthodoxy... namely because of
the noun:
        
                                     ταo)...

then again, if certain letters were
to be ascribed a noun status,
they'd become siamese gemini,
e.g. μ-μ....
                       mu-mu...

                                      ψ-psu!

yet a noun would probably require
an editorial "interlude" -
          a prefix and suffix,

                    a(h)-l-pha...

ω requires: o + μ + ε + γ + α...

  greek joke concerning diacritical
application:
i guess it depends on
a variant off a fashion statement,
  given that it might as well have been
composed with the η-variant.

    tongue numbing gymnastics,
i admit...
              but then is the loss
of the R-with-a-trill in english
   a numbing...
      never could fathom
the french harking of the letter either...
but at least i allowed
a tarantula to sit on my tongue
and numb it when i could
have had a rattle-snake with it...

   funny... whenever my history teacher
spoke Latin in my catholic
highschool, she actually revived
the trill of the R...
              
  most of the time?
         a bit like cold liver in the mouth
of the english...
             tongue-tied-numb...

oh, i can analyse the english,
but i am unable to give them a psychology,
the technicality of the language
received me to peer into,
  and i know that my observations
will not receive an implementation...

    but that's the prune you pick
off a tree,
            where you're more a:
******,
                  than an, active
ingredient of ascription to a concept
of memorable time...

                                         history...

nie ma sprawy:
                             posprzątam po sobie,
tak jak teraz:

              shoo shoo shoo...
          worded broom;
   and off the clustered buds of
   urban congestion
that are pigeons, skim, flew off,
   like heads off a guillotine,
         into a reiteration opposed
to: a conventionality of
the literate exploring nothing,
             but verb and narrative.

can you seriously read books,
and no paint?!
         seems a waste of time,
to read and subsequently
reintegrate a reading style,
within a modem of: ditto verbatim...

    which is: that ****** variant
of plagiarism...

         considering the anti-phonetic
sctucture of the englosh tongue...
   i.e. says one thing,
      gives it a variant "arithmetic"...
dyslexia...
               i can hardly begin to
comprehend
              a need to replicate my reading
habit...

       given that i only speak only
two organic examples,
        i can already point that:
english, as a lingua?
               doesn't exactly have syllable
clarity.

— The End —