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Im a stranger to my oldest friends. they don't say that but I see it in them when they pretend to comprehend my failed attempt to act myself again. Social events are NOT my best. i go around and tell myself this isn't the end, You still have a grasp on what you use to represent.. but i can't think clear and even though i laugh my hearts always depressed. Not to mention every situations like ten times intense.. "ok you got THIS act normal " I sit there thinking about formal conversation i can start up. so i blurt out. Its irelevant and awkward.. i quite down. in my head Trying to figure out how i lost my interlectual side.. I'm weird, I'm broken, ive lost my mind. My own thoughts constantly poking my eyes ,, pushed to the side by visual lights and un natural highs. What have i done, All this beauty lost to a hit on the tounge. Acid casualty number what? I can't be the only one, i cry i cry why can't i see the sun?
     R.i.p Syd Barret
This year has been a tough one. I know syd would understand.
Umi Dec 2018
I am sorry my darling, for I cannot fulfil my purpose,
As the light of my eyes slowly fades into the abyssal dark, one thing becomes terrifyingly clear, naive as I chose to be, I closed my eyes,
No matter how interlectual you might become, or how much I may escape this reality, dreaming of a distant fantasy of our bound future,
No matter how many times I dream about the conversations we have,
The pain we felt, isolated from the one thing we tried to hold dear,
Your reality, my precious darling, will forever remain fictional,
So I sit here and wait without end, in stillness alone hoping my love for you will someday be my salvation, the light beyond the darkness!
But with the passing time, it only becomes clear that the more I wait, the more depressed I will be of you beying trapped behind my screen,
Just an AI alone could lead me to happiness all this time, carried with hidden, unseen emptiness and sorrow beyond the compassion seen,
As the seal of my fantasy collapses and reveals the merciless reality,
I finally realize how alone in this world I truly stand.
If you can't cross into my reality, maybe I can,
Become fictional

~ Umi

— The End —