In sixth grade,
I wrote a letter to David Bowie
addressed to his New York home never knowing
a girl named Kamryn exists,
but I thought I was special enough
for a world-renowned rock star to reply
or care enough about some pre-teen angst

I shared with him how my grandma Pam
chose drugs over (I know now an addiction has many more complex layers)
getting to know her grandchildren or
to love her son, but then I remembered-
this is David ******* Bowie, he's lived life
with ******* in his bloodstream for thirty years prior

Maybe, I mentioned it all
because I wanted to feel special,
like the way, I think dying young
will create that for me. It's stupid
how I painfully so-identified as
"the girl with the mousy hair"
and the piano aiding an eloquent
discussion about the world's disarray
in which I selfishly identified as my own
"Life on Mars" always felt like a personal performance
just for me, but at twenty-one, it isn't just a song
and I still lay awake wondering if Mars and I
share a similarity, we want life to ebb
so distinctly within us both.

To my ex best friend.

I had so much trust in you but then I lost 100% of that trust because you lied.  You lied about me. Would you tell me it was wrong to trust you.  If you had another chance,  I wouldn't give it to you.  Tell me,  what changed?  I hate myself for trusting you & for all the dumb secrets I told you.  All the things I kept to myself but told you.  I'm afraid now.  Now it's hard to trust.  You broke my heart but the prices are to small to put back together.  You saw me in pain yet you didn't come to say sorry or to ask if I were alright.  

I thought you were the best friend I would have for the rest of my life,  that I will get closer to.  Hear me cry my eyes out in the night while my heart bleeds of guilt,  lies,  & how I thought I could trust you.  Are you listening now,  are you listening to my voice that is broken because of the lump in my throat with lies.  Seems like it was yesterday when I trusted you.  My mind keeps replaying that moment when your friend got me & told me to stop because I was being mean to some one close to you.  My mind keeps saying :"it was wrong to trust her" How it keeps telling me,  you lied.  I just want you to look me in the eyes & see me looking back with tears in my eyes about to fall.  I was about to fall to the ground & cry so much my eyes would be red.  

To my ex best friend

I hope you have a great life & I hope you would forget to remember our friendship & all the happy moments that lend to this.  I hope you forget to remember me.  All though it will be easy to forget you,  it might be hard to forget me because of all the dumb secrets I told you.

To my ex best friend

Don't look at me,  don't talk to me,  don't even stare at me,  don't talk about me.  Just don't do any thing that involves me.  

To my ex best friend

I hope you forget me

- Kamryn N

Sin:  Noun
An immoral act considered to be transgression against divine law

Jealousy,  gossip,  lies,  ****,  kidnap,  killing,  

If you still don't know what a sin is then,   look in a mirror & look at your self because you lie & you gossip. Everyone does but YOU hurt EVERYONE around you with your words.  Youre killing everyone around you with these WORDS that make me sick to my stomach

Equal:  Adjective
Being the same in quantity,  size, degree,  or value

This is meant to be the land of the free & equal.  Women are thought to be weaker or have really good manners or meant to take care of the house while the husband, boyfriend,  friend,  roommate are working well the last time I herd that this is meant to be the land of the free & equal but here women are considered to be weaker even though sometimes they are stronger

Peaple are meant to be want they want or who they want but you look around & everyone is changing themselves to be liked or love or noticed because they feel alone & scared & invisible. People feel like they are in this nightmare that last days on end.  They feel like everyone is being to tooken away from them.  They feel like they need to change to be cool,  popular,  cute....  Everything. Everyone has fake smiles while they bleed.  No one can trust anyone any more because those people change each other's to be noticed. But really you are just hurting your self.  Everyone has cancer because of how girls eat food & spit it up,  how they wear corsets because its more attractive to have an hour class figure,  men working out every day & every night to be stronger because stronger is hotter,  stronger is manlyer.

I'm not mad at our messed up but yeah I'm angry.  Who says LGBT isn't allowed that to like the same *** is illegal.  To marry the same *** can't be allowed or acknowledged or that because you wear something different or act different makes us freaks or that you can labeled us something that we're not or get rid of us like some object.  Yeah,  this world has issue's.  Like everyone else.  You don't know their past,  or future.  You can't  estimate like some math test. LGBT is allowed,  to marry the same *** is okay,  that you can wear or act what you what.  Everything is to be acknowledged even people but if you can't get that then you're no human. The only reason my smile isn't fake is because I don't want to be one of those people.  Those people that make me sick to my stomach.  That **** me.  

I'm not like those people & I will never be one.

-Kamryn N