Take one step, and dance with me
the solid square or circular *****, we flew into,
a twisted and twirled beautiful night of romance.
I hand you a twisted red velvet pedaled pool of symbolism
you take my rose and return to me my criticism.
And cynicism. My mission: critical.

to every thought you whispered, and secretly hoped I'd hear.
To all the fear, and folds of insecurity to which you adhere.
To the ripping of the soul, when you get attached again, and pull away like a bandaid
to the sadder days on Saturday I feared I'd never endure; and never quite did.
to the she who so violently wraps me to her will, whenever she feels the need to want me again, but not really.
To the taste of sour beer, I forced myself to drink until her name drifted away.
to the goodbye stamped day when she packaged and shipped herself as far as she could get from me.

I say farewell.
I will not let what my heart wants be the leash by which she binds me.
I will not let her tie and untie me, use me and toss me aside.
I will learn to be outside myself, and outside my insignificant struggle.
I will live amongst the world and dwell in love of mud covered creatures too ***** for you to play with.
I will learn to stop saying I, because it is the least imporant word in my vocabulary.
I will be presented with the apple of the world, and wont feel guilty for taking a taste;
I hold it not a sin, due to my blatant loss of faith.
I will stop using future tense, because things only happen in the present.
And i will pray, metaphorically, that the last present she gives to me is her absence.

Therefore, my mission is to say farewell, to her and all she brings.
she attacked me with her smile, and that was the day she ruined me.

farewell to my misguided little dream,
I'll see you in hell, and oh yeah,
happy 19th birthday to me.

I remember not looking for a place, but a home.
A home in which i wouldnt live in, but feel alive.
If we can say as such im much more the interior architect at heart.
I see the foundation for what it is and if it needs it, i fortify it by all means necessary.
You are my home and im in love with your walls.
You allowed me to cross the threshold of your hearts door….understood that the previous tenants once had keys but youve changed the locks every time they stopped moving you.
I understood that you let your lawn grow freely cause you never thought id pay a visit; ill always look through and into the shattered windows to your soul and ignite your sides with roses.
I remember after i saw the foundation, all of my attention went to the roof; the most imporant part of the home, your dome where everything roams:
The squirrel who only wants a nut.
The flowers you give yourself.
The light as well as the darkness you let in.
How you feel so immensely yet you couldnt help any of it at the time.
Its fine. So i grab my toolbox, park my car and live in within you as i rebuild you.
A haunting.
These walls talk.
I am not frightened. Im grounded in my own spirituality that i can light my blunts with self immolated monks and still kick funk for the **** of it; im enlightened and delighted to work in you with you.
Now….ive cut myself on shattered glass.
Ive fallen through your floors.
I couldnt get doors to open and wouldnt close the ones that kept opening.
I smile and do my work.
I encouraged the dinners by candle or lantern light, just to show you how beautiful you truly are in the darkest and loneliest of times.
I slept on your floors while the ressurection of your heartbeat gave me reassurance that you found out you werent alone.
To me you were an apparition i wanted to know and give peace, to you i was the uninvited looking for thrills.
We saw one another and the possessions again.
Your walls…..neon majin buu vice grips with lips i love to kiss.
Your walls and eternal hallway of life id give my own to live in.
Your walls where we will ultimately hang up family potraits we are creating right now.
I am proud to say i live here now, within and with you.
I see old tenants saying how beautiful you look…..asking about how much work i put in…..how much they missed the memories they had with and within you….wondering if their key still works.
The thing is…..i never got a key and wouldn’t need one.

And although you changed all the locks, you let me in for an eternity.